Colonel O'Neill wasn't an easy patient under the best of circumstances and this wasn't one of those better situations. Both he and Dr. Jackson were making Janet want to shave her head to save herself the trouble of pulling her hair out. They'd both come into the infirmary saying that something was wrong but then they'd both gone strong, silent type on her. She couldn't even get them to tell her the symptoms. Colonel O'Neill was sitting on one of the infirmary beds, his boot over his knee, picking at the laces. Daniel was sitting on the bed next to the colonel's memorizing every crease in his hands.

"Okay, let's try this again. Feeling 'odd' isn't very helpful diagnostically."

"We really aren't ourselves," Daniel said without looking up.

"How? Is it a discomfort?"

"Oh, yeah," the colonel said, drawing it out.

"Okay, where? How?" she asked, but he clammed up again.

Janet sighed. "Look, I realize this must be a difficult conversation, but I have dealt with issues involving the male reproductive system. I promise to treat you both with the utmost respect, but if you'd prefer to talk to a male doctor, I can have Dr. Myer –"

"No!" Colonel O'Neill said quickly, a note of panic reverberating through the word.

Daniel nodded in agreement and now Janet was completely stumped. "Okay then, you're going to have to tell me what's going on. In detail."

"Can't you just … draw blood or something?" the colonel asked, shocking her. If Jack O'Neill was begging for tests, there was something really wrong.

"Well, I could, but it might not be very helpful if I don't know what I'm looking for. Something brought you both in here…"

They each shot looks at the other and then Janet noticed the colonel's eyes dart toward something behind her. The curtain was pulled around the two beds, but she could hear someone moving through the infirmary and Jack's eyes followed the sound. Maybe they just needed more privacy. "Let's talk about this in my office, shall we?"

They shared another glance and the colonel reluctantly nodded.

Janet shepherded them out of the infirmary and closed the door behind them. "Okay, spill it. What's going on?"

"See, there was this … thing … that happened. And uh…it's just not like us," Daniel said, looking for all the world like he was being helpful. Janet crossed her arms and waited. They were going to have to give her more that that.

Daniel sighed. "We kissed," he said, not looking up.

Well that was certainly a 'symptom' Janet hadn't heard before.

"Rather … uh …passionately."

The colonel bolted upright. "Daniel!"

"Well, its true, Jack."

Colonel O'Neill turned to her, his movements pure agitation. "And see the thing is … we're not," he paused, throwing Daniel a glare. "Or at least I'm not …"

"I'm not either, Jack!"

"Okay. I think I have an understanding of what's going on now," Janet said, quickly interrupting them before things got any more tense. "You were right to come in."

Daniel was the recipient of another brutal O'Neill glare. "I didn't have much choice."

"Well what did you want to do about it, Jack?" Daniel asked, his voice closer to an edge than Janet was used to hearing from him.

"Oh, I don't know, forget all about it and never speak of it again! I kind of liked that option, personally."

"I'm sorry, Jack, but when one morning after living a perfectly happy heterosexual existence, I suddenly have this overwhelming desire for a man I don't even consider attractive it's not normal. And I want to know why."

"Hey." Colonel O'Neill puffed out his chest. "Maybe you should check his glasses too, Doc. Obviously he's not seeing clearly."

Daniel just shook his head and sighed. "Jack…"

"I'll have you know, I'm quite a catch."

"Fine, you're a hot piece of beefcake. Can we move on to the part where Janet figures out what's wrong and cures us?"

Colonel O'Neill crossed his arms and then let out his own sigh. "Doc?"

Janet had never heard of any of her patients suddenly developing attractions to someone of a gender they weren't normally attracted to. That was a new one in her book. "Your blood work and scans were normal when you came back from off-world. When did you first start to notice this … attraction?"

"Oh, about twenty minutes ago … when we were locking lips," Colonel O'Neill sputtered.

"Well, actually, Jack, you were staring at me during the briefing and then you came to my office for no real reason."

"Oh come on, Daniel! I wasn't staring. And I came to apologize!"

"You came to...apologize?" Daniel cocked his head and raised an eyebrow.

"Okay. I came to…well, I…" Colonel O'Neill floundered and stopped. He stared at Daniel and then at Janet. "A couple of hours. I guess," he spat.

