In the event that a bushy-browed villain wanted to trap you in his lair, there was one backup plan that never failed.

Parents!

Parents were lovely creatures, sensible adults, upholders of curfews and other rules that transgressed against the rights of freedom! You could depend on them to say, "Of course you can't stay at a boy's house for a whole weekend, Amelia! Get home right now!"

Or at least . . . that's how it should have gone.

First Arthur's mother was all, "A school parenting project? Oh, how sweet! Of course you can stay over and look after my robotic grandbaby!" She acted like it was the most natural thing in the world (and secretly Amelia wondered if this was the first time Arthur had brought a girl home and his mom was a little desperate).

Amelia could hardly keep her polite smile in place as she asked for the bathroom. Momma Kirkland pointed the way and Amelia tried not to look like she was fleeing for her life.

And here Amelia was now, huddled in the bathtub with her phone, hidden behind a colorful seahorse shower curtain. Her dad picked up, thank the lord, but was he the answer to her prayers? No, of course not, because Arthur must have worked his voodoo magic some of her classmates were talking about and bewitched both of their parents.

"It's for that baby assignment right?" her dad asked. "I don't see a problem with it."

"B-but Daaaad!" Amelia hissed into the phone. She knew her father was easygoing. He was like the original suburban dad, complete with the socks-in-sandals look, grill day Saturdays, and a habit of greeting every male that was ten years younger than him with a, "How ya doin', son?" But this was extreme even for him.

"But Dad what? His mother is there too, right?"

"Yeah, but that's not—"

"Then I'm sure you'll be fine. You're a lovely girl. I'm sure they'll like you. No need to be nervous."

"I'm not nervous!" Amelia whisper-screamed into the phone. And she wasn't nervous. She was terrified. There was a difference.

"Of course not, sweetie. But if it really doesn't work out, you can always come home and spend the weekend with your old man. I was even planning to go to Home Depot this weekend. We could—"

"Thatwon'tbeneccessary, gottago! LoveyouDad, bye!" Amelia mashed her screen so hard to end the call that she was surprised it didn't crack. She sighed in relief at the crisis averted.

For all that she wanted to avoid staying in the Kirkland household for an entire weekend, Amelia wasn't going to risk her life. She loved her dad, she really did, but she still had PTSD from the last time they went to Home Depot. And guys said girls took forever shopping for clothes. . .

A harsh knocking at the door made Amelia jolt and squeal.

"Are you done freaking out in there?" Arthur's voice demanded.

"Don't you know not to rush a lady?!" Amelia fired back, clutching at her chest. Was she having a heart attack? It totally felt like she was having a heart attack.

Arthur neither answered her question nor pushed the issue of her supposed freaking out. He merely asked, "My mom wanted to know if you wanted anything to eat. Do you?"

"Sure, I could go for a snack," Amelia answered, not really thinking about it. She just wanted Arthur to leave her alone.

"Alright, I'll tell her," Arthur responded, and she must have garnered a little bit of sympathy from God, because he thankfully left her alone after that.

Amelia slumped in the bathtub and wondered if she could barricade herself in there for the whole weekend.

The night passed by at a snail's pace. No, worse, a handicapped snail with bad directions. And it didn't even reach its destination before someone came in and stepped on it while cackling evilly. Said evil cackling person was Arthur of course.

After she'd finished her snack, Amelia declared that she was tired and would just turn in for the night. If she went to bed early, then morning would come faster and they'd be forced to let her leave because she really did have a part-time job at a grocery store to go to. Arthur could take care of the gremlin while she was gone, and while she bagged groceries Amelia could come up with excuses to not stay another night.

As it was, she had no excuses for this night. Both their parents had okayed it (which she was still salty towards her dad for), and not even her pitiful excuses of lack of pajamas or a toothbrush fazed the Kirklands. They had an unused toothbrush for her to borrow, and Arthur graciously offered to lend her some of his clothes to sleep in. To which Amelia found her own shirt and jeans to be suddenly comfortable and more than acceptable to sleep in. Arthur looked doubtful, but did he seriously think she was just going to wear some of his clothes? Like his body had touched them. Ew, no, she'd get his boy germs.

Arthur showed Amelia to one of the spare bedrooms. It actually used to be one of his older brothers' room, but they had all flown the coop and Arthur was the last birdie in the nest, living with just his single mother. And how could Arthur not appreciate her attempt at single motherhood when his own mother was one?!

Stupid, jerkface Arthur Kirkland.

The bedroom looked nice enough, plain in a way that you couldn't really tell that it had been someone else's room before. Arthur's brother must not have left anything personal behind. There was a full sized bed with a black headboard to match the end table, an old chest of drawers that looked out of place, and a large painting of a cityscape.

