Painful Memories
Chapter 2
*I know that Herm doesn't take divination, but I don't care. This is my fanfic and she's gonna be there, even if she doesn't wanna be....OH! I know why she's there! Because, after she found out that Trelawny made two accurate predictions, she decided to give it another try. Besides, the school had to make her finish off the term that she missed in the third year that she needed to pass!:)*
Harry approached the oak door that led to the Headmaster's office, he felt his heart plunge.
He knew that Dumbledore had been noticing the lack of enthusiasm in his spirit this year.
Well, it isn't my fault, he thought angrily, I've lost eight friends in three years. How much enthusiasm am I supposed to have about learning about the one thing that took my friends away?
At least you still have Ron and Hermione, a little voice inside him said.
He shook his head.
More like they have each other.
Ron and Hermione had gotten together (finally!) In the sixth year, right after Hermione had saved Ginny's life.
They had been joined at the hip since.
They had each other.
Harry had no one.
He knew that he was the third wheel, but what could he do?
They were his best friends.
Just as he was about to knock on the door, it swung open.
To Harry's absolute shock and surprise, there stood Severus Snape.
A few years ago, this would have been a normal and dreadful thing, but ever since Snape had been sent off by Dumbledore to do a 'mission', he hadn't been seen since.
"Potter?" Snape breathed.
He looked like death.
"P-Professor Snape?" Harry said, trying to keep his voice under control, "I thought you were..."
"Dead? No, Harry. Severus is just fine. Please come in." Dumbledore appeared from behind Harry's former Potions teacher.
"What did you come to see me for, Harry?" Dumbledore sat down behind his desk and stared at Harry, his eyes twinkling.
"Oh...Um...Oh! I was wondering about the Godric Hollow trip..." Harry trailed, watching Snape closely.
He just didn't seem the same.
He seemed....happy.
Happy to be alive.
For he was staring around at the ceiling and walls, examining trinkets that framed the door.
He seemed fascinated by everything around him.
"Yes? What about it?" Dumbledore was giving him the question of the doubt.
Harry shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
"Well, I was wondering...Do I have to go?"
Snape's eyes shot up from the carpet.
"Of course you do. Don't think for a moment that you have special privileges here, Potter. You're the reason that the trip is happening..."
Dumbledore held up his hand to silence the ageing teacher.
"Severus, please. Now, Harry. I know that it will be difficult for you, but even know, having fought and met Lord Voldemort numerous times, you still have to face the facts. You don't know everything about the Dark Lord. You have to face what happened..." he said wisely.
"But that's where my parents died! They died to save me, sir! I don't want to have to see that, face to face! It would be too painful!" Harry cried.
Dumbledore looked at him, pity in his kind eyes, but shook his head.
"I'm sorry Harry. It's something you have to face, whether you want to or not. You still have a lot of questions, and this trip will answer them."
"But to have all my classmates there! How could I control what I feel in front of them? I don't want to break down in front of my entire year when I'm supposed to be Harry Potter, the boy who lived, a brave Gryffindor! How could I handle my emotions?" Harry said desperately.
Dumbledore shook his head once more.
"Just do what you have to do, Harry. Do what you have to do. I must ask you to leave now, because I have to have a talk with Severus here. Thank you for coming to me with this problem, but you will see why I have made this decision. Good day, Harry."
*
Harry found himself wandering around the Hogwarts grounds, jogging off his anger.
Why couldn't people see the pain that it would put him in?
Why wouldn't they understand?
When he came to the lake, he stopped and sat on a bench.
I am so much different than I used to be, he realized.
I'm matured, he told himself, but he couldn't believe it.
He was shut down.
His head tilted over to where Hagrid's hut stood, untouched since the last time that the half-giant had entered it, and he felt a swell of regret and pain wash over him.
Hagrid was the first person of the magical community that he had met, other than before his parents died.
He had saved Harry from the life at the Dursleys.
And what did Harry do to pay him back for all that kindness?
He let him die, trying to protect his students.
Harry could feel the hot tears cascading down his cheeks now, but he didn't care.
In front of him stood eight memorial stones, each marked with a different name.
Each name meant nothing.
The people were gone.
It had been three years since Cedric, but it had only been about five months since Hagrid, Katie, Justin, Hannah, and Colin.
Colin.
His talkative little shadow that had grown up to be so strong and handsome, and one of Harry's closest friends. They used to joke and talk about the way that Colin admired Harry in the first few years of his Hogwarts career.
Now his shadow was gone.
And so was everything else.