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Wounds on My Soul
Dean and Bobby get off one of the bobby's rusty cars. And there in the parking area of the Ritu Motel his baby is sitting, shining like a black pearl in the golden rays of sun.
Dean goes straight to the Impala, beaming a happy smile to his beloved possession. "There you are baby. I missed you so much." The Impala is dusty and there is dried mud on the tires. "Sam had better treat you right…" He peeks in the car from the side window. Inside the car is entirely neat and clean; no garbage in the back seat, no half eaten sandwiches, no dirt on the floor, no coffee paper cups or pizza box any where to be seen. "That's my boy. Sam! You neat freak." Dean says amused. "You haven't changed a bit."
So they must be in the right motel. Bobby can't trace Sam after days of searching, but Dean finds his brother in less than half a day. Now they just have to figure out which room Sam is in. Bobby is sure this is not a problem for Dean either.
supernatural
Dean and Bobby go to the door which they think is Sam's room and knock. After a few long moments the door is opened by a girl. She stares right back at them. "So where is it?" The girl asks.
"Where is what?" Asks Dean.
"The pizza!" The girl says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"Uh… I think we got the wrong room." Dean starts to turn away and leave when Sam appears behind the girl. "Heya, Sammy." Dean says smiling, but it's until he sees the knife in Sam's hand. Before he knows what is going on Sam grabs him with strong grip and drags him in the room. In a blink of an eye Dean is pined against the wall with a big knife on his throat.
"Who are you?" Sam shouts, and for a moment Dean actually gets scared. Sam is beyond furious and he looks like he is ready to spill blood.
"It's me Sam, I swear." Dean says almost fearfully. Bobby tries to yank Sam off.
"Stop it; just tell me what you are before…" Sam is shouting at the top of his lungs which aggravates his throat and immediately results in harsh coughs, and he can't finish his threat, or catch his breathe for that matter.
"Sam, it's Dean. I already went through this with him, he's real." Bobby grabs Sam's arm, afraid that Sam may actually hurt Dean.
Sam doesn't loosen his grip. He looks Dean up and down. Dean can swear the only thing he sees on his brother's face is shear resentment. Then Sam looks at those green eyes, and his eyes softens a bit. Nothing in the world has the deepness of Dean's look, Sam recognizes it. Although his mind recognizes Dean fast, his heart is slower and still in denial. It is Dean, he suddenly recognizes and lets go of him. Then he feels too weak and overwhelmed to even hold the knife; it slips from his grasp, hitting the soft carpet besides their feet.
It feels like adream, it's too good to be real, but Sam pulls his big brother into a tight hug anyway, wrapping his arms around him firmly. It's not like he can always have such wonderful dreams. "Are you OK, Sam?" Dean asks him, and suddenly it feels so real. The overwhelming feeling rises to his eyes and he is driven to tears.
"I'm sorry Dean." And it's not just because a few moments ago he had Dean pined on the wall with a knife on his neck, he is truly sorry for every thing that has happened, he is sorry he couldn't save Dean from hell, he is sorry Dean went to hell for his sorry ass.
"It's OK Sam. I'm here now." Dean returns the hug tighter.
Bobby stands there enjoying the brother's reunion. God knows they have been through so much. He is so happy both boys are safe now. If he dies right now, he dies happy.
For a moment there are no regrets, no one thinks or worries about how Dean is out of hell.
"Uhhh… I guess I have to go now." The girl says sounding a little freaked out and awkward.
The brothers break their hug.
"Oh, yeah Kathy… thanks for coming." Sam says awkwardly.
"It's Kristy." The girl says before picking up her jacket of the bed and leaving.
"Your taste in girls has really improved since the last time I saw you." Dean teases with a grin.
Sam is just speechless. Here is Dean standing in front of him, cracking jokes at his every move like nothing had happened. Like he hasn't died for him and hasn't been in hell.
