She's read histories enough to know that nothing ever turns out in a good way. The world is a sad place, people in general will always make the worst choices, and she, as pragmatic as she is, includes herself in this. Of course, she will always take the worst course of action ever. Maybe not the worst, but mostly not the best. Why let her decide? She always thought because they were too much of cowards themselves and wanted to have someone to blame for their choices. Now more than ever she understands why leaders are driven to madness, coldness and sadness, and she is walking this path. She never just get allies she conscript them and make them serve. Making them serve her would be ok, If she was honest enough to make them serve straight and clean, but not her, she is subtle. She make them like her enough to think they are not actually serving, that all was a big mistake and they can leave wherever they want. Just sweet lies, she always just adequate them and eludes them enough that they think about themselves not her servers, but in the end they are. When she judges, it's more about the show then anything, it's not about justice, it's about the spectacle, how amusing everything will be for the watcher and nobles and rulers, not justice at all.
The mages were conscripted cause how in the world she would trust them, she knew that rebellion would be close enough again if she brings them in a short leash. So she masquerade the leash, saying that all happened because she wasn't sure about they loyalty but as soon as they prove themselves, they would be free. She gave them missions and let them taste freedom, let them go around as they pleased, or so they think, but behind all she trains people to be able enough to contain them. She mistrusts and is always vigilant. She knows that people when kept satisfied and with the illusion of freedom, don't rebel. So she gives them this, and smile and treats them like people, but always with the watchful stance. She is doing this for the greater good, or she believes so. She hates chaos, and peace for her means order, organization, things running smoothly. And magic is chaos, is not like chess or a battlefield that she can plan and adequate and control. It's an uncontrollable force and she hates loosing control. That why she is pushes herself farther from everyone, because people you care about you can't control and in the end is about control.
She was the lazy unwanted middle children without anything good enough to turn the tide in her favor. Wits and cleverness alone that is what she had, but this wasn't enough, but know it had to be, or the Maker wouldn't have chosen her. She thinks the Maker is mad, but who is she to question his madness. If in the end all have a purpose, she believed hers was to make evil vanish through cleverness and prove to all that we can vanquish things by the smartness of our actions. So if this is her destiny, so let her make the best of the weapons she had. Even if the price that she is paying is too high, that she forgets who she was and just became Andraste's Herald, and later Inquisitor. The worst is that she knows that she never figured out who she really was. When she is alone she cries, but she doesn't know why. Is it because of the dead, or the misery or the craziness, or the crushing knowledge that their fight is a lost one and things will never be better, or it is just because she was never really truly herself just a mask of duty and emptiness. Now she can't figured out anything anymore, she can just hope that charm and wits will do their magic and the control that she can have maybe work out in such a good way that the world would not be dammed.
She is ruthless, but they think she is sweet and kind and thank her. That is what she hates most, even the elf , the hater, think she is nice enough and this just drive her mad, why can't they see her for what she is. A fabricate thing that make whatever is demanded in a gracious, appropriate way to suit the needs of the moment. She hates herself now more than before. Before she was just the make whatever is necessary Trevalyan girl. Now she is make whatever you think is necessary Inquisitor. Just be the jury and the judge; just decide what is best by your own, cause that is it. After all walking out alone after everyone was dead is a good enough moral thermometer. And almost getting yourself killed, cause a sacrifice would rally more people to the cause is also a good indication of someone mental stability. \Or so they thought.
She was trained to charm to get benefits to her household, and now is even more imperative to win benefits to the Inquisition. So she takes council with the sly snake, with the mage that is more noble than any noble she knows, so let the Game take place. She always hated herself for being such player, even not being the most moral or pious person she knew how wrong the Game was, but as always she will be dutiful and do wherever is the best for the Inquisition. So she trains and hates herself more every passing day cause training makes her better at fighting. Her Commander trains her well enough, and he trains her with passion and lust, IN Skyhold he demands specific instructor so she can get even more lethal, but never ever stop supervising and training her in their free time. That is why she hates herself so much. The time passes and she can't avoid to tease, it is on her flawed nature, to tease and walk and ride and make all her movements seductive and he falls for this.
His eyes never leave her when they are around each other. Even his hands are on her, on a protective way, as a hand in the shoulder when she holds court, or and armed offered to guide her to places. And people whisper, that she is bedding him, but even her know how wrong is to break more an already broken man like him. A good man, a broken one mostly because he was good , too good and she is not good enough to fix him, but she teases, when they train, when they have meetings, when they play chess or just talk. It is not a vulgar tease, it is subtle as is she, but this doesn't excuse her from the guilty of adding more trouble to an already troubled man. That is why she hates so much her wicked nature, that even being mostly used for the greater good, it is still giving a good man a bad time. Because she will never bring him peace, and teasing and being there and also wanting him will not bring him the happiness he need. In addition, she is selfish because she doesn't want him with other, she wants him for herself. But she is not selfish enough to get what she want cause she still have a little bit of kindness to not drag him full into her emptiness.
When her dad arrives demanding a better behavior from her, and she is intercepted by her Commander at the walls and is informed about her dad crazy demands, she just can't resist. And teases him, about why she just get the onus and not the bonus and gives him her most lustful smirk and hips sway, knowing that this would make him ache for her even more. Then the unexpected happens and The Commander just kisses her with such passion that it wakes all the sweetness that she never felt before, and this breaks her more than all before. The person that she always impersonated fells weak and herself wants to take place with all her thoughts and feelings fulfilling her as she didn't remember being fulfilled before. She is lost she touches his face and ask him to wish her luck, and walks like a broken and lost woman for the first time in the walls of her fortress.