Edward was preoccupied; hacking into the Gotham mainframe will do that to you. So could you blame him for the cry of rage that occurred when a pop-up from a dating website filled all 17 of his screens? No, not at all. And worse yet, he noticed that each and every one of them was a response that simply said "Edward, you have ONE match!". He spluttered. He would never degrade himself to such a thing as Internet dating. He scoffed at those who did. And yet, upon clicking (for he was a curious tabby, after all) he found a response from one (1) Viola Williams to his (HIS?) profile on .com. There was no mistaking it; the profile had his name ("My REAL name..." he hissed through clenched jaws) and a picture ("Last year's Armani shoot...") of him as well. And it was filled in. Some of the comments (arrogant) made him clench his jaw tighter, while others (general sexual deviance) made his entire pale face flush with red. The email they'd listed wasn't one of the thousands of dummies he'd made for not-so-legal activities, but his real one, the one he'd been using since he worked at Wayne Corp ("pearls before swine, I was FAR too good for them..."), the one he only gave out to a select group of people. And his number was his personal cell phone! What was happening?
"What is GOING ON HERE?" he hollered, his fists clenched and his arms crossed. Along with the pouted lip he looked at bit little the annoying child he'd been years ago.
Joker poked his head around the corner, the left tuft of his unruly green wisps of hair smoldering and wearing an apron that read "Kiss the Cook". He looked from Edward to the screen, gave a little gasp and stuck his icing covered spatula in his mouth.
Scarecrow's head appear as he rose from the trapdoor with an eerily spiderlike motion. His reaction to the sight of a fuming Nigma was to go stand as close to Joker as possible. Joker continued to gnaw on the spatula.
"What... What is THIS?" Edward said, pointing to the screen. Joker gave a noncommittal shrug and Crane edged further behind Joker.
Edward continued to glare, and Crane finally step out, hands offered as if in apology.
"We had to do it, Edward." He pleaded. Edward looked down, still pissed but curious.
"Why?" Edward asked. Scarecrow looked back to Joker with a help-me gaze. Joker grinned around the spatula and made a pushing motion with his open hands. Crane gave a whimper of unhappiness but continued with the narrative.
"W-well, all you do is sulk around, making riddles and puzzles, and planting bombs and planning schemes and moping about who knows what, but we thought that maybe you could do something else." Crane said. Edward glared hatefully.
"Are you saying that my contributions to this TEAM aren't good enough?" Edward asked. Crane shook his head furiously. Joker nodded and grinned, lounging against the wall like a cat, his grin fixed in place not by the toxin but by the absolute joy he felt while watching others be tormented or majorly inconvenienced.
"No no, not at all! You're a very valuable member, but... The things is.. The thing is..." Crane was interrupted by a wet popping noise as Joker pulled the spatula from his mouth, licked completely clean.
"What he's saying is that you're annoying as hell and we think that if you got laid you'd be less so. Ergo, Internet dating." Joker concluded, heading back for the kitchen.
"What do you mean 'annoying as hell'?" Edward called to Joker. "And you'd better put your hair out and wash that spatula before you continue ruining our kitchen." Joker waved him off with a hand gesture and a yeah yeah as he re-entered the kitchen, only to return a few moments later, de-aproned and not on fire.
"He's right you know." Crane said. "You are annoying as hell." Edward gave a gasp of disbelief. "But apparently there's SOMEONE in the world that actual likes your self centered personality." Crane pointed to the picture of the pretty woman with light brown hair and deep, intelligent green eyes.
"Ohwhhee! That one's a looker! You could have some fun, Nigma!" Joker jeered at him, with a lewd wink. Riddler turned a bright shade of pink, and began pulling on his shirt collar as if the air in the room was insufficient.
"Not everything is about... Having fun, Joker." Nigma said, looking away awkwardly. Joker looked him over, his eyes widening in understanding.
"Have you not ever-"
"Of COURSE I HAVE!" Edward hisses angrily. "But not..."
"With a woman?" Joker asked. "You know, it's okay, we've all dabbled. HAVEN'T we, Crane?" Crane turned red.
"Of course with a woman, why in earth does everyone assume that I drive on the other side! And-and as for that other thing, I'm not going to ask and I'd like it very much if we never brought it up again."
"Me as well." Crane put in.
"Then what?" Joker asked. Nigma's shoulders caved in a he hunched himself into a ball in the desk chair that he'd sat back down in.
"I haven't... You know, in..." he held up six fingers.
"Six weeks?" Riddler shook his head.
"Six months?" Another head shake.
"Six YEARS?" Riddle gave an ashamed little nod of his head.
"Ever since I became the Riddler, I've been too busy to think of... Other things." he said. Joker appeared to be considering Riddler.
"Seriously?" Joker asked. "but you do, you know... Clean the pipes?"
Riddler's face went even darker.
"Well, yes, but..." Joker clapped his hands
"Good, you're not a complete failure as a man and slash or a human being." Joker said. "it's something."
Riddler gave Joker another glare.
"Do you think she'll actually like me?" Nigma asked, nearly musing.
"What's not to like?" Joker asked. "You know, besides the obnoxious personality and that awful ginger hair and that stupid pasty complexion. Well, aside from all that, you'll be fine. At least you're spiffy."