I have changed the layout *sigh of relief from numerous reviewers*. It is now either a newspaper or magazine article. Probably more likely a magazine but I can't be bothered to decide which one. Any suggestions are welcome.

Disclaimer: I don't own COTT, Pantene™, any of the books I happen to mention or anything to be really honest.

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On Saturday 23rd May 2009 budding interviewers Bj-midge-4eva, hffkidzik, and Ginger-biscuits were lucky enough to travel to the Brownstone in Canada, home of seven heroes whose destiny is to defeat the power-mad Cronus, Greek god of time. These heroes are Jay, Theresa, Archie, Atlanta, Herry, Odie and Neil.

First up to have the privilege of conversing with these five saviours is Bj-midge-4eva, whose questions is directed towards Neil, also known as The Good Looking: How long does it take you to do your hair?

The hero in question takes on the appearance of an extremely pleased feline creature, and runs a perfectly manicured hand through his Pride and Joy. "Well," he begins, in the manner of Alexandra Tolstoy, "every morning I begin with a light shampoo and conditioner. I particularly favour Pantene™ Pro-active enriched with Royal Jelly. (A.N. This is a mixture of roughly three adverts I have seen on TV). I find it strengthens my hair…" a dramatic pause ensues which it is believed only Neil could uphold, "…without it losing its natural shine. Once this is done I carefully blow dry it (in front of a mirror of course) whilst styling it with my various brushes and tongs. This process takes the best part of three hours."

As he finishes, another pause of mild awe follows, until our second anonymous interviewer, who has cunningly been named hffkidzik, steps forward. Their question is as follows: Why do Archie and Atlanta deny their relationship?

The purple-haired teen's complexion morphs into the same colour and complexion as the sofa he is sitting on, but Atlanta is not so restrained. "We are not in a relationship!" she barks. There is something of the national anthem about her. Another awkward pause follows, broken only by the huffing of certain irritated individuals at this unsatisfactory answer. Archie appears suggestively disappointed, but his denied girlfriend is having none of it, and we are forced to move on to our next interviewer-Ginger-biscuits.

Ginger-biscuits is evidently rather more curious about our heroes lives, with a rather long list of questions, the first of which is: What books does everyone like reading? A literacy discussion quickly evolves, with the following results:

Jay: Mortal Engines

Theresa: Gossip Girl

Archie: The Iliad

Atlanta: The No.1 Ladies Detective Agency

Herry: How to be a Domestic Goddess

Odie: The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Neil: Harper's Bazaar

Ginger-biscuits nods his head approvingly, and proceeds onto his next question: Where did you get the flying costumes?

"Hephaestus." replies Jay. There seems to be nothing more to say about this, and indeed everyone remains silent.

Nodding his head a little less approvingly, Ginger-biscuits now says: Is there a local swimming pool where you live?

"No." says Atlanta firmly.

Again no-one seems to be offering anything more on the subject, but the reviewers clearly aren't going to put up with this, and there is a pause long enough for someone to open a tin of baked beans before Archie finally reports: "Well… there is one… at our school. That is… not like…. I've ever… been… in it. So to speak…"

Before everyone gives up on life, Ginger-biscuits quickly moves on: Which floors do everyone sleep on?

"Ah, I'm glad you asked that," pipes up Jay from his Chair of No Escape. "Allow me to draw you a diagram to illustrate exactly where we sleep." He whips out a pen and paper with the essence of One Who is Always Prepared and begins on his diagram. "Now, let's see, I'm at the top, oh, I'd better just add in that bookcase there. Oh, no, that's too small, you don't get the sense of scale, I'll just rub it out. That's better, now is the window on the left or right side of my bed? I think if I look at it from this angle it may change now…"

It is believed that this particular question may have to be left unanswered for the sake of everyone present's mental health, so, leaving Jay rambling on, Ginger-biscuits travels to his last question: Does Cronus ever do anything apart from stare into that pool of water and think up evil plans?

"Good question!" chortles Odie, twiddling with some computer wires at the hilarity of such a suggestion. "But for an accurate answer with no anomalies or false zeros, may I suggest that you ask the God of Time himself!"

We now switch to Cronus (the God of Time himself) who is sitting rather benignly in a chair. "Pool of water?!" he roars. "Evil plans!? Ahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!" He then pauses for breath, and continues to laugh evilly for a tedious ten minutes, before finally replying: "Well you would be right there." A pause which has become so familiar during this last twenty minutes settles like a cloud of talcum powder over the group. "BUT!" shrieks Cronus, surprising everyone so much that everyone is knocked off their seats, except Jay who is tied to his and too busy colouring in Archie's duvet colour in the correct shade of orange to notice. "BUT! I am of course also planning-planning, planning, planning-planning I tell you…" Pause. "…to take over the world!!"

"Well, no surprises there." Comments Theresa cheerfully.

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How to be a Domestic Goddess is a cookery book by the way.

Sorry it took me so long to post this, I just wrote it very slowly. Any more reviews and helpful comments are gratefully accepted. Thank-you to Hffkidzik, Ginger-biscuits and Bj-midge-4eva!

P.S. Ginger-biscuits is a friend of mine of Fanfiction, and requested that I leave out the question about the clothes, that's why it's not there :P