Hi again. This is a new revised and corrected version of this Chapter. Previous one had plenty of error that hopefully had been corrected all... Thanks to my dear AtlantisLux, for her help. Also I reviewed and corrected some parts for the new 2011 publishing.
Thanks for reading.
Warning: This story is rated M… for several reasons. M states for "mature themes" and that's not only sex. It will have intimate encounters between two females as well as other sexual content and also other disturbing themes and/or violence. If you dislike such content, please don't read.
Disclaimer: Sunrise owns Mai Hime and Mai Otome characters. All the characters and situations depicted in this story are fictitious. Any similarity with actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events is purely coincidental.
Killing Kiyohime
BOOK ONE. The Awakening.
IV.
"A demon lives inside me." I used to think when I was a very young child; nonetheless I never talked about it with my mother or my grandmother. I felt powerful by knowing it and among all the other dull children I rarely had the opportunity to interact with, it made me different; it made me even more special. Ara…yes, I had to admit, I knew I was very special too very early in my life. It felt as a heat inside me, sometimes burning with the soft warmest of a candle, sometimes like the wild and irrepressible blaze where my mother died. I never felt fear of it, I never felt alone, and I never felt it was a burden to have inside me. I belonged to it as it belonged to me. More than that, we were one, the same soul, the same hearth, the same loneliness. I was too young to understand then that it was no need to explain anything to my mother or my grandmother, since the demon was not strange for them either. However, and that I knew several years after, mine was different from theirs. And I also knew, I was different from the other women in my family. With the course of the years, as I grew older, I understood a dark time will come, when my inner demon will become the worst of all those that preceded it. And it did.
"So, my dear…will you finally tell me what was so imperative for the High Priestess to call for you almost by sunset?"
I was expecting the question sooner or later this morning. My grandmother was not easy to cheat. Neither of us was. Even when she is asking me with lighthearted voice, I know she is worried. The night before, I could feel her concern even when her mask was more perfect than mine while watching me leaving in that horrible carriage the Doctrine of Worship sent with orders to take me with. Oh, of course, they still don't call their orders as an order; it was conveniently customized as an invitation. An invitation that no one can refuse unfortunately, not even me. And my grandmother knows that much. Maybe even more. Now, the decision, should I tell her? Should I confirm our worst premonition?
As I am finishing our frugal morning meal, I take the decision. We are alone, the servants are not around. They have served long time with our family but I preferred not to take risks and personally asked Mayo-san earlier to take strict care of the vigilance and Mayo Kagura is one of the very few persons I can really trust these days.
"A man on the Doctrine of Worship dungeons claims that he saw a dragon attacking and killing their people. Actually several dragons grandmother, I apologize; I don't know how I could possibly miss that point. It wasn't one but 'several' 'red dragons', Grandmother."
My emphasis on the words 'several' and 'red' is an unnecessary irony for Svetlana. I surprised her. Not even Svetlana was expecting me to answer a question in so straightforward way, irony included.
There have been very few times in my conscious life when I have seen my grandmother affected. The Fujino women are born with our perfect mask for emotions as other people born with perfect voices for singing or extraordinary physics for warriors. We are masters using it; however that doesn´t mean we don´t feel and we are the only ones knowing how to read each other. I have never seen my grandmother crying, but there is something worse though, something terrible that shows up for some seconds in her red eyes those times, something no one should see; it is something relentless and sad and furious at the same time, something that threatens to raze everything around. I know it perfectly because I inherited it and my dear grandmother Svetlana, taught me with equivalent love and patience how to tame it. I have seen it very, very few times. When my mother died, when a friend of her was burned convicted of heresy… and the first time, was when I was still a very young child and while hiding and playing around her room, I saw her took an old wood box to read some old papers inside. I asked her what those papers were and her eyes over me, made wish I would have never asked about.
Now she has that hieratic and fierce look but remains calm on the exterior, exactly as I am.
"Shizuru… Was the Priest there?"
That's not the question I was expecting and despite her gaze, not the reaction either.
"Yes."
Last night when I came back, my mask should be petrified with the horror still pouring forth that Svetlana didn't ask me a word, she just silently watched me heading to my room. Now she kept drinking with her eyes lowered into the red and hot beverage. Her voice came to me in a whisper, so clear and so strong that for a moment I have to look her again to believe it's actually my grandmother's voice.
