These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
As I take a deep, shaky breath, I slowly turn the seemingly frozen doorknob. The doorknob that will let me open the door. The same door that holds the remnant remaining left-behinds of the catalyst to my once happy and live heart.
I hesitate for only a moment, and then I slowly turn the doorknob that seems to take forever to turn. I push the door open, hand still on the doorknob, and I almost collapse to my knees.
The sight of his belongings; the smell of his sweet, husky scent that still lingers in the air; the silence of this empty but filled room; the feel of the cold air; the feel of his presence; the boarded up window that was the start of what caused all of this pain. Everything hits me like a ton of bricks to the face, and I try my best to stand, but I can't stop the tears that flow down my already soaked face.
I all but slowly release the doorknob, as I try to move forward. I grip my chest, on top of where my empty shell of a heart is. I wrap my other arm around my torso, because it feels like if I don't, I might shatter into a million pieces. I glance around the room, my heart swelling upon seeing all of his belongings. And then my eyes rest on the boarded up window I have never had the guts to fix nor go near.
I take small baby steps towards the window. Every step filling me up with nothing but pain. Nothing but regret. Nothing but sorrow. As I reach the window, the unhealed wounds in my heart rip open even more. And all the pain of that night clouds my mind, taking me down and killing me further, almost taking of what little sanity I have left behind. I fall to my knees, clutching my head, as a silent scream roars out of my sore throat.
Neji, why?
Why?!
I shake my head back and forth, the memories of that night swarming through my mind, refusing to leave.
Why'd you have to save me?
-flashback-
I laughed loudly as Neji threw the pencil he was once using at my head, only to miss as I ducked.
"Dobe," Neji growled, though not entirely serious.
I reached my hands up behind my head and folded them there while smiling sheepishly. I didn't really regret what I did -it was just a small prank, no permanent and serious harm done. "Well, excuse me for wanting to have a little fun." Neji rolled his eyes, not even sparing a glance at me and bothering to give me a reply.
Neji just so happened to be writing out his latest book, one about nerves in the body and pressure points and whatnot. He rarely makes mistakes when he's focused, but this one time was an exception and he needed to erase. I had put a thin piece of lead in the eraser, unbeknownst to the now agitated Hyūga. When he erased, lead was scribbled on his oh-so-important paper and he immediately pointed a slender, graceful finger at me and reproached me. Then started rebuking me about my pranks and "dumb ministrations".
As he continued to lecture me, me totally ignoring his words, I walked over to where my love sat and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, hugging him tightly. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm sorry," I smiled softly and kissed the shell of his ear, something I always did to show my feelings were seriously true.
He stopped talking upon feeling my arms around him, and sighed, leaning back into my strong, welcoming arms. "It's fine, Uzumaki." I smiled at that as he turned the chair, with him in it, around as it squeaked.
Leaning down, and him leaning up, we both met halfway for a kiss. But we were so rudely interrupted by a bang and crashing sound across the hall in Neji's room.
We both shot up and jerked our head towards the room which its door was closed. Scared out of my mind, Neji looked at me worriedly, obviously caring for my well-being and life.
He leaned in close to me and quietly said, "Hide under my desk, you won't be seen."
My frantic eyes widened even more as rage and fear filled the very depths of my heart, "No! I have to help you, Neji! I won't let you do this alone! This could be very serious!" I made sure to keep my voice low and quiet.
Before Neji could reply, more bangs and crashed filled the other room and Neji all but shoved me hurriedly to the desk, pushing me to the ground when we reached it.
"Hide!"
With that one command lingering in the air, I scrambled to hide as Neji gave me the most serious, commanding of looks.
But before I hid, he leaned down and caught my head in his hand. "I love you." And he kissed me so passionately, so sweetly, as if it was the last time.
Which, unknown at the time, it would be.
My eyes began to water, seeing Neji's retreating form leave the room, grabbing a stray baseball bat from the ground along the way.
"Neji..." I could only whisper as he shut the door quietly.
