"Robin?"
I slide the door open quietly, in case he's actually sleeping. He's not. The whites of his mask flash in my direction.
"What?"
His voice is hoarse, like he hasn't used it in ages. Which seems plausible. These past few… uh… how long was it again? They went by slowly, anyway. It's been hard. For everyone.
But Robin-I hesitate.
"H-how are you doing?"
I mentally slap myself. What a stupid question.
He looks at the wall and gestures at the door.
"Go away please."
He's my leader, and I should listen to him. I lean against the doorway and watch him.
"We're looking for a way to get her back, you know."
He glares.
"I know that."
He says it defiantly, as if he has to prove something. I step deeper into the meticulously clean room. He sits up.
"Raven, go away."
(I should really listen why am I not listening leave just leave ok just step out something weird is going down here and I don't like this at all-)
Wait- what?
I shake my head and produce the sandwich and Snapple I'm holding.
"Cyborg said you have to eat."
He edges towards me like I might suddenly lash out and take his head off, then snatches the food and juice and tears into it.
(Minutes hours days weeks months how long ago was it again?)
After he's ingested half the sandwich, I venture to ask again.
"So, are you ok?"
(Something weird-)He stops eating and… stares.
"Robin?"
(weird-)
He drops his food and buries his face in his gloved hands.
(Listen to him Raven you just get outta there now-)
"I want her back."
I sit next to him on his bed, and thinking back to every teen angst show I've been forced to watch, I reach to pat his shoulder in an understanding manner.
"I m-miss her…"
He grasps my hand and squeezes.
"I know you do, Robin. That's fine."
"When I saw- could I have been faster?"
(Not necessarily in this room you know just something in this tower it's weird it's strange it's it's it's creepy-)
The grip on my hand tightens. I shake my head.
"No, you couldn't have caught her no matter what. You couldn't have guessed she would go after Warp like that."
To my utter discomfort, he starts to cry.
(It's something vital you know something very vital is breaking down and you should really think about getting out of here Rae-)
"I want her back so much-"
He collapses against me and cries, not sobbing, hysterical heaves, but I can definitely feel the tears and hear the sharp intakes of breath.
"I don't know what to do anymore-"
I awkwardly pat his back. This isn't what I'm made for, this comforting thing-
(I'm serious can you remember how long it's been since-)
and it's hard to comfort someone who is sad for the same reason you are.
(the fight you know the battle when she fell through-)
He cries for god knows how long until finally he heaves a shuddering breath and lies still, mask wrinkled with his brow as he drifts into an uneasy sleep.
(Can't really remember how long it's been I'll have to ask Starfire no Cyborg no Starfire no wait she's not here anymore so Cyborg right-)
I untangle myself from his desperate grasp and tuck him under his red sheets and blankets before backing out of the room.
I walk down the hallway towards the kitchen and I-
(-really is something wrong and you know it-)
collide with Beast Boy coming the other way.
"Hey," I offer, something I'd normally not do, but lately everyone's been doing things they'd normally not do.
"Hey." He says back, unsmilingly. He continues on.
"Wait," I call him back. "How long has it been since the battle with Warp?"
He looks at me oddly.
"Three months, Rae. Why?"
(See three months told you told you told you-)
"Nothing. How's Cyborg going with his research?"
He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, looking at the carpet.
"He says…" He stops and gulps. "He says he doesn't think there's a way to get her b-back-"
(Something vital is breaking down and you know it-)
"-Because we don't know the exact time and plane she landed in or something…"
I nod and turn away.
"Raven?"
I turn back.
"Are you ok?"
(-Should listen to your leader you know something weird is going on all of you just run just you jackrabbit right out of there huh-)
"I'm fine. What about you?"
He pauses. Thinks thinks looks at the ground again.
"I don't know."
We look at each other. We go our separate ways.
I wander into the common room and towards the kitchen, where I automatically take out my tea and cup.
I pause. I don't feel like waiting for the water to boil. I push the cup into the microwave with a tea bag and set the timer.
"Raven?"
It's Cyborg. I look over at him in the doorway.
"What is it, Cyborg?"
He hesitates. I watch him as he fidgets.
"I'm going away for a while."
I say nothing. He fiddles with the strap of a bag he's holding.
"I need t-to clear the air, ya know? I can't take… much more."
I say nothing.
"Just, uh, just wanted to…"
He stops when he realizes that-
(I think that tea's done why did I put it in the microwave I hate that thing why didn't I just use the damn stove-)
I'm not listening. He turns and leaves.
I take the cup out and drop it immediately, the hot handle having just burned a layer of skin from my fingers.
The tea foams out from the broken shards of glass and seeps into my boots.
(Did Robin ask me to take the garbage to the dump yesterday I can't remember that's strange huh seems to me that Cyborg was right about Beast Boy putting maple syrup in Robin's shampoo bottle and Starfire scrubbing it out for ten hours his head is so red it matches his uniform-)
"Raven?"
I look up.
Beast Boy is in front of me, watching me like I might suddenly drop dead.
"What? What is it?"
"You're still in here?!"
I look at the window. It appears to be dawn.
I look down. The tea has gone cold hours ago and has already started to evaporate.
"What day is it today?"
He stares-
"Oh, and you shouldn't have put that syrup in Robin's shampoo, he's probably going to be really mad."
(I think I need to meditate and then afterwards maybe I can tell Starfire I'd like to go to the mall-)
"It's Tuesday Raven, and jeez that was like, a year ago what's up with you-"
I walk down the hallway and into my room, where I sit in the middle of the floor and chant my mantra.
(-Shoulda run you shoulda run you stupid fool-)
Someone knocks at my door.
"Raven?"
I look up, annoyed.
"I'm meditating. Go away."
The door slides open and Beast Boy creeps in, looking near panic.
"Raven, are you ok? Me and Rob- ok, I'm really worried about you, you're starting to scare me, you've been in here for ages, like, three days-"
I pause and look at him.
(Three days no three months since that stupid battle with Warp wasn't it-)
"Raven? Please, please talk to me, Robin is- is- he won't come out of his room, Cyborg is gone, I'm getting scared so please talk to me-"
He reaches out and touches me. I don't move.
"Raven? Rae?"
His voice is desperate, pleading, and so very scared. Terrified.
"Raven!"
I jerk and suddenly something clicks, something's been talking to me hasn't it, something's been telling me-
"Beast Boy?"
He falls forward onto his knees in front of me, staring at me like I've sprouted two heads, like he's never seen me before-
"Raven, please, I'm scared, I don't know what's going on please tell me please-"
(Something weird something weird something weird-)
"I don't know."
I let him hug me because there's nothing else for me to do.
"It's insane, Rae, I'm serious, I'm not sure what's going on and I'm so confused-"
I feel his breath against the side of my neck.
"Please don't leave me-"
(Something wrong something very very wrong and you should all just take a break just you sprint on out-)
"I don't know what I'd do if you all left me but it would probably be something stupid so please don't go-"
"Ok, Beast Boy. Calm down."
He takes a shuddering breath and kisses the side of my cheek, my forehead, then hugs me again and something in my head explodes-
"Don't leave, don't leave, please don't-"
(All of you not just you all of you dummy all of you LEAVE-)
"Beast Boy."
He sits back and stares at my carpet, little runnels tracing their way down his cheeks.
"Relax. Nothing-"
(EVERYTHING-)
"-is wrong. We're going to be fine. And I'm not leaving."
He scrubs his cheeks with his arm and sniffs.
"Never?"
I don't say anything to that. I pat him on the shoulder and send him away so I don't have to deal with him or anything else.