MY BEGINNING

Songs: Ms Mr - Bones

"What is to give light must endure burning" - Viktor E. Frankl

A/N: Thank you for the amazing reviews. Sorry for the delay but I hope this chapter makes up for it.

Fire was all that consumed me - flames licking at my body, engulfing my heart and bounding my mind in its raging torture. No other thoughts could roam freely in my mind and distract me as all that dominated my thoughts was how my body felt ignited – like I was set alight. Concentration was at loss along with my sanity. Words or sounds couldn't escape my mouth so no help would be coming for me. Combustion took place even stronger than before if that was even possible and I tried to move but to no avail. I just had to lay there and take it. There were no words in the English language that could comprehend or even justify the intensity of the pain that I was in right now.

Endless minutes felt like everlasting days but it made no difference to count the time as the pain was still there. Death should overtake me because would me much better than this kind of infinite torture. As the burning intensified so did my longing for death. I could feel the psychosis creep up on me slowly no matter how hard I tried to ignore it but it was hopeless.

Soon as I could at least count, the minutes stretched into hours and the hours turned into forever ending days. I found that as long as I could count, I didn't have to concentrate on the pain but I also think that the aching had been there for so long that I couldn't really imagine anything without it so I was kinda immune to it but I could still feel it. None of that really made sense to me but my mind wasn't really sane at the minute.

17866 seconds later I finally started to breathe easily, well easier than before and that I could think around the pain. Not clear direct thoughts but small fragments that would shift rapidly into different topics. A spiral of different notions and concepts ran through me and it was very difficult to separate them apart.

Currently I was now counting my breaths because I was bored out of my mind. Shifting and changing, either listening to my heartbeat or counting my wavering breaths.

699 breaths later I could feel my limbs go numb and my mind shut down. If this was death I would take it gladly because I felt wary and I needed to rest. Relaxation gradually fell onto my nerves and veins slowly and every raging thought began to fade. It was like my whole body was anaesthetized that even the flames were deadening slowly.

Pure bliss drowned in me and then I awoke...

Opening my eyes, my sight blurred as I fazed into the situation but after blinking a few times, I was met with the ashen broken wooded roof. The planks of wood used to construct it had holes and cracks which gave me an insight to the time of the day and I found that it was night. Far away stars seemed up close as I squinted through the numerous gaps in the wooden ceiling. Curiously, I spectated the intricate unnoticeable swirls in the weathered wood that seemed to slowly erode over time indicating that it had been built along time ago. I could identify the minusculewood shavings in each plank and how they were all crowded together to create the plank itself.

And all of this I was seeing in…the dark?

Sitting up, I realised the motion was quicker than my usual pace. My motion had caused the specks of dust motes to stir in the slightly tainted air, which seemed to strongly smell of what I could only describe as rotten yeast and an even stronger stench of beer that had dried up mingled with the smell of sand dust. Bile rose to my throat from the overwhelming stench.

Wait - something was definitely wrong with me – how could I see dust motes so closely to me? But when looking around me, I watched as the microscopic dust motes floated around the atmosphere in a sort of beautiful grace. They reminded me of the gentle fall of snowflakes and how people used to dart out their tongues to catch them on their warm tongues and having them melt into water in their mouths.

Outside, I could hear the light bubble of overlapping water – a waterfall perhaps. The trickling sound was slightly soothing and I took a brief moment to revel in the peaceful sound of nature taking its course.

My thoughts were so fast that it'd only taken a sixteenth of a second and to make matters scarier, these rapid thoughts were understandable.

Standing up (again in an unknown quick speed), I stared wide eyed, searching my surrounding for any clue of where I was and why I was where and also what the fuck was happening to me. Searching for any indications, I noted the small size of the room but also the neglected state it was in as it was littered with debris; Cobwebs governed the available corners of the room; Shattered glass was around the room, along with broken bits of beer bottles that were scattered around the room. On one side of the wall, I could see a huge stain of beer that answered my question from before. It seemed that now I had noticed the source of the smell, it became more potent that I thought possible. I could see small crumbles of the wooden planks that made up the unstable walls erode because of the chemical imbalance in the alcohol added onto the age it had been neglected for. Most of the missing planks from the room had fallen down into the house itself and I wondered how I'd been left unscathed with none that had feel on me through my...unconsciousness. Looking around the deserted building, it felt like home was breathed onto me causing me to wrap my arms around myself in an involuntary shiver.