What if Arthur didn't actually have any brothers? What if this was just the room the Kirklands took their guests to and killed them while they were sleeping?

What?! It was a legitimate concern! Amelia had seen several horror movies that started out not too different than this.

To think . . . that fake child might actually be the death of her.

Before Arthur left her alone, he pointed out his own room and told her if she had any problems she could come get him. However, the way he worded it made Amelia forget about her worries. It sounded like he saw her as a bothersome child he'd have to tend to. It's not like Arthur was much older than her, if he was at all. She was seventeen, pretty much an adult. If he was just going to write her off before giving her a chance to prove herself, then that was his problem.

Amelia gave her best impression of winter, such was the bite of cold in her voice. "Don't worry about it. I'll be out of your hair as soon as this project is done."

Arthur hesitated at that. He stood in the doorway, mouth opening and closing while Amelia flopped down on the bed. It took him a minute until he finally said, "I know you had your heart set on doing this assignment alone, but we'll get through this easier if we work together."

Amelia waved him off. "Yeah, sure, whatever. I wasn't looking forward to taking the baby to work with me tomorrow anyway. Lucky for you, Daddy!"

Arthur didn't seem to catch the sarcasm because he actually blushed, like his cheeks legit reddened and he held the tiny fake human to his chest a little closer.

"A-alright then. Have a good night," he said and shut the door on his way out.

Amelia peered at the door.

He was such a weird guy.

Even with the Kirklands giving Amelia her privacy, Amelia knew she wouldn't get much sleep that night, being in a stranger's house and all (not to mention they could be potential murderers). She played on her phone for a while, and when the battery screamed for mercy, she snuck out to her car to get her charger. Arthur's house had been a little too far to walk to alone at night with a screaming fake baby. And then Amelia had been too scared to sit the baby down in the passenger's seat while she drove (in case the sensors inside picked up on her bad parenting), so Amelia had driven one handed the whole way over, her other arm bearing the weight of the anti-Christ.

Huh, maybe Arthur really was the father, considering how the baby shared his evil genes.

The house was dark and quiet by the time Amelia retrieved her charger. She returned to her designated room and stayed up some more messaging her brother Matthew about how unfair her life was. He was sympathetic but refused to come kidnap her and take her away to Canada where he was currently attending college. If she didn't choose to leave, then Amelia wouldn't technically be running away. Matthew didn't see it that way and eventually stopped texting her back. Talk about a shitty brother, abandoning her in her time of need.

Randomly, Amelia wondered if Arthur got on with his brothers. Did they get in text spats too? Maybe she and Arthur could bond over their mutual frustrations with sibling dickery.

Wait, what was she even thinking? Like her and Arthur were actually going to have a friendly conversation. Like Arthur even had a brother anyway, being a potential murderer and all.

Sometime during the night Amelia stirred at hearing the cries of the damned. She hadn't even realized she'd fallen asleep. Groggily, she listened to the animatronic wailing go on and on. Amelia briefly pondered if she should be a good parent and go check to make sure Arthur wasn't committing infanticide, but then again did she really care?

Apparently not because she fell back to sleep at some point. Morning came with the blaring of the alarm she set on her phone. Amelia dragged herself out of bed at the crack of dawn, sleepy-eyed and too tired to appreciate not being murdered during the night. Momma Kirkland was up and getting ready for work herself. Amelia didn't ask about her job, just let her know that she was heading back to her house to get ready for work and that she'd be back afterwards.

"Okay, dear, have fun!" Momma Kirkland said.

Have fun? At work? Maybe Amelia really should have asked her what she did for a living.

At any rate, Amelia went home to get a shower and fresh clothes. Her dad was still asleep since he didn't work weekends. Amelia thought about being petty, like stealing all the coffee out of the house. Then her dad would have an unpleasant morning, and he deserved it too! Amelia had figured out that it wasn't that her father wasn't concerned about her spending the night at a boy's house. He just didn't want the crying baby in the house either. In fact! Her dad had been the one to suggest to her last night that she should get some help from her assigned partner.

"I'm surrounded by evil fiends," Amelia said as she swiped up a banana for breakfast. "But I'm a nice person. I won't stoop to their level. Because I'm nice."

Then she grabbed all the coffee and left for work.

Sorry for the delay in updating. I moved, then went on a road trip to Texas, then I got sick, and I've been job hunting. Also, we took in a kitten the other day. Her name is Cheeto. She says hi.

Next chapter, Amelia returns to the Kirkland household and you can bet that shenanigans will ensue. The chapter's written, and I just need to edit it, and this time I shouldn't be moving or going on road trips any time soon, so hopefully you'll see an update in a few days.