Author's Note: This chapter contains content that might instigate fear and disgust into those with weak hearts.
It was 11:45 AM. Troop 69 leader Ms. Leading had set up her table at the rec center to meet with the girls who were signing up. Mrs. Smith, mother of the recently deceased Mary, had referred her to two girls, and she was hoping they were as good as she had described.
The two angel sisters entered the building and quickly located the woman they were set to meet. Ms. Leading looked up from her clipboard and took a quick look at the two girls before her.
"So, you're the girls Mrs. Smith told me about?" she asked.
"That's right," Panty answered. "We'd like to join the Girl Scouts."
"You seem a little old to be Girl Scouts" Ms. Leading responded, observing the two girls who looked like they were in their early twenties.
"We're not old!" the blonde fibbed. "We're just tall for our age!"
"Oh really?" she asked sarcastically. "You remind me of those two woman who were pleasured by a goat at the bowling alley."
"HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?" Panty snapped, quickly catching herself and changing her tone. "I mean, what makes you say that?"
"Well, for starters, you look like the two women in last week's headline." Leading explained, holding up a newspaper with the headline "Two Whores Get Pleasured by Goat", complete with a picture.
"Oh, that." Panty said sheepishly. "You see, those were… our evil twins! From… Arkansas!"
Not believing a word coming out of the woman's mouth, Ms. Leading promptly threw the two angels out of the building.
The sisters dejectedly walked home. "Didn't get in?" Brief asked as they entered the church. "Nope" Stocking answered. "The bitch said we were 'too old'." Panty explained. "Why don't you try dressing more like little girls?" he suggested. "Brief, you're a genius!" Panty exclaimed. "And I know all about what little girls look like from the internet!"
About 26 minutes, Ms. Leading was looking over the information of the applicants. As she was skimming, two girls dressed in hipster gear approached the desk. "May I help you?" she asked, completely taken aback by the ridiculously dressed girls in front of her.
"Wassup?" the blonde one greeted. "We're like, little girls, and we, like, want to join the Scouts!" "Okay…?" Ms. Leading responded. "What are your qualifications?" The purple haired one laughed. "Qualifications?" she scoffed. "Who needs qualifications when, like, you have swag!" "Yeah!" the blonde one agreed. "YOLO, and all that crap!" The troop leader just stared at the two in utter disbelief. "Miley Cyrus is, like, my role model!" the blonde said. "She's so mature and independent and don't need no man!" "Like, I lick hammers every day! I wanna be just like her!" the purple haired girl replied. Wanting no more of this ridiculousness, Ms. Leading promptly threw the two girls out. "I told you that's not how little girls dress!" Stocking griped as she brushed herself off. "Hey, with all the shit Miley's done and her idiot little girl fans who support her, I thought they'd all look like this." Panty retorted.
Back at the church, the angels were grumpily eating their lunch of sandwiches and Doritos. "Any luck?" Garterbelt asked. "No!" Panty fumed. "That stupid skank won't let us in!" "What's the point in even trying?" Stocking wondered aloud. "She's right, we're too freakishly tall to look like girls." "That's it!" Brief cried out. "What?" Stocking asked. "My Uncle Jim is ridiculously tall!" Brief explained. "I can get him to pretend to be your father, and she'll think you're freakishly tall children with a freakishly tall father!" "Isn't Jim the uncle who always tells that gross story about his scrotum fungus?" Panty asked. "I thought that was his Uncle Bob." Stocking answered. "No, Bob's the one who married a jellyfish." Panty replied. "Stop talking about my family being weird!" Brief shrieked.
Sometime after lunch, Ms. Leading returned to her table, about to wrap things up. Panty, Stocking, and Uncle Jim entered the building. Panty and Stocking made sure to put their hair in different styles in the hopes that Ms. Leading wouldn't recognize them.
"Hello!" Jim greeted. "I'm a freakishly tall man and I'd like to sign my daughters up for your troop!" "Okay, and what are your daughters' names?" Ms. Leading asked. "They're, uh…" Jim froze up. "Panty and Stocking!" Panty whispered urgently. "Panty and Stocking!" Jim finished. "They're great little girls!" "I'm sure they are" Ms. Leading said. "So, tell me about them." "They're always doing their best to help others!" Jim said. "In fact, one time, after coming home from a fishing trip, I had this really nasty case of scrotum fungus." The angels nervously nudged Jim, signaling him to stop telling his story, but to no avail. "But my dear, dear daughters wouldn't let me take it sitting down. They offered to nurse me back to my old self. They took some lotion and pulled down my pants, and slowly rubbed it on my swollen testicles…" "I think that's enough, Dad!" Stocking interrupted, covering Jim's mouth. "As you can see, we're perfectly good little girls and we'd be great for this troop!" Ms. Leading was somewhat taken aback by Jim's disturbing story, but seemed convinced. "Well, I'll think about it." "That's great!" Jim said. "Say, do you play any basketball? You know, given your height." Leading asked. "I did in college, but I've retired." Jim explained. "You know, that reminds me of a funny story. I almost missed the championship game because my scrotum fungus started acting up. I couldn't let the team down, so I had to act fast. I grabbed some bath soap and rubbed it across my grossly misshapen dick…" "That's enough!" Panty yelled as she pulled the sick man outside. Ms. Leading just stared in utter confusion.
"Well, that could have gone better." Panty remarked. "Can I have my 20 bucks now?" Jim asked.
And that's chapter 2! The main plot should get started next chapter. I hope none of you were traumatized by Uncle Jim.