II. Healing

The end of a relationship is the evil twin of Cupid's sweet promise of hope and possibilities that marks its beginning. Some weak people might seek refuge in sarcasm and bitterness; others, the stronger or crazier ones, keep on searching for the only soul that could fill all the former struggles with sense.

Seeley Booth didn't belong to either of them.

In the weeks after his break-up with Hannah he did not need the shelter of denial, nor could the glorified concept of love in general soothe his pain.

However, he had always believed in fate, and this belief was what helped him through.

Hannah's reaction didn't surprise him too much. Sure, she had been hurt and angry, but she had packed her bags and left him with strength and grace. She would stay in D.C. for as long as her current assignment required it, and then she would move on. Booth really hoped that he could talk to her a last time beforehand, but for now he had to be alone.

It astonished him how much he could avoid Brennan – given the circumstance that they were partners. For the first time he realized how much effort he had really made to see her on a daily basis in the past, how used he had been to her proximity.

Moth.

Flame.

From the very first time when he had spotted her in a crowded lecture hall, her presence filling the big space so easily, he had felt himself attracted to her. Had he known the truth about Temperance Brennan back then, he might have turned around on his heels without a glance back.

But he hadn't. So he had stayed. Had gotten addicted to her. Like a treasure hunter he had collected pieces of knowledge about her over the years, those little fragments that made her so special. How she used to hide behind science and facts when she got scared. How her neck started to hurt in always the same spot after a day spent bending over an autopsy table. How her cool exterior mislead people.

Protecting her had become his second nature, but he hadn't taken into consideration that there was one thing he couldn't shield her from. Herself.

When he had bared his heart to her, in a night where even the wind seemed to hold its breath, he had forced her to face her biggest fear.

Losing him.

Had he listened past her negative reply, he might have gotten that she had never said, "I don't want to." Just, "I can't." But he hadn't listened, his own misery too strong, and so he had missed to tell her that he never ever wanted her to change.

His ridiculous attempt to move on had forced her to build even more walls around herself, and part of him had been thankful. With every brick that separated them, the distance between them had gotten stronger, and with the light of her gone, he could almost forget how bright it used to shine.

Almost.

Hannah had been his safety net, and even though he had never meant to use her, she had rescued him. He hadn't needed to be strong for her or better or more intelligent. Just being Seeley had been enough.

There had been nothing life-shattering about their relationship, no moment where he had looked at her to find himself mesmerized by freckles he hadn't known before. And even though compassion and tenderness are only the shadows of a man's big feelings, he had loved her. In another way.

Until he had found Temperance Brennan in a dark and rainy street, her world upside down, the light almost gone and stronger than ever at the same time.

There was no excuse for taking her to bed, and he was man enough not to try to find one. He had let her down just as much as Hannah, but buried in the perfection of his partner's body, he had realized that he couldn't live in denial anymore.

He had regrets, and not only a few, but he couldn't rue the one thing he should above everything else. Booth knew that he had chosen the worst moment ever to cross that line with Brennan, and he felt guilty for that. But he couldn't muster any regret about the fact that he had kissed her. Touched her. Loved her.

-BONES-

Six weeks after the night in the rain that changed everything, Booth saw the number that used to be so familiar on his cell.

"Leaving D.C. tomorrow morning. Meet me for lunch?"

Hannah.

Taking a deep breath, Booth sent a text back, finally ready to make his peace.

She was already waiting for him when he entered the Diner, her blonde curls vibrating with energy.

He gave her a weak smile full of apologies.

"Hi, Hannah."

"Seeley..."

They ordered coffee and pie, silence settling over them until he finally cleared his throat.

"For what it's worth, I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am."

She regarded him wordlessly for a moment, stirring her coffee with a spoon.

"Seeley, the first thing I noticed about you was your pain. Believe me, there's is something true about the breathtaking beauty of pain. But the moment you've mentioned Temperance, your eyes started to glow. It was that sparkle which made me want to have you."

Taking a sip of her coffee, she tilted her head.

"But there is only one thought that can make a man glow like that. And for you, Seeley, this thought has never been me."

"Hannah, I-"

She stopped him with a gesture of her hand.

"You never meant to hurt me? I know. I'm not stupid, I'm fully aware that you've tried, and I knew that I was gambling when I came here."

She shrugged her shoulders, but there was no defeat in her posture.

"Now I've lost. I have to admit, it hurts. But I've always felt that when it would come to the bottom of things, when it had to be me or her..."

She stopped, swallowing hard.

"It's her Seeley. She's the only one that can make your eyes light up. Just like you are the only man who can do it for her."

Booth couldn't help but grab her hands.

"She never meant to betray you, and neither did I."

"You don't have to tell me that. I've seen how much she cares about you – enough to let you be with me in the first place. And I know you. You're one of the good men, Seeley Booth."

"Hannah, I wish things were different..."

"I wish the same, and maybe, in a world without her, we could have been amazing. But you cannot live in a world without her. Or should, for that matter. I'm being very selfless right now, but I tell you, go to her. Grab her. Don't let her go again."

