"So let me get this straight. You, the two perpetrators of the greatest love story of all time, want a divorce." The lawyer shook his head. "I just can't believe it."
"WELL, YOU BETTER!" Juliet roared, "I'M SICK AND TIRED OF LIVING WITH THIS PIG!"
"NO ONE ASKED YOU WOMAN!" Romeo snarled.
"AFTER THIS, I'LL BE A FREE WOMAN!" Juliet cried, "AND YOU'LL HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!"
The lawyer looked at the both of them, starting to get skeptical about their marriage in the first place.
"Right, I'm starting to see what you're talking about. When do you want to be divorced?"
He didn't even need to wait for a response. Romeo and Juliet both drew in a deep breath, their statement the first that they had agreed on in the past decade.
"NOW!" They screeched simultaneously.
The lawyer gulped. His vision of the perfect love story shattered into a million pieces.
"But you're both catholic!" he protested
Romeo and Juliet both glared at him until the poor lawyer started to feel like he had said something wrong.
"I HAD TO SPEND TEN YEARS WITH THIS IDIOT!" Juliet yelled, "DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT GOD WOULD ALLOW THAT?"
"MY WIFE IS THE DEVIL INCARNATED!" Romeo roared, "SHE HAS DRIVEN GOD OUT OF OUR HOUSEHOLD."
"IT'S THANKS TO YOUR STUPID BEER ADDICTION THAT WE'RE BANKRUPT! Juliet protested.
"THEN WHY DON'T YOU QUIT COMPLAINING AND GO GET A JOB!" Romeo screeched.
The lawyer's head swirled around the room as if he was watching an intense game of tennis. Suddenly he realized what he was hearing and spoke up.
"Wait, did I hear right? You're bankrupt?"
Romeo and Juliet both grimaced at this fact. Romeo because he wanted beer and Juliet because she couldn't have the things she wanted.
"Yeah, so what?"
The lawyer began to sweat, which was not unusual, as it's human instinct to sweat when you can sense danger.
"Y-you see," he stammered, "I-I need to be paid to do this…"
"YOU WHAT?"
"And that's why I can't divorce Romeo." Juliet finished.
Her old nurse shook her head.
"I told you not to marry that man. You should have just married Noble Paris!"
" I know!" Juliet sighed, "I should have listened to you! Paris had everything in the world! Money, good looks…money." she concluded, unable to think of anything else.
"Well, what's done is done." The nurse stated, "You should just try and improve your relationship with him!"
"But there's no way!" Juliet protested, "That pig would marry beer if he could! Please, nurse, you have to help me escape from this jerk!"
The nurse stared appalled. Once, many years ago, she had helped Juliet marry Romeo in secret. Their love had seemed so genuine for each other back then! Was it really all for naught? Now, looking upon this older, moldier Juliet, she was suddenly reminded of the young girl that had begged her for help. How could she refuse?
"There is a way," she breathed, "I know just the man to ask."
Romeo lay on his chair, chugging beer. He felt like had lost something coming back from the lawyer, but couldn't figure out what it was for the life of him.
"JULIET!" he roared over his shoulder, "WHEN YOU'RE DONE THE HOUSEWORK, GET ME ANOTHER BEER!"
Then, without waiting for the answer that never came, he promptly fell asleep.