We don't have a choice to stay...

The moment Alex and I shake hands, it's all over. The crowd disperses, laughs of relief fill the air, and we're whisked away toward the building. At least they will all be happy for another year, I tell myself in reassurance. Generally, I'm a happy person. I just can't help but to be optimistic. It's just my natural emotion. Right now, as I look down at the fleeing crowds, a feeling I haven't experienced in years begins to creep its way along through my veins: sheer terror; I can't stand a single second of it.

But this is what the games were designed to do. Strike fear in everyone's hearts right before the 'lucky' tributes are slaughtered. Besides, even if they've manage to survive, they never remain the same as they were before. Their spirits are crushed; they become infinitelt haunted by the 's why at this moment I cannot allow them to rob the happiness from my personality. I want- No. I need to stay optimistic if I don't want them to change me.

"I'm really sorry about ruining our chances at sponsors. I feel bad about it," I whisper to Alex on the way inside the Justice Building. Surely a conversation could divert my mind away from the horrible reality in front of my eyes. Surprisingly, He's actually not that bad of a person. He seems nice enough, somewhat optimistic as well. He says the whole fainting scene is fine then asks about my head. No sooner than after the words sink in do I notice how bad my head has gotten in the last few minutes. I rub my fingertips on my temples, not that it helps much. I shove the pain aside, denying it hurts at all. We manage to have a nice little chat on our way to the rooms still and it's a bit of a comfort to know I will have at least one ally in the arena. Then we're forced into parting ways.

I'm lead into a very bland room with white in every direction. White walls, white floors, white furniture, white everywhere. A little disappointed in the decor, I plop right down on the couch and allow my mind to wonder freely.

So this is it… I'm completely alone.

The tears start to roll down my cheeks.

Stop it.

More follow behind.

Stop crying right now.

I can't help but to bawl my eyes out.

Don't you dare get depressed! You are an optimist. Optimists do not cry, Kinley. THEY. DO. NOT. CRY.

I'm lying down and curled up on my side, crying so hard I can feel the couch dampening. Then I feel a hand rubbing my back.

Someone's watching the optimist cry.

Please don't be Xander, he can't see me cry. He can't.

I sit upright, drying my face with my hands, until I can make out a face. Winnie. She can't see me cry either. No one will. "H-hi. Winnie, right? Sorry, I was just…" It's too late to lie my way out of it. I can already see that look in her eyes. The kind of look that screams out pity, as if she's looking at a dead puppy or something. "No, no, don't be sad. Be happy. You're safe. You should be excited."

Winnie sits down on the couch with me, trying to smile, but I still can read the heartbreak through her face. "How can I? You don't deserve to be here, Kinley. I barely even know you and I can already tell you that! Why else would half the school be here?! You must mean a lot them."

I raise an eyebrow, "Lots of people came to say bye?"

She smiles a little, "Because of your reputation."

I've never really considered myself to have a reputation, but still the thought brings a smile to my face. "Thanks, Winnie. I really needed to hear that."

She puts a hand on my shoulder, "Thank me by coming home. It's about time those careers lost and a decent person became the victor."

That thought… It's triggers an idea. While my death is imminent,and yes, I know that already, someone who really deserves to win can with my help. Oh, that has to be the best feeling: knowing you are saving a life by sacrificing your own. "Times up." The peacekeeper barges in the room, and I hug her right before she's escorted out.

It's only about five seconds later that my next guest walks in, a classmate named Audrey. Then another named Carter. Then Alice. Then Mason. One by one they come and chat with me a final time. We have nice talks about life, how I have to win, and how they'll miss me a ton while I'm in the Games. It's kind of strange how they all can look at me and honestly think I stand the slightest chance here. None of it really matters anyhow. I'm still thinking about what Winnie said. It IS time for a non-career to have a chance… Eventually after 15 guests, a figure comes in the room and all my thoughts cease instantly. I stare at him, he stares back then we run into each other's embrace.

"3 minutes." The guard mutters before slamming the door shut.

"Kinley!" Xander's arms are wrapped around me. I feel his hot tears, soaking through my sleeve and immediantly pull away to dry his face.

"No, don't cry, don't cry. PLEASE don't cry over me Xander. It's fine, really!" I feel the tears teasing my own eyes, but shake it off and hug him again.

"Kinley… I promised your sister I'd protect you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! You don't belong in the games, you're too young, too… too…"

I put my finger over his lips to quiet him. With a small smile, I look at him and tell him,"I'll be fine, I promise. Look, I'm probably not coming home again, so-"

"Don't say that. You will. You're going to live. I guarantee that to you."

I shake my head, "I don't want to. Xander… I love you as my own brother, I really do, but if all those people have to die for me to return, I won't be able to live with that kind of guilt. I won't kill someone and change into some sort of monster just to please the Capitol. I don't want to."

A small smile forms on his lips. He kisses my forehead and pulls me in tighter. "I'm proud of you, Kin. I really am, so if this is the last time I'll ever see you, I want you to know that. You're the toughest little girl I know." He taps his finger on my nose and I laugh.

"Xander, I'm not a baby, you know."

"I know you aren't, but you aren't old enough to have to go through all this either."

"Time's up. Let's go." The guard pulls on Xander's arm, but he shruggs him off and walks out while saying the final words I'll ever hear from him. "Keep smiling, Kin. I'll see you again someday."

So, that's it, I guess. I have to keep on smiling through the fear for Xander's sake. No one will see me cry. They'll see the smiling optimist they've always known on their TVs as the games go on.

I sit in the room for a few minutes, wondering where my parents are, but then I hear the screams. "You can't go in there! The farwell hour is over!"

A woman's voice, unmistakably my mother's, is fighting back, begging and pleading to come inside, and when the door flings open, I half-expect to see her and dad right there. Instead, I have the pleasure of seeing a peacekeeper, dressed in all white, ready to escort me to the train. I must admit, it's a disappointment.

We'd rather die than do it your way...