John was silent for most the the trip to Kelly's home. Cortana couldn't really get a read on what he was feeling. They pulled into the drive near the home-it was much larger than their abode. John turned off the vehicle but didn't look like he was about to move.
"What's on your mind?" Cortana had found that simply asking was usually the most productive option.
John looked down and ran his hands over his knees, a nervous habit he'd acquired.
"I don't know what this kind of situation this is. I never could've seen myself acting in such a social way with other people, let alone us Spartans. I don't know what to expect from her and how much she's changed. I don't know what normal is anymore."
"Normal is always changing, whatever this is will become the new normal. That being said, you have to leave some room for those adjustments. I'm sure a lot has changed for her too." "I don't know what normal ever has been," he said quietly.
Cortana frowned slightly. She knew that he had very few memories from before he was conscripted into the Spartan program. He had confessed one night he didn't even remember his birth mother's face, only her voice. He had no memories of a father, perhaps he had been a military man who was deployed for most of the insurrection.
John never lamented these things, Cortana knew that it genuinely didn't bother him. It bothered her because she knew. Knowing his past was what had initially made her so fiercely swear to protect him at any cost.
Cortana rested a hand on John's shoulder. "This is a new part of our lives and we both have a lot of new normals to find I mean, I didn't have a body until a little bit ago, and you'd been in the military since you were six. We're making adjustments, I think we can handle dinner."
John sighed and smiled the tiniest bit-Cortana only noticed because she was used to reading his subtle facial expressions. "You always know what to say."
Her face lit up, she smiled and leaned over, kissing him softly on the cheek. "Of course I do, now let's go!" She hopped out of the car excitedly. She couldn't help but be excited at the notion of social interaction like this.
Kelly opened the door and invited them in, Cortana could tell simply by her body language how excited she was though she doubted most people would see it that way. She bounced a little when she walked. She didn't look younger than John but she had a distinctive energy about her Cortana couldn't help but notice.
The home was not at all what Cortana expected. The walls were painted calming greys of varying shades, the lightest being close to white and some being closer to a steely blue. What shocked her was what had to be nearly fifty framed photos all over the entryway and leading to what seemed to be a dining area and sitting room.
Cortana looked up at the pictures. The vantage point for every single one was surreal and strange, the focuses of each picture were strange but poetic in some sense-an explosion that focused on individual grains of sand, a single flag flapping in the wind atop a hill, dog tags of fallen soldiers.
John paused and saw a photo of a firefight where a worse-for the wear Spartan pointed forward and shot as if indicating an order. Before John could stop himself he touched the photograph, his hand running over the Spartan tag 117 emblazoned on the armor of the pointing Spartan.
"How is this-"
"I took them," a quiet voice spoke. John's eyes widened slightly.
"Fred?"
Cortana eyed the other Spartan. He looked oddly normal in comparison to John and Kelly. His hair was streaked grey which looked odd for how young he appeared otherwise. The years had been a little kinder to him than they were to John. He could probably even blend in with a crowd.
Kelly smiled her soft, serene smile. "Please sit," she gestured to the overly large sofa.
The four of them all sat. Cortana could feel their Spartan eyes all over her asking all the questions she knew they were thinking. Cortana started to feel a little awkward about all of the tension in the room.
Fred sighed. "I don't even know where to begin."
"This is….a lot." agreed Kelly.
"Well why don't we start," Cortana ignored the relatively somber atmosphere. She could tell John was on edge by the tension he held in his shoulders.
"Who is she, what does she know?" Kelly asked, very obviously directing her question at John. Cortana crossed her arms and huffed. John couldn't help but chuckle slightly.
"Oh I'm just some random female he picked up the minute he hit the ground on this planet on the fringe of the galaxy, it's so weird how tall all you guys are, John, you've never told me about any family you might have, are you related?" Cortana rolled her eyes. The two Spartans in front of her seemed very confused by her remarks, she couldn't tell if the sarcasm was lost on them and they actually believed her story or if they were just not used to someone as obnoxious as she.
