I don't own these characters.
2: Kiss of Life
Sesshomaru and Kagura once again lounged in the clouds. He had been there alone for a little while before Kagura popped up, rudely interjecting herself into his presence again. He tried to ignore her and focus on the one thing that he found himself caring about while Kagura busied herself by running her mouth. Sesshomaru attempted to just block out her voice, but as usual, she just kept talking. She would wait him out for acknowledgment and she knew she would win because that was what history showed.
"Sesshomaru, don't you think you've taken things a step too far?" Kagura asked, referring to his new pastime. She knew about his new hobby of visiting that human woman in her dreams and she did not approve of such actions, which she had let her companion know more times than he cared to. Kagura could only hope things did not get out of hand in those dreams. A dream was just another realm of reality and what happened in a dream with an angel did not always stay in the dream.
"Nothing is a step too far now," the platinum-haired male answered while glancing over at the sun, waiting for it to disappear below the horizon.
Once the sunset, Kikyo's time became her own and he could be with her once again. All he wanted lately was just to be around her. It was like he craved this woman or something beyond, which was not something that he could comprehend. As an angel, he should not want anything, and to feel a compulsion beyond that was beyond his capabilities. He did not understand this craving, aside from just chalking it up to lust, which was what he did because that was something that he could grasp. He was thoroughly familiar with the seven deadly sins, after all.
"You could be banished for this," Kagura pointed out, as if he did not know that information already.
She could not fathom how he did not mind the thought of expulsion from the Heavens. It was the only place they knew and that made sense to them. They did not fit in anywhere else and she doubted they could make it anywhere else. Was he really willing to risk all of that for that one woman? Was he willing to ruin both himself and that human for a sin? It made no sense.
"Kagura, do you know what regret is?" he asked in a dull tone, almost like he did not care. She was such a whiner, he thought with a small, annoyed huff. She was so frightened of the unknown, but still desired something of her own. She needed to develop freewill soon or she was going to go insane, he believed, because her mind and desire where in two different places. Besides, if she finally evolved her will, she could leave him alone.
"Some human emotion that we can't feel," she replied in a dismissive tone. She waved the question off with a flick of her hand.
"You'd be surprised at what we can feel," he commented dryly. He never guessed that emotions would sneak up on him, but ever since Kikyo had come into his life, he had been in for a lot of surprises. One day, Kagura was going to be in for the same set of surprises, but they were likely to be brought on by something entirely different, he figured.
"We can't regret, Sesshomaru. It's just not in our makeup," she argued with a shrug of her narrow shoulders. They were not made to feel things like humans were. They did not have a vast range of emotions like that.
Sesshomaru decided he would prove her wrong and shut her up for a little while. "Imagine that you had the chance to live in the human's Garden for all of its existence. You had a chance to run through its fields, to feel the wind on your face, and have the sun warm your skin."
Ruby eyes drifted shut, getting lost in the fantasy. "I am the wind," she muttered.
"But, you didn't take the chance and lost out forever. How do you think you would feel?" he inquired. She was going to have to learn to stop trying to debate him on issues.
Kagura was jarred by the question and blinked hard a couple of times as she thought on it. "That's regret?" she asked with a gasp. Her eyes were wide with horror as if she feared ever possibly feeling such a thing. If her face could have gone white, it would have from the shock and fright.
"Yes, it is," he confirmed and she was speechless.
-8-8-8-8-
Sesshomaru floated around Kikyo while she worked around her home, doing everyday chores, like sweeping out dust and airing out her futon. He did not mind what she did, just enjoying being around her. She could not see him, but she was aware if his presence. She spoke to him because she now knew he liked the acknowledgment, even though he could not answer her back. She had learned that fact from his visits in her dreams.
He took pleasure in just hearing her voice. It was such a low, rich, almost deep tone that reminded him a soft rainfall. She was still very much an anomaly to him because of the way that everything about her seemed to enchant him. He now wondered if he would ever figure her out and why he was so attached to her. Do I really wish to know why if I can just stay with her?
