The Three Amigos!

Today I decided to put off the inevitable and forced myself to corner Finn in order to discuss a few things. He seemed rather apprehensive at first but soon relented and we had what was, in my estimation, a very nice chat. Mostly nice.

"Finn," I said to him, making sure my tone was serious so that he would understand how I viewed our impending deliberation. "We are going to be associating a lot in the next several months, perhaps even longer."

"A lot?"

I do not know why he sounded so surprised. Though, this is Finn. Many aspects of life that everyone else is informed on go over his head. "Yes, I am moving in with Santana in about a week now. And I'm sure that, as Santana's roommate, you and I will be seeing each other quite often."

I had much more planned to say but he rather rudely interrupted me. "I don't know what you moving in with Santana has to do with us-"

"Finn," I raised my voice, speaking over him. "I was not done talking and you-"

"It's not like I'm in love with her!"

This declaration took me off guard. I figured that I must have missed whatever he had been saying while I was trying to talk over him. "You're not what?"

Clenching his giant hands into balls (his hands really are quite enormous. When we were dating, they frequently engulfed mine. They were also often clammy but that is beside the point), he replied, sounding very much sincere, "I like her, okay, Rachel? But it's not love. I don't know what it is!"

My plan had gone terribly awry and I couldn't figure out how to get things back on track. Whatever Finn felt towards Santana, my future roommate and possible best friend, along with Quinn, of course (we could be like the female version of the Three Amigos, a film which I admit I have not yet seen, though Noah has told me it's very funny), was something I did not wish to hear for a myriad of reasons.

1) Noah is my current closest friend and Santana is my future best friend and they belong together, end of story. I do not want to be caught in the middle of some torrid love triangle, especially when I have my own romantic headaches to contend with.

2) Finn choosing me to be his confidant in this matter, considering he was my first love, only makes things more awkward for us, not less.

And finally,

3) I simply do not care that much. It's brutal but it's truth.

As politely as I could, I patted his hand and informed him, "I'm sure there's someone else you can talk to about this. Now, as for us, I believe that we can overcome the awkwardness. We used to date. We used to be in love. But we aren't anymore and nothing will happen between us in the future. I believe that we can be friends. Are you in accordance?"

Appearing about as confused as Brittany when one mentions where baby chickens from, Finn scrunched his brow. "I'm not in anything, Rach. Especially not any kind of dance."

Setting my mouth in a firm straight line, I gently amended my statement so that he would comprehend my meaning. "Are you in agreement? Do you think that we can be friends?"

Scratching the back of his neck, he murmured, "Sure."

"Great!" I exclaimed, clapping my hands together.

With that settled, I went in search of Matt, who I believed to be somewhere in the house he shares with Quinn, Artie, Mike and Finn (and Santana, but not for much longer). On my way there, I ran into Quinn and Artie's curious little kitten, Audrey. She tilted her head to one side, then the other, as if evaluating me. I think that she gave me her approval, as she stretched out a paw and tapped my foot.

I wonder if Santana would be opposed to getting a kitten for our new apartment. We could name it Barbra! Or maybe Elphaba. Or Idina. Or…I could come up with a dozen perfect names, I'm sure.

I suppose I also must report on Jesse.

He sent me an email. I will copy his words here instead of paraphrasing.

Dear Rachel,

I don't understand what happened between us exactly but this is ridiculous. What I said that night was not me breaking up with you! I was just frustrated. You can be so overdramatic sometimes. And that includes moving to Los Angeles without even letting me know. I wanted us to work, Rachel. I really did…

- Jesse

Now, journal, be so kind and explain what I am supposed to do now? I suppose that I did overreact a little that night about…about what, I don't recall. Something about how he was spending an exorbitant amount of time with his fellow thespians but not enough with his delightful girlfriend. But, in my defense, I was on edge due to the whole losing my scholarship fiasco and, thus, not being able to attend Julliard any longer. When he snapped and told me to leave, I did. I left New York entirely. To find out I misread the situation is…well, I'm not sure what. I am very confused, journal.

I can't wait until I have a friend with which to discuss all these things. Like Santana. And Quinn.

We WILL be the Three Amigos.

Signed,

Rachel Berry