Promise by the Peach Tree

Chapter 2

The Hurt and Haunted

I sighed, sitting in front of my Lord, bowing to him for his daughter who ran off in rage. "Forgive me for her outburst, My Lord."

"You have nothing to apologize for, Zilong." I stared back up at Lord Liu Bei, watching him sigh as he looked away. "It is I who should apologize."

"Forgive me, My Lord, but I wish to know, why exactly did you propose this marriage?" As an honest adult, more than twice as old as My Lord's daughter, I was only curious.

For ten years, though Lord Liu Shan and the rest of Lord Liu Bei's and Lord Guan Yu's and Lord Zhang Fe's listened and hoped to follow after me, it was only Lady Liu Qin who did not wish to have my presence anywhere near hers. And whenever we were to meet by chance and cross each other's pass, she would either glare, or give me no expression at all, as though I did not exist or did not matter to her.

It was perfectly fine, after all, one less young maiden to heart break, but to think that she really hated me that much, it was something I only experienced from her.

"To be honest…" Lord Liu Bei thought a little, perhaps to choose his words wisely, "I am sadden by the thought that even after ten years, my daughter cannot find it in her heart to forgive me." I nodded, that was understandable. "I've been trying to find a way to mend her heart and ease her mind, but she would not let me near her or even spend time alone with Liu Shan. She fears that I may kill him."

"So you wish to marry her off so you may bond more with Lord Liu Shan, My Lord?"

I watched him as he shook his head, "It is not just that. Xiao Qin has already had a couple of marriage proposals, but I have refused them all already. It is true that I see no one as fit as you to take my daughter, but it is also true that I want to ease her mind so that she may trust me more with Shan."

"Why is it that she does not trust you?" I quirked a brow at him. "All because of Changban?"

"Changban is the only thing that can escape her lips, but it is not just Changban." Lord Liu Bei, sighed, thinking back on his regrets. "In my early years, a man once told me that by trying to bring peace to the land and fill it with benevolence, I will only hurt those closest to me. Perhaps he was right, I've hurt my own daughter and shattered her trust in me. And all the while, I've shattered her image of you as well."

"My image?" I gave an amused smile. "How, so, My Lord?"

"I once spoke, in front of her, that my officers holds greater importance to me than my very own children. I am ashamed to say that I also tossed the infant Liu Shan to the ground as well, traumatizing Xiao Qin. It was when Shan and Xiao Qin arrived safely and you had not yet returned."

"So she grew jealous and bitter towards me and all your other officers?"

"I'm afraid so. And besides that, she fears that I may try to kill Shan. For a very long time, because she feared I'd poison him, Xiao Shan ate nothing but peaches until she began to learn how to cook. Even when he had diarrhea and got so sick of eating peaches that he truly became sick, Xiao Qin even protested against the doctor and accused him of siding with me."

I laughed aloud with My Lord, though his was much quieter, "Poor Xiao Shan. My Lord, it seems that you've truly scared her to her heart."

"I know…" Lord Liu Bei sighed sadly, thinking about the past ten years. "I had not meant to do what I have done, but it all has past already, there is nothing I can do to change it now. Whenever I hold calligraphy lessons with Shan or even battle training, Qin was always there to make sure I didn't kill him. And when he got hurt, she even reprimanded me."

"So I see, Xiao Qin cares much for Xiao Shan." I nodded and sighed.

"Much like her mother."

"Yes, much like her mother." I agreed, but began to question again, "So why is it that you want me to marry Xiao Qin?"

"Are you considering my proposal?"

"N-not at all, My Lord, I couldn't marry her without her will."

"If you wish it, she will." It seemed as though Lord Liu Bei was serious about forcing Xiao Qin to marry me. But when I think about it, it seems that it would be a very difficult marriage. What am I thinking about, marriage?! Why, it all seems so sudden even though I am well over my thirties right now. "I am in need of your help, Zilong, I believe that in order for my Xiao Qin to forgive me, she must first learn to forgive you."

"Forgive me? But what have I done that could have possibly upset her?"