Sesshomaru was not known for being interested in anything that went on in the humans' Garden, which was what the angels often called the Earth. Human affairs were never supposed to interest angels, expect for maybe guardian angels. With the way that Kagura sometimes acted, Sesshomaru was not too sure that even guardian angels took too much notice of what went on in the humans' world. Some angels became fascinated with humans because they were so different from angels, but he could care less than nothing about that. He did not care what humans did for the most part. He and many other angels just looked at humans as a job, much like a night watchman would view his position. Humans were to be protected or guided or brought to life or taken into death, but nothing more than that. Now, things seemed to be different.
Sesshomaru was in new and uncharted territory when it came to Kikyo, but he was more than willing to stay as long as she remained there with him. Everything about her whispered to him, called to him, begged to be unraveled and figured out. He was nowhere near figuring her out, though. She was like a map that he could not read to place that he did not know. He did not mind being stuck, but he would also like to know how and why she affected him so. There was something that he was missing. Well, many things because this woman is a fascinating anomaly.
The platinum-haired male wondered why Kikyo was able to see him at certain times. He wondered why she was able to sense him. She was the only human out of billions, alive and dead, with the ability to feel his presence without him taking a soul or activating a soul. She knew that he was there when he was not doing anything at all, just drifting around her. It baffled him and he was not any closer to understand how she managed such a feat.
At first, Sesshomaru considered that she was some special kind of human. But, when he went through the bureaucratic nightmare that was the filing system in the celestial world, he found that she was just like any other miko in her file. The file did not go into detail, as it was a rule to only have details of what happened to the human so far in his or her life rather than having the whole life documented while it was still on-going. Apparently, it used to hold the whole life, but mistakes kept popping up in the files because someone failed to take into account that humans had freewill and could change their minds. Sesshomaru was not sure how many of the higher angels kept their jobs with the way that they preformed.
Sesshomaru was distracted from his thoughts when he heard Kikyo gasped, sounding like she was in pain. He noticed her staring down at her left hand. It appeared that she had cut it badly while carving up vegetables for dinner. She was about to clean the wound when he leaned over her hand and breathed on the cut. She watched in amazement as the wound closed up. She looked around, knowing that he was there, but she was not sure what direction that he was in.
"Thank you," Kikyo said in a low tone with a small, grateful smile on her face.
Sesshomaru was a bit taken aback by her words and the shock almost showed in his typically emotionless golden eyes. He was not used to getting thanks from the living, unless the near-dead counted as living anyway. No one that was going to be alive five minutes later ever thanked him, though. But then again, only the near-dead and the just born could usually see him and newborns tended to focused so much on the new world they were in that they never even glanced at him. He nearly smiled when Kikyo thanked him and he was not known to ever smile.
Stranger than the fact that he almost smiled was the light feeling that waved over Sesshomaru because she smiled at him. It was something that happened a few times because she had smiled at him before, but he still did not understand why he reacted to her smile in such a way. He wished that she could spend the rest of her life just smiling at him.
"What is she doing to me?" Sesshomaru wondered while shaking his head, as if that would help him figure out what was happening to him.
-8-8-8-8-
How wrong is it to sin and be aware of it all the way through, especially since I am an angel, Sesshomaru asked himself. How wrong is it to bring such an innocent, pure creature such as Kikyo down with me? How could he even think to do such a thing to her? How could he not do it, though? It was something that they both wanted, he was sure of that.
Before Kikyo, questions like that had never even entered Sesshomaru's mind. He had no idea that such questions would ever seep into his head before he came across her. And now, with her there, a time when he knew that he should be more angelic than ever before, he found that he was not. He guessed some might consider what he was going through as "human," but he was aware that it was not. What he was going through was demonic.
Angels did not have the luxury of sinning. They did not have the luxury of choice, unless they evolved a will of their own. Almost no angel ever looked upon freewill as something that they desired. It seemed like such a useless, almost foolish thing to have. It was not helping mankind as far as they could tell. So, when some angels believed that they were evolving a will, they actually tried to fight it.
An angel just did not understand why he would need freewill. The celestial beings got along perfectly fine without a choice in their existence, so they did not see the point in having a will. But, it seemed to sneak up on even the best of them and it almost always led them astray. It always turned them into demons.