My heart seemed to have stopped, my love calling out for Neji to come back. To tell him I love him as well. To hold him in my arms and hide until the intruders took their leave.
My heart just about jumped out of my chest when I heard yelling and grunts of pain -Neji being an owner to one of the grunts. There was even louder crashing than before, sounds of heavy fists and weapons hitting their target. The tears fell from my eyes as I heard Neji shout for a split second. After a few more bangs, a loud gunshot rang throughout our house. My heart froze, my breath hitched in my throat, my eyes wide with fear. Fear for my Neji. I shot up from under the desk, hitting my head along the way and I silently swore as I stayed on the ground.
A loud thud was heard and a chilling silence filled the air, until the retreating pitter-patter of the intruders footsteps could be heard, each step a loud hit to my heart. The sounds of their hushed voices sounding like they were yelling right into my ears.
I heard a few quiet, distinct clinks and then all was silent. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move. But then I came to my senses and shakily shot up, a little too quickly. I stumbled a few times and then gathered myself, running to the closed door. I threw the door open, ignoring the loud bang it made against the wall as it crashed into it. I ran across the hall and stood in the doorway of Neji's bedroom.
My heart stopped once again, freezing over and never to beat properly again. The sight my eyes were so unlucky to witness, the very same sight that made me collapse to my knees and scream in horror -Neji. Neji. My Neji had a bullet through his heart.
Blood splatters all over the wall behind him. The air thick with the heavy scent of his metallic-smelling blood. The sight of my love -lifeless, pale, bruised, and blood pooling around his now cold body. The heartbreak, the pain, the sorrow, the regret, the fact that the love of my life was now lifeless on this cold floor. It was all too much. The one thing that kept me going, the light in my heart, the fire that burned away any trace of loneliness was now gone. I couldn't stand it. Who could withstand such a sight, such emotions and pain right now?
I gathered what little strength I had left and slowly crawled over to my once shining-with-life Neji, the pain in my chest only increasing. As I finally reached him, I put a shaking hand on his pale, beat up face.
"Neji."
The sanity slowly made itself lost in my mind.
"Neji, wake up."
"Neji."
"Neji!" I gripped his shoulders and shook him.
Tears leaked from my eyes and sirens could be heard from the distance, just like the breaking of my heart was loud and clear.
"Neji. Don't you dare leave me."
"Come on, Neji, stop playing games with me." A crazed chuckle escaped my lips.
"Seriously, Neji, this isn't funny anymore." The sanity I once had now gone, the shock taking over and making itself known.
"Come on, Neji. You win, okay?! You win! Now come on! It's not funny!"
"I don't wanna play anymore, Neji, dammit!"
A sob escaped my throat, any remains of mental stability trying to take control once more.
"Neji..."
"I love you, Neji, please..."
I shook his shoulders just once more, a choked sob getting stuck in my throat as my hands went limp around his shoulders.
"No..."
My hands balled into fists and I started chanting 'no' over and over again.
"No, no, no, no, no..."
I let out a long, heartbroken scream, calling out to my lover.
"Neji!"
Then I lay my head on his chest, no longer being able to feel nothing but numbness, my mind slowly fading from consciousness from the exhaustion and shock and pain. I slowly leaned down and softly kissed his ear, as my tears fell and mixed in with his spilled blood. And with one last, quiet whisper, I slipped off into a temporary unconscious nightmare.
"Neji..."
-flashback ends-
My heart clenched tightly, as if it were trying to rid itself of the pain and my hand went straight to my chest, holding on as if it were about to explode.
Memories flashed through my mind, the memories that will always be remembered. Even the memory of my beloved's death, which would always haunt me, just like now. With that in mind, my heart constricted even more, and I knew no matter how much time will have passed, there will be nothing but open wounds on my heart, mind, and soul. And no matter how much time is given to me, what happened has happened, and there's no taking anything back. Though I'd give anything, do anything, to have him back again.
To hold him.
To kiss him, as we did that one last time.
To shower him in nothing but love.
To tell him I love him, as he told me not even five minutes before his abrupt death.
'"I love you, Neji... Please... forgive me..."'