Daniel nodded. "I'd say that's about right for me too. I was really restless after the briefing this morning."

"Okay. I'll draw blood and compare it to the results from earlier. Was there anything out of the ordinary you remember being exposed to while off-world?"

They both seemed to consider that and then Daniel sighed and dropped his head into his hands. "It had to be the milkweed." He glanced up at her. "There was some ritual the Ramallans had for springtime. It involved blowing the filaments and seeds from a plant into the air. Actually, come to think of it, they were a little vague on the details about that particular ritual."

Jack snorted. "They weren't vague on anything."

"How would you know, Jack? You weren't even paying attention."

"Gentlemen," Janet interrupted again. "Were Major Carter and Teal'c exposed?"

"They had to be. It was everywhere. But I held one of the pods and Jack--"

"Got fuzzies blown in my face."

Janet nodded. "Okay. Do we know if Sam or Teal'c are suffering any symptoms?"

Colonel O'Neill and Daniel both raised eyebrows at each other.

"I'll check on them too. But if this is part of some ritual, the Ramallans might be able to shed some light on it. I'll talk to General Hammond about sending another SG team back to talk with them.

"Oh, I don't think so!" Jack said, just a bit of panic in his voice.

Janet wanted to roll her eyes, but she didn't. She promised she'd treat them with respect, and she would. "I'm sure they'll handle the situation with the utmost professionalism."

Both Colonel O'Neill and Daniel gave her incredulous looks.

"Okay, okay. I'll ask General Hammond about authorizing me to lead a medical team to investigate. Is that better?"

Colonel O'Neill shrugged.

"Okay. I'll get Sgt. Miller to draw blood." She led the way back to the beds they'd been sitting on in the infirmary. "Wait here and..." She stopped. "It is alright to leave you two alone for a few minutes, isn't it?"

The colonel glared at Daniel. "You could give me my gun and then we'd be fine."

"Hey, I wasn't the one who made the first-"

"Ahp," the colonel squawked, cutting him off quickly. "Let's not go there, shall we?"

"I'm just saying..."

"Why is it you never have a P-90 when you really need it?" the colonel asked the ceiling.

"Sorry, sir, no guns in the infirmary unless absolutely necessary."

"Oh, this is necessary."

"We'll be fine," Daniel said, warily sitting down on the foot of his bed as far from Jack as he could get.

"How about a zat? Could I have a zat, at least? I promise I'll only shoot him once."

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks, Jack."

Janet sighed. "I'll be right back."

---

Jack was resting in his quarters, trying to avoid contact with any other human being. He wanted to leave, to go back to his house, have some beer and pizza, and forget about all of this. But with medical issues of unknown origin he wasn't going to get off this level, much less off the base. He was lucky the Doc let him out of the infirmary.

And of course, the more he wanted to be alone, the more likely it was that he wasn't going to get his wish. On cue there was a knock on the door.

"No one's home," he sing-songed. "Go away."

The door cracked open and Daniel stuck his head in. "Hey, Jack, can I come in?"

Yep, the more he wanted to be left alone …

Jack raised his eyes since lifting his whole head felt like too much work. "Do you really think that's wise?"

Daniel slipped in and let the door close behind him. "Uh, well. I'm not feeling any special fondness for show tunes," he said.

"Me neither."

"Right. Well, then, we're probably fine."

"Right."

"Okay."

"So what do you want?" Jack asked, moving his chair back slightly.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

That froze Jack cold. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but that wasn't it. "For what?"

"Blowing those stupid milkweeds."

Jack ran a hand through his hair. "We don't even know for sure that's what did it."

"Well, I'm having a hard time thinking of anything else that makes sense."

Jack shrugged. "Magnets?"

"Magnets?" Daniel tipped his head to the side. "Ah, well, not unless we each had magnets of opposite polarities in our mouths."

"I never leave home without them."

Daniel just stared at him and then slowly shook his head. "Be that as it may, I'm guessing the plants might be the better explanation. And looking back, it was pretty stupid to open up an alien plant I know nothing about and start playing with its seeds."

Jack shrugged. Daniel had a point.

"So anyway..."

Jack nodded and picked at a fascinating bit of callous on his palm. "Yeah, me too."

"You too what?"

