Chapter Two / The Wolf
"Jacob Black." I repeat his name softly; it tastes sour in my mouth.
I've pushed his name out of my mind more time the past few years then I can count on both hands, because with it comes sadness, and the image of a small, tan baby with black hair and the same brown eyes I see when I look at my father.
"Yeah," Tyler says, completely oblivious to how much the name means to me. "He was at the beach with some of his wolves, then this little kid just jumps on one of our middle school kids, I think the wolves name is Seth, he jumped right on Gregory Zink. He lives down the street from me."
"Seth is Leah Clearwaters little brother." Alice chimes in from my side, "He's one of Jacob's too-bee's, soon he'll be in the pack."
"Great." Edward says through grit teeth, slamming his fist on the table and attracting attention from others around our group. "And that bastard let one of ours get hurt while we're on a treaty? It's broken now."
"Edward." Alice glares daggers at her brother across the table. "You're supposed to stay out of fights for the mean while, remember?"
"Then I'll get some of the boys to do it. I think Derrick Zink is the kids older brother, I know he'll want to do something." Edward shares a quick glance with James, who suddenly seems enthralled by the conversation.
Alice sighs, looking past me over to Emmett who shrugs.
"Just don't get too involved, please." She looks at Edward to James then back to Edward. "I don't want you two getting into anymore trouble. It's our senior year, we have enough going on already."
"We'll be fine, Al." James promises, but he's smiling some slick grin that makes me wonder just how much James has changed since I left.
"Trust us," Edward grasps her small hands into his own big pair, "Nobody will get too hurt."
Alice snorts at that, but seems to calm down enough to return to picking at her food while everyone else at the table grows quiet for the rest of the period.
My final two classes are Calculus and Art. Forks High has a different kind of schedule than my school in Phoenix did; you have eight classes, but only attend four a day, and switch off. So tomorrow I'll have Chemistry, Spanish, Music Theory, and end my day with a free block meaning I can leave early.
My art teacher is an older man with balding, dirty blonde hair and I soon come to learn that he's colorblind. A colorblind art teacher, an interesting combination.
He gives me a table by myself near the window, but a quick examination tells me that I'm not alone here. In the back I see Jasper, fumbling over some black and white portrait on his table. He sits alone too.
I take the time so look at Jasper; I haven't really paid him much attention all day. But I can tell why Alice is attracted to him.
He's grown tall and lanky, his heads covered in loose blonde curls, and his eyes are grey and clear. He's got the face of a troublemaker, the kind you fall in love with, his ears are small and pointed, and his eyebrows are a few shades darker blonde than his hair, but he's handsome in a different way than I'm used too.
He notices me starring and gives me a head nod in acknowledgement, and I return without thinking. But before I can even say anything he hunches back up over his project, scribbling away at a nondescript face.
Mr. Grey, the teacher, gives me the same assignment after showing me where the tools were around the room. A portrait of someone who reminds you of home, he hands me a sheet of white paper and a pencil before moving on to the next person down the row.
I've always been good at art. Back when I was young and more antisocial than I am now, I'd hole myself up in my room and draw all day, until my wrist grew so sore I had Charlie ice it for me. I'd once been told by Jacob that I should go to art school, and that I had a talent. But art, while fun, wasn't what I wanted to do with my life. It was more of a hobby, something to take my mind off of my troubles.
The sketch wasn't hard, but the person to sketch wasn't. Who reminded me of home? And where exactly was home to me?
Was it Forks? The Swan house? The Cullen house? The Blacks? I wasn't sure. All three houses were home to me, and with them came different faces, some of them I didn't want to see in my mind.
Charlie, Bree, Edward, Alice, Jacob, who to draw?
Charlie seemed the less painful, but while I loved my dad, home to me went deeper to that. I'd always been close to Charlie, but not exactly on an emotional level.
Bree was out of the question, period. My older sister could move all the way to Florida and never come back for all I cared; she was no home to me.
I lingered between Edwards face and what I remembered of Jacobs, which was a lot seeing as it had been embedded into my mind since a young age. After a few minutes of deep thinking I decided on which boy was more of a home to me, and set to work.
By the time the 3:25 bell rang I was exhausted from my long day and ready to go home, outside the rain has stopped for just a long enough amount of time for me to make it safely to my new, old truck and I laid back in the seat and sighed out in relief. I'd made it through my first day.
A knock on the door startled me from my relaxation, and I stirred and looked out to meet Alice's bright blue eyes starring at me amusedly. I couldn't help but rolling my own and opened it for her curiously, raising an eyebrow at my short friend.