Sesshomaru had never thought about becoming a demon in all his existence. He never even thought about demons, which was a clear sign of his angelic nature. He had a job and he did his job with almost no thinking at all. It was a mundane existence that he never questioned. In fact, he used to consider that Kagura was strange with her fixation on the humans' Garden. Kagura growing envious of the humans was a sure sign that a will was developing. Many angels' first feelings were those of envy.
Sesshomaru had come to the point where he had an angel's worst enemy in his system – lust. Envy was a safer emotion to feel than lust because envy only tore down the person that felt it. Lust could destroy way more than the person feeling it. He was not sure when the concupiscent feeling washed over him, but it grew stronger by the day. It was getting more powerful and tugging at him with every time that he saw her.
The golden-eyed angel supposed that a wiser being would merely avoid the subject that was making him feel such intense, almost audacious emotions. A wiser being would certainly stay away from the item that was going to bring about his downfall. It was the smart thing to do, after all. He just could not do that, though. It had already come to the point where he had made his choice, consequences be damned, right along with him and the object of his passion.
Sesshomaru could practically hear Kagura in his ear, telling him that should not do it. If not for him then he should think of the woman, he could hear the guardian angel commenting. It was not fair to her, Kagura would undoubtedly say; well, if she was in a caring enough mood and if she was around. She would tell him to think of that woman's soul and not just the fact that he wanted her. Or even that Kikyo might want him just the same. He knew about what would happen, so he should save himself and the priestess. It was the logical and right thing to do. He was sure that annoying ruby-eyed female would argue such things.
"This is a new low. Kagura is actually my conscience," Sesshomaru muttered, shaking his head as if he was tired. It served him right for spending so much time with that ruby-eyed guardian angel. He was a cherubim, which was the second highest order of angels. So, why have I bothered to hang around some low-level guardian angel? He did not care to think of the answer to that.
Would Kagura have a point if she were there to present her argument, though? He guessed it was good that she was not there. He did not want to hear any good points because he had made up his mind. He was going to do what he was going to do.
-8-8-8-8-
Kikyo stood by the stream that was near her home. It was clear, bright, beautiful day and everything seemed so alive and happy. There were plump fish jumping out of the crystal clear water. Birds were singing through out the forest, proclaiming the perfection of the day. The air was still and cool, making the temperature just right, but Kikyo did not notice much of that anymore. She took it all in when she first arrived at the scene, but now she was beyond all of that. She was waiting anxiously for a certain golden-eyed angel.
Her deep brown eyes were cast out in the direction of the trees on the opposite bank, but she was not focusing on anything beyond what was going on in her own mind. She sighed. Maybe he's not going to show himself, she considered. She had been waiting for a while now. She did think it was possible that he had not sense of time. What was time to him, after all? He was an immortal being. So, it was feasible that he was just late. But, it was also plausible that he just was not coming, no excuses needed.
The ebony-haired maiden thought for a second Sesshomaru had gotten tired of her. She was merely a human after all and he had spent months with her so far. She might have lost her appeal to him.
"You like this stream very much," Sesshomaru noted as he appeared behind her like mist before becoming a tangible form.
"It does provide me with food and water. I love this stream," Kikyo replied in her usual tone while fighting off a pleased smile. It would seem that he had not gotten tired of her and he was going to keep her company while she dreamed.
"Love?" he echoed in a very puzzled tone, his face twitching slightly as he said the word. As an angel, he could understand holding favor toward one thing, liking it above all others, but only slightly. Love was a concept that was beyond him, though. What was it to love something?
"You don't know what I mean, do you?" she asked, even though it sounded like she was more making a statement than asking a question. She noted that whenever he repeated her, it was because she had spoke of something that reached further than his comprehension did. There were so many things he failed to understand that she often took for granted.
"No," he answered bluntly, gently threading his fingers through her ebony mane.
"Then I don't suppose you think that you're capable of loving something?" she asked, turning slightly and an elegant eyebrow arched as the words let her mouth.
