Hank sat at Alex's bedside, watching him sleep and checking his vitals every few hours. The blood transfusion he'd set up was still working and replacing the blood Alex had lost. The blonde was unconscious because of a strong sedative, his skin really pale and grey circles forming under his eyes. Hank really wanted him to wake up, so he could make him better, make his skin golden and bright like it normally was, and he wanted to see the sideways smirk on those lips and a light in his grey eyes.

He just wanted to know that Alex was okay, that he wasn't slipping through their fingers because he was too protective of Hank.

Hank lost track of how many days he spent by Alex's bedside. He only became aware of it when Charles came to him and told him that he'd been there for three days straight without eating. And six days before that sleeping in the lab on the mattress that Hank had set up in the corner for when he needed to work late. Charles had brought him some soup and crusty bread to eat, which he was thankful for. Charles sat with him for a while, asking questions about Alex's health and Hank's own wellbeing. Charles had to dash off to a training session with Banshee, so Hank was left alone with Alex again.

It was another three days before Alex finally woke up. Hank had been sleeping in the chair next to him when he heard the deep voice groaning as those grey eyes looked him over.

"h-hank?" Alex croaked, as hank's head snapped up. He was scared he might not hear that velvety low voice again.

"I'm here, Alex. How are you feeling?" hank asked quietly, helping Alex into a sitting position, taking extra care with his healing shoulder. The blonde's eyes darted about, before resting on hank's yellow ones.

"My shoulder fucking kills! But it looks like you've fixed me up good. Did everyone else get away alright; Charles and Sean? You're okay?" Alex said, suddenly serious and tense. Hank wanted to run a hand through his hair and soothe him. But he refrained.

"Yeah; everyone is fine, we got away in time. I'm okay, Alex. You're shoulder is on the mend, it should be getting back to normal in a month or so." Hank explained, smiling lightly at Alex as he stroked the bandage over his wound. The blonde seemed to relax at hearing everyone had escaped unharmed.

Hank busied himself with going to the kitchen to make Alex something to eat, he hadn't eaten in weeks and he needed his strength back. Hank decided on a chicken sandwich with salad and mayo. It was one of Alex's favourite things to eat and it would make him feel a bit better after all the drama and medication.

When Hank returned Alex was looking more awake, his cheeks a little flushed with renewed life and Hank smiled properly for the first time since Alex had been brought back after being shot.

Hank placed the sandwich down in front of the blonde and watched him eat it quickly and hungrily. Hank tried not to just stare at Alex as his lips and tongue moved.

"Thanks, Hank. That was great. I really needed that sandwich." Alex gushed, smiling widely and pushing the plate away.

The elephant in the room was weighing heavily on hank. He really needed to ask the golden question. He'd tried to think of ways to bring it up tactfully but there didn't seem to be a way to just slot it into a conversation.

So Hank just went right out and asked.

"Alex, why did you jump that bullet for me?" Hank said in a careful voice, not wanting to upset Alex. The blonde looked up at him seriously and answered in an earnest voice.

"Because I had to." It was a simple answer and Hank had difficulty figuring out the meaning behind it.

"Not that I'm not grateful, but why?" Hank asked, watching Alex fiddle with the bandage at his shoulder again.

"Because, you know, you'd have died. And you mean a lot to people…and you're…just better than me, you're, like, important." Alex didn't look up when he replied, but Hank felt his chest tighten at the response.

"I don't understand, what you mean by that?" Hank needed a bit of clarification on this. Important? Better? He wasn't those things to anyone.

"Um...the world needs people like you around, you know, the x-men need you. You're worth more than I could ever be; physically, mentally, emotionally. You're better." Alex looked up at hank to show how sincere he was. Hank was blown away that Alex actually thought that.

"That isn't true Alex. Don't ever think that." Hank said honestly, shaking his head. Alex nodded in response placing a hand on Hank's shoulder and looking at him fully.

"No, it is true. You're, like, a doctor and a scientist. You can help people. All I am is a dirty criminal with anger issues." Alex said with a blasé acceptance of his issues. Hank wanted him not to feel so bad about himself. Alex was just as important as him.