Squeezing her hands a final time, Booth pulled some notes out of his wallet, throwing them onto the table. He had her forgiveness, and those two people exchanged a last gaze, saying goodbye to everything they had shared.

-BONES-

One year ago Booth had worn his fatigues, and Brennan had told him not to be a hero. One year ago he had given her a promise.

The meeting with Hannah had lifted a part of the burden from his heart. He knew that it would take a while before he could really forgive himself, but it was time to fulfill his promises again.

He had barely spoken to his partner in the last weeks, and the few times he hadn't been able to avoid her, had been awkward. So he had no idea if she would show up as well, but today was the day where he would get his life back.

When the reflecting pool came into his field of view, he saw the mahogany-haired woman sitting on the bench, a cup of coffee in her hands. It was time to face his demons...

Ever since Temperance Brennan had cried herself to sleep, the scent of her partner on an empty pillow, she had been on edge.

Her first impulse had been to flee, but then she remembered that fleeing was what had gotten her into this mess in the first place. So she had tried the insane thing: hoping for a different outcome.

She had rebuilt her strength and composure, but not her walls. Even with her world right side up again, she saw everything in a different way. Maybe for the first time in her life she truly saw at all.

Brennan didn't know if Booth had been able to notice it – given the fact that he barely looked at her these days – but she had made an effort not to hide. She was bare to him, and whenever he would be ready to talk to her, she would be there.

When Angela had told her about his break-up with Hannah, guilt and hope had tugged at her heart equally strong. Brennan felt bad for her own weakness in that night when he had brought her home, but relief overshadowed her grief.

Saying that sleeping with Booth had been an epiphany would be a cliché, but Brennan carried the memory of their night light like a precious treasure in her heart – the same heart she had ignored for so long.

One year ago they had given each other the promise to meet at a special place at a certain time.

Today she was here, with no hope that he would show up as well, but she simply had to come.

Another full circle.

Suddenly a shadow fell over her, shielding her from the mild sun light and interrupting her musings. Brennan lifted her head to find brown eyes looking at her, and her heart stopped.

"Hi, Booth."

She registered lines in his face that hadn't been there a few weeks ago. His brown orbs were deep and unable to read.

He took a breath and a seat, and she waited for him to speak. When he finally did so, his voice was almost too low to understand.

"I've made a stupid mistake, Bones. I cheated on the woman I loved."

Her insides cringed, taken aback by his brutally honest words.

"And then I cheated again. This time on a woman that loved me."

His sentence sunk in, and she gasped, tentatively reaching for his hand.

"What are you saying?"

"That I loved you."

His shoulders were slumped in defeat.

"That I have always loved you. You're the only one for me, Bones, and I broke some hearts trying to forget this."

"Booth, I'm so sorry. Turning you down is the biggest regret of my life. I," her voice faltered, her body shaken with silent sobs.

"I didn't know how to change for you, Booth, but I knew that you deserved a woman that isn't as scarred as I am."

"But don't you see that I never asked you to change? To me, you are perfect, Temperance. Just perfect."

His confession came on a whisper, almost overheard.

"Booth... I know. I know it now; I knew it the minute I told Hannah about the phone. I really tried to be happy for you, but I saw you kissing her, and all I could think was, 'That should be me.᾽ I witnessed the two of you and saw the chances I had missed. What I had given up. Then this case came along, throwing everything into my face with brutal clarity. Booth, I can name my mistake..."

He looked at their twined fingers, bringing them to his mouth, gently brushing his lips over her knuckles.

"Temperance, I need time."

She nodded, a tear falling onto her trousers, leaving behind a damp spot on the rough fabric.

"I understand. But be sure, Booth, whenever you're ready, I'll be there. If there is any possibility that you... you... might love me again, I'll hope for it."

He had no strength to lie to her.

"I've never stopped loving you. I never could. But I need time to heal. The next time I take you in my arms, I want to be sure that I can stay. That I will awake with you next to me. That there is nothing able to separate us again."

"I get it. I will be there. For as long as you want to."

He turned his head to look at her fully, and the rawness in his hazelnut depths cut her deeply.

"I want nothing less than forever, Bones. I won't settle for the second best ever again."

She swallowed against the tightness in her throat.

"Then forever it is, Booth. You know, you're the only one for me as well. I.. I-"

He interrupted her with a curt shake of his head.

"Don't say it. Too much has already been said in despair. When I hear these words from you for the first time, it should be because of joy and hope, not because you're afraid you might lose me."

Taking a deep breath, she nodded one more time.

"I won't change my mind, Booth. Everything you feel, I feel it as well. And I'm not afraid of it anymore because nothing can be scarier than the fear that I have missed my chance. I fell so deep in the last months. I need you to catch me. No regrets anymore."

Letting go of her hand, he cupped her cheek with his palm, and she surrendered herself to his caress. Leaning closer until their foreheads touched, he grazed her soft skin with his thumbs, their breaths mingling.

"You're the only one who can catch me as well."

Then his lips whispered over her own, barely a touch, more a promise. And not for a second did she flinch or hesitate.

"I love you, Temperance."