"It is very much beyond me at the moment. Explain this," he gently demanded, eyes on her face. He seemed to be working his way toward making requests of her, but it was a long road to travel.
Kikyo nodded, even though she was not sure if she had the vocabulary to do what he requested. She had found herself explaining some very strange things to him through the months that he had come to speak with her and spend time with her in her dreams, as they were doing now. She had come to gather that many of the things that were beyond him dealt with sensations and emotions, which just were not in an angel's grasp. While he had seen many things, Sesshomaru had experienced very little compared to Kikyo.
"To love something is to have a deep feeling of fondness, affection, and appreciation for it," the chocolate-eyed priestess explained as simply as she could. She did not want to overload him with information since he more than likely had no clue what she was going on about.
"Fondness? So, it is similar to liking something?" he inquired with an interested, but also perplexed expression on his usually stoic face.
She nodded again. "Yes, but it is much stronger than mere liking."
Sesshomaru nodded to show that he somewhat fathomed what Kikyo was talking about. Love was liking something, but deeper than that. Perhaps he could see if that was how Kagura would describe it. She worked with humans and knew their emotions better than he did, most of the time anyway. Sometimes, Kagura seemed to not know anything about anything. She was just in her own little world sometimes.
"Do you love me?" Sesshomaru asked, his tone much different from a human man that would ask the same question. He sounded like he was asking any normal question, not something heavy and possibly life-changing because he did not know much about the emotion. He was not sure if it was possible for love to be felt for anything more than an object, but he would find out. He was not one that even believed he could like people, so he doubted that love could be felt for them.
"I suppose," she answered modestly, fighting off a smile. She almost sounded amused as she answered him and that was brought on by the way that he had asked her. It was so casual that she could not help herself in being a little tickled by it. She was being honest with him, though.
Sesshomaru was the only constant company in Kikyo's life for the past few months, which was odd since she only saw him in her dreams. Other than that, she could only sense his presence and it was extremely difficult to interact with him that way. But, it seemed only natural that he should grow on her. There were reasons behind her loving him though, aside from him being her only true company.
Sesshomaru was interested in the things that Kikyo did and how her mind worked. He enjoyed having conversations with her and she appreciated that. He did not seem to know it, but he cared about her, which she knew from speaking with him every night and the fact that he liked being around her even when they could not do anything together. There was also the way that he acted around her as time pressed on, his habits and mannerisms changed, but he did not seem to notice.
He did his best to be close to her. When this first started, he allowed some distance between their bodies, not much, but it was there. Now, whenever he was upon her in her dreams, he left little space between them and he often touched her. The touches started out simple, a hand to her shoulder or forearm. On occasion, he would stand behind her, his chest gently pressed against her back. It was subtle, but she enjoyed it a great deal. He seemed content to just be near her, but when he held her, it was more than enough for both of them. There were days when this was the only physical contact she had with someone. Still, as time moved on, the contact became bolder.
The pale priestess cared about the stoic angel in return, of course. She did not think it was strange that he did not know he could and did return her feelings. Just because he did not know about an emotion or did not recognize it did not mean that it was not inside of him. She wished that they could be together like normal people and they would both be able to explore how they felt about each other.
"What's to be done if you love me?" the angel inquired, as puzzled as ever. His hand drifted from her hair to her cheek briefly.
"What do you mean?" she countered, now a little confused herself. It seemed like an odd question to her and she was unsure how to answer.
"What do you do with this love?" he clarified himself.
"I feel it, Sesshomaru. It makes me appreciate that you're around and it makes me to try to make you feel the same in return. It brings me happiness that I wish to bring you," she answered, smiling at him as she spoke. He did not catch her meaning, though, and was still quite perplexed.
"But, I can't feel the way that you can," he pointed out; obviously mistaking what she meant by feeling. He was talking about physical while she meant emotional. Either way, he did not think that he could feel in the same manner as a human.
"Well, you could always fake it," she commented dryly, making a joke.
