Disclaimer: All I own is my story, not the characters or any other part of Dragon Age.

Note: Seriously. posting or even writing new stories/chapters at 4am in the morning, combined with an evil spell-check... not a good idea... Thankfully people are nice enough to review about things like that. ^^

It's not what it seems
Not what you think
No I must be dreaming
It's only in my mind
Not real life
No I must be dreaming

Untitled (I must be dreaming) - Evanescence

She had her sword in her hand. She was ready. The darkspawn were closing in on them. She looked around. This was Ostagar. Where she had fought the darkspawn two times before.

"Here they come," said a voice next to her.

She turned to look at Zevran. No that couldn't be. Zevran had never been at Ostagar. Then the darkspawn was upon them. She swung her sword at them, but hit only air.

She was home. The sound of the wind in the oak trees told her that. She looked down at her hands. They were so small. Then she was running, chasing Kenari. Suddenly out of nowhere a stone grew up from the ground and she tripped. She was covered in mud. Fergus was laughing behind her. She cried out in anger and turned to hit him.

"Young Lady Cousland."

She turned around again. She was in her room. By the door stood an elven servant.

"Your father wishes to speak with you."

She followed the servant to the doors of the main hall, where the servant excused herself. She opened the doors, to find her father talking to Arl Howe. She was angry at Howe, though she could not remember why. He was a family friend.

"There you are pup."

Another man entered the room. Celia felt as though she knew the man, yet she couldn't understand why. He opened his mouth to speak.

"You do not belong here, young Lady Cousland."

What? This was her home. Who was he to tell her she didn't belong there. She wanted to tell him off, but he was gone. She was back at Ostagar. She was standing on the battlefield. The battle was over. There was bodies everywhere. Darkspawn. Mabari hounds. Mages. Soldier. She was crying. She was five years old. Her brother was gone. Tears ran down her face and she screamed loudly.

"Honestly, Celia, you silly girl. You have to look for me."

Her brother came out of his hiding place.

"It's no use playing this game if you're going to start crying every time I hide and you can't find me."

She sobbed and her brother put his arms around her. She closed her eyes and felt strong arms around her waist. Hands searching their way over her body and lips pressed against her neck. She giggled and turned to kiss the lips that had caressed her neck. Ostagar again. She shook her head and felt as though a great fog was lifting. She looked around and noticed the peace that seemed to rest over the ruins. This was the Fade. She was sure of that now.

"I see you finally awaken."

She turned around.

"Duncan," she gasped. "But you… you're dead."

"That I am, but this isn't the real world after all. You're the one who's out of place."

"This is the Fade," she answered slowly. "I have, been here before. Trapped. Seems so long ago now."

"Yes. I know. Come walk with me," he said calmly and gestured toward the ruins of Ostagar.

It was so strange that this place seemed so peaceful, almost beautiful.

"I have been dead for some time now, yes. But not absent. I have been lingering here, waiting to see the end of this Blight, so that I would be able to rest in peace."

He paused and looked at her.

"You both turned out to be quite formidable Grey Wardens. I wish I could've foreseen the rest too."

"Seen what?"

Duncan chuckled.

"I knew from the start that the two of you would make great Grey Wardens. Alistair may not be the cleverest person there is, but he is honest and just. And you, you were so headstrong. You were so headstrong that I had to invoke the right of conscription on you to make you come with me. You still are Headstrong. No wonder he fell in love with you. Maybe I should have guessed it would happen. Your spirit was surely strong enough to attract someone as innocent as him."

Duncan looked at her and smiled.

"Don't think I am blaming you or anything. Your love is probably what kept him going. And in the end it is probably that love that saved Ferelden. All though I may not agree with some of the methods you used along the way, you did what you had to do to stop the blight and that is what the Grey Wardens do."

He sighed.

"But that was not the reason I awoke you. As you know, Grey Wardens abandon their titles when they join. But in Alistair's case it was different. It became different. If the King hadn't been killed at Ostagar, then Alistair would still probably only be a Grey Warden."

"But Loghain betrayed everyone..."

"Yes. And so the fate was changed for him. But that you would take your place at his side is most, unfortunate."

"You think I should have let him marry someone else."

"That would've been easier, maybe."

"Not for us."

"I know that. But for the kingdom. However what's done is done."

"Is this what you wanted to tell me?"

"No, and you know that. As King," he paused and looked at her. "And queen, you will have to produce an heir. Alistair did tell you about the difficulties."

"Yes."

"Well it isn't as much as the question if you can, but if you should. With the taint in the blood, there is no telling what the child might become."

"Then what..."

"Hear me out, Lady Cousland, before you judge."

"Al right," Celia said and took a deep breath.

"From this point there are three ways to go. You could try to have the baby yourself, in spite of what it may become. There might be dangers there that no one will be able to see. And for certain, people will be afraid of the child, if they knew about the taint and if they suspected what the child might become. Or you can let Alistair have another woman bare his child, diluting the taint, in hope that the child will be as any other child."

"Alistair would never agree to that."

"Lady Cousland, please," Duncan sighed. "But I suspect you are right. He loves you too much to do that again. But I do not want to see the witch's son on the throne either."

"She said she wouldn't do that."

"She won't. Which leads us to option three. You could take another man, and then say the child is Alistairs."

Celia stopped walking.