"Don't say that. You're…you're worth a lot. You're not just a criminal; not to me anyway." Hank defended Alex, letting more than he had meant come to the surface.

"What?" Alex said quickly, his head flicking up at hank's answer. Hank blushed and avoided Alex's gaze vehemently.

"Nothing." Hank mumbled as Alex placed a hand on his shoulder.

"What did you say that for? You mean I'm less than that? I bet I don't even come onto your radar. I'm volatile and crazy and I come from broken homes. You're…like I said you're better." Alex said, his voice rising in near-anger at the thought of being insulted by Hank.

"No! I didn't mean that at all. I wasn't insulting you. I meant you're more than a criminal. I don't care about what you've done, or what sort of home you came from." Hank defended himself, trying to let Alex know he didn't judge him.

"You don't? Since when does any of my background matter to you at all? Not to be an ass, but since when do you care?" Alex replied seeming quite confused by Hank's sudden concern. The blonde was staring Hank down, waiting for a response that might placate him.

"Since I'd thought you'd died to save me, I didn't get a chance to really be your friend, Alex. You've always just been there for me, in the background, and then suddenly you weren't. And I missed you; I missed my chance at being anything to you, meaning anything to you." Hank said this in a small desperate voice; he needed Alex to know the truth.

"Oh right. Um…well you were my friend before all this, weren't you? I mean I know we didn't really hang out much, or have much in common to talk about. But i…I never meant to make you feel like we weren't, you know, friends." Alex said in a smaller voice, blushing lightly at Hank's emotional admission. Hank looked up at him and smiled a little.

"We talked a little and I helped you with the chest plate, but I didn't want to push you into something you might not want. I mean you were the first person not to freak out after my transformation. You said I was badass. That meant something when everyone else was flinching away and stuff, you know?" Hank said back, grinning at Alex in thank you for the acceptance he'd always shown.

"You're welcome, I guess. I mean you are badass, I wasn't lyin', man. And your chest plate thing has helped me with my power so much. I'd still be hula-hoopin' and shooting blasts all over the place if it weren't for that. So thanks, Hank. See, like I said, you bring a lot to the table: smart and badass. All I can bring is anger issues, orphan anxiety and a tonne of bottled up emotions. What is that compared to you? Why shouldn't I have thrown my crappy self in front of that bullet?" Alex finished his little speech by lifting his hands in question, his voice getting higher again in incredulity that hank could possibly mean less than him. Hank threw him a look of shock and horror back. This whole self-worth 'your life means more' thing was worrying Kank. He needed to help Alex see he was worth a lot.

"Because what if you'd have died, Alex? What would I have done? How would I have felt knowing you'd sacrificed yourself? You've got a lot to offer us, to offer me, Alex. You're smart, spontaneous, and good at fighting, your control over the plasma energy is amazing, you can sit back and watch for a second and have figured out a tonne about a person, you're a good leader; you play a good game of tactics. I liked the hula-hooping you when you first got here. I mean the emotions poured out of you, and it was kind of-

Hank cut himself off before he said anything too emotional and embarrassing. Unfortunately he didn't cut himself off earlier enough and Alex lifted his head and stared at him.

"'Kind of' what?" Alex asked quickly, frowning at Hank.

"Forget I said anything, I'm just rambling." Hank added just as fast, dipping his head in embarrassment and looking away from the blonde.

"No, 'kind of' what, Hank?" Alex was persisting with that train of conversation. Fuck. Hank just let go of his secret and told Alex. Hopefully Alex would reject him in a gentle way.

"Kind of…hot, sexy even." Hank replied in a small voice. Alex's jaw dropped and his eyes bugged out. Hank awaited the ridicule and the angry response. But it never came.

"Whoa. I wasn't expecting that. You found me sexy?" Alex said in a choked voice. A smile formed on his lips as he looked up at Hank through his pale eyelashes. How Alex could possibly not expect that Hank just couldn't understand; the blonde was gorgeous.

"Fuck! I didn't mean to say that part out loud. I meant it was kind of intriguing, you were promising…like I wanted to know more about you. Yeah, that's what I meant." Hank needed to rescue his dignity from where it was flailing at his confession. Apparently it didn't work very well just hedging.