"As a child, she talked in her sleep, and in her sleep, she'd mention your name, asking you why you did not save her mother. I know it is my fault, but I also know that there was nothing more that you could have done. It is my fault, but I think she blames you for my past behavior as well."

"So she's been scarred."

"Very deeply."

I sighed, thinking about it for a moment. "Then, My Lord…" Xiao Qin was still only a child…she's held a grudge against me for a very long time, to be haunted by such memories, who could blame her. "…allow me to assist in healing her heart and mind." Long ago, perhaps during my teenaged days, I've seen Liu Qin when she was born, heard her first word, saw her first steps, know of her many accomplishments. A gifted child, she was, in the arts. The thought of marrying a young girl whom I've known since her birth, it all seemed too outrageous. But I have seen Liu Qin for the woman she is growing up to be, and her talents are unbelievable, but I also do know that she has been hurt and haunted. And though I couldn't do anything about it at the time, I am the cause of her scars. It is only fair that I assist in healing them, to show her my better nature and appeal to hers.

Lord Liu Bei smiled and stood up, "I knew you'd agree! I cannot thank you more enough!"

"Please, My Lord, it is an honor to have Lady Liu Qin as my bride to be."

"Then it is settled, I shall hold the wedding next week!"

I immediately stood up, gaping, not thinking holding an wedding within a week would be a wise decision… "Next week?"

"Time is of the essence, Zilong, you must take the opportunity when it is handed to you."

"You're not asking me to bare children with her, are you?"

Lord Liu Bei paused to that. "Please, Zilong, I do not wish to know what intimacy you and my daughter might have in the future. If anything, knowing Qin, you will not have much luck there, I can sleep with ease."

I laughed hesitantly, bowing to Lord Liu Bei, "Of course, my Lord. Is there anything else?"

"Not at all, Zilong, you've done more than I could ever ask for."

I smiled and bowed to my Lord, "Then I shall be taking my leave." I looked up to him as he nodded before I turned to leave.

"Zilong, I trust that Xiao Qin will be in good hands."

I looked back at him, "Of course, My Lord." I nodded, watching him smile in relief before leaving him alone in the room. I stared down at the eunuch who only gaped in shock at me before I moved pass him, wanting to frown. Word will go out soon, too soon…

Perhaps I've made a mistake…agreeing to marry Lady Liu…

"By a window is a lady fair…" I trailed off, reciting poetry, thinking to myself as I walked around the pond of koi. "…blinds rolled up with care. Eye brows knitted she sat…" I tried to think of what I really knew of Liu Qin, but as much as I've seen her grow up, I don't really know her much at all at the same time… I held my chin with my fingers, wincing… "Sinking in her seat, upset…" I thought of earlier in the room with Lord Liu Bei, Liu Qin's emotions waving and whip lashing… "Traces of tears on her cheeks can be seen…" One could tell that she had been trying not to cry, but she did anyways when she had left. Perhaps…perhaps she does not like to be seen crying… "There is no idea whom she had grudge in…" I winced again, "that's not good for Xiao Qin…" Those words were absolutely not the best words to recite to Liu Qin.

(Credit to Li Bai for the poem, this poem is not used for my own personal gain.)

What do women like anyways?

A laugh came from behind me. "Zilong, what poetry are you reciting?"

Immediately, I pushed myself off from the stone I sat on and stood straight in alert. "What poetry, Mengqi?" I took up an innocent smile as the Lord Ma Chao quirked a brow at me.

He crossed his arm and shifted his weight to his left. "You were reciting poetry, just now, alone, by the pond of koi, beneath the peach blossoms." I laughed hesitantly, waving my hands and shaking my head, denying it. "Are you hiding something from me, Zilong?" He quirked his brow again, shifting his weight to his right. "A woman, perhaps?" A smirk began to spread on his face. "I know that you are getting married next week, Zilong, to Lady Liu Qin."

"WHAT?!" I sighed and face palmed, "That damn eunuch couldn't mind his own business…"

Ma Chao only laughed at me. "What's wrong, you should be happy to settle down."

I laughed with him just a little. "Not when it's an arranged marriage to Xiao Qin."

"Ah, but she grew up to become a beautiful woman, wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes, Seventeen years, I've watched her to become the talented young woman she is today."