"Wretched days are coming, my little. I knew this day will come since your mother born and I have feared it since then. I thought she was the one destined for this fate and I hoped, with all my heart, I was wrong. Sadly, I was. Your mother lived a plentiful but short life. There is only one Fujino this burden is destined for."
I can't think in anything to say to that while I look at my grandmother, I know my expression is broken with surprise. I have been educated as a Fujino. We were part of the heiresses' of the Gods, the fallen heiresses but never the lesser. I was proud of my family and my history. We paid the price for our decisions and the only word I never learn in my house was that one, 'fear'. As a child, I never learned it by significance or by feeling it. Not even yesterday, at the Worship dungeons'. What I felt there was close to repulsion, shame on human condition represented by those people daring to call the lowest torture as purification, revulsion, loathing, grieving on the miserable creature that was human once but became less than nothing down there…but fear, never. And know, Svetlana, the strongest woman I have ever known, my dear grandmother, is telling me she has lived with fear all of these years? My mind and my soul can't accept that.
But when Svetlana spoke again my surprise was even increased.
"This is very important, Shizuru. Tell me. Tell me everything about the dreams."
I didn't feel my lips separating for an unspoken word but I am conscious of them now and I am so glad that Svetlana is the only one looking at me. The day is full of surprises.
V.
Kuga Caravan, Novosibirsk surroundings five days before Winter Solstice.
"So, Natsuki…Are you excited to finally know the big city?"
I have been walking quietly for the last few miles; thinking and the wolf´s question take me out of my thoughts. "It is just another place."
"Come on Natsuki, this is your first trip so away from the Kuga´s fief, Salekhard it is nothing close to Novosibirsk, trust me. Aren´t you a bit curious?"
"We´ll see."
Ryo, my mother's child just growls, since he didn´t like answer. Too bad because it is true! The "great" Novosibirsk is just another place. During the almost two weeks we have been travelling across the tundra, I have seen the landscape changing subtlety and I really don't expect anything from the city. I have other things to be concerned about.
Mother and grandmother have been arguing about the place we should stay during our visit. Mother insists that we should stay with the Clan members living in Novosibirsk. Grandmother states we WILL stay with her friend, at the Fujino house. I never heard the name before but I heard my mother's disagreement…as everyone else in our caravan. In the last two days they haven't spoken to each other. In two days more we should be there. I can bet grandmother will get her way.
"Do you like the surroundings then?"
I don't have time to answer Ryo's second question. Yurka and Duran, leading the way have stopped and growl to warm us. I sent Ryo with my mother and make the signal to stop the caravan. A carriage is approaching from the southeast, we can clearly see it between the trees; it is still far away and approaching so loudly and openly that is hard to think they might be trying an attack but we react defensively anyway. My grandmother's men know the tactics and the terrain very well, taking defensive positions to protect us, as I am.
By the time the carriage is to arrow distance, they are currently more exposed than us.
The flag on the carriage lateral seems a red dragon. When it is closer enough I can see it's a red dragon with many heads. It is a hydra.
"Wait Natsuki," my grandmother´s voice in my back, surprise me more than the visitors.
"Grandmother, what are…?"
Ignoring me, she stepped out of our defensive positions, raising her hand to order all us to stand by and wait. The carriage stopped at a very prudent distance and a young boy jumped from the driver's side and walked towards my grandmother, stopping and kneeling about fifteen feet away from her. Definitely, he is a prudent young man.
"Honorable Kuga Kensei, I deeply apologize for my rude approach, please accept the respects from Fujino family. I was sent to welcome you and escort your caravan to Novosibirsk in this last part of your journey. I am Tennouji Shion, loyal servant of Fujino-sama."
I was surprised. It was the first time I heard someone refer my grandmother like that and…kneeling! In the north, we never kneel, nor for anything or for anyone.
"Stand up please, Tennouji-san."
By then my mother was now behind me.
The guy stood up as my grandmother asked and walked closer making a deep reverence towards me and my mother. I can feel the heat arising in my face, this is very embarrassing. Why he has to keep doing this?
My grandmother saved me from embarrassing myself giving me something to do.
"Natsuki, the sun will set soon and this seems a good place to set up the camp tonight. It will give us time to talk."
"Yes, grandmother," I said while putting myself into the task promptly.
