Don't open the door. Don't open that door don't you open it don't you

Darn. Your dad just opened the door. That's okay. You couldn't get married if the door was closed, silly. It's the moment you knew was coming, it's time to face the music, Mabel, dear, this is what you wanted, isn't it? Deep breaths.

You see him. Your groom. Liam. Lovely lovely lovely Liam. You see a hundred pairs of eyes on you but you pay them no mind. Why should you? Today is about you and him. You and Liam. It is your wedding day, it is the day you have dreamed about since you were a little girl, and Liam is your fairytale prince and you love him ever so much.

It doesn't feel like a fairytale, though. Far from it. You shake with nerves, but they're not typical wedding day nerves, they're something else entirely. You know why - the reason why you shake with nerves stands five feet from your groom and has curly brown hair, but you won't admit that. Not just yet.

He showed up, at least. Part of you expected him not to, part of you would be upset forever if he didn't, part of you wanted him not to. He's going to make this harder. You're not going to look at him throughout the ceremony. Not once. No need to make this any harder than it already is, is there? Nuh-uh.

Goodness knows how long you've been standing here, staring down the aisle of this church at your hubbie-to-be. But you realize you're not smiling. Oops! First mistake, right there. That's fine. You smile wide, to make up for it. You smile right at Liam and his own nervous smile grows, and for a split second this isn't so bad. You do love this man, and you do want to marry him, so here. We. Go.

One step forward. That wasn't so hard. At least, it wasn't hard until your foot came in contact with the floor and your leg wobbled. It triggers a memory you really didn't want to remember today because it's happened before. Your leg wobbling like that.

You were stepping into his bedroom for the first time in five weeks (you counted the days). You almost collapsed after the first step through his doorway but he didn't notice, because he had his earphones in and was facing away from you. You wanted to turn around and run but you didn't, because this had to be resolved. Dipper, you said, a little too loudly, and a little too panicky, and he almost jumped out of his skin at the sight of you. We should talk, you added, and then you apologized for kissing him five weeks ago, and then the words you hadn't even planned on saying spewed from your mouth like an unstoppable flood of unspeakable emotions. Feelings, weird, crazy, you, attracted, don't-know-what-to-do and before you knew it you were kissing again. Only he started it this time. And it didn't end in guilt, terror, or even confusion. It ended with uncontrollable giggles and kisses on your neck and a big big hug that told you that even though this was scary, you were in it together. God, you loved him.

You love him. Geez, Mabel, really? You took one freaking step before you caved in and thought about your brother. You are weak sauce.

On the next step, you try to focus on remembering how to walk. Forcing thoughts from your head. No thoughts are necessary, here, it's really quite simple. Eyes on the prize and lips curled upwards. All throughout. Your dad is helping you, you won't fall over. You won't fall over and bump your head and forget where you are and have to delay the wedding and maybe even forget about Liam entirely and then maybe the nightmare will be over and

Stop. You want to get married. You've always wanted to get married. You used to get pretend-married to your brother all the time.

Maybe it's that memory that makes you look at him. You certainly don't mean to look at him, it's all instinctive. But you see him, clearly, and you immediately know how hard it was for him to get out of bed this morning. It's hurting him so much. You're hurting him. So that you can have a normal life. You monster. Selfish selfish selfish

No. Not selfish. Reasonable, safe, necessary. You've been over this.

Before you tear your eyes away from him, you take in his suit. His posture. His hands folded behind his back and he looks so much like that one time

in winter. He told you to wear your finest dress and meet him outside. He leaned against your shared car in a shirt and a tie and his darkest pair of jeans and you fell more in love with him than you thought humanly possible. You remember the hour long drive to that restaurant far outside of town. You remember the pricey food and the way he wouldn't let you pay for any of it. You remember laughing hand in hand on your way to the movie theatre, you remember sitting in the furthest row from the screen, you remember his hand on your thigh and your tongue in his mouth. You remember popcorn and candy and Dipper. You remember thanking him profusely on the way home because you knew how hard it was for him. You knew how much he worried about being seen. You remember telling him to pull over on a quiet road and you remember showing him how grateful you really were and

what a horribly inappropriate thing to think about on your wedding day. You are ten feet away from your soon-to-be husband, daydreaming about touching one of his groomsmen who just happens to be your twin brother. You are human garbage.