"No no. you said hot and sexy first. Instinctive answers are always the truest." Alex said still smiling sweetly as Hank floundered between embarrassment and a desire to just kiss Alex on the mouth. He sighed and tried to get some semblance back to the conversation.

"Look, I did say you were hot. And sexy, fuck! I need to control my mouth. But we were talking about…I can't even. Look I'll just go before this gets anymore awkward." Hank said in defeat, getting up and walking towards the door of the room, leaving Alex in silence. Just as Hank was about to turn the handle he heard Alex speak again.

"Your lips were really soft. When I kissed you." Alex's voice was soft and careful but Hank definitely heard it. With subject matter like that, Hank really hoped he heard it correctly.

The former-brunette span around and stared slack-jawed at Alex for a second or two, before slowly walking back to the bedside. Hank had assumed that the kiss had been wiped from the blonde's mind in all the drama and haze of medication. Apparently not.

"y-you remember that? Kissing me?" Hank said slightly fearful of what might happen next. It could go one of two ways; Alex could dismiss it as pre-death madness and reiterate his unending heterosexuality, or he could accept that it happened and deal with the ensuing consequences. Hank didn't know how he'd quite deal with either reaction.

"Oh yeah! How could I forget a kiss as good as that? It was like something out of a romance novel for fuck's sake! Um…not that I read romance novels or anything; because I totally don't. Apparently dying me is into being a lame-ass and initiating ridiculously cheesy kisses." Alex said, laughing and rubbing the back of his neck. Hank was a little shocked to hear Alex speak so freely about it. At least he didn't deny it and shrug it off.

"I didn't think it was cheesy. I thought it was…nice. You could have been dying, I wasn't going to punch you in the face for doing something I didn't have-

Hank really needed to control his mouth and his head a bit better. He was blurting all kinds of crap out, stuff he didn't want to really say. He knew that being vulnerable and laying yourself out for other people always ended in ridicule and pain. Apparently Alex made him comfortable enough to just spill his guts.

"What's the end of that sentence?" Alex asked, his interest piqued by hank's abruptly ended sentence. Hank blushed and tried to be swallowed up by the floor. It was an unsuccessful attempt. The blonde was smiling and looking hopeful and a little vulnerable too.

"I didn't have the energy to care about?" hank added as a question. Alex's face fell and the smile drifted from his lips. Hank felt like an asshole for not being able to say what he really wanted. He hated being too scared to admit his feelings for Alex. He watched the mechanism fall into place as the blonde coughed gruffly and squared his shoulders, letting the subtle rejection wash over him like water. Hank would never know that his heart had just broken a little bit.

"Oh, I thought you were going to say something else. Never mind. I'm gonna get some sleep now. Good talk, man." Alex dismissed it all and smiled weakly at Hank, turning away from him and sighing minutely. Hank sat in the chair beside him and watched as the blonde's breathing evened out. It was peaceful and the silence soothed Hank, he still felt like a douchebag, but at least he didn't have to see the dejected crushed look on Alex's face anymore. Damn it! Why couldn't he just outright say it? Those three little words seemed deceptively easy enough, but they sure as hell weren't in reality.

It seemed that Alex had fallen into a heavy sleep while Hank's psyche battled itself trying to justify not just telling Alex how he felt. The logical part of his brain was arguing the 'what if he rejected me?' argument, while the emotional side was screaming about the 'yeah, but he kissed ME' point of view. It was difficult to cope with and Hank buried his head in his hands.

He could just vocalize it to the sleeping blonde, and then it would be out in the open to a certain extent. Alex was sleeping so he wouldn't hear it, and Hank really needed to just tell someone, even if his audience was dreaming away blissfully unaware of what was going on. Yeah, that could work. And he was technically admitting it to Alex. Hank might feel like a fool just blurting it out into the silence, but it might be worth it to sort out his jumbled thoughts.

"I was going to say something else, Alex. I was going to say that 'I wasn't going to punch you in the face for doing something I never had the balls to do'. even when you weren't jumping in front of bullets for me, which you really shouldn't do again; because for a minute there I thought I might have to live without you calling me bozo everyday, as much as I hated it at first, I kind of love it now." Hank took a breath and watched Alex, pulling the blanket a bit higher.