Exploring my surroundings, I bent down to look into the disregarded piece of glass that lay on the ground. Staring back at me was a woman - not just any women but a beautiful woman. Her heart shaped face held perfect cheekbones, two perfect pink lips that parted as I did. She was rather pale but then I froze as I stared into the blood red eyes triggering the response of dropping the glass in a sharp movement as the flashes rushed into my mind.

The pack...Jacob...Charlie...Truck...Some weird sound...Victoria... she bit- VICTORIA!

It was all coming back now. I fought mentally hard to focus on the blurred memories that invaded my mind as I tried to remember what had happened. I'd gone to Jacob- we'd been hanging around recently bec- Edward! The thought of his name broke me down and I slumped down to the ground. My fingers instinctively reached out to take hold of a shard of glass and once I found one, my fingers tightened around it as I squeezed it hard enough to create some sort of pain to relieve me from this numbness. However, the only result of my impulsive actions led to it being crushed into morsels of glass. But of course –

I was a vampire.

A vampire.

The thought easily fleeted through my mind but it seemed unnatural to apply it to myself. No feelings flared to this conclusion and I simply sat there, replaying the unfathomable statement and waiting for it to sink in.

I was a vampire. Isabella Swan was a vampire. Again, no emotion was elicited from this but it felt deviant to not feel anything about the whole transition.

Had it been what I wanted?

Yes, but what was the point of forever if I had no one to share it with?

I would have no one to care for me; no one to sit by my side and help me in my most vulnerable state, no one to help me with my erratic emotions, no one to make sure that I didn't slip up, no one to teach me how to be in control; no one to care for me…no one to love me…

I didn't want this – not anymore.

Then again, was I even a vampire?

This could just be another one of my vivid nightmares and this seemed logical because it explained why I wasn't reacting – why my body still and unmoving. It hadn't rejected the notion because it had taken it into account and a part of me knew it was real…by why wasn't I panicking? Screaming? Crying – well I couldn't do that but anything would be better than nothing.

The only proof of my recreation was the fiery burn in my throat and the strange hunger that fired up with my acknowledgement. It slowly began to spread through me and invade my thoughts as I felt a monster loose caged rattled the chains, begging for escape. However, as strong as it was, somehow I was more powerful because I was quick in diverting my thoughts.

What should I do now?

Well I couldn't stay here; the smell seemed to assault my nose so I knew I couldn't stay anymore. Standing up causally, I walked surprisingly gracefully through the rubble and clatter and out the door, freed from the disgusting stench of the building and welcomed into the fresh air that mingled with a comforting aroma of the dampened earth from a light rainfall.

A narrow rectangular window that emitted limited silver glimmer of the moon light was close to the ceiling. The silver light tickled the pane of the window creating a luminous sparkle as it reflected from the moonlight and I yearned to be outside.

I needed to get out of here.

They would all be worried – would Jake care for me anymore. And Charlie –

Charlie. I hadn't even thought about him. He might jump to conclusions and think I was dead. The Cullens had told me that the change lasted for three to four days – what if I've been declared missing and there was a search party out for me.

Had Victoria moved me away from Forks?

Walking towards the exit, I found the wooden door that was simply leaning on the doorway as the hinges were discarded.

I walked outside and the sounds of the cars' revving engine grew louder and I was about to follow the sound but a flash of red caught my eye from my peripheral view – it was my truck. There was a large distance of about thirty meters but I didn't pay it any mind when my muscles started flexing.

I raced to it and gasped at how fast I'd been travelling.

With quivering fingers, I reached down to grab the handle but when pulling to open the door, I ended up pulling the metal handle off the door. With gaping eyes, I looked at my hand and gasped before I stopped thinking about it and threw it to the ground but realised that the door was now stuck.

All I really needed to do w-

Not really thinking, I acted on impulse and reached out my fist so it could crack the glass. The delicious sound of the small crystal fragments clattering to the ground made me release a sound that was crossed between a laugh and a surprised gasp.

Glancing down to my hand, I expected to see it bleeding from the cuts from great impact from the broken shards of glass but when I saw my unscratched stone hand, I remembered everything but wasn't sure whether to be thankful or to sit down and cry.

Not that I could do that anyway.

I shouldn't be dwelling on this – I needed to check on Charlie but what if – No – I couldn't think like that.

Reaching inside the window of the truck, I grabbed the handle, hastily pushing so that the door was popped open. I then hurriedly jumped into the driver's seat and started the engine.

I needed to see my father.

I needed to make sure that he was okay.

A/N: Will Bella be able to handle herself around her father? Review for more.