A New Mope

By Serena Kenobi

Author's Note: Yay! I got a lot of positive reviews!! I'm so happy you like the story - even the names!! I hope you enjoy this chappie, too.

Disclaimer: I can dream, can't I? Also don't own the line from Star Trek, or the names of Shakespeare.

Chapter Two

Back to the holo football-obsessed Leia. She leaned out from her particularly bad hiding spot to see a few swarmtroopers searching the area and heading right for her direction. The lead trooper looked up and saw her cinnamon-bun head sticking out from behind something and said, "There's one!"

Leia immediately tried to hide herself, but her white dress stuck out behind all the black things surrounding her. She pulled her hood over her eyes and curled up into a ball.

"You there, come out right now!" the lead swarmtrooper ordered, standing over her.

"You can't see me!" Leia yelled, "I'm hiding!"

The trooper glanced at the others who were just as confused. "Uh, I can see you. I'm standing right over you."

"If I can't see you, you can't see me," Leia shot back in a determined voice.

The swarmtrooper sighed impatiently. "Look, I can see you! You're wearing white, you have brown, weird looking hair-you're a pretty girl!"

"I am?" Leia said. "Well, of course I am."

The swarmtrooper, whose name just so happened to be Romeo, drew out a stun gun. "Look, if you don't come with us, I'll stun you."

"TRY IT, plastic-head!" Leia screamed, suddenly standing up and shooting them.

One of the troopers eventually managed to stun her, and she fell down, unconscious.

"That took long enough," another trooper named Benvolio declared.

Artu-tu and Cheapio had already escaped in an escape pod, but luckily the scanning staff was on a coffee and donuts break so they didn't see the pod.

"That's funny, the damage doesn't look so bad from down here," Cheapio remarked.

'Why's that funny?' Artu-tu beeped indignantly. 'Our friends are in danger, the ship is captured, and we're headed for the most desolate planet in the entire galaxy! I fail to see the humor in the situation.'

"Well! There's no need to be so rude," Cheapio sniffed.

'With you, Goldilocks, there's always a need,' Artu-tu whistled.

Leia was marched in a line of swarmtroopers to where Lord Elevator was standing alongside an officer. "Lord Elevator, only you could be so bold!" she shouted in anger.

"I am boldly going where no man has gone before," Elevator boomed. "So sue me."

"You bet I will!" she yelled, eyes flashing. "The Imperial senate will not tolerate this! When they hear you've attacked a diplomatic–"

"Don't act so surprised, your Highness, you weren't on any mercy mission this time," Elevator cut in. "Some plans were beamed aboard this ship by Insubordinate spies; I want to know what happened to those plans!"

Leia stiffened. "I don't know what you're talking about!" she snapped. "I'm a member of the Imperial senate on a diplomatic mission to–"

"You are part of the Insubordination Association and a traitor!" Elevator thundered.

"Well ya don't have to shout it! GEEZ! I'm right here!" Leia screamed.

"I'm shouting? You're the one who has the mouth of a bantha!"

"How dare you, metal-head! You sound like a Hutt!"

"Why you little… tell me where the plans are!" Elevator yelled.

"I want my lawyer!" Leia shot back furiously.

"And I want my hair back!" Elevator returned. "Disappointment abounds. Take her away!"

Leia was hauled off, screaming her lungs off at the outrage.

'Hmm, she kinda reminds me of Crabme,' Elevator mused.

"Lord Elevator, Lord Elevator!" A junior officer came running up to him, panting for breath.

Elevator waited. "Well?"

The officer leaned over, held up a hand, still trying to catch his breath.

Elevator was quickly losing his patience. "Have you come to make fun of me by mimicking my breathing, or did you actually have something worth telling me?" he boomed.

"No, Lord Elevator," the man gasped, "Hang… on…" After a few seconds, he sighed and stood upright. "I just came, sir, to tell you that the Princess has been detained."

"I know that."

"Oh. Well, then, have a nice day!" the officer smiled, running off.

Elevator threw up his hands. "I am working with incompetent idiots!" he said to nobody.

Another officer, this one older, came up to him. "Holding the Princess is dangerous," he declared, "I have done the research and found that the Empire's stocks will go down approximately 3.54 percent in the next seven days. This was an unwise publicity stunt and will generate unease for the Imperial stockholders."

Elevator stared at him.

"However, if we manage to destroy the Association in precisely 87.6478 days, we could probably cause the stocks to rise by 5.9007 percent, which will then help the other businesses to raise their overall profits to 368.51904 credits, and if the Senate helps to raise 678.578 credits, then the average Imperial will save exactly 996.372 credits per month, giving the stocks a bonus of 230.56 percent. The investors will benefit from this rise by making a 7.45 percent income added to their own."

Elevator gaped at the officer. "Publicity stunt? Wha – you – I – oh, go away!" he snapped, storming off.

The officer, whose name happened to be Harry Snobgrass, shrugged and walked away.

Elevator strode through the ship's passages when another man came alongside him. "If word of this gets out, it could generate sympathy for the Insubordination Association."

"I have traced the Rebel spies to her," Elevator said, growing more annoyed, "now she is my only link to finding those plans."

"She'll die before she tells you anything!" The officer announced.

"And you'd better shut up before I pop that egotistical head of yours!" Elevator hissed furiously, "Just send a distress signal and inform the senate that those aboard were killed." He hurried off, picking up his pace to leave the officer behind. "What is it with these officers?"

When he reached a doorway, he found another officer.

"Lord Elevator," the man saluted smartly, "We have searched the ship from top to bottom, side to side, angle to angle, point A to point B minus–"

"I get the picture!" Elevator shouted.

The man nodded, unfazed. "Yes, well, we have not found the Death Star plans on the ship. A small escape pod was jettisoned recently, but no life forms were aboard, and no transmissions were made."

"She must have hidden the plans in the escape pod," Elevator mused.

"Or she could have swallowed them," the officer added helpfully.

Elevator blinked. "Swallowed them? Are you out of your senses? Has this whole ship gone mad? Serenity now, serenity now!" he hollered, raising his hands to the ceiling.

"Sir?"

"Send a detachment down to the planet and find those plans. See to it personally, commander. There will be no one to stop us this time!" Elevator continued, whisking past. "What is it with these smart-aleck officers who think they know everything?" he muttered.

That's it for that chapster. Hope you enjoyed, and don't forget to R&R!

MtFbwy!

- Serena Kenobi