April 10

Okay so here's the thing, my name is Elizabetha Herdevary, (birth last name, not married last name because I am no longer married and have to remind myself often) I don't particularly think that I am the kind to daily write in a diary, but nevertheless I was informed that my previous methods of self control are unefficient, I was adviced by my beloved former husband, UGH! I CAN'T! I can't be so formal all the time! this is not a letter Liz! It is NOT, it's a notebook that you are to pretend is a person to talk to that Austria recommended me to use to relief anger, because apparently Ita chan thinks it's bad to stick to my former stress reliever, hitting prussians with frying pans. So I guess I can just be the crazy me I always had hidden through frills and flowers, I, you see, was always a tomboy, when I was little actually I believed I was a boy, and that I (ugh this is embarrasing to even write) would eventually grow one when I grew up, of course I was later explained that, that would not happen, I refused to believe that, I did with all my might, i believed that they didn't know hell about what they were talking about, no one said it was fine for me to act that way, they always said that a lady bla bla bla and has to properly bla bla bla! Oh god I hope no one reads this, I think I will just lock it or something, not that anyone cares though, the last time Austria entered my room was when we were still married, just married actually, he woke up really early and brought me a delicious wonderful, typical austrian food, pastries to be exact, acompanied by a delicious glass of strawberry juice, my favorite juice, he knows, and a beautiful red rose on the side, to my bed, this was by far the most romantic thing he's ever done that I'm aware of. He simply said I love you and I jumped into his arms, probably harder than he expected because we ended up falling to the floor, of course, the silver tray with the breakfast remained safe in the bed, but I wasn't quite sure about, him, he is always so fragile, and well, I was afraid I had broke something, but the excitement proved to be by far greater, I closed to him and smiling, kissed for a second time as a married couple, he did not brake anything thank god, and we just layed down eating the delicious feast he had prepared. Too bad it's over now, I can not believe that the spark simply faded, I thought there would be more, it WAS an arranged marriage but you can not say we did not love each other, I felt his affection for me, with every look he gave me, I remember the silly girly feeling I got when he touched me, I remember that excitement when we walked away from the altar, and felt so heart heavy, it hurt like never before, it hurt like I did not want it to end, but there really is nothing I can do about it, our love just, died...