"Ah, yes. I've forgotten your 'close' connections with her." Ma Chao seemed amused as he patted my shoulder. "I suppose I can't imagine being wedded to one whom I've watched grow up from a child either. But I should tell you, marriage is a wondrous thing."

"So you've moved on…" I sighed, looking up to the bright sky, peaceful and quiet.

"I would not say moved on, but rather, content." I could feel his firm grip on my shoulder. "I think often of my Lady and my son, but I have Cheng and Feng. Not that I do not love my late wife, but when you have children, life becomes a little more worthwhile. Children will become the glue that holds a man and his woman closer together."

"So you speak of love?"

"Perhaps that is what I speak of."

I laughed, "But Lady Liu does not love me, in fact, perhaps she even detests me. And as for me, I cannot say that I love her when I barely know of her."

"Ah, but you do know of her. After all, she grew up beneath your eyes. You cannot say you don't love her either." I looked to Ma Chao as he sat beside me as he only smiled smugly. "I know you see her as a woman."

"I don't see her as a woman! She's completely different!" I laughed with Ma Chao. "I mean, her demeanor is quite unladylike and unwomanly, yet…feminine at the same time. She has talent in calligraphy and poetry and music and art and I hear that her cooking is to die for from the children of Lord Guan Yu and Lord Zhang Fei and from Lord Liu Shan. When I see her from afar, dancing in the wind, the way that her lips curve into that smile of hers could put every flower around her to shame, her eyes twinkle like the night stars and the way her robes move around her form waves gracefully like the waves of the sea. She fears singing because she is afraid that her voice is unsuitable, and though it terribly is, I know that she enjoys it. When she is calm and alone, she hums softly and harmonize beautifully in her solitude, but when she must perform in front of others, her voice cracks and she becomes sick to the point of vomiting. When I see her by herself or with others, she shines like no other with that aura of hers. She looks happy in the presence of others, but when I am in her presence, I receive her sour and bitter face. She is tough, yet soft, like a hard boiled egg, seemingly hard on the outside but inside soft…and…uhh…" Immediately, I clenched my teeth and made a face, almost accidentally saying a word that would be most inappropriate.

Ma Chao laughed, "Were you about to say 'delicious'?" I shot my face towards his direction and immediately flushed, making him laugh even louder. "Why, Zilong, how innocently crude you are!" He patted my back as I rubbed the red off my cheeks. "Talking about a young woman who is less than half your age in such a way."

"You don't have to make me feel awkward about marrying Lady Liu!"

"Alright, alright, forgive me, Zilong, forgive me, but it was too easy to joke with you." Ma Chao sighed in thought before deciding to share his thoughts aloud. "Speaking of jokes, considering how innocent you are, I assume you've never been with a woman." Frowning, I pushed at him as he laughed at me. "It was a joke, it was a joke. But, anyways, I hear that you do see her as a woman."

"And just who told you that?" I quirked a brow at him.

"You did." He looked at me with a serious smile.

"I did?" My brows furrowed.

"Just earlier when you described her to me." He looked up to the peach blossoms. "You speak of her as though you are actually in love with her."

"Ah, but I'm not." I smiled and looked up as well.

"Then why did you agree to marry her in the first place?"

"Well…" I wasn't actually sure of why. "Because I owe her happiness and a mind of ease."

"What? That doesn't make sense."

"You know the Battle of Changban? Xiao Qin is my Lord's daughter and because of my incapabilities, she grew up without a mother and cut herself away from our Lord emotionally."

"And it is your fault that you couldn't save Lady Gan?"

"I couldn't save the three of them."

"Why, I'd never blame you, after all, two crying children tied to you, I don't mean to be insensitive but an injured woman slowing you down would have put all of you in danger. Why, I'd say Lady Liu's grudge is unreasonable."

I chuckled a little, reaching up to pick a blossom. "Still, it is not just having to leave behind Lady Gan, it is other things as well, which is why I would like to appeal to Xiao Qin's better nature."

"Because you see her as a woman?" Ma Chao nudged at me and quirked his brow suggestively. "What inner objectives are you trying to accomplish? Or is it in her that you're trying to penetrate?"

