Chapter 1: It's a trick... Get an Axe.
"I'm gunna die," Shinji Ikari thought as he felt the final jolt that signified that the forty meter tall robot he was sitting in was now locked into place on a giant catapult, about to be shot through a tube barely wider than its shoulders. "I'm gunna die..."
"Well, he's taking it well," Aoba muttered, from his seat in the main control area of Central Dogma.
"He's not ready for this," Ranma agreed, frowning darkly. "Hyuga, reroute the catapult to the south edge of the city."
"Yes, sir," the bespectacled lieutenant said, recalling what had happened to the last poor bastard to call the strategic operations officer Ma'am. "That'll slow the launch by about fifteen seconds."
"What're you doing, Ranma?" Dr. Akagi asked, from next to the redhead.
"Well, Ritsuko, how'dya feel about running a five minute EVA driving tutorial?" Ranma asked. "The previous plan was assuming he'd be able to walk, let alone fight, so we're changing it a little."
"I hope you're aware of what we're risking, Mr. Saotome," Gendo's voice came from where he sat, in his chair above the rest of the room. Ranma didn't respond, as she watched the new route draw itself up the launch tubes, finally locking into place with a solid meep, because someone had been feeling rather whimsical during the programming stage.
"We're ready, Sir," Hyuga said, quickly.
Ranma looked up to the video screen that showed Shinji, apparently starting to show the thousand yard stare, and shrugged. "All right, EVA Launch!"
As Unit 01 thundered up its launch shaft, and Ritsuko quickly slipped into a chair, picking up a communications headset in preparation to speak to Shinji directly, Ranma turned to Maya.
"Miss Ibuki, how much of the city defense grid's accessible from here right now?" She asked, sharply.
"About fifteen percent," Maya returned. "Most of the other emplacements are at least partially operational, but not connected yet."
"Okay, then it's time to give the Third Child some cover, bring up all emplacements on the opposite side of the city from Unit 01, and fire at will!" The strategic operations officer ordered, loudly, ignoring the fact that Gendo had just shot up from his chair, and was scowling ferociously at her.
HR.
He wasn't dead yet. He almost wished he was, as his stomach had apparently executed an elbow drop on his small intestine, but he, and Unit 01, were still in one piece, standing in what appeared to be the shell of an office building on the edge of Tokyo 3.
"Pilot Ikari, can you hear me?" Shinji heard a voice, but his eyes had trouble focusing. "Pilot Ikari, respond please."
"Huh?" He managed to croak out, blinking.
"Pilot Ikari, this is Dr. Akagi. We're trying to buy you the time to learn to operate your EVA, but you're going to have to follow my directions. Understood?"
"Y...yeah," the brown haired boy said, crushing the little voice in the back of his head that made him wonder why he was doing this as he saw a large explosion in the distance, silhouetting the form of the Third Angel.
"All right, Shinji. The Evangelion is controlled by the pilot's thoughts and intentions," Ritsuko's voice came over the radio again. "That means that when you think of Unit 01 doing something, it will do it. Unfortunately, feedback from this means that when something damages Unit 01, you will feel it as well."
"Huh?" The brown haired boy said again, his mind trying to grasp what was being told, but in fairness to him, he'd been carried over rooftops, almost exploded by an N2 mine, and thrown into a giant vat of blood-flavored Tang already today, and his brain was starting to slow due to sensory overload.
"Just imagine Unit 01 taking a step," Ritsuko said, sighing in what sounded like familiar exasperation.
Shinji nodded, and the Evangelion moved one foot slowly and deliberately forward, coming down and crushing someone's mailbox. He winced, but Ritsuko nodded. "Very good, now keep going," the scientist encouraged, and Shinji moved another step forward, and then another, before a loud and bright explosion distracted him, causing him to topple forward onto his face.
He was immediately aware that Ritsuko hadn't been lying about the EVA feeding its pain back on him, as his elbows and knees started to twinge in pain.
"All right, Shinji, just get back up," Ritsuko said, reassuring, but Shinji heard something not nearly as reassuring from the chatter behind her.
"Captain, batteries four and seven have just been obliterated, we've only got three sets of missiles left, and the artillery cannons are all gone!" A rather panicky male voice reported, and Shinji winced.
As he managed to haul himself to his feet, he saw that the angel was marching slowly and deliberately back to where it had been when NERV's barrage had disturbed it, not really paying attention to the last few projectiles that smashed into an orange barrier that it threw up behind itself as though it could hardly be bothered.
"All right," Ritsuko said. "I'm going to release the progressive knife in your EVA's left shoulder pylon. I want you to reach up and take it. We're running out of time."