You're here now, at least. You've made it to the altar without falling over. Good job. Now all you need to do is stand here and smile and show Liam how happy you are. Listen to the priest. Soon you will have to repeat after him, just like in rehearsals, and you can manage that. You've rehearsed your lines just like you've practiced your smile. You know you're assuring everyone around you that you are indeed happy, because you've seen your forced smile. It's terribly convincing. You haven't really smiled in months.

I, Mabel Pines,

Your voice doesn't falter at all. For a split second, you're proud of yourself. Here comes the most important part - if you accidentally say Dipper's name, there's going to be hundreds of gasps and confused murmurs all around you and you'll probably die of embarrassment. Not what you want on your wedding day.

Take thee, Liam Fuller,

Phew. Your voice wavers on the last syllable and you clear your throat but that's okay, everyone will know you're just a little emotional because this is a big moment. The important part is over; you did not say his name.

You said it in bed once, but Liam didn't hear you. Thank goodness for that. That would have been Messy with a capital M. M-e-s-s-y. Messy.

His hair is messy. You can see it in your peripheral vision, and you laugh internally as you imagine him trying to style it in some way this morning before he left his dorm. There's nothing you can do with Dipper's hair, it just always bounces back into a soft, curly mess and you love it. It's thick and you can hold on to it and curl it around your fingers and no matter how hard you grip it - when he does things to you that make you grip it - he doesn't mind. You can whisper your apology and he will tell you it's fine. He tells you softly. He's soft like that. Gentle. Kind. Understanding.

Just like he understands that you have to do this, right? He understands that you have to marry someone else, doesn't he? He understands that you're not doing this to hurt him. He must understand that.

The magic words are out of your mouth so quickly, purely out of panic. You kiss Liam with as much passion as you can muster, which isn't a whole lot, and he whispers sweetly in your ear that you're making him the happiest guy on Earth.

Of course, you're also making someone the most miserable guy on Earth, so you suppose the two balance each other out. Still, giggle for show. Giggle like a little girl because that's what people want to see. Happiness.

The church booms with applause, but you don't need their approval. You need one man's approval and his alone.

He stares right back at you.

Smile, dummy. Smile, Dip, please smile. Smile so your sister knows that everything is okay.

Nothing. Nada. He looks broken. Dead inside. You did this. You did this to him. And, oh, have you seen that look before. Two years ago.

It's late, he told you, we should talk about this tomorrow.

You swallowed. Hard. There's nothing to talk about, Dip. A steady stream of tears ran down your cheeks. We can't go on doing this.

You don't mean that. Come on, I'll drive you home.

Dipper, don't do this.

Don't do what?

Don't try to ignore what I'm saying like this. You know it's all true. All of it. We have to stop seeing each other-

And do what? Just forget anything ever happened? Forget the last two years of our lives?

If that's what it takes to get back to normal, yes, you pleaded. I still want to be your sister, I still want to be your best friend-

How? How, Mabel? How the fuck are we gonna do that, huh?

We need to lead normal lives. We can't live our lives hiding ourselves from the world, sneaking around, lying to everyone around us, day in, day out, it's not healthy for either of us.

You don't think it's worth all of that to be together?

Keep your voice down, people will hear.

You don't think we're good for each other, is that it? I know that's not what you think, Mabel.

It doesn't matter what I think! You were close to hysterical. It doesn't matter what I think, it doesn't matter what you think, it matters what the rest of the world thinks. It's- it's a crime, it's a sin, it's every bad word under the sun, Dipper, and I don't want it weighing on my conscience anymore. It's something I never should have started in the first place.

You'll never forget the look of utter betrayal on his face. It will haunt your nightmares years from now, you're sure of that. You don't mean that.

I do. You didn't. But you had to be harsh, otherwise he would never have listened to you. Never would have seen the underlying truth in what you were telling him.

Fucking leave then, if you're gonna go. He opened the door to his room.

Dipper-

But listen, Mabel. Don't you dare expect me to go right back to treating you like a sister. Don't you fucking dare. Because it's not going to happen anytime soon. It may never happen.

And that's all he had to say. You had never been so lost for words. The walk past him as he stood, arms folded, eyes glaring to the floor, was the hardest walk you ever took.

The hardest walk you ever took until about thirty minutes ago. Liam is carrying you, now. Carrying you away to safety. To a regular life as a regular wife. The light draws nearer, your smile becomes harder and harder to fake and here you are, back out in the daylight. Away from the groomsman and his taboo temptations.

Dipper is gone and there's no turning back. Well, Mabel girl, you got what you asked for.

How does it feel?