Oh god . . . it's too quiet. It's the awkward quiet too. Crap, what do I say? Oh, crap! He's looking at me now! What do I say? What do I say!
"Comrade Indie, who are Annie and Milashka?" Ivan asked out of the blue.
"Well, they're my dogs. Annie is a German Shepherd, bout four years old now. Milashka is my Russo-European Laika. She's almost one, just a month away." I said with a smile.
"And who is Snow?"
"One of my friends. She's a couple of inches shorter than you, has green hair-maybe. She likes to change it a lot to 'rebel' against her parents." I said, using air quotes. "Snow is also Italian and cooks enough to feed an entire army of soldiers."
"What about you, Indie?" Ivan asked with what people would call his creepy smile. I just found it cute, you know, once I got passed the ominous aura around him.
"Well . . . I live with my parents and I have two older siblings: Choice is my older sister. I don't get to see her very often because of her work. Then there's Deliverance. He's my older brother who also lives at home. Speaking of which, I should probably tell him that Milashka and Annie are safe."
The awkward silence between us continued on after I called Deliverance. I only broke it because around 10 minutes later, we arrived at the friendly yet plain looking animal shelter. At the front desk was Snow, with black asymmetrical A-line hair this time, on the ground with Annie on top of her, licking her face to death.
"Annie! Milashka!" I called and Milashka came running out from a hall and jumped on me. I giggled as Annie ran over as well and both were barking and licking me. I guess they really missed me.
Snow's laughter died down as she sat up, regaining her composure. "So why did you tell me not to freak out?"
"Look to my left." I said, petting Milashka with one hand and scratching Annie behind her ear with the other.
Her dark brown eyes wandered over to my left and widened when she saw my newest friend. Ivan smiled. "Privet."
Without warning, I was ripped away from my doggies, who turned their attention to Ivan. Snow held me by my shoulders and was shaking me repeatedly.
"WhythefuckisRussiastandingthere? WhythefuckisRussiastandingthere? WHY THE FUCK IS RUSSIA STANDING THERE!" Snow screeched at me.
. . . Russia kind of scares her.
"Let me go!" I yelled, though it sounded funny because she was still shaking me. "Let me go, Snow! I'm gonna be sick!"
Finally, the tall woman released her killer grip on me. It was then when we heard a "Kol"-ing noise emanating from Ivan. We both turned to him and although my babies were jumping on him to get him to pet them, the evil purple aura was surrounding him. Now I found him scary and instead of cute.
"Why were you harming Indie?" Ivan asked, still sounding childish.
Snow decided that was a good time to use her number one defense move. Using me as a meat shield. "I didn't mean to! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"
"Snowy, stop it!" I whined, trying to move but she kept a firm grip on me. "I'm not a good shield! 'Sides, I'm way too short for you!"
"Keep him sane and not murderous and you've got a deal," Snow replied shakily.
I yanked myself away from my friend, pouting. I marched up to Ivan and grabbed his arm. "He's not murderous, he just needs a friend, which I will happily be. And you cannot complain about that Miss Dumbledore-is-a-bitch-and-Voldemort-needs-a-hug-an d-I-hate-Rudolph!"
"But he just uses Harry and all Rudolph teaches you is that the only way society will accept you is if a higher power uses you!"
I stuck my tongue out at her to which she rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Lets go Ivan, Milashka, Annie!" I dragged Ivan out of the shelter with Annie and Milashka on either side of us.
About a minute into our walk home I finally got the guts to look up at Ivan. He was staring at me with his childish purple eyes and the smile that I was very fond.
"What?"
"You want to be my friend?"
I nodded. "Yep. I wanna be your friend."
Suddenly, Ivan picked me up in a bear hug that was cutting off my breathing. "Oh spasibo, podruga!"
"I-Ivan! Air!" I managed to say yet it was raspy. "Air Ivan! Human! Need! AIR!"
He gave me one last tight squeeze before setting me down. I gulped in the precious air. Milashka tugged at my jean shorts and ran ahead a little ways. Annie ran after her.
"Wait, Milashka! Annie!" I ran after them and Ivan ran after me.
The way home was much faster than going to the animal shelter simply because Annie and Milashka made us run all the way there. Before I could even step on to my property, the front door flung open and Deliverance was there, calling the dogs inside. They ran passed him inside and Deliverance turned to look at me . . . then glared harshly at Ivan. My family tends to be protective of me . . . very protective, especially after I hit puberty.
"Shit," I whispered and laughed nervously, giving Deliverance a two fingered salute.
"What is wrong, podruga?" Ivan asked.
"I forgot to mention that you're staying with us," I said quietly.
Inside, I was immediately torn away from Ivan and pulled into a hug by Papa. "Oh baby girl! Leave a note whenever you leave the house! I nearly had a heart attack when we found you weren't home!"
"I'm sorry, Papa, I just wanted to get Annie and Milashka back." I gestured over to my babies, who were playing with Dad.