"She does that sometimes," Cortana could hear his smile in his voice. "This is Cortana, she knows everything and more, she was my AI."
Fred's eyes widened. "How is such a thing possible?"
"It's very complicated but possible." Cortana sighed, she didn't quite understand the mechanics of what had happened to her after Requiem.
"Cortana sacrificed herself for me near the end of my career." John looked down. "After the events of New Phoenix, I was broken in a way that I'd never been before. In my grief I went AWOL to try and make sense of Cortana's death. Afterwards I was retired."
Cortana reached over and grabbed John's hand.
Kelly and Fred looked shocked. "I had heard the rumors but I didn't know if they could possibly be true. I would've never...It doesn't make sense." murmured Kelly.
Cortana shrugged a little. "Things like love seldom make sense."
"Love…" Fred sighed and Kelly crossed her legs a little awkwardly.
"Around the time you must've retired, Fred and myself were told that remaining Spartan-IIs would be retired and given compensation along with a pension by order of Admiral Osman."
"As an officer, I found that the Spartan-II program was considered a blemish on the UNSC, a terrible reminder of decisions made in desperate times and action was being taken render a different image. With Admiral Osman, who is actually Serin-019, heading ONI, she wanted us effectively out of the force."
John's eyes widened a little. "Serin…" he trailed off, remembering his fellow Spartan who had appeared to die from augmentation procedures, at least according to his memory. Then again, he couldn't recall her being memorialized at the ceremony they'd had either.
"So, Kelly and myself were served papers. She was discharged the day before me, the day I was discharged we got married."
Kelly handed a picture to John and Cortana. They were clearly on Earth, it looked as if nothing had been spared in military fanfare. Kelly wore a white, knee length sheath dress and Fred a black suit and jacket. Neither were smiling, but there was a softness to each of them that seemed happy.
Kelly laughed a little, "That was the first time I ever wore a dress."
"It was highly publicized, broadcast and mandatory viewing for all UNSC personnel. It was meant to be something that kind of closed the book on the Spartan-II program, they…" Kelly reached under the table and grabbed a photo album and handed it to John. "They released all of these photos to make the program more transparent."
John flipped through the book and saw pictures of things he hardly remembered. There were pictures of all seventy-five of them with freshly shaven heads, a picture of a little boy Spartan sleeping on his cot sucking his thumb, a boy who, after a moment, he recognized as himself. A picture of them lined up at fourteen for augmentations. Obstacle courses with children, weapons training at ten, the barracks they slept in. A picture of all of them with Chief Mendez, no smiles and stern. Even pictures of them learning calculus from Deja.
"Here's my favorite," Kelly flipped to a picture. Three children eating together, sitting on the ground, faces dirty and boots caked in mud. It was John, Kelly and Sam at what must've been eight years old. Kelly had an almost comical frown on her face, her hair in front of her, Sam was clearly telling a story of some sort. John neither frowned or smiled, he was looking off into the distance.
"Always so serious," Cortana smiled a little. John touched Sam's face as if he could somehow connect to him through the photo.
"Could I have a copy of this?"
"Take that one, I have another." she spoke quietly, her voice a little pained.
"So after we were discharged we were placed here. It's remote and quiet, something we both wanted."
"What made you decide to get married?" John questioned. It seemed odd to him, his relationship with Cortana was unlike anything he'd ever experienced but marriage was a concept difficult for him to imagine.
Fred and Kelly looked away from each other.
"When we filled out paperwork for where we wanted to be placed, we only requested to be placed together. After everything, I couldn't imagine being alone without other Spartans. It was hard to fit in with the new Spartan-IVs, I felt somewhat outdated and excluded even when they tried to include me. I couldn't imagine being alone." Cortana felt badly for her, her worst fear was also loneliness. Her years on the Dawn were some of the darkest in her life. She had spent it thinking herself into madness and hating John while simultaneously loving him. It had been excruciating. The loneliness could consume someone.