Another ten men in horses approached once the man welcoming us did a signal. Our men switched from defensive positions to normal but still with extra vigilance on the new comers. We never lower the guard with strangers no matter who they are. A stranger is a stranger even if he is dressed as an ally… and allies are allies until they stop being it. We trust only our own kind.
I guess since they are here it is decided that we will stay with those Fujino, much to my mother´s disgust. I wonder what kind of persons they are, to produce such reaction in my mother but keeping my grandmother unconditional trust.
As I set the perimeter with the other men, giving instructions and making arrangements for the dinner, I keep an eye in my grandmother and the young man, Tennouji. Yurka is by my grandmother side all the time as well as my mother and Ryo, I am not concerned. It is just something about him what keeps my attention.
During diner I discovered the reason. I thought since the first time, he was actually a guy but during the talking, I figured out he was a she! I guess my face was red again but nobody did any comment…then. But that didn´t last enough.
"So…did you really though he was a guy? You must like her a lot Natsuki-kun, I never imagine you were already having 'those' kind of thoughts."
Duran and Yurka are by far very laconic and husky, and NEVER mess with me… but Ryo, my mother's child has this itchy and annoying side, a bit as my own mother.
"Ryo, he…I mean she, was wearing that black outfit, armour and everything else. You can't blame me."
"You mean a bit as you are with that coat of mail? Your outfit is that of the perfect warrior as well with the difference she knew you were a lady."
Sometimes, I want to kill that wolf. If I didn't know that would kill my mother as well, I would really do it. He laughed at my expenses a bit more until Yurka growled my mother was looking for him as we finish the preparations for the night.
We always prepared carps for sleeping safely and warm but when I am not at home I preferred to stay in the open unless is really freezing or snowing. This landscape is different than ours, the forest is less dense, the colours and the smells are not same and I don´t know when I will have the chance to see this again. So even when fall will end soon and the ground is already covered by snow, it is still bearable so I decided to stay outside with the tonight's guard; Duran will give me additional warm.
That decision was the cause I heard my grandmother voice when everybody was already asleep. I ordered Duran with a gesture to stay in our place while I moved stealthily to the direction where I heard her voice. No guardsman was with her, only Yurka and that woman, Shion. They were talking in whispers so I had to get closer to at least understand what they were saying.
"So, that´s the reason Svetlana order you to meet us here."
"Yes, Kuga Kensei. Fujino-sama wanted you and your family to have extra protection. The stories of caravans attacked in the middle of the night on their way to Novosibirsk are increasing as the solstice gets closer. The Doctrine is having a really tough time keeping the rumours down and almost every day has been burnings on the Malleous Dogma."
"Those…bastards."
I had to hold my breath by hearing my grandmother calling the Doctrine people like that. She had never said a negative word about them!
As if she could hear me breathing, my grandmother looked directly at my direction and even knowing it was the dreadfully dark and I was hidden by the night and the vegetation, I stayed as quiet as possible. I could breathe safely when my gradmother talked again.
"I appreciate your company and the information, Tennouji-san. If Svetlana trust you, I trust you."
"I am honour to serve you as I serve her, Kuga Kensei."
My grandmother dismissed the other woman and they disappeared in the darkness. I waited a few minutes and then started the way back to the camp. I thought I was stealthy enough but my grandmother proved me wrong.
"What are you doing Natsuki?"
Her voice at my back freezes me at my spot. It was no point in lying her, so I turn to face her. Surprisingly, she doesn´t look angry.
"I heard your voice grandmother; I wanted to know what you were doing this late…and also I wanted to know you were… safe."
"Yurka is with me, why did you stay once you confirmed I was safe? Sneaking around is not something I have taught you."
I feel my face getting red again; maybe today I beat my own record.
"I am sorry grandmother. You are right, I was wrong by spying your conversation. I am curious about these people and I wanted to ask you since we left home, why are they so important for you and why you trust them like that? You never mentioned them before."
There it is. I told her. I said it all in a raw and a still embarrassed to have been caught but I told her.
"There are several things you don´t know Natsuki, but you will. The reason this trip is very important for me is because of you. In Novosibirsk, you will learn many things about where we come, about the history of our family and about the history of the world. You will have an important role to play on the days to come Natsuki, so be patient. Your questions will be answered, even those you haven´t asked or though yet."
After saying that, my grandmother cherished my cheek gently, as she did when I was a child and walked away leaving me there with one last final sentence.
"And if you have that much spare time and want something to focus on the meantime, improve your hunting skills so you don´t get caught like a puppy."
