Title: What I Cannot Have – Part Two
Genre: NCIS – Angst.
Pairing: Ziva
Rating: M
Timeline: 10X1
Spoilers: 10X1
Summery: She knows she should not, but cannot help it.
Disclaimer: Sigh, I only get to play.
A/N: I just couldn't resist. It's the shortest thing I've written in a while.
Written: October 2012
Word Count: 1,028

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Ziva closed her apartment door and braced herself against it, taking a deep breath before pushing herself from the door and making for her bathroom. Cannot delay, I need to get back to the yard to help the others, she thought as she entered the bathroom, I must not think about it because it would only drive me insane she thought as she started the water, then turning from it to shrug off her sweaty clothes.

Stepping under the water spray she turned her head up and allowed the water to cascade over her body, taking with it the sweat, dirt and grime that had accumulated whilst they had been trapped in the elevator. Her and Tony, No don't think about it, she chided herself, lifting her hands to soothe back the wet strands of hair that fell past her face. God he drives me insane, she finally relented with a sigh. Allowing her head to hang, she took a deep breath, releasing it in a low moan. This should never have happened, I was not supposed to fall in love with him. Loving him is fine, we are partners, friends, almost like a family. I was not supposed to want more from him. Not Anthony, it was only asking for certain heartache, and as if he has not already given me enough of that.

She shook her head reaching for the shampoo squirting some onto her hand, before returning it to its place and shampooing her hair, swallowing as her mind once again returned to him, as the scent of shampoo filled the shower. How could I not make a comment about body odour, his is so poignant, I could pick it out anywhere. And concentrated like it had been there, with that lingering node of sweat only reminds me that it has been a log time since I had shared the affections of a man, not that I want another. It just makes it difficult to not be so close to him without wanting to take from him what I want. But I cannot.

Rinsing the shampoo from her hair she reached for the conditioner soothing a generous quantity over her hair, before reaching for her body wash and loofa. She carefully worked the soap over her body, having has long since learned not to think of him whilst showering, or if she did, only in a frustrated sense, that usually sped up her movements. But as she brushed the loofa over her thigh, where he had touched her, the skin came alight with awareness, reminding her of his gentle caress. Was he even aware that he was caressing my thigh, does he have any idea what his touch does to me, especially when it is so intimate. I'm surprised he did not sell my arousal, for certainly he should have been able to considering where his head was. Oh god No! Ziva! Do not think of that, she quickly chided herself, moving her head under the shower to rinse off the conditioner.

She dropped the loofa and reached up to work the conditioner out of her hair, do not think of what you much rather would have him do with his head there. A throbbing started low in her body, building, and she let out a frustrated sigh. She was so tired of thinking about him whilst she took the edge off, she wanted him to take care of that need, but even when locked in an elevator for hours, we cannot manage it. She sighed as she rinsed the last of the soap from her body, opting to shave another time she turned off the water and got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her. And just what did he mean that he does not like other men looking at me, he looks at other woman, it is only fair that I too get some attention. It is not like he wants me in such a way, the attraction is still there, I still want him, but so often he has turned his back on me, to yet again act like a boy who is about to have his favourite toy taken from him. but then I cannot help but feel happy at it, because at least he notices, he is not completely oblivious to my presence in his life. That under his suites, cologne and carefully crafted appearance lay a male, a hot blooded male that takes notice of others look at me, like a jealous husband. A trill went through her body at that though.

She exited the bathroom and made her way to her room, drawing open her wardrobe to extract some clothes. Her mind drifted back to her father, distance has made their relationship easier in some ways and more strained in others. He has never really approved of Tony, although Tony has proven his worth, his loyalty to me more times than any man should need to. She thought drying herself, then started pulling on her underwear and clothes. If only Tony would be willing to take on the true position as my partner, them maybe my father would stop being so negative, I can understand his desire for me to marry to produce grandchildren, but I do not want that with any other man, and he fails to understand that. I have tried, but it never works. There are times I really think Tony and I are growing closer, but then it is like he realizes that we shouldn't and he does something childish. Ziva shook her head at that. I cannot see it being such a problem with Gibbs if we were to come together. We have both tried with others and it has never worked, surely he can see that. She thought as she started drying her hair. We have tried, and I am tired of looking for another when everyday I am faced with the one I desire most. And if he ever did follow up on that look he gave me when Abby arrived, I would not stop him - I no longer have reason to. Gibbs will just have to understand...

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