Carlos was disturbed to learn that he did not, in fact, own any clothing made of natural fibers. In addition to being slightly embarrassing, this meant that he was going to have to brave the clothing stores in downtown Night Vale — something which he had previously managed to avoid. While no one had ever accused him of putting too much thought into whether or not his clothes were in style, even he knew that Night Valean fashion left much to be desired. Fortunately, natural fibers seemed to be a trend in Night Vale — the scientist in Carlos wondered whether this was an indication of widespread skin sensitivities or just another of the town's many quirks. Unfortunately, all of the clothing that was "date appropriate" (and Carlos was certainly not going to risk the disapproving glares that had followed Cecil's on-air description of his first date attire by not dressing appropriately) was styled in a way that was, frankly, outlandish. After much deliberation he finally decided on a pair of gray pin-stripe trousers with a truly alarming leg flare and an orange tunic-like-thing. He was walking back to his truck, bag in hand, when he ran into the one person he had been hoping to avoid. He wasn't sure why the fact that Steve Carlsberg had been telling the truth about Cecil's tentacles was worse that the idea that the man had been lying, but it increased Carlos' desire to break his nose exponentially.

Despite his best efforts at evasion, Steve managed to corner him, apparently unable to take a hint. "Carlos! It's so good to see you! You've been doing some shopping, I see." The man had the unfailingly irritating habit of stating the obvious, and just then it was even more obnoxious than usual.

"Yes, I thought that it was past time that I started supporting local businesses," he said, gritting his teeth and lying with more ease than he ever had before moving to Night Vale.

Steve's smile faltered and he couldn't help but frown a little bit. "You sound as if you've decided to stay. I thought I had warned you about this place; you really need to leave while you still have the chance."

"I really don't need you to make my decisions for me," he replied, dropping all pretenses of cordiality. "In fact, I really don't need to hear your opinions on anything. This is my home, and I'm not going to let you of all people scare me away." He was only mildly surprised to find that he was telling the truth.

Steve shook his head sadly, looking a bit horrified. "They've gotten to you already; I didn't think it would happen this quickly. This is all Cecil's fault; I thought I warned you about him. He's a monster!"

Without really thinking about it, Carlos pulled back and punched him, feeling a satisfying crack as his fist connected with the other man's nose; Steve hit the ground with a thud, clutching at his face as it bled. Within moments members of the Sheriff's Secret Police were on the scene, and Carlos held his hands up in the air in an attempt to show that he had no intention of resisting. He quickly lowered them, however, after receiving strange looks from behind the balaclavas.

"Was this really necessary Carlos?" One of the officers asked, disapproval radiating from his green eyes.

"I'm sorry officer," he said, hoping that he sounded appropriately contrite; he really didn't want to spend any time at all in the abandoned mineshaft. "But you heard what he said."

The officer sighed. "Yes, I did; which is why I'm letting you off with just a warning. But you can't go around punching every asshole who mouths off. There are forms for that."

"Yes officer," he replied, quashing the relieved giggles that were bubbling up inside of him. "It won't happen again."

He nodded, trying, and failing, to look curt and exasperated. "See that it doesn't." As the man turned away, Carlos could almost swear that he was smiling underneath his face mask; but then again, it was hard to tell with the Sheriffs Secret Police.

\\\\\\\\\\

That evening Carlos listened to Cecil's show from the parking lot in front of the radio station. The broadcaster had, of course, heard about the incident that afternoon, and while he didn't go into too many details, the phrase "defending my honor" was used more than once. Carlos was mildly mortified by the whole scenario, and his embarrassment did not ease when Cecil jumped into his arms with a cry of "my hero!"

They went to dinner, eating quietly in a back corner, and afterwards they decided to try the new frozen yogurt place; it was good even if Carlos had found a few of the flavors odd — strawberry and bloodstone was surprisingly tasty. Later, Carlos drove Cecil home. He put his car in park and killed the engine, plunging them into the darkness of Cecil's driveway. Carlos hated this part of the date; even after months of dates and important conversations about their relationship, he never got any better at this part. He was awkward and confused, and he never knew what to say. The only lines he could ever think of were stupid, or trite, or horrible clichés; your place or mine makes no sense at all when you're actually sitting outside of your date's house. His usual method for dealing with his social incompetence was to just do something, anything really, and run — like he had at the end of their first date — but that method was decidedly unproductive when considering his hopes for how this particular date was going to end. He gripped the steering wheel in both hands and prayed to whoever was listening that Cecil would make the first move.

