Right, that's it. Billy Callaghan asked me to spring fling today, and I had to say no, not because I don't like him, I mean, he's a nice enough guy, and cute at that. But I just can't trust "human" guys. No, scratch that, it makes me sound like an alien (much as I often do feel like one), and there's no way I can make you understand - but having wings? I dunno, it just doesn't exactly make you want to date just anyone, and not simply because you know one day you'll have to reveal your wings to them, but just knowing that you are different to them? It's weird. Besides, my wings totally couldn't hide under a cute dress.

So I'm going to do it. Start the endless and probably fruitlessly depressing search for others much like myself. Just open up that search page and...what do i write?

"Genetic mutant avian-human hybrids"

Might as well not beat about the bush...I mean, we might as well go for a straight-forward approach.

So after a whole day and a bit of trawling through sites of speculating individuals over the possibilities of human-animal hybrids, pages upon pages about bird-flu and some pretty scary scientists claiming to have done home experiments and succeeding - I laughed at the possibility of this being even remotely true - the "scientists" in question couldn't even spell simple words. I eventually decided to throw in the bag for now. I needed a new approach, and I just wasn't sure what that was.

"Max, get out of bed! Now! You promised to go dress shopping with me today!" I groaned and rolled over, burying my head deep under my soft (not feather - you bird killer!) pillow. Suddenly I felt a weight on my bed to my right and a hand grab onto a dozen feathers on my wing where it was sticking out of the duvet. I froze. "You wouldn't dare Ella," my voice was steely. "Get out of bed now and you won't have to find out," she threatened. I considered it for a couple of seconds, and then rolled over, breaking free of her grasp and staggering into the bathroom. I know Ella wouldn't really pull out any of my feathers, but there's always something about her threats that you can't quite be sure of, especially where there is shopping involved. And there was no way I was ever finding out. You know how painful it is if someone pulls a hair or two out? Yeah imagine that ten-fold for feathers - they get caught on a lot of things if you aren't careful, and sometimes, you lose a few...it makes me wince just thinking about it.

On the way to the mall, Ella wouldn't shut up about spring fling, or Trevor (her date) or dresses, or any other end of girly things that were just driving me crazy.

"And like, the band is supposed to be really cool, do you think we actually got someone famous in? Because that would be soooo cool. What colour dress should I get? Trevor says I look cute in any colour, but he has to say that. I think he really secretly likes my pink shirt the best though, so maybe I should get a pink dress. And are you suuuuure you don't want to come Max? You'd totally look amazing in a nice blue dress with...are you even listening to me?" She trailed off, turning round with a disdainful look in her eyes.

"I'm concentrating on the road Ella," I muttered through gritted teeth.

"Max, please? Talk to me," she began to sound genuinely sympathetic and curious now.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't really want to talk about it Ells."

"But seriously, you've been acting really off lately, like something else is up. I'm your sister, you can tell me."

"You wouldn't understand," I mumbled.

"Oh, yeah, it's a 'mutant bird-kid' thing right? I wouldn't get it, whatever," she retorted sarcastically, spinning round to face out of the window.

That stung when she said that, I hate it when she sees me as something different than her and her friends, even more when she senses that I see myself differently. And the whole 'mutant' thing, yeah, that never hurts any less.

"Ella, how am I meant to talk to you about how hideous I'd look in a dress with my wings sticking out the back of it? Or how I can eat like a horse compared to you? In fact, you look at me like I am a horse sometimes."

"Max, I'd never think of you as a horse," she was almost laughing at this. "Seriously, you're my sister, if you have a problem, talk to me, if I don't entirely get it, then I can at least try, or you could try to tell me how you're feeling about it all. I want to know"

I sighed, concentrating for a minute as I pulled into the parking space, before grabbing my bag and getting out of the car, all the while thinking of how to put how I was feeling into words.

"I really wanted to say yes to Billy," I started.

"Then why didn't you? And don't pull the wings excuse out, you know I could find a fashion extravaganza to help you out there if you wanted me to."

"I wanted to say yes, not because I like him, but because I really wish I could like him." I looked away, I knew this was a dumb idea; she was never going to understand.

Ella pulled me into a huge hug, taking me off guard. "Max, you're not so different from the rest of us you know? I mean, yeah, so you have wings and your lungs are wired up differently, and possibly a load of other anatomical anomalies. That doesn't mean your brain and your heart are any different, that you're any less human inside."

I suddenly had no idea what to say, how was it that she knew exactly where I was coming all of a sudden? She'd been acting clueless for weeks.

"For the last time Max, I'm your sister, I know when you're feeling like crap, and seriously, Billy Callaghan would be so lucky to have you as his date, you're so much nicer than any of the other girls in your year, in fact, in the whole school, and that's not because you have had to deal with a whole other load of crap they haven't, but because you have a heart of gold, and that has nothing to do with your bird genes."

You know, for a fifteen-year-old, she talks some sense. In fact, she talks a whole load of sense. That doesn't stop me from having that nagging doubt in the pit of my stomach though. "I still can't bring myself to like him Ella. I can't explain it...it's just; you don't think he's ever going to act normally if he finds out do you? And yeah, he doesn't have to find out any time soon, if ever, but it's the principle, I can't date, I can't ever get really close to a guy without them eventually finding out. And yeah, I may be lucky enough to find someone who loves me enough that they can see past the wings, and just see me as me, but what if I'm not that lucky? What if they just freak and run, or what if they get mad at me for never telling them?"

"Come on, some retail therapy will help you," she grinned, grabbing my arm and pulling me into the shops. Like I said, I knew she wouldn't really get it.

At the end of the day, Ella had a new dress, new shoes, new handbag, new make-up and new jewelry, and I must admit, she did look absolutely stunning in it. It was a beautifully soft shade of pink satin cut just above the knee, pulled in at the waist and with a layered skirt, it suited her just right. Even I came out with a new outfit "to make me feel better". But I was so relieved to get in the car at the end of it and go home.

I was too tired to continue my internet search when I got in. Physically and mentally. I guess all that could wait until tomorrow.