ULTIMATUM

We, the Author of The Lord of The Rings (et al) and the Peoples of Middle Earth, to the Fanfic Writers of Fanfiction.net, hail.

Article one.

The Author and the appointed Representatives of the Peoples of Middle Earth do hereby accuse the Fanfic Writers of Fanfiction.net of crimes against the said Author, Elvendom, Mankind, Dwarvendom, Hobbitkind, Entdom and Wizardkind.

Article two.

All experience has shown that the said Author and Elvendom, Mankind, Dwarvendom, Hobbitkind, Entdom and Wizardkind are more disposed to suffer while evils are sufferable; but when a long train of abuses and usurpations, persueing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such a yoke, and to provide Guards for their future security.

Such has been the patient sufferance of these Peoples; and such is now the nescessity which constrains them to take action. The history of the said Fanfic Writers is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these Peoples. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world (see Subsection A).

Article three.

The said Fanfic Writers have been found guilty of the crimes as stated in Articles one and two (see also Subsection A) by the Author and the appointed Representatives.

Article four.

The Author and the appointed Representatives allow the said Fanfic Writers exactly one month (30 days, from date of posting) to cease these activities as stated in Articles one and two (see also Subsection A).

Article five.

The Author and the appointed Representatives demand that within the timelimit set in Article four, the said Fanfic Writers will make a full apology to the Author and the Peoples of Middle Earth.

Article six.

The Author and the appointed Representatives demand that within the timelimit set in Article four, the said Fanfic Writers will fully withdraw all their offensive Fanfics from Fanfiction.net (see also Subsection B).

Article seven

Should the said Fanfic writers fail do do as stated in Articles four to six, the Author and the appointed Representatives will consider their actions and all further actions as hostile.

Article eight.

In the case of continued and prolonged hostile actions (see Article seven) the Author and appointed Representatives will have no other option but to take appropriate counter-actions.

Article nine.

The Author and the appointed Representatives do unanimously agree that in the cases as stated in Articles seven to eight (see also Subsection A) they shall be compelled to declare Total War upon the said Fanfic Writers.

Subsection A.

 The said Fanfic Writers have called hither strange peoples at places unusual and uncomfortable for the sole purpose of fatiguing us into compliance with their desires. They (the said Fanfic Writers) have endeavoured to pervert the population of these lands and the works of the Author. They have made characters dependent on their will alone, for the tenure of their parts. They have erected a multitude of New Characters and sent hither swarms of Mary Sues to harrass our people and act out their perversions. They have kept among us, in times that should have been peaceful, standing armies of Orcs, Trolls and

other assorted enemies that otherwise would not have been there.

They have combined us with literary characters alien to our world and customs to act out tales and happenings that would otherwise not have been. They have deprived us of the benefits of a lasting peace. They have transported us to other worlds to act out their imaginings there. They have tortured our people, raped our men, changed our characters and destroyed the lives of many for their amusement. They are at this time transporting large Armies of New Enemies and Others to complete the works of death, destruction and tyranny already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous of ages, and totally unworthy of representatives of a civilised species.

Subsection B

All actions of the kind as stated in Subsection A are accounted offensive to the Author and the Peoples of Middle Earth.

We, therefore, The Author and the appointed Representatives, in War Council assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do in Name and by the Authority of the good Peoples of Middle Earth, sollemnly publish and declare this as Truth Absolute.

And for the support of this Ultimatum, with firm reliance on the protection of Valar Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honour.

SIGNED AND SEALED :

The Author :

John Ronald Reuel Tolkien (deceased), Professor of Anglo-Saxon, Oxford University

The Representatives:

Elvendom :

Legolas (Greenleaf) son of Thranduil, Lord of the Woodland Elves of Ithilien, Chairman of the War Council.

Mankind:

Aragorn son of Arathorn, Estel, Elessar the Elfstone, Thorongil, Telcontar (Strider), Dunadan (et al) , King of the United Kingdoms of Gondor and Arnor

Dwarvendom :

Gimli son of Gloin, Lord of Aglarond (The Glittering Caves)

Hobbitkind:

Frodo Baggins, son of Drogo Baggings, Ringbearer.

Entdom :

Fangorn (Treebeard)

Wizardkind :

Gandalf the Grey, Olorin, Mithrandir, Tharkûn, Incanus, Maia and Istari, Head of the White Council.

COUNTERSIGNED :

The joint Chiefs of Staff:

Boromir son of Denethor (deceased), Commander in Chief of the Armies of the United Kingdoms of Gondor and Arnor

Arwen Undomiel, daughter of Elrond of Imladris (Rivendell), Queen of the United Kingdoms of Gondor and Arnor.