Two things:
1. I've been pointed out that I'm not allowed to put full lyrics of a song. I do apologize for that, if that is the case. I always try to follow the rules of the site as close as possible.
2. Forgot to mention, as always with everything I write – I don't own Twilight.
With that out of the way, Edward kinda wants to be heard right now…
E POV
I lean against the wall outside Bella's apartment, closing my eyes as I try to control the panicked feeling I get every time I walk out her door.
Fuck, I'm hurting her so badly. The one person I don't want to ever hurt. I could go back inside that door right now. I could do it, fuck the rest, I would face the consequences.
Do it
Do it
Do it
Fuck!
But I don't.
You're a fucking coward, Cullen.
Yes, thank you, I'm well aware of that fact.
But it's more than me being a coward. I have to protect Bella. If Tanya finds out about her, she'll eat her for breakfast. Bella is innocent at heart, full of love and fun and pure honesty. Tanya is cold, calculated and filled with an ego big enough to block out the sun.
I sigh as I walk away, leaving her alone again. Leaving her to pick up the pieces of her broken heart all by herself. I know a day is going to come when there will be no pieces left to put back together. A day is going to come when she realizes I'm just not worth it. A day when she is going to want more than what we have, want a normal relationship that she doesn't have to hide. She's going to want to get married and have children and be adored like she deserves.
That day…that day I might as well stop living. Just the thought of someone else touching her makes my blood boil.
Even though I'm stuck in a loveless marriage, it had never crossed my mind to have an affair…until Bella stepped into that fucking elevator with me. Dark hair and petite curvy body. Dark melted chocolate eyes. Lips so full and soft, her bottom lip caught between her teeth…It should be between mine.
She had taken the only available spot, which was right in front of me. Her body had been so close…so warm…and my body wanted nothing more than to have hers wrapped around it. The confined space had suddenly become too much and before I know it I was almost gasping for air. She was suffocating me and she didn't even know it. As the elevator stopped for her to get off on her floor, she had turned my way slightly, her gorgeous mouth slightly open, her pupils dilated. I knew in that moment that she had felt it too.
Once in my office, it hadn't taken long for me to find out what exactly it was that she did in my company. She was an intern and that day had been her first day.
I had found any reason to go to the fifth floor since then, although the reasons were limited. What would the CEO possible want on a floor filled with juniors and paper pushers? To be quite honest, that day had been the first day I had set foot on that floor in almost two years.
I had seen the surprise on most of the faces as I made my way through the open spaced rooms. I tried to not make it obvious, striking up a conversation here or there.
Hi, how are you?
Hi, everything under control?
Hi, you just got married, right? Congratulations.
Until I had found her.
She had faltered slightly when she saw me, her eyes taking in every single inch of my suited body before it rested on mine.
That's how it went for about six months before our affair had started. Me on the fifth floor, making casual conversations with junior staff just to talk to her. Not that it bothered me. I was pleasantly surprised at how nice it felt to connect to some of the people on this floor. People that had probably worked for us for years, yet until now had never spoken to me.
I'd even been out for drinks a few times with a junior accounts manager, Jasper Hale, a few times. At first it had been because I saw him and Bella seemed close, but before I knew what had happened, we'd become friends.
Friends…yeah, until he knew I was fucking his girls' best friend behind my wife's back.
I groan internally as I pull in the garage, my grey XC90 Volvo SUV sliding into the open space next to her sleek red SLK320 Mercedes. I sit for a few minutes, mentally preparing myself to go inside before heading into the kitchen.
Pouring myself a larger than usual whiskey, I take a big gulp as I walk to the study. I left quite a few emails unanswered to slip away to Bella. Not that I give a fuck. No email was more important than holding her close.
"Edward! Is that you?" I hear from upstairs.
Fuck.
"Yeah!" I shout back and swallow back another mouthful of ocher liquid.
I hear her coming down the stairs and look up from my screen when she appears in the doorway.
She's already showered and casual in a low riding hipster and black vest, a slither of skin peeking out between the two. There was a time when I had been turned on by that. A time when I would have gotten up from my desk and ran my finger along that bare line on her stomach before kissing the shit out of her.
Not anymore. And she knows it.
"I just got off the phone with Garrett. I have to go away," she says as she sits down in the chair in front of the desk. "Seems the office in London is dropping the ball again."
Tanya leads the IT team for her father's company, Denali Holdings. Whatever I think of her in a personal capacity, she's damn good at what she does.
"How long?" I ask as I keep typing my email.
Keep cool, Cullen.
This isn't supposed to be good news.
But it is.
"Not sure," she says as she takes a sip from my glass. I hate it when she fucking does that. "A week, maybe a little more. Depends on the extent of the damage those supposed IT specialists have caused to the network."
It takes everything in me not to fist pump the air right now. I internalize the smile that wants to creep onto my face.
A week.
A week with Bella. No coming home if I don't have to. No lying about where I am.
Nothing except me and the woman I love with all my fucking heart.
"Aren't you going to say anything?" she asks and when I look up she's pouting like a spoilt brat.
"What's there to say? It's your job," I say as I click send and look up at her.
A flash of anger shoots from her eyes. She gets up.
"Can't you at least act like you're going to miss me?" she asks angrily.
My temper rises as well, but I contain it as I sit back in my chair.
"What's the point? We both know it would be a lie."
"Do you really hate me that much?" she asks.
I rub my eyes over my face. I'm so fucking tired of this game we play.
"I don't hate you," I say honestly as I look at her. "But you also know I don't love you anymore. Not after…" I can't finish my sentence. "You're forcing me to stay in this marriage, isn't that enough? Now you expect me to fucking enjoy it?" My anger simmers beneath the surface, my words laced with animosity.
"Yeah, well, you're Carlisle Cullen's son for goodness sake," she says as if this should explain everything. "When daddy dear eventually hands everything over to you, I'm going to be there…right by your side."
Fuck, and if I don't want to wrap my fucking hands around her throat and squeeze the life out of her for even mentioning my father.
Get out.
Get out of here before you do something stupid.
When I get up from my chair she jumps back from the table slightly. She must see the fury in my eyes…she must feel the rage radiating from my body as I walk past her.
"Oh, Edward," she calls softly from behind and I have to force myself to look at her before walking out the door.
"Don't do anything stupid now. We wouldn't want your little secret to slip out, would we?" she says in that sickly fake innocent voice of hers.
I'm too pissed off to answer so I just walk away, leaving her alone in the study.
You're a fucking coward, Cullen.
Yes, thank you, I'm well aware of that fact.
Thank you for all your reviews, followings, fav's. Jeez, I was really blown away.
So, how do you feel about Edward? Tanya…I'm kinda really hating on her right now…
This chapter is up quick because the first one was so short, but updates will probably be about once a week, more if I can.
xo