"They told us they couldn't guarantee our placement together unless we were married so it was the clear choice to make." Fred spoke with a stiffness that was a little strange. Even though they were a little more talkative than John was, Cortana could tell that affection was awkward and difficult between the two of them.
"What is...what's love? How can you tell?" Kelly spoke directly but quietly looking to John.
Cortana looked at him and saw a small flush rising up his neck.
"I think it's different for everyone Kelly," Cortana answered evenly. "There aren't really rules or a checklist."
"We have dealt with much loss in our lives, that is the life of the soldier. Some losses felt debilitating," he remembered Kelly's tears when Sam had died, his anger, determination and the raw pain he had experienced.
"But when I lost Cortana I was completely broken. I tried to rationalize it; what had happened made our mission succeed and she had fulfilled her primary objective, she had sacrificed herself the same way Sam had and it was noble, it was what she wanted," he looked at Cortana, her short dark hair and pale skin, the slight freckles that dotted the bridge of her nose.
"It didn't work. I couldn't make sense of it. My life had lost any meaning, everything around me was wrong. I was separated from all of the Spartans for years following Reach but I had always had her. I was never lonely because of her. She existed as part of me and myself a part of her. I had experienced love before, love for my Spartan brothers and sisters, love of humanity and gratitude towards Catherine," John seldom spoke at length in this manner and Cortana couldn't help but feel pained by his expression as he recalled his time without her. "But losing her ruined me. Losing her taught me everything."
Fred and Kelly looked at each other, clearly analyzing their feelings and relationship in that moment. Cortana felt a little uncomfortable. She assumed they had a hard time dealing with seemingly mundane things like feelings-John had for the longest time until Requiem seemed to change everything.
"Thank you for sharing with us John." Kelly smiled softly at him. "That helps. We are glad you're happy and that civilian life suits you as much as it seems to. I never would've expected that out of all of us you'd do so well civilian side."
Fred's expression softened a little bit. "What do you do to fill your time?"
"John and I live a bit out of town, we try to make as many things we can. It's been an adjustment because I had never owned anything and anything John had was given to him by the UNSC. I like to garden and sit in the sunlight because eating and even feeling the wind in my hair is magical to me." She ran her hands over the soft fabric of the couch just thinking about the sensation.
"I like making things and reading things. I've never been able to read for leisure and learn anything I could ever want. I like working with wood." He leaned into the couch the slightest bit, finally relaxing into the conversation a little bit.
"What are you two doing here in the outer colonies?" questioned Cortana politely.
"I actually teach at a primary school. I coach the high school track team and distance running team. I'm not nearly as fast as I was because I injured a calf muscle but obviously I'm still the fastest. Don't show the kids that though." She laughed. "I feel comfortable around children because they accept that I'm just the way I am, they ask questions and I answer them and we move on. It's simple and nice."
"I take photos. When the UNSC declassified a lot of information about the Spartan-II program, a museum on Earth called and asked to display my photos in a series. I enjoy the idea of seeing a moment in time displayed how I saw it and that is what my work has become for me. It brings me fulfillment."
"They are amazing photos for sure," Cortana praised. They were poignant and Cortana could tell they really displayed a specific viewpoint, a Spartan viewpoint. "I love the one you took of John."
"Take it home with you, please, a gift." he smiled a little.
They continued to talk into the night, only pausing for Fred to get up for food and drinks. John had been happy living with just Cortana-she was all he truly needed, but the happiness he felt seeing Kelly and Fred alive and doing as well as they could be fulfilled him in some way. They were his family, his brother and sister and they only brought light into his life.
Kelly sipped on a glass of wine, flushing a little bit as it warmed her up.