Oh, that wasn't a typo. I have Papa and Dad, my parents, the rents, the adult figures of the house. My parents are a married gay couple that love me and my siblings dearly and we love them back with an equal amount of love. And to shove it into our snooty neighbor's faces, they went to every school event we had to go to, went to all of Choice's and Deliverance's soccer and baseball games, kiss and hold hands in public, make dirty jokes loudly when they're around, hell, they even call each other names that are so cutesy and cheesy that they make you sick!
"Um, Independence, who is your friend?" Papa asked, looking at Ivan.
"And why the fuck is there a giant crate in here?" Dad exclaimed, escaping Annie and Milashka. Such a lovely mouth he has that his children has inherited.
When he entered the room, his playful eyes turned harsh and protective when he saw Ivan. His kind smile twisted into a cruel and cocky smirk. This happens every time I bring a male home and it always scares them away. But Ivan is different. He's Russian and he's Russia. The only thing that scares him is Belarus.
I pulled away from Papa and prepared myself for the insults, laughter, and yelling to come. "This is Ivan Braginsky, and he's staying with us because I . . . kind of . . . own him? Is that the right term?"
"Privet!" Ivan greeted them.
Dad huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. Papa rolled his eyes at Dad and my brother, who did the same as Dad. Meanwhile, I hid behind Ivan. I decided to screw the idea of preparing myself and wimped out, using Ivan as my meat shield.
"Dear, stop it. Now. You're embarrassing your daughter." Papa said, nodding his head towards me. I was blushing faintly because Papa was right. "And me."
"Just what the hell do you mean you own him!" Dad yelled, making me squeal and jump at the volume in his voice. When he's yelling at other people like this, I don't mind. But when he yells at me like that, then I'm like America when he watches scary movies.
"It was an accident that I'm not even sure how it happened!" I whimpered.
Ivan pushed me further behind him as his aura returned. "You are scaring my podruga and I do not think she likes it."
Deliverance backed off a little but my Dad remained where he was and how he was.
"Oh, so he's calling you pet names now!" Dad said loudly. "Listen you commie bastard-"
Now it was my time to come out of hiding and push Ivan behind me. My face was red with anger now. Dad backed off a little, realizing his mistake. Papa and Dad always told me to never judge a book by it's cover and I always followed by that. But sometimes, when there's a male of any race in the house that I bring home, he gets like, well, you know!
"Russia is not a communist anymore! God, why is it that you have to freak out and be like this every time I come home with some guy?" I yelled angrily.
"Nice going, Theo, you set her off. Again." Papa moaned.
"There was the time when I was 13 and brought home Johnny, you brought out your stupid gun collection and started cleaning it; I haven't spoken to him since! Then there was the time when I was 14 and invited the German exchange student over."
"What happened that time?" Deliverance asked, apparently absent the day that happened.
"He started telling him Grampa's story about World War II, the one where he was in the crater when a German soldier fell in." I glared at Dad.
Deliverance shook his head then turned to Dad. "You really should have just given him a challenge instead of trying to make him run away."
"Independence, Indie! Please, Honey-"
"No! Don't you say you're fucking sorry to me, Dad!" I yelled and grabbed him by the arm, clawing my fingernails into his flesh, and yanked him forward so he was in front of Ivan. "Apologize to Ivan!"
"But Sweetie-"
"Do it or I'll tell Papa about what really happened at Choice's graduation!" I hissed into his ear loud enough so only he would hear. "How I really remembered what happened that night."
Now, it was time for Dad to blush and shake with fear. Dad, begrudgingly, apologized to Ivan, who accepted the forced apology. But right after that, Dad regained his "tough guy" attitude and recrossed his arms.
"Well, if this guy is going to live here, he needs to pass a test of admission." Dad pouted.
Deliverance grinned. "How 'bout a drinking contest, Dad?"
I grinned and said "Ivan accepts-only if the drink is vodka though."
Dad smirked, thinking he had this in the bag. Vodka was absolutely his favorite alcoholic beverage of all time and boy he could sure hold his vodka. But it was nothing compared the Ivan. As I stated before, he's Russian and he's Russia, he is pretty much fueled by vodka.
"Sure thing Sweetie. Dee, go get the vodka from the basement!" Dad barked at Deliverance.
In return, he gave a small salute then ran to the basement. Dad and Ivan moved over to the dining room. I shut the front door, smiling quite evilly, catching Papa's attention. He raised an eyebrow but said nothing and followed the men. Milashka pawed at my leg, wanting my attention. I smiled at her and pet her a few times until Deliverance returned with Dad's bottle of Stolichnaya vodka. I vaguely remember when skimming through Ivan's manual that he came with a few bottles of the same brand and that it was preferred.
When I entered the dining room, they had already started drinking. Deliverance and Papa were placing some bets quietly in the corner while Ivan and Dad drank and spat some insults at each other. I chuckled at the sight then walked into the kitchen.