After a few tense moments the radio broadcaster cleared his throat nervously. "Did you, um, did you want to come in? You know, for coffee or something."

"Yeah, that would be great," he answered, probably a bit too quickly. Cecil just grinned.

They made their way hand in hand up to the porch; Cecil fumbled a bit with the key, but he laughed good-naturedly, and soon they were inside. The radioman kicked off his sandals as soon as the door was shut behind them and led the way to the kitchen, fumbling through the mundane act of making coffee and biting his lips in an attempt to keep himself from babbling. The silence was in no way awkward, and Carlos was more than content to lean against the counter and watch his boyfriend. Cecil had, as usual, dressed carefully, if a tad eccentrically. His bright red pants hugged tightly against his skin even though they were several inches too long and dragged under his heels - they looked soft and Carlos longed to touch. His shirt was much simpler: a plain white cotton tunic that came down almost to where his fingers hit on his thighs; there were slits in the back for his tentacles, and the v of the collar dipped low, showing a tantalizing view of the man's breastbone. He had also styled his hair, gelling his bangs so that they stuck up in spikes instead of drooping down into his eyes. Still, no matter how graceful he looked, he was failing miserably at the simple task of making coffee.

"Damn it!" Cecil yelled after overfilling the coffee machine with water for the second time. "Do you actually want coffee?"

Carlos shook his head, smiling fondly at the other man. "Not really."

"Oh thank the gods," he replied breathlessly, looking so relieved that the scientist couldn't help but laugh. The broadcaster cut off his chuckles by lunging forward and crashing their mouths together, being particularly mindful of his sharper than usual teeth.

Carlos clutched at his partner, moaning low in the back of his throat. He dragged his hands down his friend's back until he was able to cup his ass in both of his hands. Cecil whimpered and all ten of his limbs contracted, desperately pulling the scientist closer. He left one of his hands where it was to knead at the firm muscle there as he moved the other up his tunic to press at the small of his back.

"I have a bedroom," Cecil announced, arching into the touch. "We should go there: much less dangerous."

"Whatever you say," he agreed, quickly deciding not to think about what possible danger they were in by making out in the kitchen.

They shared one last quick kiss, which easily changed into a long one, before Cecil led the way down the hall. Carlos was pressed against his back, one hand clutching at his hip while the other was still beneath his tunic, now pressed against his stomach. On his end, Cecil was doing his best to wrap the other man entirely: two tentacles were already under his shirt, two more were coiled tightly around his thighs, one was draped around his neck, and the remaining three were pushing and pulling at him at random; this left both of Cecil's hands free to press against the walls in an attempt to keep them on their feet. They had just reached the doorway to the bedroom when Carlos leaned down to suck an open-mouthed kiss onto the skin behind his ear in the way he knew made the other man's knees weak.

"You're such a tease," Cecil complained, the effect ruined by the fact that he was gasping for breath.

He chuckled and repeated the action. "I'm not teasing. Teasing implies that I have no intention of following through." He paused for another kiss before continuing. "Take off your shirt; I'd probably end up hurting you if I tried doing it."

The speed with which the man scrambled to comply sent Carlos reeling. When they had first gone to bed together Carlos had been surprised, and a little bit scared, to discover that Cecil was just a little bit submissive when it came to sex. The scientist had never really been the more dominant one in a relationship before, and he found the prospect daunting, but with Cecil it was easy; all he had to do was take charge a little bit - give a few instructions, press him down into the mattress as they kissed, little things like that — and Cecil practically melted. After doing what he had been asked, Cecil sat on the edge of the bed and watched eagerly as Carlos stripped off his own shirt and toed off his shoes and socks.

Cecil tilted his face up for a kiss which Carlos happily gave. He slowly deepened the kiss, tipping Cecil back until he was lying flat on the bed with his legs dangling off the end; he straddled him, still kissing him and forgetting to be careful of his teeth. In fact, he forgot about pretty much everything that wasn't the feeling of Cecil's skin, his hands in his hair, or the tentacles that made him feel like he was cocooned in warmth and security — albeit sexy warmth and security. After an indeterminable length of time, he started kissing down his chest. Soon he was on the ground, kneeling between Cecil's splayed legs and struggling with his impossible button. After truly awkward amount of time, Cecil sat up and pushed his hands away, undoing the button himself.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, looking incredibly nervous. "I mean, things aren't exactly what you're expecting."

He smiled reassuringly, cupping his knees in his hands. "I'm expecting you; I don't care about anything else. As long as you're sure, I'm sure. But we don't have to do anything. Do you want to do this, Cecil?"