"So I was on a mission with a Spartan-IV fireteam," Fred chuckled a little bit already knowing where the story was going. "And I'm telling you, John they are so loud. They think they're quiet but they're just very chatty. So this male who thinks he's a real hotshot and must be at least ten years younger than me is chatting while we walk through the jungles of Victoria, not a very pleasant place. I didn't realize it initially, but he was hitting on me this entire mission, something I'd never really experienced." She looked down, slightly demure as if the memory still embarrassed her.
"Talking, joking making wisecracks, he even made a joke about how tall I was which was...strange. He didn't noticed when an Elite walked up right behind him, nearly sliced him in two with a plasma sword until I rushed him, took the sword and sliced the Sanghelli in half." She started laughing in earnest. "I would've paid to see his face under his HUD, he didn't talk to me for the rest of the mission, I don't know if he was embarrassed or intimidated but it was ridiculous."
"The Spartan branch has a lot of self. It's made largely of ODSTs who at times lack discipline and professionalism necessary for many situations. As a commanding officer in the last five years of my career I served more letters of reprimand than I ever could've thought possible. We were so different from them," Fred sighed. "That being said, everyone chose to be a Spartan and there is merit in that. There is spirit in many of them that can be admirable and sometimes I would feel envious at their ability to serve the UNSC and themselves."
Cortana could once again feel tension in the air. John very seldom spoke of his feelings. Cortana didn't really know how he felt about the Spartan program as a whole and never really asked him.
After a small moment of silence, Kelly spoke up.
"We didn't choose the life we had, but we were chosen to protect mankind. To serve and protect Earth and her colonies in the capacity we did is something people could only dream of. As difficult as this civilian life may be, adjusting to a life of normalcy, I am happy. Some days are hard, sometimes I don't know what to do with myself. But this is the life I have been given. Many others are gone and it would be shameful to not live the life I still have." She spoke with her chin high, her eyes strong and unrelenting.
Cortana couldn't help but think of a Queen when she looked at the noble female Spartan. Over the years she would never fail to remember just how amazing the Spartans were, their ideals and strength embodied the qualities that made Cortana fall in love with humanity. The ironic part was it was hard for them to accept their place in humanity among others, the way John avoided seeing another living soul besides herself-she wouldn't use the word afraid, but he was very anxious.
"That begs the question though, what do you want from this life? The rest of it, that is." Cortana asked.
Kelly looked to Fred, a flush spreading over her face.
"It's complicated." Fred spoke quietly. John seemed to not mind moving on from the subject but Cortana was too overtaken by her curious nature.
"Try me, I don't usually have trouble with complex things." She smiled.
Fred and Kelly looked to one another and Kelly sighed.
"We very much would like to have a child," she said quietly. It sounded like she felt guilty wanting such a thing, like it was something taboo or shameful.
John felt uncomfortable. He'd never thought of the idea of children, he'd hardly come into contact with children and he couldn't imagine a life being a father. He also found it strange that it was something Kelly and Fred so clearly desired, the thought never really had crossed his mind.
Cortana smiled. "Well that's great, if that's what would make you happy you should!"
Fred and Kelly stared at her, clearly confused and honestly the closest she'd seen to irritated the whole evening. Clearly she was missing something.
"It's hard for us to…." Kelly trailed off, Fred turned away. Cortana started to fill in the blanks.
"In all honesty, as much as we would like a child, we never really want to have sex, we've tried once and it wasn't...It didn't…" Fred clearly stumbling over his words, feeling extremely uncomfortable.
Kelly looked from Cortana to John. "Surely you understand,"
John ran a hand through his hair, a little flustered.
Cortana felt herself get warm. No, no problems there. She recalled evenings of fevered touches, panting breath and ardently whispered declarations. He was intensely physical and Cortana never felt more alive than when she was wrapped up in him, never more safe. Touch was everything to her.
"Actually, not really." Cortana spoke quietly. She saw a clear sting of hurt run across the faces of Kelly and Fred.
"So it's just us…" Kelly said. She looked close to tears.