"SHH!" I pushed my dear, laughing, friend, looking around, "Do you not fear that others would overhear you speaking of Xiao Qin in such a way?!"

"Lord Zhao Yun." Startled, I turned around to the same eunuch earlier and watched him bow, presenting a bundle for me. "Lord Liu Bei has prepared a set of robes for you and requested for you to join him at dinner."

Ma Chao laughed as I began to fume while hiding my expression. I only smiled and accepted the bundle, "Thank you, it would be an honor to dine with my Lord."

We watched as the eunuch bowed and turned away to go on with his business before I turned to glare at Ma Chao. He only laughed and quirked a brow, "I wonder how long Lord Liu Bei has been planning this arrangement."

"Surely not since the Battle of Changban."

"Father…" It was a quiet meal with only Lord Liu Bei, his wife, and his children. Lady Wu sat to Lord Liu Bei's left, nursing their two year old son beneath a blanket, as Lord Liu Shan sat at his right, quietly eating a meal that completely different to the rest of the tables setting. Xiao Qin sat beside him, quietly eating the same thing he ate, these two siblings' meal was entirely separate, perhaps prepared by Qin for Shan and herself. "…did you purposely place your oh so honored and privileged guest next to me to provoke me?" With her chopsticks, she lashed Liu Shan's hand as he reached for something that was Qin believed was not meant for him to eat, making him drop his chopsticks on the table… Was it as Lord Liu Bei said, that she feared he'd poison Liu Shan?

"Qin, I placed Lord Zhao Yun beside you because he is your husband to be."

If it was possible, the dining hall only became more quiet as Xiao Qin stared down at the table before dropping her porcelain bowl of rice on the table, letting it clatter with noise, disturbing the infant Liu Yong. Lady Wu sighed, knowing not to argue with her step daughter, as she hushed her son to calm and comfort him.

"Lien Hua, if you are finished, please take Yong and leave." Lady Wu stood up and bowed to her husband before leaving quietly. Tension rose in the air and Qin only sat there and stared at the table stoically. Liu Shan only averted his eyes, not being dismissed, and continued eating quietly. "Qin, why do you disrespect me?"

"Must I answer that question?" She didn't even look at him or moved, her eyes only blinked and she stared straight ahead of her at the wall.

I fear that Lord Liu Bei would lose his patience this time. "Who is your father? Answer that question for me at least, or are you my mother?"

She only scoffed in amusement, not daring to look at her father. "Why, I don't wonder who my father is…" She finally turned her head to look at Lord Liu Bei as I only sat here quietly. "…because instead, I wonder where he is." She turned her head again to look back at the wall quietly. "I will not marry this general. I will find a husband on my own, even if I have to elope. Why would the husband of my choosing need your approval? You are not even my father, my kind father who loved me and cherished me would have never left behind my mother, my brother, and myself. Nor would he give me away to and OLD man and seal my fate with him."

"If it was not for Lord Zhao Yun, you and Shan would even be alive right now!"

"And that is what you hope for, is it not!?" She shot her father a glare and it became a stare down as Shan continued to eat, minding his own business. For someone like me, I couldn't remain uninvolved, yet I tried, so I only sat quietly and listened. "So even he ruined your life, bringing back a daughter like me to argue and fight with you every time we meet."

"Why do you put words in my mouth. I am giving you away to one of my greatest generals because you owe your life to him!"

"I OWE HIM NOTHING!" Qin stood up and sweeped her arm across the table, pushing most of the plates and food onto the ground, the porcelain glass breaking on impact with the wooden floor boards. I watched as Lord Liu Bei stood up and reached over to slap Qin as she only slowly turned her head to stare back at him, glaring. Shan only looked up at his sister before staring down and quietly, but noisily finished the rice in his bowl. I looked up at Qin, hesitating to speak or even reach up to her, but I didn't. Her eyes twitched and like earlier this day, though it was only slightly noticeable, her eyes began to gloss before she turned and pushed her way through to run away.

