Oceans
I want you
Yeah I want you
And nothing comes close
To the way that I need you
I wish I can feel your skin
And I want you
From somewhere within
You arrived at your destination at little earlier than you expected not that you were too eager to drive away from Atlanta. But there's something inside you that tells you to put a distance as far as you can, as fast as you can between Barden and you. You despise that place. Yes you do. After all the series of very unfortunate events during your senior year and the last second redemption, you want your long awaited freedom. Finally, you smiled to yourself, finally. You unbuckled your seatbelt, exited your vehicle and surveyed your surroundings, the picturesque mixture of skyscraper's silhouettes blending into the orange-violet sky. Before you knew it you were thinking about her, you knew very well that she loves this kind of scenery and no one would appreciate this more than her. Her. Stacie. You involuntarily fished your phone in your pocket and scrolled her name on your contacts. But then your brain caught up with your action. This is not what fresh start should be you said to yourself. You took a picture of the scenery instead and shoved your phone back to your pocket. You squared your shoulders and shooed the thoughts you knew you can't have, not now, not ever. You grabbed your bag and went inside the building standing beside you.
It was almost midnight when you finished your unpacking not that there's many to unpack anyway. You grew up attached to things and places, having to move a lot from different states and countries you always keep something with you as a souvenir whether a really odd looking stone or a toy soldier you picked up from the playground. You always cry whenever your family leaves a place you were starting to love. At the age of ten your father had enough of your juvenile antics and lectured you about the impermanence of the world. You didn't really understand it at that time and then came the accident and sudden loss of your older brother. You watched your father clenched his jaw upon receiving the news and proceeded to reading his mail. You watched your mother covered her mouth with her hands and swallowed the sobs you anticipated. You run back to your room and shut the door. No one came up to you to explain further. During the funeral no tears were shed from your parents, they looked at the coffin being lowered to the ground with empty faces. That's when you finally understood what your father had said to you. In this world full of unknown, impermanence is the only permanent.
You were startled by sound of an incoming notification on your phone and your heart impractically jumped. No, you were not hoping for your brunette friend to text you or even contact you, no, absolutely not. But you didn't stop the frown in your face when you checked your phone either. An email reminding you about your interview tomorrow with the company you applied for. Who send emails at this time of the hour anyway? You rolled your eyes and decided to call it a night, after all, you got a busy day ahead in a few hours. After lots of twisting and turning in your bed you still managed to fall asleep thanks to the hours of driving that indeed exhausted you.
Your eyes snapped open with the blaring sound of your alarm. You threw the blanket off your body and stretched. This is it, you reminded yourself. You gathered your shower necessities and headed to the bathroom. After making sure you looked very presentable and professional you left your apartment intending to buy coffee on your way to your interview. You made your way to the small café located across the office and noted to yourself that this is New York and the amount of people depending on coffee every morning is quite handful. You were busy looking ahead and reading the menu of the coffee shop in the counter when you heard the barista asked for the name of the woman in front of you. The woman few centimeters taller than you with long brown hair answered the barista with a playful tone. You thought your ears betrayed you but when the barista asked again the woman if Sta- with a c-y or c-i-e you knew that it did not. You sighed a little too loudly than you should. The woman, Stacy and the barista both looked at you, you mumbled your apologies and excuse that you just remembered something you forgot.
It feels like there's oceans
Between me and you once again
We hide our emotions
Under the surface and tryin' to pretend
But it feels like there's oceans
Between you and me
You were already seated on the long conference table, fidgeting the edge of your notes. You knew that the meeting will not start in few minutes but you still decided to go ahead of your officemates. This was your first presentation and being the youngest member of the company you knew that all eyes were on you. Your phone vibrated signaling for a message. It was from Chloe. You opened it up and saw a picture. You clicked the picture to have a bigger view and your eyes automatically searched for her. The picture was taken in beach bar. The Bellas were having their summer vacation in one of the beach house owned by Fat Amy in LA. You were invited but as much as you want to go you knew that you can't with the already lined up job in New York. Your nose scrunched when you finally saw her. She was in the back not really paying attention to the camera. You doubted that she even knew that a picture was currently being taken, she was facing a guy on her right and the two were caught up in the middle of a laugh. The guy wearing a blue floral shorts and nothing but a garland on his neck, his hair askew and even in a grainy picture you can see that the guy has nice body. You didn't miss her hand playfully rested on his chest. Your clenched your jaw and released the breath you did not knew you were holding. You heard your name being called out but you were too engrossed staring and then you heard it again followed by a cough and you were reminded where you are and what you were supposed to do. You shook your head and closed your phone. You stood up and gently pressed the non-existing crease of your skirt. You mustered yourself to smile and started the presentation.
It still took you by surprise how random little things remind you of her. You spent weeks and months burying the memory and the unwanted thoughts of her in the back of your mind. To say that you concentrated yourself a little too deep to work was an understatement. You still got invitations from the Bellas from initiation night to the semis and other activities they went to perform but you always find some excuse to decline. You knew you can't always runaway not from the Bellas especially now that they got into the ICCA's finals.
I want you
And I always will
I wish I was worth
But I know what you deserve
You know I'd rather drown
Than to go on without you
But you're pulling me down
You were already having a bad day thinking about the incoming ICCA Finals you really don't want go in the weekend when one of your female seniors decided to make it more interesting and grilled you on your report. And so you ended up in a bar a couple of blocks away from your apartment on a Friday night, not that you have something else to do rather than stay home do more work. So yes, for the first time since moving in to New York you finally went out to a bar. You seated in the stool near the bar and played with the ice of your drink. A guy came up to you and offered to buy you a drink which you declined again. Declining yourself to the world was becoming your habit now. A flash of green caught your attention. You knew that it was just the bartender with his green polo but something about the greenness of it reminded you of her eyes.
You remembered the last time you saw her. She came up to your apartment on your last day in Atlanta. You still cannot forget the brief expression you saw on her face when she thought you will not turn around but it was gone before you can even identify it. Now that you looked back on it, it was a mixture of sadness and regret. You understood the sadness but not the regret. She said she came by to give you something, a graduation gift. You said that she didn't have to but she insisted and walked in front of you. She gave you a black leathered organizer with a cursive A on the center of the cover. You smiled and thanked her. Then she hugged you, really really tight like were a ghost that will evaporate into thin air. You were never this physical with her not even with the impromptu sleepovers. Yes, you always end up sitting next to each other or huddled up beside each other but never this kind of intimacy. The hug lasted for awhile. You didn't want to be the first one to let go which surprised you but a honked from the moving truck reminded you that you should keep going. She leaned on your ear and whispered that you should take care of yourself then she slowly disentangled her arms around you. She started to move backwards unable to remove her eyes on your face. She smiled and said see you around. And then Stacie was gone.
It feels like there's oceans
Between you and me once again
We hide our emotions
Under the surface and try to pretend
But it feels like there's oceans
Between you and me
You knew that you only had two drinks but this particular memory you've been trying to avoid for almost a year has a way of coming back to you over and over again. You decided to call it a night. As you were busy looking for your wallet in your bag, you felt a presence beside you. A feeling of déjà vu hit you but you were already dismissing it when you heard the voice of the person.
"Leaving already?"
I want you
I want you
And I always will
It feels like there's oceans
Between you and me