Enjoy.

Chapter 2:

Jasper Hale.

1. Beg him not to eat you.

"Dear god, Jasper please don't eat me!"

"Bella, I won't eat you."

"DON'T EAT ME! I WANT TO LIVE!"

"Bella, I promise I will NOT eat you!"

"Okay, I believe you."

"Do you think you could let go of my leg now?"

"No."

2. Whenever he says anything, snap to attention and shout "Sir, yes, sir!" and salute, army style.

Bella and Jasper were in the kitchen baking cookies. Well, Bella was just watching Jasper make a fool of himself.

"Bella, can you hand me over those eggs please?" Jasper asked.

"Sir, yes sir!" Bella yelled in a deep voice and saluted him. Jasper just rolled his eyes.

"Oh, and those beaters too please."

"Sir, yes sir!" She yelled again. Jasper sighed.

"Can you please not do that, Bella." He groaned.

"Sir, yes sir!" Bella yelled again.

"Don't make me eat you…" Jasper warned. Bella just laughed and left the room but not before yelling:

"Sir, yes sir!"

3. Send out waves of lust and see how he reacts.

Jasper was quietly sitting in the living room reading War &Peace when Bella walked into the room. Automatically Jasper stiffened, not because of her blood, but because he was absolutely terrified of this little human.

But it seems that Jasper is in luck because Bella sat down on the love couch and started reading. Jasper relaxed and continued reading his book.

A few minutes into reading he squirmed a little bit. A small dose of lust hit him and he looked over to Bella, who is still reading. He shook of the feeling and continued reading.

For half an hour Jasper was fighting off small feelings of lust coming from Bella. He was starting to feel smug about the fact that not only was Bella radiating lust, but disappointment as well. Jasper let out a small chuckle and turned the page. Bella mimicked that chuckle and suddenly a large dose of lust and desire hit him like a ton of bricks.

Unable to control any of his actions and fuelled by desire and lust he pounced on the nearby female. This unfortunately was Bella. Jasper crushed his lips to hers and forced his tongue down her throat. Bella by some miracle managed to break away and she screamed at the top of her lungs:

"RAPE!"

That snapped Jasper out of his lust filled craze and he pushed himself of her.

"God Bella I'm so sorry." He apologized profusely. Jasper was expecting her to run away in fear, but the human always manages to surprise him. Bella started laughing hysterically. She clutched her stomach and slapped her knees.

Jasper watched as Bella seemed to be having some sort of epileptic fit. It was then that the rest of the Cullens walked through the door.

"What did you do to her?" Edward yelled. By now Bella was rolling on the floor, kicking her feet, laughing like a maniac. Jasper scowled down at Bella and then at Edward.

"Couldn't you have picked a girl that wasn't so buckets of crazy?"

4. Tell everyone that Jasper didn't get his scars from fighting, then wiggle your eyebrows suggestively while looking at Alice.

"Guys, I have something very important I need to tell you." Bella said solemnly. Everybody was seated at the family table and looking at Bella in concern.

"What is it, love?" Edward asked. He couldn't help but think she was dumping him to be with that flea bag Jacob. Bella took a big breath and started.

"I thought everybody should know this and I can't keep it a secret anymore." She wailed. The Cullens were filled with a sense of dread at what Bella was about to tell them.

"Jasper didn't get his scars from fighting." She said. Everybody looked at Jasper in confusion. Jasper looked like he was choking on something. Bella than looked pointedly at Alice and wiggled her eyebrows.

"What!" Jasper sputtered. Bella than proceeded to make dirty signs with her hands and make weird sexual noises.

"Wow Edward you sure can pick em'" Emmett laughed and left the table.

But Edward couldn't help but be relieved.

5. Splatter red paint all over his and Alice's room and videotape his reaction.

Bella laughed maniacally as she splattered red paint across the walls of Jasper and Alice's room. She then wrote words with the blood red paint like "7 days…" and "I know where you live…"

When she finished painting her masterpiece she wiped a hand across her forehead and sighed. The opening of the front door alerted her to the presence of Jasper. Quickly tip toeing over to the video camera she had hidden behind a vase of flowers, she clicked the record button and ran into Alice's oversized wardrobe. The door was open just enough to see Jasper's reaction.

The bedroom door opened and she almost laughed at the horrified expression on Jasper's face. She saw the pupils of his eyes grow bigger with thirst and she laughs into her hand. Obviously Jasper was too distracted to hear her.

Bella laughed silently as she watched Jasper try to lick the paint off the walls and couldn't hold it in any longer when she saw his confused expression. His eyes darted to her hiding place and she scooted backwards when the door was almost ripped of its hinges.

"He he he, hi." She giggled innocently.

6. When he gets to close make your fingers into a cross and cry, "The power of Christ compels you!"

Jasper wringed his hands together nervously as he stood outside Edward's bedroom door. Just behind it was the very human he came to fear and admire, the very human who he held by the collar of her shirt from the roof of the house because she completely ruined his bedroom. The bedroom door opened and Edward walked out glaring at him.

"She's ready to see you now." He growled and opened the door wider. He gasped when he saw Bella huddled up in the corner with a blanket wrapped tightly around, shaking and muttering about "Never trusting a vampire again."

He closed the door and walked towards her.

"Bella I am so sor—" Jasper was cut off when Bella suddenly jumped up and screamed:

"The power of Christ compels you!" While making the cross sign with her fingers. Jasper sighed.

"Fuck it." He muttered and walked out of the room, leaving a hysterical Bella behind.

7. Dress up in a cape and fangs and leap out when he least expects it, proclaiming you have come to suck his blood.

"I vwant to suck your blooooood." Bella cried as she jumped out of the hallway closet.

"Holy fuck!" Jasper yelled. Bella was decked out in a count Dracula costume, she had the fangs and everything.

"Bella, you really need to see a therapist."

8. Walk into a room as quietly as possible then yell "Attent hut!"

Peace and quiet is something that's hard to find in the Cullen household since Bella went spastic. But Edward told Jasper Bella was spending the day with Charlie so he figured he would make the most of this rarity.

"Attent hut!" Bella yelled. Without thinking Jasper automatically jumped up and saluted.

"Bella!"

9. Ask him how he is feeling, shrink style.

"Jasper?"

"Yes, Bella."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Christ."

10. Whenever he opens his mouth scream "LIES!"

Today was the day Jasper finally decided to stand up to the monster named Bella. He stormed through the front door and listened closely, he heard a heart beating in the living room. With fierce determination he stormed into the room.

"Bella!" He hollered. The spawn of the devil was sitting serenely on the couch with Emmett and Edward.

"Yes Jasper?" She replied calmly. Jasper swallowed down all his fear and opened his mouth.

"LIES LIES LIES!" She screamed at the top of her voice. The sound of her voice shocked Jasper so badly he jumped a mile and ran upstairs to Alice.

"Bella, love. Was that really necessary?" Edward asked as he listened to Jasper's silent sobs from upstairs. Bella said nothing, only turned her head to stare at Edward with a blank look that was strangely scary.

"I'm going to go check on Jasper." He gulped and darted upstairs.

"Me too." Emmett said and followed suit. Bella let out one small chuckle and continued watching Days of Our Lives.

Next chapter will be Alice.

Please leave a review telling me what you think.

Until next time,

ZooperDooper.