Embarrassed again, I come back to my place with Duran, wondering if the role my grandmother mentioned had something to do with my previous restiveness. Since we initiated the travelling it has been decreasing as the days pass, but now after my grandmother words, I feel the same odd heaviness in my chest I was feeling the days previous to our departure again.
Two days, two more days and I will know what kind of place Novosibirsk really is, what kind of new people we will meet and what is that fate awaiting ahead for me.
Novosibirsk City. Three days before Winter Solstice.
That day I ceased being free. I was caught like a prey under the eyes of its predator, all muscles trembling with the anticipation of death but still fascinated by the merciless beast about to devour us. Now I know that happened, I was caught and slowly devoured that day and the daysto come. I learn the meaning of feelings I never imagined I could feel, of appetites, of desires I always believed too far away to touch me. Through her I knew the true meaning of wonderful feelings and learn some others I though equally impossible: anguish, pain…and fear. Through her, I knew the real and incommensurable pain.
"Shizuru, our guests arrived, please join me to welcome them."
That morning I finally knew where Shion-san was. My grandmother just told me a couple of days ago, she had sent our best warrior in an important mission but nothing more and Mayo-san didn´t have a clue either. Early this morning, Svetlana announced we will be having some visitors for the next two weeks, the Kuga family coming from the northern Salekhard and now, my grandmother expected me to join her to welcome strangers at my home.
"You could at least give us more time to get prepared, don´t you think grandmother?"
"I told you this morning, my dear. That is plenty of time, now hurry, they are already at the courtyard, waiting for us."
There is no way with Svetlana, she is the only one that can treat me like that and succeed.
It was a chilly sunset but I still decided for the traditional and ancient way of clothing of our family in red silk and matching overcoat. I love these clothes and I think it will highlight the difference for the strangers. Let´s see if they get the message.
Svetlana wearing modern clothes looks at me with disapproving gaze but there is no time to order me to change.
As we walk outside, my eyes are caught by a slender figure watching our big and high walled fortress-house as it was a wood barn. She is slender and a bit smaller than I but emanating such aura of freedom and power that the courtyard seems oppressing and small. She keeps looking around fixed on her place and as we approach them, I can see her eyes and confirm that the open gaze of disdain towards our property remains on the most stunning pair of green eyes I have never seen before, as she looks at us.
An old woman close to my grandmother´s age, wearing the rough clothes of the north approaches us. She had the same proud and arrogant lines than the young woman that caught my attention, and the same intense green eyes; but there is no disdain on them. The woman is looking at my grandmother with such intensity as approaching as if nothing else existed around. I slightly turn to look at Svetlana and I had to make an extreme effort to keep my face immutable. My grandmother´s face, is open for this woman and is smiling to her in a way I never seen before.
The young woman with another one, older but with similar features and green eyes approached as well but waited three or four steps behind the oldest woman. The Kuga family I can guess since it's very clear they are related. My heart skips a beat when I see three gray furs approaching from behind their carriage. Three silver wolves, so big and powerful that the horses of Shion and our men look weak and skinny on their side.
These Kuga women are completely different of anyone I have met before.
Five pairs of eyes are directly looking at me, measuring me. We all are waiting in silence and for my surprise; my grandmother was not the first to talk.
"It has been a long time, Svetyushka."
My brow rose millimetres involuntary. That's the way I call my grandmother. Who is this woman to use the most intimate form of name for my grandmother?
I look at my grandmother but she is still smiling warmly, even more than before.
"The long time is over now, Inna," a pause somehow meaningful before she introduces me, "This is my granddaughter, Shizuru."
Only then, the older woman´s green eyes looked at me. Inna looks fresh and vital, with no evident sign of tiredness on her despite the long trip. The green eyes, deep and open, look at me with no shyness but with gentle elegance. I am disconcerted and hopefully I'm dissimulating it properly.
"Inna Kuga."
The major Kuga waived the women behind her to introduce them to my grandmother and to me.
"Meet my daughter, Saeko and my granddaughter, Natsuki."
Unlike her usual behaviour under this circumstances, my grandmother approached the women to hold their hands with hers, still smiling warmly, before turning back to Inna. I can recognize the playful intention on her next words.
"It seems you have been busy Inna."
"You won´t make me blush this time, Svetyushka."
Again the world seems to be fallen apart and the two old women are ignoring us. Taking Inna by the arm, my grandmother led the way in to the house.