Only then did I actually stood up, pushing away my chair to follow after her. "Zilong! You need not follow after that troublesome child. Had I not pushed her onto you would this happen."

"I only smiled to Lord Liu Bei and bowed to him. "Forgive me, my Lord, but as her husband to be, it is in my duty to look after Lady Liu, is it not?"

He only smiled to me, perhaps assured by my words. "I trust that she is in good hands." And with that, I bowed to dismiss myself, before chasing after Qin. Perhaps, as the man, I should put a bit of effort to appeal to Qin, after all, I should take blame to all her hurts and haunts.

I ran throughout the palace and found her standing in the water garden, beneath the pagodas on the boarded bridges. She stared down and squatted before standing up and kicking the fencing out of anger only to bite her bottom lip in pain. One could tell she was frustrated, after all, she was a highly expressive woman. As she reached to her hair atop of her head, I called out to her.

"Xiao Qin." Startled, she stood up and looked back at me before attempting to run off, only, I had already come close to her, close enough to grab her hand, accidentally making her yank back into my chest.

She pushed herself off, but kept her face down. "Let go of me! Let go!" I only leaned in, startling her a bit as she stared at me with furrowed eyes. Her eyes were red and her skin became a bit swollen from her salty tears.

"You were crying." I frowned a little as she turned away.

She huffed as she jerked her arm out of my grasp and crossed her arms. "No I wasn't! What do you want?!"

She was a loud young lady, straight forward to the point. "To calm and comfort you?" Did that come out wrong?

She scoffed in amusement. "Ridiculous."

"What is ridiculous?" I looked at the water garden and watched the koi swim around. "That I am attempting to keep you company?"

"Precisely, that like a dog, you are following the orders of a so called benevolent and emotional man."

"Isn't that what your father is?"

"NO!" She turned and glared at me. "That man in the dining room, he isn't. But of course from your point of view, he must be so generous to give away his now only daughter to someone like you. A man of emotion, not once has he ever considered me since they day he decided to abandon my family."

"That is not true." As I reached me hand out to her, she immediately slapped it away as if she knew I was going to do that. "Your father thinks much of you and he knows you are troubled."

"Yes, I am a troubled child."

"And he wishes to ease your trouble, Xiao Qin." I squatted down and splashed a bit at the water, letting her watch me as I bent down to her knees. "And I would like to as well."

"By marrying me? Following his selfish orders, he has not even considered you thoughtfully either."

"That is not true, he thought a great deal of me, how I am this old yet unmarried."

"But you do not want to marry me."

"What makes you so sure of that?" I sighed and smiled, this is actually my first real conversation with Qin.

"Because I do not want to marry you."

"Well, maybe after we wed, things might change."

She laughed at my words, "I may be just a woman but, rather than seeing me as a girl, please see me as another human being. I do not even love you. In fact, I hate you. I hate you to the point that I will do anything to get rid of you, only that I know I can't because of my physical disadvantages. I hate you so much, I wished you had never come back from Changban." To be hated that much by Liu Qin…it was something only she can let me experience. I only stared at her before standing up and stared down at the young girl. "So, what are you going to say, do you still want to marry me when I hate you so much? Because, believe me, I will do anything in my power to make your life miserable." I reached my hand at her as she only furrowed her brows at it in question. Softly, I moved away some of her long and smooth hair off of her shoulder and laid my hand there before gently grasping her neck. "What are you doing?" Perhaps she was just acting tough, while like a hard boiled egg, she was really just soft on the inside… I leaned in towards her as she tried to keep a distance between us with her arms, questioning me. "What are you doing!?" Softly, I place my lips on hers and held her cheeks to keep her from escaping my kiss. And like the soft inside of a hard boiled egg, I must say her lips were delicious…

Is this what it feels like to be with a woman? A sharp stinging pain slapped onto my face as I pulled away from Lady Liu Qin as I held my face, staring down at her red face, her glossing eyes that began to well up and leak with tears. Her trembling fingers slowly reached to her swollen lip that I accidentally bit. Her eyes looked behind me and I turned to see Guan Ping, only staring with wide eyes before looking back to Liu Qin who choked on her sob and began to jerk her head before hurling at me and the ground.