"Y... yes, Ma'am," Shinji gulped, as he saw the angel's eyes glow red, and it unleashed a blast of power into the bottom of a crater it was working on digging into NERV Headquarters. Reaching up, the Third Child grasped the hilt of the weapon, almost fumbling it as he drew it.
"Okay," Ritsuko said, having apparently failed to remember to close her channel. "He's as ready as he'll ever be."
Abruptly, the sound of the communications channel changed, and Shinji could hear the status reports shot around by the Central Dogma crew even more clearly as one reported the missile launchers were jammed. "Shinji, get ready, we can't distract the Angel any further, and it'll only take a few more blasts for it to break through the armor. I want you to engage it now," Ranma ordered, and then laughed. "Remember, you screw up and I'm on the couch."
The third child couldn't stop himself from chuckling slightly at the sheer absurdity of that statement, before narrowing his eyes and beginning to move Unit 01 forward across the city. He was raising his progressive knife, psyching himself up for the first attack, when the orange barrier that had stopped NERV's attacks earlier suddenly sprang up again, stopping him in his tracks.
"Damn, the angel's brought up its AT Field!" Ritsuko cursed.
"Its what?" The third child snapped, in a rather hard to define mixture of fear and exasperation.
"Just concentrate on breaking through that orange field with one of your own," Ritsuko immediately returned. "Imagine that you're trying to punch your way through a piece of paper."
"Right," Shinji said, rearing back again and smashing the hand with the progressive knife in it forward, where it smashed into the AT Field, and a second one began to form, the two resonating and fading out. Unfortunately for Shinji, the moment they were completely gone, the angel reached up, grabbing his arm with one hand, stopping its forward progress, and punching him in the chest with the other.
It felt vaguely like being hit by a truck as Unit 01 was actually picked up from the blow, and flung about a hundred meters into an office building. Abruptly, a new display sprang into existence at the side of the entry plug, counting down ominously.
"Unit 01's just lost its umbilical cable!" Aoba reported.
"Wait, you mean it was plugged in?" Shinji asked, trying to struggle his way to his feet as the Third Angel stomped towards him, its bird like face looking more menacing than anything that plain and featureless had a right to. Unfortunately, the EVA didn't get the chance to stand, as one three fingered hand clamped over its head before it could get much past its knees, lifting it the rest of the way up.
"Wha... Gah!" Shinji yelled, as a lance of burning pain speared into one eye. Instinctively, he reached up to clamp a hand over his eye, and it encountered the angel's arm. Scrabbling desperately as a second shot of agony went through him, he grabbed whatever he could get a hold of, and twisted. There was a seemingly deafening snap, and the third angel bellowed in rage, kicking Unit 01 straight through the building it had previously crashed into.
"Oh god, oh god, oh god," Shinji moaned, holding one hand over his eye. "it hurts, oh god, it hurts..."
"Shinji!" Ranma called, "it's just the EVA, you're fine, you have to work past the pain!"
"But it hurts!" The Ikari boy screamed, and Ranma sighed, as the angel stomped down the street, preparing to break Unit 01 in half. Those in the command center could only watch helplessly as the titanic monster continued towards Shinji and his EVA.
As it approached one building, however, Ranma's eyes widened. "Hyuga, open weapons cache 27, activate weapon AX3, and release the restraint locks when I tell you to."
"Yes sir," the brown haired man said, typing rapidly as Ranma turned back to Shinji.
"Shinji, you can make the pain stop, y'know," She said, conversationally. "We can cut off your nervous link to the EVA, but we won't do that, do you know why?"
"Shinji didn't respond, just groaning, but his hand did start moving away from his eye. "We can't let you stop until you've killed the Angel, Shinji. I'm sorry, but that's just how we gotta do it," Ranma continued. "Now."
"Huh?" Shinji asked, as a building nearby abruptly opened up, something large and glowing falling from it, and straight into the Angel's side. The thing screeched in agony, clawing at its side. Knowing that this was his chance, Shinji and Unit 01 lurched up to a sitting position, and then forward to grasp the handle of what turned out to be a huge axe with a glowing blade. Ripping it out of the furrow it had cut in the ground, the third child brought it around to chop through the angel with all of his might, before he, and his EVA, fell forward with a massive thud, unmoving.
"...Is it dead?" Ranma asked, nervously, looking at the angel where it had fallen to the ground in two pieces.
"Its core was struck by the blow," Aoba reported. "It's building up a large energy reaction."
"That means..." Ritsuko said, and her eyes widened, as the angel erupted in white light, flinging Unit 01 backwards and tearing up the nearby buildings.
"Well..." Ranma said, when the screen had cleared of the blinding flash, "that worked, sorta."
HR.
"Locking Unit 01 down now," Aoba said, reclining at his station and studying the various dents that covered the EVA unit. "First launch, and it comes back with three weeks worth of body work."