Jack glared at him for a minute, irritated that Daniel was going to make him say it. "I'm sorry too," he said finally, crossing his arms and looking away.

"For what?" Daniel sounded genuinely confused.

"For insisting we leave. Maybe if we'd stuck around we'd know what the hell was going on. Then we could have gone with that 'forget it ever happened and never speak of it again' option."

"Possibly. But we don't know that for sure either."

"No, we don't."

Daniel nodded. Then he turned awkwardly toward the door, gesturing with his hand. "Well, I think I'll leave now before any more urges to kiss anyone come on." He smiled weakly.

"Good idea," Jack said, watching as he slipped out the door.

God he wished he could go home now.

---

Daniel followed Jack into Hammond's office to find that Dr. Fraiser and the general were already waiting.

"Come in, gentlemen," Hammond said. "Have a seat."

Sprawling out in the far chair, Jack stared down at his hands. Daniel took the other chair in front of Hammond's desk, feeling very uncomfortable sitting across from the general at the moment.

"Doctor, what can you tell us?" Hammond asked.

"Well, you were right about it being the plant, Daniel. The Ramallans said it's a very powerful aphrodisiac, and it has some unique properties. Each individual plant has a slightly different protein in its pollen to prevent self-fertilization. Those proteins end up in the filaments attached to its seeds. In humans, they interact with normal pheromones, changing them slightly. People who have direct physical contact with the seeds from the same plant will experience a strong attraction to each other."

"That explains why Sam and Teal'c weren't affected. They didn't have any direct contact with the plants," Daniel surmised.

"Exactly. The Ramallans allow the plant's use once a year. Their Prin ritual. Willing participants go out in the fields together for the day. After that, the fields are razed due to the potential for misuse." Dr. Fraiser paused and looked at them. "Luckily for you two, the effect is very short lived. It wears off a few hours after the onset of symptoms and leaves the body within 24 hours. You should be good to go."

"Thank you, Doctor. Any questions?" Hammond asked.

Neither man said anything. Daniel risked a look at Jack. He was sitting with his head down, unease written into his whole posture.

"Okay then. You're dismissed, Doctor."

Janet left the room and Daniel wished he could go with her.

Hammond set aside the report and leaned back in his chair. "Just so you both know, the report on this incident will be kept strictly confidential."

"Thank you, sir," Jack mumbled, still not looking up.

"Is there anything else you want to add?"

"Oh, no," Jack muttered under his breath. "Nothing else I want to add."

"Okay, let me rephrase, Colonel. Anything else I shouldinclude."

"I think the phrase I'm looking for here is 'don't ask, don't tell', sir."

Daniel rolled his eyes. "It was just a kiss. Well. Mostly."

"Daniel!"

Hammond raised his brow. "Mostly?"

"Again, 'don't ask, don't tell.' It's such a simple concept, really. Don't ask questions. Don't volunteer answers. Everyone's happier that way and life goes on all sunshine and flowers." Daniel couldn't look at Jack. His sarcasm was biting.

"You're right, Colonel. I don't need any details. But I do need to ask you both one question." He gave each of them a stern look. "Is this going to be a problem?"

"No, sir," Daniel answered.

For a disquieting moment he thought Jack wasn't going to answer. Then finally Jack shook his head slightly. "No, General."

"Good. I'd hate to have to split up SG-1 over something like this." He steeped his hands on the desk in front of him and finally said, "Very well, then, gentlemen. You're dismissed."

Relief eased away some of the strain and worry leaving Daniel feeling lighter. He hurried to the door with as much dignity as he could muster – Jack right on his heels. Escaping Hammond's office made him feel better still, but there was an awkward silence as he and Jack strode down the hallway.

"Daniel?" Jack asked as they approached the corridor where Daniel planned to turn off to go to his office.

"Yeah, Jack?" he asked warily, but Jack seemed to be sounding more himself. The edge to his voice had abated somewhat.

"Next time you blow fuzzies in my face," he said, looking Daniel in the eye. "Remind me to shoot you."

Daniel sighed. That was probably the closest he could expect Jack to come to saying that they were okay. He was willing to take it though. "Don't worry, Jack. Next time I think I'll hand you the gun myself."

-----------------

-knightshade

May 20, 2007