Sam brings his brother in a hug again. Despite what he expects Dean returns the hug genuinely. And yeah it takes hell for Dean to be a little soft.
This is the happiest scariest moment of Dean's life. Happy because he's off the hook, scary because he knows it comes with a catch.
"Dean, how did you get out?" Sam asks suddenly letting go of his brother to look him in the eye.
"Like you don't know, just tell me what did it cost?" Dean asks with a hint of anger in his voice.
"What?" Sam seems surprised and confused.
"Was it your soul or some thing worst?"
"Some thing worse?"
"Yeah. So what now, I'm off the hook and you're on? You're some demon bitch boy? I didn't want to be saved like this." Dean says trying hard to control his anger; this is not a time to be angry.
"Wait, slow down. You think I made a deal?" Sam asks.
"That's exactly what we think." Bobby puts in.
"Well, I didn't."
"Don't lie to me, Sam."
"I'm not lying."
Dean ignores him. "How could you do that? I sold my soul so you could have the life you always wanted to have, the life you never had."
"I said I didn't do it. Look, I admit it, I would have done it in a heart beat, but no one would make a deal with me. I'm sorry Dean, I tried every thing; hell, I even tried to open the hell's gate, but you still were burning in hell and I was just wasting my time in a wild goose chase. I'm sorry alright? But it wasn't me."
An uncomfortable silence follows.
Dean is the first one to break the silence. "It's OK, you don't need to apologize. It wasn't your fault… I'm just happy you're fine."
Speaking of fine, Sam coughs weakly in his fist, which is followed by several stronger ones and finally a coughing fit. He is breathless in a few seconds, the coughs don't let him breath, and they knock all the oxygen out of his lungs.
"Sam, Are you alright?" Dean asks worriedly.
Sam turns red in a few seconds, the veins on his neck start to pop up and swell beneath his skin. Dean picks a bottle of water, opens the cab and hands it to Sam who takes a sip and manages to control his coughing.
"Never been better." Sam says with full dimpled smile, that kind of smile that brightens a room.
Oh God…! Sam still smiles like a four year old, Dean thinks, and for a moment he lets himself to feel that maybe things are going to be alright for the first time in a long time.
Sam looks back at his brother and feels his brother is a little different. Dean is not complete without his amulet, it's part of who he is, so Sam hurriedly opens the amulet and hands it back to it's true owner.
supernatural
"So, if you didn't save me, then who did?" Dean sits on the chair in the middle of the room, beer bottle in hand. "Is it a demon?"
"Demons can't ditch any thing out of hell. Unless a deal is made, and as far as we know no one made a deal, besides why would they do that to their number one enemy?" Bobby says leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.
"Then who did it?" Dean asks trying to hide his worry and fear.
"We have to figure it out fast, because some thing big is going on." Sam says.
"What is going on?" Asks Dean curiously.
Sam looks at Bobby nervously; they both know some thing scary has begun, the omens and signs are so obvious that even average hunters have noticed them. "There are signs of demonic activity all over the country and from what I know Lilith has her hands full. I'm not sure, but I think she is planning end of the world."
"How do you know about Lilith?" Dean asks.
"Uhh… I have… had my sources." And by sources he means Ruby.
"What kind of sources?" Dean asks suspiciously, Bobby looks at him kind of suspicious too.
"You know a few demons I interrogated and exorcised." Sam says awkwardly, knowing that if Dean knows about Ruby he will be pissed, and it is a little soon to piss his brother by telling him that he has been working with a demon.
"I say we have a lot of researching on our hands, what do you say we hit the road and go to my place to have a look at my books? We can figure out who dragged Dean out of hell and what Lilith's plans are."
Dean finishes his beer with one long last swing, stands up and grabs his jacket. "All I know is that I sooo miss driving my babe." He adds a grin at the end of his sentence.
supernatural
Sam would never think that he could ride in the impala with Dean again. It was heaven for him, the safest most relaxing place to be, because on the road it's hard to focus on any thing, especially his worries. Every passing tree, every passing rock, every passing sign distracts him and drags his negative thoughts with itself as it disappears behind. They just pass by every thing and every body, no need to stop or deal with any thing but the road. The impala on the road is just simply Sam's home.