Sesshomaru made a bemused face. Kikyo was happy that she did not joke very often because he did not get humor at all. She suspected it was not that angels did not find things funny, but jokes were just lost on Sesshomaru in particular. He made it a bit difficult to entertain him outside of a casual discussion much of the time. She did note he just seemed content to sit and hold her, which was what he did most of the time and how they ended up eventually this time as well while he allowed their discussion of love to fade away for the moment. He figured that she did not need to try to explain the whole thing that one time.
They ended up sitting underneath a tree. She was by his side and he put his arm around her. Slowly, she leaned against him, taking in his strong, solid form. It felt like everything was perfect and nothing could ever stop the perfection around them.
Sesshomaru liked being able to truly feel Kikyo. Well, it was truly for him anyway. They were in a dream, but it was the closest he would get to the real world. Besides, as far as Kikyo could tell, feeling in a dream was very close to real life, so she curled herself into him to appreciate the feel of him while she had the chance to do so. He was pleased with the fact that she snuggled into him as he held her.
The silver-haired male was still so very curious about the petite creature in his arms. He liked inspecting her, hoping to figure out why she appealed to him so much. He smelled her, noting that in the dream she carried no particular scent. In the real world, he could almost swear that he caught her fragrance, but it was very fleeting. So, he knew she smelled like something, but he was incapable of collecting the aroma. It frustrated him to be so limited when he wanted to know everything about the woman and he would not let her go until he did.
Sesshomaru leaned down and nuzzled her, causing Kikyo to whimper sweetly as he made contact. She figured by now she would be used to him touching her in such a way, but it was still such a surprise. A delightful surprise, though. She quickly relaxed from the closeness while he continued on with what he wanted to do. He licked at her neck, finding a hint of flavor there and he wanted more. He sucked at her pale flesh and she, having never felt such pleasure, cried out in ecstasy. Sesshomaru felt her pulse accelerating underneath his mouth.
For a moment, Kikyo just allowed the golden-eyed male free range over her. And then, his hands started to roam her petite form, causing her to moan. She managed to pull away from him, fearful of where they might end up with the way things were going, even if it was just a dream.
"Sesshomaru…" Kikyo said in an unsure tone. Her face was bewildered, her eyes wavering, even though she was looking at him.
"Forgive me," Sesshomaru muttered, knowing that he was going too far. He was pleased that she halted him, lest he destroy them both.
"Sesshomaru… I would actually like to give myself to you," she admitted, blushing as she spoke, even though she meant her words. She wanted to love him in every way.
"Excuse me?" he asked, failing to hide his disbelief to her statement. He appeared completely and utterly stunned by her statement. He actually considered he might not have heard right.
"I would like to give myself to you," she repeated much more confidently that time. She would love nothing more than to express her love for him physically like any ordinary woman would do with an ordinary man. Unfortunately, they were not so ordinary.
"Kikyo, you do know that this is more than a dream while I am here, correct?"
She smiled. "That makes it easier for us."
"It is not so simple. I've already broken so many rules to be with you, dragged you into this. If we were to go even further, the consequences could be dire."
She pressed herself closer to him and he groaned. "I cannot see how our feelings for each other could lead to anything dire."
"This is only another plane of existence, Kikyo. I've already touched you and that this was bad enough."
"I still wish to give myself to you. I wish to show you how I feel. I want to express our feelings as any man and woman would and it would not have them be damned. Why should we?" she asked, leaning against him, feeling all of him. He groaned once more.
"What shall be done?" he inquired in a low voice.
"I don't know. Don't you have an idea?" she asked, studying his face. She wanted to lose herself in his eyes, his touch, and be with him forever. How has he made me feel this way? It was not really a mystery. He was there when no one else.
"I know what I want and I know what you now want," he stated. He wanted to know her, understand her, and figure out why she consumed him.
"Is such a thing possible?" she asked quietly, looking around. This was a dream, after all. Could they ever have such a relationship in a dream?
Sesshomaru sighed. He should tell her the truth, the whole truth. Perhaps she would do the wise thing and reject him. She just might be the logical and smart one out of the two of them, he considered. They would be safe if she was to push him away, even though he would hate that. He wanted the dangerous thing, the wrong thing. As it turned out, it was the same thing that she wanted, even after he explained everything to her. Consequences be damned, he whispered in his head as she granted his desire, her desire.