"Absolutely not. I will not lie to Alistair. I have not lied to him yet, and I don't plan to start. Not over this. And I will not do it, tell him and hurt him either."

"I figured you would say something like that. I guess the only option is the first then. But know that you will have to lie either way. To protect the child and Ferelden. And even though it makes this problem more complicated, I am glad that you two are so dedicated and honest with each other. You will be able to lean on each other and I am sure that together you will be able to rule Ferelden quite well. Which is why you will need an heir, or Ferelden will fall into civil war, destroying whatever you and Alistair may build, once you are gone."

He sighed and looked at Celia with a look of concern. For a second he reminded her so much of her father.

"And we can't have that. Not with Ferelden being in this weakened state after this Blight."

"But there is still a possibility that we could produce an heir. It might be very difficult, but there still is a chance."

"Yes, but at what cost?"

"Maybe none. No one knows."

"Or it might be even worse than a civil war or even a Blight." He smiled. "But it is obvious that you have already chosen your path, and it was the path I thought you would choose. I just hoped that I would be able to change your mind, but as I've already said you are headstrong, and you won't really let anyone tell you what to do. But do not despair, I will help you on this path."

"Help me?"

"For the safety of the child and of Ferelden, certain precautions must be taken, before and after the child is born. The child will be of great interest to a lot of people. People will try to kill it for many reasons, being the heir only one of them. Some might feel fear of what the child could be and in fear try to kill the child. Maybe even before the child is born. Others may try to use the child for the powers it might posses."

"Then we just have to protect the child. We have armies..."

"Yes you will have to protect it, but it is easier to put your faith in one person than in thousands."

"What do you mean?"

"You must chose someone from the Grey Warden order that you trust, and when the child is born you will send them both away, out of Ferelden."

"What? No! I can't send my child away."

"You have to. By doing so the child will be safe from the people who want to kill or use it, and Ferelden will be safe from whatever powers the child might posses."

"So I am just to inflict some other country with its powers, assuming it has them?"

"That's why you send it away with someone you trust, so that should the child ever show any potential to be dangerous, this person will kill it."

"NO!"

"You have to!"

There was a tone of anger in Duncan's voice. Celia didn't like it. The more she heard of this plan, the more she wanted to back away and chose another way. But she knew that there was no way that Alistair would ever take another woman to his bed, as well as she would never hurt Alistair by taking another man.

"But you're saying I won't see my own child grow up. I will lose so much. Why can't I go? Why do I have to send someone else?"

"And what about Alistair? Will he be able to rule without you? Will you be able to leave him? Will you be able to lie to him about why you're leaving?"

"I will have to lie to him anyway!"

"Yes, this is a difficult path you have chosen."

Silence swept over them. Celia saw before he images of what might yet to come. Alistair sitting alone on the throne, mourning his wife and child. Another image where she was with him, but their child was still gone. She saw herself on the run with a bundle in her arms. None of these pictures where appeasing.

"Why a Grey Warden? They are soldiers, not nursemaids."

"Other than someone you trust, you will need someone who can sense the taint. And if they are on the run, a soldier is better than a nursemaid. And I soldier might be more capable of killing the child, should it come to that."

There was those words again. Killing the child. She hated those words. It was as if saying them it would make it true.

"But if I simply send it away people will know. They will follow."

"Yes," he said calmly. "No one must know."

"Not even Alistair," Celia whispered. "But that means..." She gasped. "They will have to think the baby is dead!"

"That would probably be the only way to ensure that no one knows, and no one follows."

"But how?"

"I'm afraid I cannot help you there, but I will aid whoever you chose to carry this burden with you. I will tell him when it is safe to return or if he will have to k..."

"Don't say it, please. It was hard enough to hear the first time."

"Very well."

"You're asking me to endure a lot. Sending my child away, possibly even ki..." She couldn't even say it. "I will have to lie to everyone. I will have to carry this burden on my own."

"You have already endured a lot, Lady Cousland. And you are strong. Strong enough to hear the truth and strong enough to endure it when the time comes. And you will not be alone, but I fear it will not help you much."

Silence fell over them and they stood watching the sun rise. Celia's head was filled with thoughts of what might yet come to be. Things she didn't want to think of, things she couldn't stop thinking about.

"Morning is upon us, Lady Cousland. It is time for you to return to Ferelden and the ones you love."

"Goodbye, Duncan."

"Goodbye, Queen Celia."

She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, she was back in the royal bedchamber's. Next to her was Alistair, still sleeping, with his arm around her waist. Carefully she wriggled out of his grasp and got to her feet. She felt nauseous and fell back on the bed. After making sure Alistair hadn't woken up, she stood up again, put on a robe and walked over the vanity. It was warm in the room and at first she was surprised to see the fire burn in the fireplace. But then she reminded herself that they weren't on the road any more. Here there were servants who would tend to their every need. After all those nights in the wilds, she had forgotten how it felt to have other people look after her. She had gotten used to taking care of herself. But it was something that she would get accustomed to, just as she had gotten accustomed to taking care of herself.

She looked at herself in the mirror. She was pale, her hair rugged and there were dark circles under her eyes. She picked up a brush and began to straighten out her hair. As she kept watching herself in the mirror it dawned upon her. There had never been any choice to make. She was with child already. How she knew that, she was uncertain. But she knew it was true. She put her hand on her stomach, as tears ran down her cheeks.

"It is too soon. I am not ready."

End chapter 2