Sam lets the weariness of his sickness and the peace of his brother's presence drag him under. He puts his head against the cold window and closes his eyes voluntarily for the first time in four months, the coolness of the window on his face is somehow pleasant and the sleep is so welcomed.
Dean is enjoying driving too. He also would never think that he could drive his car on the road with his brother at his side again. He glances at Sam's peacefully sleeping form from time to time nervously. He should be relaxed, but he has a strange feeling, like some thing is off, way off. He has some kind of bad feeling that he can't put his fingers on it. He feels that some thing is damaged in him, but he can't tell what, maybe his soul, he doesn't know. The silence in the impala is getting on his nerves. He needs some kind of distraction. He thinks about waking Sam up, but quickly dismisses it. Sam looks like hell, he is obviously sick and in the need of serious rest.
A few more minutes pass, the sun fully sets and it gets completely dark. Dean feels the pain in him growing, it feels worse at night, darkness brings him dark feelings. He feels a pit in him, which emits pain to his heart and he can't take it any more.
"Sam!"
"Yes," Sam jumps awake, startled. "What is it?" He stares with wide open eyes at his brother.
"Sorry, didn't want to startle you." Dean says apologetically.
"Is every thing OK?" Sam asks, blinking a few times.
"I'm getting a little sleepy here." He lies.
"Do you want me to take over?" Sam says rubbing off the drowsiness from his eyes.
"No, just talk with me a little." The light from the head light of a coming car casts on Sam's face and Dean can see that his face is glistering with sweat.
He can't help reaching out to Sam's forehead to check for a fever. Sam pats his hand away as soon as it comes to contact with his forehead, but Dean can feel that he is a little warm to the touch.
"I said I'm fine." Sam whines.
"And I didn't believe you."
"You're a jerk."
"And you're a bitch."
supernatural
The Winchester boys and Bobby have started researching right after dinner, and so far all they've got is that angels are the only ones capable and powerful enough to drag some one out of hell. 'Keep researching.' Dean has said incredulously, because in his dictionary of real things there isn't a word as angel. But the more they searched the more they became confident that an angel has helped Dean. Sam is this theory's number one fan.
"It's official Dean, you were saved by an angel." Sam says closing the large old book in front of him with a huff.
"I don't even believe that angels are real to begin with. And what's next? God is real too?" dean asks skeptically.
"This is not a matter of faith any more, Dean. It's the matter of evidence." Sam answers.
"OK, let's imagine angels are real, why would they want to save me. I may kill things and save people, but I'm no saint, that's for sure."
"You think you don't deserve to be saved?" Sam asks.
"What makes you think that I deserve to be saved out of countless good souls that are burning in hell?"
"Maybeee… maybe they saved you to do some thing for them." Sam tries to guess.
Dean snort like it is the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard. "What! I have a divine mission now? Give me a break, Sam." He gets and leaves for the bath room. "I'm going to take a shower."
"You should be happy to be saved by angels." Believe me, it's better than having demons on your tail, Sam shouts to Dean's back.
supernatural
After a few minutes of just standing under the hot water and enjoying the feel of water running down his body, Dean turns the tab off and steps out of the shower. For a moment he stares at his now flawless body. There are no scars on his skin, no bullet wounds, no knife scars or burns, not even the fading ones are there, his skin is as flawless and smooth as a baby's. He feels like a stranger in his own skin, it's right that he hated some of those old scars, but he loved some of them, they were things that made him Dean Winchester, a hunter. He feels that he has changed, and he doesn't like what he is seeing in the mirror. He likes what he was before more, and he doesn't know why.
Thinking about what Sam told him, he tries to distract himself. Is it possible to be saved by an angel? He asks himself again.