"Anyone got the hammer?" Hyuga quipped, as he went over the integrity of the cage locks.
"That isn't funny," Maya grumbled. "Someone was in there, you know."
Both men shuddered at the reminder. "We were trying to forget," Hyuga noted. "Did you see the kid when they brought him out?"
"Trying to forget, remember?" Aoba muttered, sourly. "Besides, the kid's going into the infirmary. I'd be more worried about the captain. D'you see Commander Ikari's face when he called her into his office?"
"We will pray for him," Hyuga said, solemnly, eliciting small chuckles from the other two.
"That may be a good idea," Sub-commander Fuyutsuki observed, as he stepped into the room from the door leading to the commander's station.
"Sir!" The three techs said, nervously, before doing their damnedest to look busy.
HR.
"Well, you look cheerful," Ranma glared at the brown haired woman who reclined next to the coffee machine, before taking a cup for himself, sipping at it.
"The dark emperor is displeased," the Saotome man intoned solemnly. "He seems not to realize that we're not keeping the city defenses around to look pretty."
"Well we might as well be, with how effective they have proven so far." the woman rolled her eyes. "Especially with so few of them operational."
"Yeah, that's what he was complaining about," Ranma nodded. "Kept yelling that we'd need them when they were all complete. It's almost like he knows something about the angels I don't, or something."
"Which he probably does," the brunette said, setting her cup down. "I've heard back about the Third Child, he's recovering well in the hospital but they're keeping him under until tomorrow afternoon to make sure there's no complications from the nervous feedback."
"And then what?" Ranma asked. "He's going to go move in with the commander and be part of a happy family?"
"Nope, staff housing," the woman chuckled. "And yes, I know exactly what you just started thinking."
"Will you let me do it again?" Ranma asked, looking at her curiously.
"Well, he can't be any worse than the last one," she said, smiling up at him and kissing him before pulling back. "Have I ever told you that your bleeding heart's kind of cute?"
"A couple times," he muttered, blushing. "Now I've got some reports to fill out, and I'm guessing you want a crack at that angel data."
"Don't forget I've got a toy you broke to fix, too," Dr. Ritsuko Akagi smirked sardonically, before walking down the hall away from her husband.
HR.
Shinji Ikari's head hurt. If he'd have known the sensation, he would have equated how he was feeling as he cracked open his eyes to the worst hangover ever, but as he didn't, he merely squinted up at the pale tiling, and muttered "Unfamiliar ceiling..."
He hadn't really slept anywhere but the bed in his guardians' home, so finding an unfamiliar ceiling when he woke up was rather startling. Sitting, and wincing at the pain he felt from his still throbbing head, he noted that he was in a rather spartan white room, it only identified as a hospital room by the scent of antiseptic that seemed to infuse all of said places.
Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, he stood and walked unsteadily across the room to stare out at a well lit cityscape, still sporting damage from the battle the night before. "So... it wasn't a dream?" He asked, a phantom twinge that was almost lost in his general discomfort reminding him of the pain he'd felt in his eye.
After that, everything came rushing back, and he stumbled forward slightly, bracing against the window ledge to keep himself upright. "Shinji?" An unfamiliar voice came from the doorway behind the young Ikari, and he turned to see a man wearing what he recognized as the NERV Uniform, with the same rank symbols, and even hairstyle, that the red haired woman, Ranma, had worn the night before.
"Um, yes?" The younger boy said, nervously, wondering if he was going to be put back into the giant robot, or something.
"I'm glad you're awake," The man said, nodding. "I was told you'd be up now, so I came by ta apologize for pulling that stunt on you last night."
"What stunt?" Shinji asked, uncertain.
"Oh, right," the man muttered. "Knew I forgot something."
Ranma Saotome hadn't ever really been one for subtlety or gentleness when he felt it wasn't necessary. This somewhat explained why he'd expected Shinji to be capable of fighting an Angel after a minute long training session the night before, and also explained why, after realizing that the younger boy hadn't seen the curse, he walked over to a pitcher full of water on the small table next to the boy's hospital bed, pouring a glass of water from it and dumping it over his head.
"Guh?" Shinji said, articulately, as he was now staring into the eyes of the woman he recognized as Ranma Saotome. Slowly, wondering if the EVA had driven him insane after all, he stepped forward, lifted his arms, and squeezed. "Yes, they're real, and you're real lucky you look like you're still in shock, got it?" The woman said, before pulling Shinji's hands away.
"Uhhuh," the Ikari boy said, nodding rapidly.
HR.
"So," Shinji said, as he and the man who was apparently Ranma Saotome's default form walked down the halls of NERV, "my father said that I was going to move into employee housing?"