"What to eat for . . ." I looked over at the clock above the stove and it was already 4:10. ". . . Dinner. The day went by fast . . ."
"Stop talking to yourself, weirdo." I heard Deliverance say from behind me.
I am not a weirdo, I am simply a nerd. A mature, well behaved, nerdy woman.
So in response, I turned around and stuck my tongue out at him.
Oh yeah, I'm soo mature and well behaved . . . I need to stop having conversations with myself inside my head.
Deliverance stuck out his tongue right back at me. He sat at the counter, looking through my laptop. I went back to searching through the cupboards and the refrigerator. As the minutes ticked by, I began to pull various food related objects out of the refrigerator and various sizes of pans out of the bottom cupboard.
"What are you making tonight?" Deliverance asked, scrolling through some website or through one of his unpublished stories.
"Tonight, we'll be having breakfast for dinner. Bacon, eggs, toast, maybe some waffles." I said and was already heating up a pan and placing a few strips of bacon in them.
"Are you going to need anything from the store?"
I shook my head and cracked two eggs in another pan. "Nothing fancy tonight, just something really simple."
". . . So what did you mean by owning your friend?" Deliverance asked, sounding genuinely interested.
I moaned and was very tempted to face palm but resisted the urge, having remnants of egg goo on the tips of my fingers and wanting to keep them as clean as possible. "It's kind of a long story . . ."
"I'm listening," He kind of sang out.
I cracked a smile and moved the eggs around, knowing that my family only likes scrambled eggs. "So, you know how I'm a nerd?"
I heard him gasp. "No!"
"Yes!"
"Nu!"
"Yas!"
"Nyuoh!"
"Shut up!" I tried to sound threatening, but it came out as laughter. He smiled cheekily at me before looking through the laptop once again. "You want me to tell you?"
"Oh, please, continue."
"Well, a couple of nights ago, an ad popped up on my screen saying that I could buy some Hetalia units-Hetalia, as in the anime show I like that's only 5 minutes long."
He tilted his head to the side, looking curiously at the screen before nodding, signaling me to go on.
"Well, I pressed the decline button, but it went ahead and told me which one I would like to order. I shut it off, yet somehow it ordered Ivan and a few days later, he's, well, here." I said, knowing how crappy that explanation was. "So, Dee, what do you think I should-Deliverance?"
I turned around to look at him. My brother was pale, as though he'd seen a ghost. "Deli-"
"STOP LOOKING AT ME! WHAT! I DIDN'T TOUCH ANYTHING! YOU HAVE NO PROOF!" Deliverance screamed at me before running down into the basement.
I blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.
What the hell got into him?
"What the hell got into him?" I heard Dad voice my thoughts from the dining room.
"I'll go check on him, and you two . . . don't start fist fighting while I'm gone." Papa sighed then went after Deliverance, calling his name.
By the time I was done with dinner, Dad and Ivan were still at it. Though Dad was slowly was succumbing to the alcohol, he wouldn't give up. I sighed and stepped up to the table, taking away both of their shots.
"Independence!" Dad growled at me, but I glared harshly at him.
"That was not a nice thing to do, podruga." Russia said, getting that creepy vibe going.
It sent a chill down my spine, but I refused to back down. "Stop drinking, Dad, you're already getting drunk and Ivan is perfectly fine. Face it, he won."
"No! He can't stay here, or else he's going deflower you!" Dad said rather childishly.
". . . Are you kidding me?" I sighed then hefted Dad up to his feet. "Lets go, you're going to drink plenty of water. Come on Ivan, dinner is ready."
His creepy aura went away and he smiled childishly at me. "Alright, podruga."
All three of us walked into the kitchen. I helped Dad getting some water into his system and Ivan politely waited by the counter, looking around the kitchen. His eyes landed on my laptop. I walked over to Ivan, carrying two plates of eggs, bacon, and stove-cooked toast with forks, and placed them on the counter. I sat down and patted the stool next to the one I sat on. Ivan smiled and sat next to me. At this time, Deliverance and Papa were making their way up the stairs, Deliverance looking embarrassed and Papa giggling like a maniac.
I stabbed some eggs with my fork and lifted it to my mouth, pausing midway. My eyes landed on the frozen screen of my precious laptop. The fork fell from my hands. Frozen perfectly on my screen was "Thank you for ordering our GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT unit! Your GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT unit will arrive in one-two weeks!"
"Deliverance," I called out, turning to my brother. He paled instantly, knowing what was coming. "You . . .You . . . YOU IDIOT! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!"
"N-Now Indie-"
"SHUT UP YOU DUMBASS! NOT ONLY DID YOU ORDER ANOTHER UNIT, BUT MY LAPTOP IS FROZEN!" I screamed at him. He ran out the front door and I chased him around the front yard. "GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE SO I CAN KICK IT INTO NEXT WEEK!"