"Angels are always going to take care of you, sweetheart." A heavily pregnant Mary told Dean as she tucked his blanket.
"Mom, All of the angels are men? Do we have woman angels?" Dean asked with his childish curiosity.
Mary smiled at his four year old son and his imagination. "Well I guess there are both man angels and woman angels… The only thing I know for sure is that every little kid like you has a guardian angel to take care of him." She kissed Dean on the forehead lovingly.
"I'm not little." Dean said sleepily then yawned and closed his eyes slowly.
Dean stared at his reflection in the mirror as his memory flashed before his eyes. His mother believed in angels, and would always talk about them and how they take care of people, Dean doesn't believe in them. If there are angels and a God, why they didn't help her when she burned on the sealing, why they didn't help his father when he was burning in hell, why they didn't help Sam when that bastard stabbed him in the back, or when he was torn apart literally by hell hounds? Where are the angels when evil things kill people, he hasn't seen any angel or God helping them. If there is a God, he doesn't care about them.
supernatural
It's four in the morning and Dean has been trying to sleep for two hours now after his shower. He is tired, but the dark hole in him makes him feel nervous and empty, he can't go the sleep. Sam is sleeping next to him, he is tossing and turning every few minutes, Dean wonders if he really is sleeping.
When he is sure Sam is sleeping he grabs his jacket and goes out for a walk, any thing to distract him.
He walks through the rusty cars and scraps in the salvage yard, until he climbs of a car and sits on the hood. Leaning on the windshield, he stares into the deep of the sky and watches the stars, trying hard to calm himself down and put off the fire that is burning the inside out of his soul.
All of a sudden he sees a star growing larger and larger as if it's coming down to him. He jumps off the hood, alert. The growing star is like a comet with a long tail. He pulls himself back when he feels that it's coming his way.
When the extremely shining object hits the ground a few feet from him, he expects it to explode into million pieces. He covers his head and face between his arms, almost falling back on his butt as he tries to get away from it. But nothing happens, no explosion, no sound, just a blast of bright light that dies in a few seconds. Dean looks from behind his arms to see a human like figure in a half sitting position, his right hand on the ground. He slowly rises to his feet and looks Dean straight in the eye.
Dean whispers a curse. "Who the hell are you?" He asks panting.
"My name is Castiel." The figure says in a calm voice. He is a man in mid thirties, blue eyes and short blond hair, wearing a tie and a trench coat.
"I didn't ask for your name. I mean what are you?"
"I am an angel of God." The angel answers with the same calmness and a serious expression.
"Oh, yeah. And I'm Betty White." Dean would burst into laughs if it isn't because of the stern look on the angel's face.
"You don't believe in angels." The angel takes a few steps forward and Dean takes a few steps backward.
"Sorry, but I only believe in what I see."
"Your brother has demon blood in him, yet he has more faith than you."
"Shut up, my brother doesn't have any thing in him." He says hastily in anger.
A sudden and loud sound like the fluttering of wings, an abrupt breeze on Dean's face and the angel is standing there with a set of huge wings on his back. The white wings are swaying in the air a little, and Dean can see the feathers being lift up in the air with the mild wind that is blowing.
And now Dean really freaks out.
"God has works for you, Dean Winchester." The grave angel says.
"What works?"
"There is a war coming. Demons want to free Lucifer and bring on the apocalypse. You should try to stop them before they break Lucifer out of his cage. The darkness is rising, you should be ready."
Another explosion of light and the angel is gone as fast as he came.
Dean stands there thunderstruck listening to the hard, cold silence that the angel left behind, before he runs to the Bobby's house and to Sam.
supernatural
"Sam, wake up!" Dean shakes Sam hard.
Sam moans pitifully before opening his eyes.
"You OK?" Dean asks still panting from the fast running.
"You keep waking me like that and I won't be fine any more." Sam sits on the bed with a sigh.
"This is not a good time to whine, Sam."