"Yes?"
"I'm coming home with you." She said, smiling up at me and walking around the truck before opening the passenger door and hopping in.
"This is your car, huh?"
I continued to stare at her.
"What? Bella I don't want to go back to my house, Jaspers going to be there."
I still starred.
"Plus I need to see your closet, if we're going to be as close as we used to be, I need to know what I'm working with here. Stop starring and drive."
I knew better than to argue with Alice, so I did as she said and started the engine, the truck roared to life and caught the attention of bystanders who Alice happily flipped off as we drove away.
The only two cars in the parking lot worth any money was a silver shiny Volvo and a yellow Jeep wrangler, I already knew whose cars they were before even looking at the group standing beside the cars. Emmett and Jasper both sat in the Jeep playing music so loud I could hear it from the truck, and I saw Edward talking to Mike Newton outside of the silver Volvo while James was waiting around outside of the passengers side, probably waiting for his brother to unlock the car. Stupid, spoiled, Cullens.
"Do they all share cars?" I asked Alice, nodding over at her three brothers.
She snorted like the idea that the Cullen brothers would share a car was ridiculous.
"No. Emmett has the Jeep, Edward has the Volvo, and James had a Mercedes till he started getting in trouble. Now I get it when I get my license in a few months, and he gets to buy his own when he gets a job or Carlisle thinks he's responsible enough for one again."
I cant help but rolling my eyes. "And here I am happy with my baby." I caress the trucks dashboard. "Only had it one day, and I'm already in love."
Alice looks at me disgusting and shakes her head, "Just drive, Bella."
The downpours back by the time I make it back to the house, Charlie's cruiser is gone, and it takes me five minutes to rummage around my bookbag to see if I packed the spare key Charlie gave me yesterday.
I find it, and Alice and I make a dash to the porch where we take comfort in the overhang as I open the door and walk inside the house.
I slide out of my soaking black coat and hang it on a coat hanger in the foyer, making a mental note to find one of my old raincoats, or to buy a new one this weekend. Alice skips past me into the living room-one of the few places in the house I hadn't ventured into yet- and smiles while she looks around, her face bright and happy. "It looks just the same, Charlie's never changed it."
I snort, collapsing onto the comfy brown couch Charlie bought five years ago when our old one got too, well, old. "You act like you haven't been here in two decades Alice, I bet if I go over to your house, it will look the same."
She pays me no mind, and walks over to the fireplace to look over the old picture frames I try not to pay much attention to.
"Look at you here," she lifts a black frame and shows it to me, smiling. It's a picture of my family before Renee left Forks. My mom and Charlie both look young, Renee's hair is redder than it is brown and her hazel eyes are bright, and Charlie's face is clean-shaven. No mustache in sight.
They're both sitting on the old couch with two kids balanced on their laps between them. On Charlie's lap is a little girl who looks more like Renee than she does him, she's no older than six, but she's already gorgeous. She has curly dark hair and hazel eyes and big dimples. The baby on Renee's lap is younger, and looks like Charlie. Me. I'm sitting there at the age two with chubby cheeks, wide brown eyes and short brown hair. I look happy, and so does Bree.
But Renee doesn't. She's smiling, but it doesn't reach her eyes. It's the last picture our family took together before Renee left Charlie for sunny weather and no attachments.
"You don't look grumpy." Alice teases lightly, "I'm not used to it."
I force myself to get up and walk up beside her, looking over the picture frames till I settle on one I don't recognize. It's pale blue and new, with the words "It's a Boy" written incursive on the bottom of the glass.
The baby is small, but he's the same age as I was in the picture with my sister and parents. He's already tanner than I'll ever be, and he has curly black hair, and dark brown eyes that come from my side of the family. Looking at his little face makes my eyes linger down the fireplace and stop at a picture of a younger me with a tan boy who looks almost exactly like the baby in the photography. It takes all I have not to drop it.
"Bella." Alice is by my side in an instant, grabbing onto my shoulder gently. "Lets go upstairs. I shouldn't have brought you to the pictures, I'm sorry."
I shrug her off and put the picture back down, my eyes still on the other one. I'm eleven in this picture, and Jacob's thirteen. I'm wearing plaid Bermuda shorts and a green collared polo, and he's dressed in basketball shorts and a white tank top. We both look young and innocent, his eyes are big, black, and warm and mine are filled with happiness than only came from being with my bestfriend Jake at that age. It's a picture of the good before the bad, and I can't help but miss those times.