"Yeah, but I've already lodged a request to have you move in with Ritsuko and I," Ranma replied. "If you wanna take up the offer of your own place later, that's fine, but you're new to the city so we figured you should stay around some people for a while."
"No, I'll stay with you," Shinji said, uncertainly, and Ranma frowned. The boy's voice sounded like he thought that if he made a decision, of any sort, the world would end.
"You'll probably like our place," the pigtailed officer said. "We got to move in when the city was first being populated, so it's nice and big."
"Mmhmm," Shinji said, only paying attention with half an ear as he watched people going past on various errands throughout the facility. As the two reached an elevator and it opened to reveal Gendo, Shinji was about to ensure that he didn't meet the older man's eyes, when he realized that he was glaring heatedly at Ranma, who was glaring right back.
When the doors closed, he spoke up. "You and my father... he doesn't seem to like you."
"He doesn't like anyone, kid," Ranma laughed.
Shinji didn't respond, only stepping in after the other when the next elevator arrived.
HR.
"Remind me again why I don't just shoot that idiot?" Gendo Ikari grumbled, as he and Kozo Fuyutsuki sat in the darkened holo-conference room, after a meeting with the SEELE council.
"Because then our lead computer scientist would probably leave the organization, it would be a Public Relations nightmare, and..." The older man smiled slightly at the next part, "you've already tried it."
"Yes," Gendo muttered, tightening his fingers' grip on each other in front of his mouth. Of course, the latest annoyance related to Saotome wasn't nearly as bad as what he'd done to the First Child, but the monetary expenditure had gotten the attention of the SEELE misers.
On the plus side, Unit 01 had defeated the first angel, and Shinji had piloted it as well as could be expected, so they hadn't questioned him nearly as much as he feared they might have over giving his son command of the machine.
"Are you approving their request regarding the Third Child?" Kozo asked, curiously.
Gendo snorted. "If they want to put up with him, let them," he grumbled, before standing. "We should return." He frowned. Of course, until the Fourth Angel arrived, about all he had to do back at NERV was contemplate his ceiling and argue with politicians over budget allocation.
It was too bad, really, but the path to his final plan, and the resurrection of Yui, was a long and perilous one, and he was sure that neither Saotome nor SEELE would stop him.
HR.
"Well, we're here," Shinji looked up from the back of Dr. Akagi's car as the older woman's voice interrupted his brooding. She'd told him that he might want to look out the window a few minutes previous, saying something about the city exiting battle mode, but he'd decided against it, not wanting to add to the weird crap he'd seen already.
"Are you coming, Shinji?" Ranma asked, after he noted that the Ikari boy had been sitting, staring at his legs in the back of the car for the past thirty seconds.
"Oh, yeah, I'm coming," Shinji said, stepping out of the car and looking around. What he saw was a decent sized apartment building, with the first floor apparently dedicated to a single unit.
He followed the two adults into that large apartment, noting that inside it looked almost like a decent sized house. "Just put your stuff in any empty room," Ranma called, as he walked down a long hall that stretched out from the living room with several doors along it. "And ya might wanna grab a bath, it's the door at the end of the hall."
After saying this, the pigtailed martial artist stopped at a door near the hall's end, opening it and walking in. "Uh..." Shinji started, confused.
"Sorry about him," Ritsuko said, causing Shinji to almost jump as he hadn't heard her walking up next to him. "Ranma's not very good with social niceties. Believe me, we're both glad you're here, okay Shinji-kun?"
Shinji just nodded, before carrying his bag down the hall, and finding that the second door he tried was to an empty room. Dumping his bag in the corner, he got the futon out of the closet and put it down before experimentally sniffing one armpit, wrinkling his nose and heading for the bathroom.
On his way past the doors at the end of the hall, his eye caught on a flash of yellow, and he turned to notice that one of them had a hazardous area border painted around it, and a bright orange sign on the front. Curiously, he read "Ritsuko's Cat Room. Please ensure that Ranma Saotome is not within line of site before opening this door."
"Strange," he muttered, knocking on the warning sign, before his eyes widened. "Is this solid steel?" Shaking his head, he decided he didn't want to know, and opened the door to the furo, entering and quickly shucking his clothes in the changing room before opening the interior door.
"Oh, hello," a rather calm female voice greeted him as he stared in at the form of a naked blue haired girl who was just standing from the water. "Are you here to join me?"
I... huh?" Shinji managed to articulate, before his brain decided that it had taken far too much garbage today, and shut itself down.
END.
Yes, this chapter's twist did come a bit out of left field. Yes, that was Rei. Yes, we do know what we're doing, and No, the world doesn't turn into tang.. unless we get thirsty, then we aren't promicing anything.
Jonakhensu:...I'm starting to feel rather parched, actually.
Please R&R!