Rachel got up slowly, every muscle in her body protesting the uncomfortable position she'd maintained all night. She took a long shower, trying to wash away the events of yesterday. Her mind was blissfully empty, but she didn't know if that was denial or exhaustion. She dressed carefully, wearing Noah's favourite skirt and a white blouse with a dark purple camisole underneath. She curled her hair the way he like it and applied her make-up very carefully, to cover up the damage exhaustion and tears had caused.
She left for school early, sending Noah a text to let him know not to pick her up. She needed a few more moments alone, to compose herself and her thoughts. They had no classes together, and if she could successfully avoid him at lunch, she would only have to tell everyone who mattered once, in Glee practice after school. She didn't think she was strong enough to have to repeat her devastating news more than that.
She was successful, she managed to avoid Noah, Santana, Brittany, Kurt and Blaine, which considering how nosey and persistent those few people were, was quite a feat in her condition. She hid in the AV room during lunch, too nauseous to eat. Artie was in the cafeteria, so no one she knew was there to report her strange location choice. The few people in the room ignored her. Rachel's exhaustion, both because of the lack of sleep last night and her recently discovered illness kept her from moving around too much, so she simply sat against the back wall of the AV equipment room and rested her eyes. And tried to ignore the steady flow of tears down her pale cheeks.
Finally, the final bell rang and it was time for Glee. She walked slowly towards the choir room, hoping to be the last one in to avoid any uncomfortable questions about her lack of visibility today or why she hadn't answered any of the numerous texts she received. She was in luck, when she entered the room, even Mr. Shuester had arrived.
All heads turned towards her, and she only paid attention to one. Green eyes, both hurt and concerned gazed out of the boy slumped in the back corner of the choir room seats. Rachel approached Mr. Shuester, who glanced at her in concern.
"Mr. Shue, there's something I'd like to say to the Glee club, if you'll let me."
"Not another solo, Nationals are over," Quinn complained. She looked away when Santana of all people, glared her down.
"Of course Rachel, just make it quick, I have a new assignment." Rachel nodded sadly, unsure of how to make what she had to say quick.
"I...well, the thing is..."she paused, unsure how to just say her kidneys were failing, and that if she didn't get a transplant on time, there was a slight chance she could die. Not news you just suddenly blurted out.
"Many of you may have noticed that recently, I have been underperforming. I know I haven't been giving my social commitments as much effort as usual and its shown." She heard mutterings, "get on with it," and "it's all about her isn't it" and she had to take a deep breath and remember that she did have friends in the club, she wasn't despised anymore. She looked up at Noah, noticed she had his full attention and that gave her the courage to continue.
"I'm sick. I mean...well, yes I guess the best way to say this is I'm sick. My kidneys are dying. I'm going into the final stages of renal failure." There was silence in the choir room. "I...I just wanted to let you all know, as I'm not going to be walking the stage with you Friday. I'll be in surgery, getting one of my...one of my..." she lost control, the dam breaking and her voice failing. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she stood in front of her precious Glee club. Santana and Brittany stood up and rushed over to enfold her in a tight hug.
The room erupted in chaos. People were asking questions, making demands, generally just making noise. They silenced abruptly when Puck's chair slammed against the back wall. He stood up, stormed down the steps and...out of the room. Rachel watched with devastated eyes as Puck stormed past her without a word. He didn't even look at her. She buried her head in Santana's shoulder, her tears turning to sobs as her worst fears were confirmed.
He wanted nothing to do with her.
Eventually, she calmed down enough to answer questions her fellow Gleeks had for her.
Yes, it was serious.
Yes, she could die.
Yes, she needed a transplant.
No, she wasn't going to ask Shelby.
Yes, they could visit her in the hospital.
No, Lord Tubbington couldn't steal a kidney for her.
No, she wouldn't be leaving for New York in the fall.
That last answer lead to a moment of silence in the Glee club, as everyone tried to process the fact that Rachel Berry would not be achieving her dream. At least not for a while.
Finn rested his hand on her should briefly. She looked up at him. He nodded his head towards the door.
"I'll go find Puck. He shouldn't have...well, he should be here." Her ex-boyfriend lumbered out of the room, leaving Rachel hoping he could talk her wayward boyfriend back. She doubted it.
"Can we get tested? Isn't there a way to see if any of us are viable candidates for donating a kidney?" Santana asked, her tone fierce. Rachel loved in her that moment, Santana was a true friend. Surprising as that was.
"Yeah, there has to be a way to check." Kurt chimed in. Around her, the Gleeks all nodded and voiced their willingness to donate. Tears filled Rachel's eyes again; this time in gratitude and appreciation. These people were her family. She loved them, and they loved her, enough to donate a body part.
"I can't let you guys do that," Rachel's voice was firm. Santana reared back in disbelief.
"Why the fuck not? You need a kidney, we've got extra." Rachel saw the hurt in Santana's eyes.
"Because, if you only had one kidney and it got damaged in the future, you would end up in the same position as me, on a long waiting list, sick and dying. Besides, it's a long and painful process, it's not like losing your wisdom teeth. It could take weeks, or months to fully recover and you all have demands being made on you in the near future! I won't do that to any of you!" Rachel was absolute in her rejection of this plan. No one she loved would suffer because her body was weak. She refused.
"Well tough shit midget. We don't need your permission to get tested. And you can damn well bet, if any of us are a match, you won't be able to refuse us. We'll make you accept it!" Santana was pissed off, and scared. This made her a force to be reckoned with. She took Rachel by the shoulders and shook her. "We love you. If one of us has the power to help you, you can make damn sure we're going to do it. And you're going to take it!" The absolute resolution in Santana's voice robbed Rachel of speech, not an easy thing to do. She just nodded. The Gleeks pulled her into a tight group hug.
"You'll get through this, Rach, we'll make sure of it." All around her, people were nodding and crying.
Now if only Noah would come back.
To be continued