"I'm not whining." He whines.
"Sure you don't, but that's not important right now." Dean sits on the bed beside Sam. "I saw an angel."
"What?" Sam throws his feet over the side of the bed and turns on the small lamp on the night stand.
"I mean he said he was an angel, and he had these huge wings, he said his name was Sastiel, but I didn't believe him. He even said God has works for me to do. Can you believe it?" Dean said breathlessly.
"You mean Castiel?"
"Oh, yeah! Castiel. How do you know?"
"It's the angel of Wednesday. He Listens to people prays on Thursdays and takes care of those who are born on Wednesday like a guardian angel."
"You are such a geek Sam." Dean says disgustedly.
"Dean you were born on Wednesday." Sam says excitedly.
"Forget it, I think I was just dreaming."
"And how did you know Castiel is the angel of Wednesday?"
Dean is silent for a moment looking down at the floor. "I don't know man. Our life is weird. I mean we have barley recovered from our last problem that we are hit in the gut by another one, bigger than the last one." He says in a sad voice. "I have enough problems as it is."
The way Dean talks makes Sam sure there is some thing wrong with him. "Dean, are you OK?"
"It's hell, Sam."
"You said you didn't remember any thing about hell. Do you, Dean?"
Dean gives a long labored sigh. "I don't remember it, but I can feel it… it's like there is a hole in you that makes you feel, you know… empty." The moment he says it, it sounds so ridiculous. "You know what! Just forget it, I'll be fine." He says quickly and rises up to go to his bed.
Sam grabs him by his wrist and pulls him down to sit on the bed again. "I know how it feels Dean." He starts in low voice. "It's a small hole in you that just keeps getting darker and deeper. You keep telling yourself it's OK and you are fine, but at some point you realize you are not. That's when you feel this deep bloody wound on your soul, a wound that instead of healing keeps getting worse and worse…" He pauses, "You just have to find a way to deal with it."
"Have you found a way?" Dean asks.
Sam doesn't answer.
Dean can see his brother's eyes getting wet, but he manages to keep himself at the verge of tears.
"Sam, are you OK?" Dean says with concern.
Sam can't bring himself to answer. He coughs a few times, but other than that he remains quite. He is obviously not ok, and for the first time Dean notices how congested he sounds and how sick he looks.
He puts his palms on Sam's forehead gently, this time Sam doesn't protest.
"You're burning up."
"I'll be fine. Don't worry."
"Don't worry? How long have you been sick?" Dean feels a little guilty because this whole time Sam has been under his very nose and he hasn't notice how sick he is. "Lay down, we gotta take your fever down." Dean orders.
It feels good to have your over protective brother back, Sam smiles as Dean helps him slide under the heavy blanket.
What Doesn't Kill Me Makes me Stronger
Dean spends the rest of the night and half of the fallowing day taking care of Sam. Sam's fever is high and his coughs are pretty bad. A few times his coughing fits are so bad he almost passes out from lack of oxygen, but all the Tylenol and ice finally works.
Around noon Dean puts his hand on Sam's forehead under the mop of his hair, relived to feel no trace of the fever there. Dean knows his brother is still far from recovery, his breathing is still heavy and troubled, but resting will definitely help.
When Sam's fever breaks Dean feels content and not fully empty any more, like he has a purpose in life again, like his life is worth some thing. And he knows for sure as far as he has Sam's beside him, he will be alright, they both will be, because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger after all.
Although he can't help being worry about what Castiel said about his brother, he lets it go for now, because right now they should focus on the apocalypse the angel warned them about.
TBC
NEXT CHAPTER: Secrets of a Lonely Heart
So if Dean believes angels are real he has to believe there is some thing evil in his brother. Dean loves his brother, but will he trust him more than an angel. Sam has been keeping a few secrets, secrets he thinks he can keep for ever, but can he?
Comments, criticism, suggestions and reviews are welcomed. Let me know how you liked it :) Thanks in advance.