a/n: Alexa is feeling gross after testing too much Orphe armor. Doug has the cure: pizza, skell video, and something he'll brew up special for her.

AHHHHHHHHHH! No swears, and only as crack as you want it to be.

All the good things belong to Monolith Soft, so don't blame them for whatever does or does not happen here.

Another night, another chance to romance Doug's couch, with the aid of pizza and a skellploitation video. Alexa was more than ready for it, after the grueling week she'd had. Armor testing was her least favorite part of her job as an Outfitter. Whenever it was listed on her mission ticket, she'd power through whatever tests were required, pulling double or triple shifts in order to be done sooner. The work wasn't hard, but it was always boring, frequently disappointing, and usually uncomfortable. This week it had been all three.

"I got the Orphe special," commented Doug, dropping a greasy box onto his coffee table. "To celebrate your being done with all their gear."

"The Ovah Easy?"

"It's called something else now. Army Pizza got flak for making fun of their religious beliefs."

"I guess."

"Enjoy the new and improved Killjoy, all vegan. I think it's mostly carrots."

"You have got to be kidding me. No, Doug, just, no."

The tall Harrier laughed as he settled next to her. "Don't worry, I got the regular, Noctilum with extra mushrooms." He lifted the lid and pulled out a slice. "Fire up your video, 'Lexa."

Each crew member on the White Whale had been allowed a certain amount of data. Alexa had filled a lot with photos of her family, like everyone else, but she'd saved a precious slice of storage for a few of her favorite videos. Tonight's was a special indulgence: all five of the Pacific Rim movies, but only the parts with mech suits. No backstory, no politics, no burgeoning love interests (unless you counted the Jaegers, and that was open to debate around Alexa). She was ignoring her pizza before they'd hit the 10 minute mark.

"Would you stop it?" Doug's voice snapped her out of a mech-induced trance. He pushed her hand away from her face. She'd been idly scratching her eyebrow. "You've been doing it all night." He looked closely at her and smiled. "Now you have pizza sauce rubbed into your forehead." He reached over and wiped at her skin with a thumb. "Huh, it's sticky."

Alexa flopped back on the sofa and closed her eyes. The gentle sound of screeching CGI robot armor was soothing. "It's left over from the job. They had to tag me up to get readings."

"Oh, lord, I remember. I've done enough tests for you. Thanks for the credits."

"You're welcome. It gets worse. This was full body gear, and somebody better explain to the Orphe that some of us are not fans of wearing latex 24/7. I don't care how flexible and light it is, at a certain point I was just dying for air."

"Some of their stuff is pretty breezy," chuckled Doug.

Alexa didn't bother to open her eyes to glare at him. "You're thinking Meredith. This is a version of that body paint the Orphe call armor. They're trying to stack some melee boosts onto, but aside from the indignity of being squeezed into fetish garb, I think they're barking up the wrong tree. Buzzing up the wrong tree. Whatever. They should stick with their evade and conquer strategy."

"Poor Alexa. Three days. How did you ever survive?" joked Doug.

"You can laugh all you want, but they had to tag me with sensors from head to toe. I tried to wash it off, but the adhesive sticks around."

Doug indeed laughed and got up off the sofa.

"Go ahead and laugh!" She opened her eyes a crack to see him starting to brew a mug of his beloved coffee. "This was the whole shebang, helmet and everything, and the tight fit grinds it in," she emphasized. "Today it was 48 tags. Not that I was counting. Yesterday was 29, but on Tuesday it was 55 tags. Fifty-five, Barrett! I felt like I had fleas when I went to bed." She closed her eyes again and listened to something huge and armed with a giant chainsaw sword rip apart a lizard the size of BLADE tower. So very soothing. In a minute she'd drift off to sleep, except she knew a good bit was coming. Actually, the video was nothing but good bits. She could spare a few minutes for a nap.

Doug sat back down, puffing on his coffee to cool it, and Alexa realized something was wrong. Eyes still closed, she sniffed again. His coffee smelled peppery and faintly metallic, with an hint of pine. "Since when did you switch to the Colonel's fancy herbal tea?"

"Never. Like I said, I have experience with that adhesive. Turns out, there's something about this tea that cuts right through the gunk. Hold still." He moved close to her. She felt a warm cloth dabbing at her eyebrow. "Too hot?"

"Mmmm, that's okay." She reached up blindly and examined her skin with a fingertip. "Good job. Not sticky at all."

"Not done yet, 'Lexa. It needs one more thing." The cushions shifted as Doug leaned even closer. If it hadn't been for the whisper of his breath ruffling the edge of her hair and the hint of moisture from his lips, she would have thought he'd only stroked the spot with his finger. "You need something to forget that the tag ever existed. How'd that work for you?"

She considered it for a moment. "Not bad." She peeked up at him. "One down, 131 to go, Doug."

He paused for a second, then smiled. "I can brew more tea."

xcxcxcxcxportportportxcxcxcxcxcxcxc

Tika greeted a smiling Alexa the next morning with relief. She appreciated all that her co-worker did for the Outfitters, but she knew that the last round of tests had been a strain. "Good morning, Alexa. You're looking chipper."

"Yup. I'm up for anything, even Orphe armor. Please, let it not be Orphe armor."

Tika smiled. "Sorry for that job, Alexa, but it was a rush order and I knew you'd get it done properly. I'll try to keep you off that rotation in the future."

"No problem. Anything for NLA." Alexa stretched and shook her short auburn hair.

The two women continued with small talk as they went into the Outfitter's Hangar. "Mmm, somebody smells nice today," commented Tika. "Are you trying a new shampoo?"

"Uh, no." Alexa shrugged nonchalantly. "Actually, I found something to take off the sensor adhesive."

"Really? Nothing to strong? I worry about solvents hurting my skin."

"Uh, nope, very gentle. Maybe a little tingly."

"That's amazing, Alexa. You'll have to give me the brand. Is it a bar or lotion?"

"Uh, you could call it a body wash, I think? Anyhoo, let's go see what's up on the old mission board."

a/n: I'm supposed to be writing Apriltober 2018, a short story a day, all of it K+. My brain decided to do this. How could I say no?

May I repeat, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!