He let go of her hand and lifted himself to his feet. Caressing her cheek once more, he set himself in motion, walking away from her for the last time.

-BONES-

This time it was Cam who told Brennan the news that Booth had taken two weeks off to spend some time with his Pops in a cabin in the mountains.

Brennan accepted it with resignation – what else could she do?

She wasn't as calm as she appeared to be, but inside of her the flame of hope was flickering, and she nurtured it with care. He hadn't left her for good. He just needed time.

More than a year ago, when he had asked her to give this a shot, she had lied to him. She had told him that he was the one who needed to be protected. Truth be told, she had been a coward. She couldn't allow herself to believe that she was able to make him happy. The desire to wrap her arms around him had been strong, but she simply couldn't give in.

For a very important moment she had forgotten that he had faith in her, and that his belief might be enough. Brennan valued her partner's opinion above everyone else's, and she had made the mistake not to trust him.

While she had been away in Maluku, she had dreamed about Booth – and not only literally. She had granted herself the luxury to imagine a life with him, and when they had returned, something had changed for her.

But apparently for him as well.

The first time Brennan had heard the name "Hannah" was probably one of the first times in her life she understood a metaphor. Serious as a heart attack. Before Brennan's brain had had a chance to process the new information fully, her guts had already clenched. That had been new as well. She wasn't the one to go with her gut – never had been. But something inside of her had sharply protested at the thought of Booth together with the smiling, blonde woman; something had felt wrong, and maybe for a second a flicker of this wrongness had shown on her face. Then the moment had been gone, and her brain had taken control again, accepting the new fact. Booth had fallen in love in Afghanistan.

She had been happy for Booth. His sad face had been haunting her during her time in Maluku, and seeing him smile again had been such a relief. But... somehow it hadn't felt that way. It had felt as if she had missed a sailing time she hadn't even been aware of. As if everybody else was running towards an aim, and she was still standing at the beginning of the line – with no idea as to what the aim was, just the overwhelming certainty that she herself should be running as well. But running in which direction?

Her brilliant mind had not failed to remind her that it was the way she had wanted it. It was, like she had told Angela, a life as expected – but she hadn't expected the shallowness that was filling her so deeply, pulsating inside of her, pleading her to be replaced with warmth and purpose.

Seven months away from the brown in his eyes and the smile on his face had changed her perspective. But it seemed as if it was too little and too late. So she had stepped away one more time – to make room for Hannah.

Then Booth had asked Hannah to move in with him. Brennan had processed the new information with a bright smile plastered on her face, although the idea of his partner sharing a home with another woman had disturbed her deeply. Said feeling was only heightened when Hannah herself had sought her advice about a housewarming present.

The phone had come to her mind immediately. After the Amish case they had talked about the advantages of civilization, and Booth had admitted his love for this antique piece of technology. Brennan had always wanted to buy one for him, but somehow there had never been the right occasion for such a personal present. It seemed perfect to mark the beginning of a shared life, though, and so Brennan had stepped away one more time. Booth would get his perfect phone... but not from her.

It had been an act of selflessness, and Brennan had felt truly happy to help Hannah finding a gift for Booth. No, she had to admit, that wasn't completely true. She was happy for Booth getting what he desired, not for Hannah to have given it to him. Having failed as a player in the game called love, Brennan had been in sweet agony watching it as a spectator – but she had tried her best to cheer for her team. For Booth.

The pleasure on his face when he had seen the phone had been her own. His delighted smile when he had picked up the receiver, hearing the sonorous tone had caused her own face to beam. 'I should have given him this phone a long time ago,' she had thought, but again, it had been too late for that. And for the first time she had to look away when Booth had given Hannah a happy kiss. It was one of those pictures where you have to find a mistake, and suddenly Brennan had known the mistake. Like she had told Booth, she should have been the woman in his arms.

And now Hannah was gone, and everything that had been lost could be real again.

Over the months the blonde journalist had been with Booth, Brennan had gotten to like her. Hannah was smart, strong, able to stand her ground, and under different circumstances they might have become true friends.

But not even Temperance Brennan was selfless enough to befriend a woman who was sharing a bed with the man she, Brennan, loved.

While Booth was out of town, she made an effort not to bury herself in work but to reach out to her friends. She was hoping for a life with Booth, but the case with Lauren had hit too close to home, and Brennan didn't want to be alone anymore. She did not want to have any regrets, and no matter what the outcome would be, she needed to feel.

She enjoyed some quality time with Angela and her unborn godchild, she allowed herself a Saturday morning stroll over the market, and she had fun in practicing new yoga moves.

Even her writing was fruitful – it seemed as if the painful lesson she had learned could enrich her fictional world as well.

So Saturday night found her clad in comfortable pants and an old sweater, a glass of expensive red wine next to her laptop on the table. And for the first time in a while, Temperance Brennan was truly content.

The knock on her door surprised her, but when she opened it and saw Booth standing there, a candid smile playing around his lips, she felt her wings again – and this time, they spread widely, lifting her to a sphere of perfect rightness.

"I saw your lights from the road."

"I left them on for you."