"I'm shocked Charlie never took this down." Alice fingers the edge of the frame, her eyes intense. "Especially when he knew you were coming back."
"Charlie probably just didn't think of it. He's never been much into interior decorating. All the pictures here were a gift from either your mom or Jacob's before she passed."
"I guess so but still… Charlie hates Jacob now. If I hated him like Charlie does, I wouldn't want pictures of him around my house."
I smile bitterly, turning around and making my way for the stairs with Alice right behind me.
"There's no point now, Al. Jacob's pretty much family now."
We spend the next few hours bundled up in my room talking while Alice decides it's her right to look and snoop around everything I have in my room. She's cleaning out my closet of every clothing article she doesn't like when my phone buzzes, attracting her attention away from one of the dresses I'd brought with me from Phoenix, she was in the process of deciding if she liked it or not.
How have you been?
The text is from guy number three, as he's commonly referred to in my little black notebook. A sweet guy I'd met in Phoenix and the third person I'd ever kissed, Riley Newbourne.
"Oh, who's that?" Alice is suddenly hunched over me, nosily reading my text with curious eyes. "Who's Riley?"
"Look in the picture frame on the dresser." I point to the direction of the collage frame my Phoenix friends made for me, and tiredly pull myself off the bed to show her which one he is.
"Is he this one?" She scrunches her nose up and points to a small boy with glasses.
"No." I can't help but laugh, she just confused my gay ex-neighbor for the smoking hot lifeguard I'd met down there. "He's this one."
I point to the picture in the center of the collage. I'm standing there slightly tan in a dark blue bikini beside a dark golden boy with red swim trunks on and a whistle hanging around his neck. He's gorgeous, the type of boy you'd hope to meet on a beach trip and have a quick summer romance with. His hairs gold and cropped short, not black or bronze, and his eyes are big and ice blue. His face is perfect, and the fact that he's sporting a six-pack doesn't diminish his attractiveness, either.
"He's fine." Alice looks like she's about to start drooling and I cant blame her; I'd been like that when I'd first seen Riley too.
"And you wanted to move away from this? Sun and pool and hot lifeguards for Forks? Why?"
I sigh, finding my way back to the bed and pick up my phone to reply to guy number three. "I don't know Alice. In Phoenix, I was new and different. A completely new Bella. But it was like I was hiding from something." I press my lips together in deep thought. "Plus, Riley wasn't the one for me, and I wasn't the one for him. All we did was fool around a little and go on some dates, nothing too serious."
"Fooling around with him is something I'd like to add on my bucket list." Alice licks her lips and I'm beginning to question her well being.
It's rough here. Miss you. How's Phoenix without me?
My phone buzzes again less than a minute later.
Miss you more little Belle. It's been sad without you. Chemistry will never be the same; we sure did have a lot of it.
I bust out laughing at his joke, even though it's not that funny. Back in Phoenix Riley was my Chemistry partner, and I was always there to protect him from the girls in that class who'd jump off a cliff to have his phone number. Now I left him all alone and defenseless.
I'm visiting Christmas break. Can you survive two months? But warning when I visit, I'll probably look like a pale ghost bc sunlight and Forks don't mix together well.
Alice looks over at me curiously, but eventually finds my closet more interesting than me once again.
You've always been as pale as a ghost, Belle. I'll recognize you on spot like I always do. Goodnight.
I smile at the text before replying.
Night.
"Bella, I think these are all actually cute." Alice picks up the three hangers with my dresses and shows them to me like I've never seen them before. The shock in her voice offends me and makes me laugh all at the same time.
"No really," she holds up the first one, my sundress. It's a white, lace skater dress that runs down mid-thigh, with a triangular cutout in the back and a sweetheart neckline. "This is so cute, I'm shocked you had it in you, and this." She pulls up the second hanger and pulls up a dark blue caged neck dress I'd only worn once my entire life. "Is more reckless than I'd ever expect from you."
"The last ones my favorite." I nod at the one she's hung on my dresser, the one I'd bought for the first time I ever went to a club with my Phoenix friends, Heidi and Zafrina. It's tight and black, and the entire middle section of the dresses torso is sheer material, so you can see from the middle of your chest all the way down to your navel. It made me chest look nicer than it truly was, and it fit my body like a second skin. Like the second dress, I'd only worn it once. But that night was the one I'd met Riley.