Cecil nodded, still looking a bit hesitant but reassured all the same. He laid back again, letting his hands fall to the side in order to give his friend access. Carlos took a deep breath and placed one last kiss on his bare stomach before undoing the buttons and peeling off his trousers. He swallowed heavily, a hysterical voice in the back of his head commenting that at least things were symmetrical. He glanced up in order to give his partner a smile that was only slightly strained before reaching out and threading his fingers through the eight tentacles that apparently made up Cecil's current genitalia.

The tentacles were all smooth and were producing a slick film that was probably a form of self-lubrication. They were all different sizes, the longest stretched to the size of his forearm, while the shortest were only an inch or two long. They could change their sizes, too, becoming thicker or thinner as they shortened and elongated. Carlos began a light kneading motion, buying himself time, and Cecil moaned, arching his back. Such an obviously positive reaction gave the scientist a boost in confidence, and he quickly got out of his own pants and climbed up on the bed.

The scientist hissed through his teeth as he slotted their hips together, burying his face in Cecil's neck as he tried to get himself under control. Cecil didn't seem to be doing much better. He was gasping and clutching at Carlos with every available limb. Carlos turned his head for a very uncoordinated kiss, barely managing to meet the other man's lips at all.

After a few moments he pulled away and looked down at his friend, panting heavily. "Is this okay? Tell me what you want. What do you need me to do?"

"This is good," Cecil answered with a groan. "This is really great. Oh gods, please don't stop." Carlos nodded and kissed him again, reaching down to clutch at Cecil's hip.

\\\\\\\

Cecil lived in an ancient farm house that only had one bathroom; the shower in that bathroom was in no way big enough for two grown men to share, so they had to take turns. Cecil went first mostly because, apparently, tentacle skin is a lot harder to wipe off than normal skin, so he was already dry and back in bed by the time Carlos was finished with his.

Cecil was sitting up in bed and smoking cigarettes that smelled faintly of peppermint as he read emails on his phone. After he was mostly dried off, Carlos climbed back into bed, kissing his preoccupied partner's cheek; Cecil hummed happily but didn't look up from what he was doing. Not that Carlos really minded — he had certainly been on the other end of things often enough: such as the disastrous 'tree research' that made up most of their first date. Eventually, he put his phone aside and smiled up at his scientist.

Carlos smiled back and leaned down for a kiss before saying, "You're not supposed to smoke in bed, you know."

"Really? Why not?" Cecil asked, looking genuinely confused.

He smiled fondly at him. "Because if you fall asleep, you could burn yourself to death."

"Well, I promise not to fall asleep then," he replied, giving him a look that clearly said that he thought the other man's concern was adorable.

Carlos hummed before reaching over and plucking the cigarette out of his friends hand and brought it to is own lips. It tasted like an odd mixture of tobacco and peppermint — kind of like the time he had tried quitting while writing his dissertation and had ended up chew nicotine gum and smoking at the same time. It was definitely odd, and he wasn't quite sure how he felt about the combination, but it had been years since his last cigarette and the hit of nicotine more than made up for any oddity. He had originally quit smoking in an attempt to avoid cancer, but as far as he could tell, that really wasn't a concern in Night Vale — so he figured, what the hell.

"Carlos, I didn't know you smoked," Cecil said, sounding almost in awe.

He shrugged, taking another drag. "I quit when I got my doctorate, but my reasons for doing so no longer seem valid. I'm sorry for commandeering your smoke, though."

"Don't worry about it; you can have as many as you want," he answered as he tapped a fresh cigarette out of the carton. "I'll help you fill out the government subsidy forms tomorrow if you like."

He nodded, draping his arm over his shoulders. "That would be great. I do have one question though: Why peppermint?"

Cecil blushed, turning his head away sheepishly. "Oh, you know, so they can market them to children better. It provides an easier transition into a life-long nicotine habit because they taste kind of like the candy cigarettes they sell in the Ralph's." He had almost slipped into his Radio Voice, but he when he spoke again after a slight pause, his voice was back to it's more causal Off Duty tone. "I just like them. I think I have a pack of regulars around here somewhere, though, if you don't like the taste."

"They're fine," he answered quickly, not wanting his friend to get up.

Carlos leaned down for another kiss, happy to let his cigarette burn down as he focused on the lazy, comfortable push and slide.

A/N:

Thank you all for reading; I hope you enjoyed it. And a special thanks to my beta Painless_papercuts over on AO3 who is absolutely amazing.

I do have more stories planned for this series, but if anyone has anything they would especially like to see, just let me know and I'll see what I can do.