"No, it isn't, I have a theory on this actually." Cortana spoke quickly. "John would be the same as you two due to the thyroid implant you all received to increase your muscle mass, height and essentially extend your puberty. However, when John was on Requiem," Cortana proceeded to describe the events that John had undergone with the Librarian. "So while we don't know exactly what happened with the Librarian, his genetic makeup changed entirely. I theorize that his augmentations and changes were made a part of his genetic code as opposed to things that augmented him physically. This alleviated some of the side-effects of the augmentation procedures, theoretically."
Cortana had never really spoken to John about this but their physical relationship was really what made her start to think about it.
"It is true that everything changed for me after Requiem. I gradually felt a change and it would make sense with what Cortana hypothesizes." John spoke quietly but also in what Cortana perceived as a comforting manner, trying to tell Kelly and Fred it wasn't all on them.
"That is a little comforting but it still leaves us with no solution," Kelly spoke softly.
"I think there is help that can be offered to you. You may not know this even though it was the worst kept secret in the UNSC but my origins lie with Dr. Halsey. My processing matrix came from a flash clone of her brain. When I was created, I processed the entirety of human knowledge in the first few seconds of my existence. Needless to say, I know a thing or two. There is definitely science that can help you. Humans have hormonal imbalances all the time, even normal ones that aren't Spartans. I bet you could go to a doctor or specialist right here in Lamnda Aurige System to help you. This is a rather human problem and nothing to feel shameful about, both of you have confronted much worse. This just seems harder because you are perceiving it as a problem with yourselves individually instead of an obstacle to simply overcome."
Fred's face seemed to soften slightly. "I don't know why the thought never occurred to us. I've just never had to deal with such a personal failure."
"It's perfectly logical, as a Spartan your body has been your tool and is considered the height of perfection-for you to be incapable of a physical task seems wrong and disturbing. For me, having a body capable of doing anything was amazing but not being able to process all of the information I once was able to was hard to deal with. I worried irrational things-that John wouldn't want me any longer since I wasn't as useful to him, that I would feel stupid or grow restless, but all of these concerns ended up being irrational. And I can speak for myself and John that you both don't have to feel isolated or alone, you can talk to the both of us. I'm no Spartan but for years I lived primarily inside of John's consciousness, some things I do I wonder if it's me or him, and I'm sure he feels similarly about me," she laughed a little bit thinking it might annoy him a little. "But the fact of the matter is you have us and we have you now." Cortana reached forward to grab the hands of both Kelly and Fred and smiled at them, ignoring their slight jump at her casual physical contact.
Kelly's eyes softened and the nicest, most gentle smile appeared on her face. "I can understand why you did what you did for her."
Cortana knew that in a word she would describe Kelly and Fred as kind. They were good people. She smiled and looked to John. John nodded. "I would do it again. Whatever it took."
Cortana smiled and grabbed his hand tightly. "You sure know how to make a girl smile." Of course that was an understatement. He made her glow, made her crazy and sane all in a moment. The entirety of her existence pointed to him. She chose him and he had later chosen her.
They talked until the sun had set. The Spartans showed no real sign of fatigue but Cortana yawned loudly.
"It's been a long day, even though it's not that late, and we still have that mattress to carry in." Cortana stretched her arms over her head in a stretch.
"My team has a track meet tomorrow, it's the last of the academic year. You should come, it's amazing how children thrive in these times of peace." Kelly invited.
Cortana stood along with John moving towards the door. "We will come, are you at the big track downtown?" Kelly grabbed John's tablet and wrote down a time date and coordinates.
Cortana looked at John and she could tell he felt a little uneasy. "It'll be fine, Kelly's twin brother just moved to the system and wanted to see the meet," Cortana stated. Fred smiled.
"An entirely plausible scenario," agreed Kelly. Cortana looked between the two of them. She could see it, even discounting their distinctly Spartan features-they both had a similar shade of brown hair, though John's was a little more reddish, and strong features with fair, slightly freckled skin. Most people didn't stare at scars considering many people who'd served in the UNSC had similar scars and Kelly and John didn't have any very severe facial scarring.