"This," she touches the light material of the dress with a wide-eyed look, "would give Charlie a heart attack, it almost gave me one seeing it in your closet."
I shrug, slouching back in my bed and picking once more at the comforter. "Remind me to ask Charlie for money to buy a new one of these, its old and torn and itchy."
"The butterfly pattern doesn't help either." She teased.
"You know, your brother didn't talk to me today." I bring up the one thing that's been bothering me the past few hours.
"Who, oh Edward?" She suddenly turns away back to my closet and starts messing with the small pile of shoes at the bottom. "You need pumps."
"Why was that, Alice?" I press because I know she knows the answer. Despite being the only girl in the group, Al knows her brothers better than they know themselves.
She holds up a pair of black sandals and looks at me like I'm a fool. "You brought sandals to Forks in late fall, really Bella?"
"Alice, don't avoid the question." I scoot up till I'm on the edge of the bed and pull my knees up to my chest; it's at this moment that I feel a sense of familiarity. Sitting on the bed while Alice bickers at me about my clothing choices talking about boys. It almost feels good to be back here.
"Fine." Alice huffs and falls onto her back against the wood floor, straining her head till she's looking me in the eye. "He's hurt, Bella. He's been hurt since you came back that one week after the baby was born, I don't know what happened between you two, but it needs to be fixed."
I raise an eyebrow in thought, wondering what all Edward could be offended about before I realize I might just now, the last time I saw Edward before we left hadn't ended as well as I would of liked.
Flashback
In just a few minutes my pillow was soaked from my tears. I'd only been back home for a few minutes, but I was already dry heaving and sobbing.
I was so embarrassed. So, so embarrassed. I'd lived in Phoenix for the last year, and for some odd reason, down there I felt like when I came back to Forks everything would be the same. I'd thought I'd come back and Bree wouldn't be pregnant, Jacob wouldn't be a dad, and that instead he'd still choose me. Over the baby and his new fiancée, I'd still be the only Swan sister he'd love, like how it used to be before my older sister and my bestfriend whom I loved got drunk at a party and had sex. Before Jacob got Bree pregnant and changed everything.
I didn't notice my door squeak from being opened, and it wasn't till I felt the space beside me on the bed sink down that I realized Edward had followed me here.
"Come on Bells," Edward pulled a wet strand of hair off of my face and looked at me intently, his green eyes full of concern and a little bit of hurt. "Don't cry like this, please don't."
I gulped, trying to calm down and dug my head into his chest where he let me cry for what seemed like hours. His hand traced circles into my back and every minute or so he'd whisper comforting things to me and kiss my hair.
Eventually the tears stopped coming, because I'd cried them all out. My body was exhausted, and Edward was still here.
I sighed, pulling myself up into a sitting position and was now eye-to-eye with my best friend who I hadn't seen in over nine months.
It was July, so Edward has just turned sixteen while I still had another two months. He'd always been tall, but now his weight was proportional and he even had muscles in some places. His wild hair was tamer now, and gone was the round face, and here now was sharp cheekbones and the kind of jaw you'd see on a GQ model. He was a chiseled Greek god, and I was almost attracted to him until I realized that there was no way he'd look at me the same way, so I let the thought go as soon as I'd caught it.
"I'm sorry." I say quietly, almost rasping from a dry throat.
Edward sighs, his eyes grow torn between emotions, he almost looks as hurt as I feel.
"Bella, you can't let this keep happening."
"What?"
"Letting Jacob Black hurt you, Bella. Or your sister for that matter."
I curl into his side instinctively and he lets me, curling his hand around my hip to keep me pinned there. "I know, Edward. I know."
"Bree isn't better than you, Pretty Duckling, don't cry."
"I'm not a pretty duckling, Edward. Stop calling me that, we're not kids anymore."
He pulls away quickly, glaring at me like I've hurt him to the extreme but seconds later he sighs and repositions himself back at me side. "You are too, Bella. Even when you cry."
"I'm no Bree." I think about my pretty older sister who has the life I always wanted now. A lifetime with Jacob, a cute child, a future with a great man.
"And Bree's no Bella." He argues, "Jacob doesn't love her, Bella. He's stupid, that's what he is. But he's respectable enough to live with her and help her with Isaiah, that's all."
"She has him," I start crying again. "She always loved him even when she knew how I felt, and now she has him forever."
"And she's also seventeen and a mother, Bella." Edward almost growls at me. "Stop this, Bella. You're better, you should want more to yourself than just your childhood love and a baby by him."
