Respect My Authority
Wow the response to this story has been rather overwhelming, and rather daunting. How can I measure up with this second chapter!
However here it is, it took me a while, a lot of episode watching, a large number of songs in a special playlist and a heap of encouragement not only from you the reviewers but also the people who know me, and read this story and pester me. Without pestering, where would I be?
So here it is my dear readers. Chapter 2.
Disclaimer: I dont own. Anything at all. Not even my hairtie
WARNING: Anti-Semitic and homophobic remarks. Cartman style.
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Chapter 2 - Club Cartyle
Kyle didn't hear about Club Cartyle until recess on Monday.
It was a new and highly exclusive club at school and all its members seemed to be girls, and he assumed, like most of the boys, that it was a girly makeup, clothing and hairspray type conversation forum.
Oh how wrong he was.
~*~
First period Monday and Cartman was already pissed off.
Some little shit had told the entirety of the year group who hadn't made it to Bebe's party about the game of Spin the Bottle and its subsequent results. That little fag Pirrup had actually dared to smirk at him as he walked past him, on the way to his locker.
"Aye!" Cartman had bawled, "What are you looking at Fag!"
"Oh my goodness." Pip had squeaked, not expecting that his little smile would incite such a violent response.
At least, Cartman thought broodingly, he had gotten a chance to make a 'French twist' out of the little shit. Entering the class he glared at his teacher, drawling out that Pip would not be attending class today, he was sick.
~*~
Stan was running late that morning after Shelly hogged the bathroom for an obscene 40 minutes.
"Moom." The black haired teen yelled down the stairs.
"I'm sorry Stan." Came the response, yelled back from the livingroom, "But maybe you should have gotten up earlier."
"She's been in there for Forty minutes!" Stan yelled, hopping from foot to foot, trying to suppress his desperate urge to pee. "Moooooom!"
"Jesus you little shit." Shelley grumbled as she exited the bathroom. "It's free now." The girl had upgraded from Turd to Shit when she reached Grade 7 and became a 'proper teenager'.
"Thank god," Stan muttered as he hurried back along the landing to the bathroom. Suddenly his parents room barged open and Randy Marsh came barrelling out and straight into the bathroom. The door slammed in Stan's face, "Hey! Dad! I needed that!"
No response.
"Goddammit." Stan muttered and went downstairs, heading out into the garden. "We need another bathroom in this place."
Which was why, when it came time to get to school, Stan was running late.
He barrelled up the stairs, swearing under his breath at his tardiness and leapt to the side as the doors opened and Pip Pirrup hurried out, nose looking broken and his limbs moving in very odd ways. Stan watched for a minute and then shrugged, maybe it was some English thing?
Quickly he moved inside the school building and through the corridors to his locker. The final bell rang just as he got there and he realised he had forgotten his locker key. With a groan he banged his head against the locker. "Goddammit!"
~*~
Kenny might have been a perverted child, forced to grow up before his time, through death and through the sheer uselessness of his parents, but now he had reached his middle teens he realised he slotted right into the curve of maturing young men.
In fact he had found himself rather revered by his fellow students for his exploits and his graphic porn collection. Butters had even come up and asked for a nice safe porn movie to watch. Kenny, never failing to make trouble for someone else gave him a graphic and rather violent anime film.
Butters still ran away screaming whenever he saw an Asian girl on the streets.
So why was Kenny the only male recruited into Club Cartyle?
Stan's theory was that he had weaselled in with some pretext for some personal gain. Probably perverted and dirty. Maybe he had blackmailed them?
Kyle considered and then shrugged, it didn't really have anything to do with them right? Kenny would probably tell them all later anyway.
Butters supposed maybe they wanted to make him look clean and pretty, because Kenny had very nice cheekbones under all that matted hair.
Tweak practically vibrated off his bench as he watched Cartman shove Butters face into his meal and quickly stated that he couldn't possibly voice an opinion under such pressure.
Clyde and Craig just looked at one another and then continued eating, who knews why Kenny did anything, and why interfere? It might end up in some nice new videos that they might want to borrow from the blond at a later date.
Cartman coughed and then loudly stated his opinion: that Kenny was clearly having a time of deep gender confusion.
There was silence.
Not much one could say after that.
~*~
If Kyle had thought he would get through this first day back at school without a reference to The Game on Friday he was sadly mistaken. The odd thing about it was that the last person he ever expected to bring it up was the one to do so on the way back from school that afternoon.
"So Jew-fag," Cartman drawled from several paces behind Kyle as they walked towards the school gates. "You do realise that your new found sexual orientation means that the Nazi's would have killed you off twice over."
Kyle gritted his teeth and pressed on, making a frustrated noise under his breath. Stan gave him a sympathetic look but didn't say anything as they trudged through the sludgy grass.
"Aw gee Eric why do you say that?" Butters said, as usual completely innocent of everything. Cartman smirked as he watched Kyle's hands curl into fists from where he walked in front of him.
"Well you see Butters..."
"Shut up Cartman."
"...when the Nazi's tried to righteously purify the world..."
"I mean it Fatass!"
"...they didn't just want to kill off the useless Jew-rats..."
"Don't belittle my people like that you racist Fatboy!"
"...they wanted the perfect race, so they killed off Fags too...."
"Cartman!"
"..And so you see our Kyle here got a double dose..."
"ARGH!!!"
~*~
"I call this first meeting of Club Cartyle to Order!" Bebe proclaimed banging her desk with a small judge's hammer.
Wendy had been sent by the committee to petition the school to let them use a classroom for their afterschool activities. The school, thrilled to have kids participating in extracurricular things, never asked what the club was for and gave them the permission they required.
Bebe was Chairwoman, Kenny was Chairman, Wendy was secretary and the rest of the girls were the rest of the Committee.
"Now we all know what our goal here is." Bebe continued, tucking a strand of curly blonde hair behind her ear. "We have two years left at this school, which gives us two years to complete our brief. Not that I think it will take that long."
Titters filled the classroom as the girls winked at each other. Kenny just smirked.
"We all saw the kiss on Friday." Appreciative noises filled the room, "And we all agree that seeing two rivals snog each other's faces off was possibly the hottest thing we have ever seen in our lives." Kenny raised an eyebrow at her but she ignored him, "So all that remains is how to convince Kyle Broflovski and Eric Cartman that they should re-direct all that animosity into a more...productive fashion. Ideas?"
That was when shouts from the yard reached their ears and all the girls plus Kenny rushed to the window.
"Oh my!" squealed Red.
Down there in the schoolyard, with Stan Marsh dancing around clearly trying to intercede, the objects of the Club Cartyle Committee discussion were scrambling around, wrestling mightily.
"They're fighting again." Kenny groaned.
"Just means there is passion there McCormick." Bebe informed him.
"Yeah, passionate hatred."
"Haven't you ever heard of there being a thin line between love and hate?"" Annie informed him
"Oh god yes," Heidi gushed, "Like Anne Boleyn and Henry."
"Except we don't want Kyle to get his head chopped off for supposedly sleeping with his brother." Wendy contributed.
There was silence for a moment.
"Do you reckon Kyle would be the chick in the relationship?" Bebe asked after a bit of silence.
All the girls looked at each other thoughtfully, and then began to giggle.