Ash and Evie in Fifteen Minutes
For those who don't feel like surfing through the entire series
(with love to the incomparably funny Cliolinda Jones, who came up with the "Movies in 15 Mintues" concept)
Ashes to Ashes
EVIE: Fucking kid. Go away.
DEREK: *is persistent*
EVIE: *is alcoholic*
DEREK: *is persistent*
EVIE: *unleashes grumpy hyena temper*
DEREK: *is unfazed*
EVIE: Fine! Enough already! I am so telling your parents what you're up to.
DEREK'S FAMILY: *is furious but surprisingly insistent about the summoning happening in Colorado*
EVIE: Ugh. First, I need a summoning name. Time for a cameo!
RACHEL MORGAN: And who the hell are you?
EVIE: Dr. Evie, OC extraordinaire. Want to be in my fanfic?
RACHEL: No.
EVIE: Please?
RACHEL: No.
EVIE: Will you ask Al if he wants to?
RACHEL: Hell, no!
TWITCHY : *whispers to Rachel* Do it or you'll star in my next fanfic, "Rachel tames Algaliarept, turns everyone in the Ever After good with the power of her Twu Luv, and has dozens of adorable demon babies."
RACHEL: AUUUUUGH! Fine, I'll do it.
EVIE: Thanks.
RACHEL: Al, you want to be in a fanfic?
ALGALIAREPT: Will there be sexing?
TWITCHY: ...maybe?
ALGALIAREPT: With an OC? Ew. Forget it.
TWITCHY: *whispers* You might get a shot with Rachel somewhere down the line...
ALGALIAREPT: Sign me up! What can I do for ya?
EVIE: Can I summon you?
AL: Will it piss off Ash?
EVIE: Probably.
AL: Sure.
Colorado:
BLAISE: Even though you killed my childhood sweetheart and left me to be a single mom, I hold no grudge.
KEVIN: Even though our football team lost the playoffs because you killed our star quarterback, I hold no grudge.
MARY and DEREK: Even though we never knew our beloved father and grandfather because of you, we hold no grudge.
EVIE: I'm sure that coming back to the place where their relative was kidnapped and summoning a demon again is therapeutic. Somehow. To someone?
DEREK'S FAMILY: Yeah, we're all totally cool with it, no ulterior motives here.
EVIE: OK, then. Al, I summon you.
AL: This had better be worth it.
DEREK'S FAMILY: We'll swap Evie for information about Red. Can you get him back?
EVIE: Curses. This was not foreseeable at all.
AL: Sounds good to me. C'mere, sweetheart.
BLAISE and KEVIN: *break Evie's circle and shove her at Al*
EVIE: Did I mention that I have PTSD from my experience with Ash, as well as a psychotic bent for vengeance?
AL: Not worried.
EVIE: ...and that I have a suicide charm in my watch...?
AL: …a little worried?
EVIE ...and that you look just like my nemesis right now, and I'm having a flashback like woah, and I nearly roasted Ash alive when I was sixteen, and all I've done in the intervening thirty plus years was teach myself to be a ley line badass? Does the name Inigo Montoya mean anything to you?
AL: OK, that's worrisome. *lets her go*
EVIE: Damn. I didn't think that would work.
AL: This is embarrassing. I am irked. Who wants to come with me now?
EVIE: *circles Derek and his mom with herself*
CRAZY BLAISE: I keel you! *shoots at Evie, misses, hits Al instead*
AL: Oh, now it's ON. *rip snarl tear*
The next day
EVIE: I am so fired.
DEREK'S SURVIVING FAMILY: You think?
EVIE: So, um...I'll just be going then?
Return to the Summoning Site to Say Goodbye
EVIE: Sorry, guys. I tried. Well, I didn't, actually. But if I thought I had a chance in hell, I would have tried, honest.
ASH: Yo, whassup?
EVIE: Hey, Ash. Lookin' good.
ASH: You're looking...old and scarred. And a little stoned from those emotion-dampening amulets, I must say.
EVIE: Gee, thanks a lot.
ASH: No, really, why don't you fix your face?
EVIE: Because it makes me look badass?
ASH: Except it totally doesn't.
EVIE: It spooks the hell out of my students. And it reminds me that you're the asshole that my life revolves around, even when you're not there.
ASH: I think I'm actually flattered by that. *preens*
EVIE: You would be. So long.
ASH: What? No melodramatic speeches? No throwing yourself at my feet and begging to trade yourself for your friends?
EVIE: Would that work?
ASH: No, but I'd enjoy it a lot.
EVIE: C'mere so I can blow you up.
ASH: LOL. See you around, Yvette.
EVIE: OMG how did you learn my name?
ASH: Lucky guess.*
EVIE: Damn.
Evie Moves On
UNIVERSITY: You are so fired.
DEREK AND MARY'S LAWYERS: You are so sued.
COVEN OF MORAL AND ETHICAL STANDARDS: You are so sanctioned.
EVIE: Since that last summoning went so very well, maybe I should do it again? For a living? But to do that, I'd need more than one summoning name- I'm sure not summoning Al again any time soon!
MYSTERIOUS FLOWERS: Why hello there.
EVIE: This is not the least bit suspicious.
MYSTERIOUS NOTE: *contains Ash's summoning name*
EVIE: How convenient.
*really, it was just a lucky guess...how many names can "Evie" be short for?
Next Episode: The Mark!