"He was my first kiss. But I told you that, didn't I?" Edward nods solemnly, his face suddenly becoming blank. "But now I don't want to look back and think that he's the only guy I've ever kissed. It makes it seem like he's mine and I'm his, but I'm not. Isaiah is his, and the wrong Swan is his mother."
Edwards face twists in unrecognizable emotions before he suddenly grasps my face in one of his large hands and makes me look at him. His eyes deep and sad.
"What?" I ask, not used to this with him. "Is there something on my face?"
This makes him smile sadly, and he keeps looking at me with this smoldering green gaze that makes me think of how attractive he is again. And the way he looks at me makes me wonder if he's thinking I'm attractive too.
And suddenly I'm having my second kiss with the second boy, he presses his soft lips to mine and for a second I'm lost, too shocked by what's happening to act.
Then softly I open my mouth and kiss him back, slowly at first, then fast and hard till we're laying on my bed, me on top of him and my tongue tied with his. Its so different than Jacob's kiss, this ones more harsh, filled with a hidden surge of emotions Edwards held onto for so long, the intensity becomes much more than just a little kiss and suddenly I feel like I'm drowning in him.
We kiss slowly for a long time till I'm out of breath and he's panting and I realize that this is the right thing, with the wrong boy. Edwards no Jacob, he's my bestfriend who cant possibly love my pale and boring self when there's other girls like my sister out there who attract every guys attention and make them fall in love, just like how she attracted Jacob. Bree's a seductress in every way, and this time she seduced the guy she'd been competing with me for attention for since we were kids.
I break away suddenly, and below I see Edwards's eyes flash open at the loss of contact and I almost regret it when I see how offended he becomes.
"I'm sorry." I breathe out trying to get air into my lungs, "I couldn't breathe."
This makes him smile one of those rare smiles I sometimes get, the Cullen smile all brothers have, but only Edward perfects it and makes it his own.
"Now the last guy you kissed wasn't Jacob," he smiles at me sadly, but there's something in his bright eyes that soon becomes dark at the same time the sadness recaptures me.
"Yes," I breathe out, "Thank you for that, Edward."
"Anytime, pretty duckling." He ducks his head almost embarrassed and looks out my side window at the old tree growing beside the house, the same one we all used to climb as little kids.
"Do you miss Forks?" He asks suddenly a few moments later, turning back to me with an expressionless face.
"I don't know, Edward. Not yet." I shrug and look down at my butterfly comforter that's almost too young for me now.
"Forks misses you, Bella. You need to move back."
I snort. "And do what, get caught babysitting baby Isaiah while Bree and Jacob are out like the good little aunt everyone expects me to be and not say one foul thing about it? No way."
For some reason this makes him mad. "You can't keep feeling sorry for yourself, Bella. You've been hiding out states away for the past year while Bree was getting bigger and bigger, and now she's popped out the baby of a boy you think you love."
"There is no think, Edward." I argue back with him, feeling the anger inside of me flare.
"I love Jacob."
"You're infatuated with Jacob," he's yelling now, his eyes are wild and torn. "I don't know why, but you've been attached to his hip since you were a kid. Its like just because he's the only person that's ever liked you more than your sister, and because of that you cling to him because he's the only one you think loves you more. His love is more of a game to you than anything else, it's a game that for years you'd been winning over your sister, and now you're sad because you lost Bella."
"You don't know what its like." I'm screaming too, so loud the neighbors can probably hear. "You're the oldest child and you're perfect and smart and handsome, you've never had to compete for attention. It's always been handed to you."
"No, Bella. That's where you're wrong." He stops and takes a deep breath, clinging at his hair with veiny hands. "I've always had to compete, but I think its just time to admit that I lost the battle that was never possible to win."
He storms to my door and for a moment I think he's just going to walk out before he turns back to me with this tortured expression on his face.
"I'm tired of competing for you, Bella. You're right, my parents have always loved me, and I've never felt like I was the least favorite child to them. I never have to compete till it gets to you, my bestfriend who always had another bestfriend. I've waited long enough for you to realize, Bella. You're so lost and confused in your own sadness that you've never been able to see me. And now Bree's had Jacobs baby, your sister and your bestfriend both permanently joined, and you still don't see me even when I'm right here." He stops and its then that I see a change in Edward Cullen, his green eyes glaze over and become more cold than anything I've ever seen, they're emotionless and stare at me like I'm glass. "Have a good life in Phoenix, Bella. I hope you find someone you can see, and I hope they see you back."
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