-8-8-8-8-
Sesshomaru thought once would be enough. He thought he would not have to bother with Kikyo after having her once. After all, he believed that all he held for her was curiosity and lust. The only problem was that neither of those feelings were sated after having her once. He still longed to be near her, to hear her voice, to interact with her beyond her dreams. He wondered what it would be like to sleep next to her. He did not even sleep. He just wanted to know how it would feel. It was almost like he was infected with Kikyo, like she had invaded every part of him and made a permanent camp everywhere.
One day, just to frustrate himself, Sesshomaru lay down next to the raven-haired priestess on her pallet before entering her dream. She turned in her sleep to face him as soon as he was next to her. She even reached to the space that he would have occupied if only he had a solid form. She whined a little when she did not feel anything in that area and it felt like the noise vibrated through him. He groaned and tried hard to imagine her actually touching him. He tried to imagine her small, gentle hand caressing his body, but he could not do it. He was willing to bet that her touch was glorious, even more so than in the dream world.
Oh, how he needed to feel her one day soon or he would go stark, raving mad. He was certain of that and then he sank into her dreams. The odd thing was that in her dream, he showed up in the same place that he had been in while in the real world.
"What are you dreaming about?" Sesshomaru inquired as he took in his surroundings. He thought it was a bit strange for him to be lying in the same space that he had been in the real world. It was a little jarring and for a moment, he feared he did something wrong. Maybe he ripped the fabric of reality.
"I thought that you were next to me for some reason and the dream suddenly shifted to this," Kikyo answered. It would be quite a thing to be able to sleep next to him, to wake up next to him. Just thinking he was there had filled her with immense joy to the point where she began dreaming about it immediately.
"I was."
"And you are," she pointed out.
Kikyo moved over to where she was resting on the platinum-haired angel. Sesshomaru wrapped his strong arms around her and reveled in the feel of her. Is it so wrong to want to be with her forever and always? He knew now, just from having her pressed against him, he would never get enough of her. His curiosity would never be satisfied. He would always require her and he did not understand what was so wrong with that, aside from the fact that he was not supposed to desire anything at all, especially in the human world, and especially a human woman.
It was not like Sesshomaru would ever allow anything to happen to her. He would never harm Kikyo in any way. She would not harm him. Why could he not just have her and that be that? Why did there have to be rules and consequences when nothing seemed wrong with what was happening?
Kikyo was aware of the conflict that her lover was going through and she softly stroked his arm, hoping to keep him calm. She knew he had little idea as to what was going on inside of him. All he knew was that he was doing something that was considered a sin. She knew that for herself as well, but she knew something more. She had done more than given herself to an angel, but to a man point blank that she was not married to. Their sins seemed to mount with each time that they were around each other, but they did not mind. They could not mind. They needed each other too much to think of anything else.
There was also the fact Sesshomaru had taught Kikyo some arts that were forbidden to humans. He could not help himself. He figured he should give her more gifts than just himself while they were damning themselves. He was not sure why he felt that way, but he did those things because she was precious to him and he wanted her to be able to take care of herself since he could not. He needed to protect her in any way that he could, even if it meant teaching her things he should not.
"You are the loveliest creature in all of this divine creation," Sesshomaru whispered to the woman in his arms. He moved her onto his chest to where she was resting right on top of him. Reaching up, he caressed her cheek.
"I would say the same of you," she replied.
Sesshomaru sat up somewhat and kissed Kikyo on the lips with as much passion as he could muster. She melted into him like she always did while noting that his mouth was dully sweet. He made her moan with his tender, loving embrace.
To him, Kikyo was actually the angel. He had seen many things in his very long life, but nothing ever affected him like the sight of her. It was like a curse to not be able to truly be with her, but it was a sin to be with her. It was a curse to be apart because it was pain; it was agony in every sense of the word. And, of course, it was a sin to be together because it was pleasure. Was it so wrong to be so fulfilled and satisfied?
-8-8-8-8-
Next time: Apparently, it is so wrong for the couple to be so fulfilled and satisfied because they end up being punished for it. What will their punishments be?