"I will be there with Cortana tomorrow." Cortana smiled knowing he wouldn't say that if he didn't mean it.
They drove home in silence, their tiny, sleepy home visible in the light from the two moons that orbited their planet. The river that flowed not far from their house sounded wonderful in the night air.
John quickly maneuvered their new mattress into their home and Cortana made the bed with the new bedding they'd purchased. She ran her hand over the comforter and she sighed. "It's so soft!" She exclaimed, still finding herself fascinated with the sensation of touch.
She changed into her nightclothes. John preferred to sleep simply in shorts. She turned off their bedside lamp and crawled into their new bed. She loved when moonlight streamed into their bedroom late in the night.
She sighed. John laid on his back looking up through the skylights on their ceiling. The moonlight created shadows on his face. Cortana wrapped herself around him, their legs tangling together under the sheets. She twined her hand with his. They sat quietly for a few minutes in a comfortable silence.
Cortana breathed deeply. She reached up to John's face and palmed his cheek. He turned into her hand and looked upon her face.
"I love you," she whispered. She felt proud of him and his ability to speak so freely with Fred and Kelly. To let himself love her the way he had, everything he had given her was all she had in this life.
He ran his large hand through her short hair. Cortana couldn't help but sigh at how good it felt. He kissed her, his hand tightening and gripping at her hair while another ran underneath her nightclothes and up her thigh. His rough hands on her bare skin made her feel slightly dazed, goosebumps erupted all over her skin. She always found herself surprised that despite his strength he was a gentle, intense lover, not that she'd really know anything to compare him to.
She wrapped her leg around him and pressed her body into his, wrapping an arm behind his neck and running a hand from his jawline to his shoulder, all the way to his hand that she grabbed and put on her breast. She tugged at his shorts until he helped her take them off. She ran her hands down his chest and pulled her nightgown over her head and threw it aside.
Everytime they were together she was floored by the overall intensity of the experience. She had lived as one with him, knew his thoughts and feelings until they became her own. Living life as a human she lost that connection to him. She never would've imagined that sex would not only compare but create a closeness to him she'd never been able to imagine. When he moved over her she could feel him again, she couldn't hear his thoughts but she could see into his eyes and see how he felt, she couldn't analyze his vitals but she could feel his heartbeat in his chest, more real and vital than any number she could've interpreted.
She could've never imagined the pleasure she would feel when she was with him-as an AI she could process the entire human experience and break down the human sexual cycle, divided into four phases it was, excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. An orgasm was simply a release in sexual tension, a response to sexual stimulation that resulted in an oxytocin, prolactin and endorphin rush. To an AI, it was simply a moment, a blip on the radar. She knew she had been missing something, that the entirety of the human race wouldn't write, sing, create and die simply for a moment if there wasn't more.
She never knew how it would make her toes curl, her muscles spasm, her heart race as if it would beat out of her very chest, how she'd cry out his name with total abandon, how he would collapse onto her and she'd feel his heart against her bare skin, how she would feel him murmur her name against her neck more than she'd hear it. It was the clearest, purest connection anyone could share with another, every time she felt as if she was being torn apart and being remade anew with him, something they could only truly create together. In a moment they could create a world of safety, trust and love that could only be felt and never described.
She held herself close to him, catching her breath and clinging to him. She couldn't get enough of how his skin felt against her's, how he smelled, how their rumpled sheets felt against her fevered skin, it was all more than she could've ever imagined. She allowed herself to run her hands desperately over his arms, feeling raised scars interrupt his smooth skin, she closed her eyes and listened to him breathe, it was her life, the religion she lived by, everything she would ever want or need was him.
She fell asleep in his arms.
This story starts out a little fluffy (which can be nice) but eventually starts to deal with more of the issues they will have adapting to civilian life. I will start to flesh out Fred and Kelly's characters as well. I hope that you will enjoy my interpretation of their characters! :D They're probably my favorites, they fascinate me.