"Let´s give our families time to know themselves, don´t you think Inna? Shizuru please accompany our guests inside when they are ready."
I am disconcerted but Saeko and Natsuki seem even more disconcerted than I am with the difference that it's noticeable on their faces. Still keeping my control is a relief and I try to be polite with our "guests". To my surprise, I noticed that the concept of 'family´ include the three wolves for the Kugas.
I should have known better but I am not used to animals inside and certainly, I haven´t interacted this close with another child. In Novosibirsk all the Himes keep their Childs in their minimum form or in their houses when they have to leave. Be away from their Childs doesn´t seems a valid option for the Kuga women.
Inside the house, the ´Natsuki effect´ is increased. The spaces that I have know all my life seems small when she is in them. She dress like a rough warrior but behaves with the grace of a princess and I delighted watching the contrast. If she noticed my detailed analysis on her, either she didn´t care or she is not interested. I am still watching her while we wait for dinner when her sudden question took me completely unprepared and for the first time I realized is the first time I hear her voice.
"Where is your Child?"
I keep looking at her without answering the question. Could it be possible that she really doesn´t know?
"Natsuki!"
Inna, who entered the room at that very time with Svetlana, seems very angry with her granddaughter. Svetlana appeased nicely the oldest Kuga and suggesting that we have three more days before the solstice to talk but still, gave Natsuki something to think in the meantime; Svetlana then spoke to youngest Kuga in the gently way she used to talk me when she wanted to cheer me up.
"The Fujino family lost its Child hundreds of years ago, dear Natsuki. We are still Himes because the gifts from the Gods can be denied but we lost that physical part of our souls."
Natsuki wanted to know how it was possible that we could live as Himes without a child and it took my grandmother best arts and a couple of furious glares from Inna and Saeko to keep her questions down and unanswered until the next day.
After dinner, we sat in front of the fire as we do every night but I noticed this night was different. Svetlana is not talking and after some minutes, finally suggested that our guests must be tired after the long trip and we should let them have some rest.
However, she didn´t move and Inna did the same. They stayed, sat, looking at the vivid fire on the fireplace. Saeko and Natsuki waited undecided at the door and then I hear one the wolves´ voice towards to them.
"Masters, maybe we should leave now and let Inna-san and Svetlana-san alone."
I knew his name later. Yurka, Inna´s Child. I thought he was talking to Saeko and Natsuki only but I realized after a couple of seconds, he was also addressing me. It was not an order, but a gentle request to give the older women some space. Svetlana and Inna were not looking at us. As in the courtyard at sunset, they were looking at each other in silence.
By looking at them, I felt in my heart that the wolf was right and put my part to make that happen. My feelings however, weren´t shared by Saeko, who looked at me with some coldness before leaving almost dragging Natsuki with her and their Childs.
I stayed for a short farewell and left with Yurka, who stayed outside by the door, vigilant and serene. When I was closing the door I could see my grandmother taking Inna´s hand in silence and I felt like an intruder.
The giant wolf looked at me, unlike his master, he has limpid blue eyes.
"Thanks, Shizuru-san. You are a lot like Svetlana when she was younger."
"That is what I have heard."
It was so strange to talk with wolf. I knew it was a magic beast like all Childs but anyway, Childs only spoken with their masters and their families. It was not common at all to talk with a Child like this. Definitely these Kugas were one of a kind.
"So, do you know my grandmother since long time ago?"
"Since she and Inna were children. We were all young creatures then," he is gently and his blue eyes emanate an ancient wisdom.
"You and I will have a lot to talk then. I would really love to hear about my grandmother at that time."
I could swear the wolf smiled and laid in front of the door to wait for his master.
"We´ll see. Time will tell what we will talk about."
Apparently all Kugas, including the Childs were a combination of open distrust with a bit of rudeness. Later that night, resting on my bed, I am thinking about the Kuga women. All of them strong women, mainly Inna with her dark hair despite the age; the cold Saeko who so evidently distrusted us and didn´t like my grandmother but mainly, I remember about that strange young girl, Natsuki. She is so distant, so cold but so strong and beautiful. She is not like anyone in Novosibirsk. She is not like anyone I have meet before.
I fall asleep thinking about her that night and I noticed the next morning, that was the first night in weeks when I didn´t have bad and anguishing dreams.
All for now.
Thanks.