100 Parodies
Chapter 2:
Another Campaign Mission. Why Not?
"So, what's the entire point here?" Price was now lying down prone, a ghilie suit covering him, and talking tot he dead body of Ghost.
"You're right," Price told the dead body and sprang forward, grabbing the man off the sidewalk in front of him and putting him in a chokehold. He slapped the man and put a Five Seven pistol to his own head and threatened to shoot himself if the man didn't give him information on Zakhaev's son.
Before the man could speak, some guy rode up on a horse and handed Price water before yelling out in a loud voice, "Dragovich. Kravchenko. Steiner. All. Must. Die!"
He threw Price off of the man and slammed him into a building twenty feet away with the amazing new gadget that manipulated gravity.
The Russian then pulled out a Python revolver and loaded it with seven shots somehow. Hacker. He then pointed it down at the random man in a dramatic way and exclaimed, "My name is Victor Reznov. And I. Will Have. MY! REVENGE!"
As Reznov fired, a group of barrels crashed through a glass barrier that had appeared between Price and Reznov, and two men in hazmat suits ran in and restrained the Russian, who turned into an American.
"What the fuck did I just watch?" Price mumbled.
Suddenly a black guy appeared with two men following him. One was looking extremely tired, and collapsed against the building next to Price before the black man began barking orders.
"Ramirez, fetch me a soda! Ramirez, take down that BTR with a flashbang! Ramirez, take my knife and use it to take down the entire Russian army! Ramirez, the Russians are attacking, protect Burgertown! Ramirez, get the VIP into the freezer!"
"FUCK YOU, OLD MAN!" the man next to price screamed, and jumped and and tackled the black man to the ground. Ramirez whipped out a Combat Knife and began gouging out his squad leader's eyes, and the cut his tongue out. Then he pulled out an M60-E4 and fired point-blank into the man with a full clip.
"Are you dead yet!?" Ramirez asked, getting up off of the man and dropping the M60 next to him.
The man rose to his feet slowly and looked at Ramirez, "Ramirez, fix me up with only a band-aid!"
"GOD DAMMIT!" Ramirez screamed, pulling out an Executioner, which was basically a shotgun revolver, and pointing it at his own head.
"GO DIE, FOLEY!" with that, Ramirez pulled the trigger and splattered his brains all over the third man, who just stood there looking like a dumbass.
"What in the actual fuck!?" Price exclaimed, standing up and lighting a cigar.
With that, Roach and Ghost's nude bodies appeared in a rather suggestive pose.
"I give up!" Price screamed, and pulled out his spare Barret .50 cal rifle, and began quickscoping the men around him.
Mission Success.
"Are you serious!?" Price yelled, looking up into the sky to see jets and helicopters streaming into the city, and explosions lighting up the sky.
"Price, exfil point has been overrun, meet at extract point Alpha Brave Foxtrot Hotel Dog Juliet Alpha Niner Niner Foxtrot Juliet Whiskey Zulu 0001!" Price looked to his left to see his old Captain yelling at him, and then being flown away in a helicopter.
Price was silent for a moment, and then strode over to where men and women were still walking down the sidewalk as if nothing had happened.
He stepped over to a woman walking with her child and stopped them. He then handed the child his Python revolver, which had one shot left in it.
"Kill me," he requested. Before the mother could do anything, the son fired and Price's vision became bloody, but he did not die.
"Dammit!" he exclaimed, and drew out his combat knife and handed it to the child, who, instead of thrusting it, swiped it across Price's chest and killed him instantly.