25
And so it came, August 13th.
I was numb. Treena said I was probably in a state of shock.
I just couldn't stay in the house and feel Mum's eyes on my back. I had told only Treena. I couldn't bring myself up to it. So there I was, standing in our front yard, still holding the keys to the annexe in my hand. Will would be long gone now - much further than I could ever imagine.
It was such a beautiful and warm August afternoon. Before I knew it, I started walking. I knew where my coral shoes were taking me. All these streets led me there, to the other side of the castle. I didn't want to take the bus. As if staying in motion somehow made everything easier. Finally, I passed the entrance to the castle grounds. The place was closing and the last tourists were leaving.
And there it stood, the Traynor residence. I walked up to the annexe, feeling my heart beating. I opened the door with my key. This so familiar door. The rooms were so solitary and silent. I could hear only my heels on the tiles as I left the keys to the kitchen counter. His beaker was still there.
I walked to the living room. Warm autumn light was flooding from the windows. I wondered what the weather would be like in Switzerland. I sat there, on the sofa where Will and I had watched countless movies. I knew it would all be over by now. They do it there in office hours. What a surreal thought. I looked at the clock on the wall and then they came.
My tears.
I didn't even say goodbye to him.
I don't know how long I was crying. Maybe hours. At some point I realized the sun was setting and remembered I had one more thing to do. I walked to his bedroom, to his bookshelf. I opened my bag and took the last book I had borrowed, John Donne, and placed it on the shelf. I gently slid my fingers through the back of his books. Who would lead me to this world now? And I touched his bed. I knew it still had his scent. I could feel the tears coming again. I had to leave.
I stormed out of the annexe. Sky was no longer clear and the wind was rising. I put my arms around myself as I started walking. I pushed facing the wind towards the bus stop. The clouds were so dark. The only thing missing was pouring rain. I stood there alone at the bus stop looking at the castle wall. I let my head fall and stared my shoes. Everything would always remind me of him.
I was in my thoughts, when in the corner of my eye, I saw a car. It took a split second to notice it was Will's. Nathan was driving it towards my bus stop. He must've been bringing the car back. I couldn't do this. I didn't want to speak to Nathan. I continued staring my shoes.
The car stopped right next to me. I lifted my head and I could see Nathan waving towards the back door. I felt like being on autopilot, opening that car door.
And there he was.
Will.
Alive.
Sitting in his chair.
I froze.
'Louisa' he said as he turned his head towards me.
My reaction came from my spine.
I jumped to the car and wrapped my arms around him.
My cool cheek was touching his warm face.
All I could think was that he was still alive.
Finally I found the courage to lean back and face his eyes.
I was so scared and could feel my words just barely coming out of me:
'Will...Don't say this is goodbye.'
He shook his head.
'It's not.'
I could see it now clearly. In his eyes.
Something new.
'Louisa.'
He said my name with such gentle voice.
'Please let me say something.'
He looked downwards and I could see he was trying to find the words.
Then he lifted his eyes to mine, staring intensely.
Everything in his eyes encouraged me to do it.
I kissed him.
And he kissed me back.
It was the most lovely lingering kiss, followed by the most comfortable silence ever.
I heard a cough from the front seat.
'So guys.' Nathan interrupted us.
'Where do you want me to take you?'
Will looked deep into my eyes.
I could see a glint of smile on his face.
'What do you think of Paris?'
My smile must've lit my face.
'Paris.'
'Are you sure?'
'I'm absolutely sure.' he said.
And he smiled.
Nathan turned the car around.
I sat there the whole drive to St Pancras station, holding Will in my arms.