"I've wanted to just grab you and kiss you for months, but I didn't. And you did. So thanks." Hank said it slowly and carefully, knowing that no judgment was coming his way. Not from his sleeping beauty. Hank paused and ran a hand through Alex's hair, thinking it might be safe with him sleeping away in the cot. The blonde stirred and snuggled into the mattress bringing his hands to his chest. Hank smiled fondly down at him.

"Even though I'll probably never say this to you when you are actually awake, I love you, Alex summers." Hank finished and turned back to his experiments that lay forgotten on the side. Hank really couldn't concentrate much with all the intense stuff swirling in his head. He just needed to distract himself from the sleeping blonde. He heard a shifting on the mattress from behind him but decided it was probably nothing. It turned out not to be 'nothing'.

"It's a shame you'll never say that to me when I'm awake, huh? It was nice." Alex's deep voice travelled across the lab and Hank felt his heart skip a beat. Oh sweet motherfucking crap! Alex had heard him. Hank span around and walked over to the bed again.

"Fuck, Alex! I thought you were asleep! And you heard all of that? Oh Jesus, look I didn't mean for you to- wait did you say it was nice? You mean you don't hate me for being all soppy and in love with you?" Hank needed a bit of clarification, Alex wasn't freaking out? At all? Not a flicker of an eyelash. He heard the blonde chuckle and his heart was in his mouth, waiting for the response.

"Nah, why would I hate you for being like that? I might not have been told 'I love you' for a while, but I know it's not cool to respond to it by being angry. Even if I didn't love you back, it's still cool to know someone out there cares, you know?" Alex let the words roll off his tongue easily. As carefully chosen as they might be, they sounded nonchalant and easy. Although Hank did notice Alex's eyes flicking up to his every now and then, and detected a bit of a shake in his voice.

"I guess you're right… I mean…I can understand that it will be awkward and you won't want to- 'if you didn't love me?' does that mean that you do actually love me?" Hank asked, more than a little flabbergasted. Alex turned and dangled his legs over the side of the bed, beckoning Hank closer with a finger. And damn! If that wasn't the hottest thing Hank had ever seen. Hank complied with the silent request and stood before Alex about a foot away.

"Wow, for a smart guy you are a little slow on the uptake there, bozo. Why else would I take a bullet for you, you crazy ass?" Alex placed his hands on Hank's hips and pulled him between his splayed knees. Then he took Hank's blue hands in his own and placed them on the side of his own neck.

"Okay, I'm going to spell this out for you right now. You seem to be particularly dense and incoherent today. Yes, I love you. Yes, I loved kissing you and I want to do it again lots of times. Yes, I want you to be my boyfriend. Yes, I want you to fuck me into this mattress at the earliest interval. Do I need to be any clearer? Think you can wrap your massive brain around all that?" Alex said as he felt Hank's long fingers straying into the hair at the back of his head. Hank had a slight purple blush on his cheeks but he stood still, smiling widely.

"I think I've got all of that, Alex. What was the thing you said about the mattress? Just one more time to make sure I wasn't hallucinating?" Hank asked, chuckling as he stroked down Alex's sides and down his strong thighs to rest at his hands on the blonde's knees.

"The thing about where we have sex right here? The thing about you stripping me and pinning me to this mattress while you slide your massive blue dick into me? While I kiss you and tell you I love you and that I'd jump a million bullets as long as I could keep you safe? That one?" Alex said in a husky whisper. Hank swore he'd just been blessed, having such a sexy beautiful boy with his legs spread and promising so much.

"Mmhmm, th-that one. Fuck! you are so hot. I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have someone like you." Hank stuttered out, feeling his trousers tighten at the look the blonde was giving him, all batting eyelashes and lust. Combined with the way he was licking his lips and rolling his hips forward, Hank thought he might just melt into a puddle on the floor of the lab.

"Oh yeah, you can have me anyway you want; any position, anywhere, anytime. I won't even tell you how many times I've thought about having you, Hank." Alex growled out stroking a hand up Hank's back and stopping at the waist of his trousers.

… To be continued

Aahh cliffhanger. Sorry. But it will have another chapter I promise. A sexy one.

Hope this is okay.