Nightmares of Reality Chapter 2, a harry potter fanfic

Title: Nightmares of Reality

Author: Claire (.morbidity)

Rating: T

Genre: Family/Tragedy

Pairings: None (except canon side-pairings between parents like LE/JP)

Warnings: Possibly eventual murder, insanity, death, torture, in this chapter specifically there's mention of using unforgiveables on animals, and naturally spoilers

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to JKR.

Summary: Extended Summary: The Potters were living the dream: they had two powerful sons, one beautiful daughter and a public ready to bow to their every whim. Lily works, while James cares for their twin sons and daughter. Ethan, their son, killed Voldemort but he has grown up a sweet child, away from all the media. The life of the Potters is truly a dream come to life. But Harry's dreams aren't the happy kind.

-NoR-

Well, here's the second chapter. Read and enjoy!

-NoR-

Chapter Two

Apart from the disastrous trip to Diagon Alley, things were quiet for the Potters for those last months of summer. Sirius and Remus visited all the time, and Harry got his pancakes. In all, everything was good.

Harry had browsed through his textbooks with Ethan, but had found them about as interesting as any other book: boring. Harry and Ethan had been bored to tears by Lily's constant nattering about learning the properties of various potions over the past year and a half, and now refused to touch either their potions or herbology book. But, due to her persistence, they had memorised the recipes for every potion on the first year curriculum – and a lot of the second-year potions too.

But, overall, finally learning magic didn't seem like it would be as fun as those stolen moments with James' wand had seemed… At least until the Sunday before they left, when Lily approached the children, wand out.

"Harry, Ethan. Before you go to Hogwarts, I want you to learn to defend yourselves."

Harry and Ethan looked up from their breakfast, spoons slopping down into their cereal. Had they heard that right? Actually, were they seeing things? With a glance at the clock they could tell that the time was seven thirty – and there was Lily, panda eyed and baby pink dressing gowned in front of them. Her other hand dangled at her side and her movements were sluggish, but the tip of her wand was alight with magic. And her eyes were hauntedly alive.

"Boys, go get your wands. I'll meet you in the basement."

The basement was Lily's room: where she did all her Unspeakable experiments and such. Not even James knew everything that went on in there, not even he knew the full extent of the rooms.

Shocked, the boys ran upstairs to collect their beloved wands from their trunks, before scurrying back down towards the Entrance, the same faraway look in their eyes as their mother's.Running through the hall, the boys made a one-eighty when they reached the open trapdoor. Sharing a look of – excitement? Trepidation? Joy? – They descended.

Lily's room was nothing like they had expected – they had never been allowed to enter before. For one thing everything was the same shade of dark gray – everything. Workbenches and cupboards of all sizes scattered the room, the exact colour, but there was nothing in the room they would have expected from the den of an Unspeakable. Later they would realise that Lily must have packed away all the cool stuff, leaving only the bare essentials out, but for now they were severely disappointed – and a bit spooked too when they realised that, as the room had no windows or lamps, the only light in the room was coming from an eerie white ball in the ceiling, crackling silently with energy. And Lily was nowhere in sight.

Their breaths rose as the trapdoor stairs rose of their own accord, without a sound. Twisting and turning, they tried to search for another person, another being in the room, but they found not even a spider. Harry shivered as a wisp of something brushed past his leg.

"Hey!" yelped Ethan, breaking the deathly silence.

"What?" whispered Harry, still twisting, still turning, constantly moving.

"You poked me!" Ethan growled, turning to Harry, no longer scared."Funny trick, that. Now use the spell and open the trapdoor so we can leave."

Harry turned to him, shocked. Now the boys stood face to face, confronting each other.

"I didn't do anything!" Harry exclaimed. "I don't know any spells and I was over here – I couldn't have poked you."

Ethan's brown eyes blazed, and his fists clenched. Like he would believe that. "Like you don't know any spells – Dad taught me a whole heap! I bet Siri and Remi taught you heaps more – including spells for poking people and closing trapdoors!"

Harry stared, wide-eyed at Ethan. When had their Dad had the chance to teach Ethan spells and not him? He was always with them – it must have been at night, in secret, before Lily got home and after Harry went to bed. But why had he only taught Ethan? Didn't he like Harry so much as Ethan? That old resentment, that Harry had thought he'd been rid of years ago, reared its ugly head.

Well, he's the Boy-Who-Lived, isn't he?

No! Harry thought savagely. It's not cause he survived some stupid curse. It's because… Because… Dad must think Ethan's too stupid to learn anything on his own. He thinks he needs extra training… Yeah, that's it.

"Dad just thinks you're too stupid to learn spells at Hogwarts. I'm smart enough to learn without extra training." Harry's own fists clenched and he started jiggling, fidgeting.

"No – Dad said that he wanted -"

But they never found out what their father had wanted, as with a mauve light, the two boys were clutching their sides.

"Ow!"

"That hurt!"

Searching the room for their attacker, they finally saw Lily.

"Mum?"

Lily was wearing her Unspeakable robes – dark grey, naturally, with a black cloak, emerald eyes and dark red hair barely visible beneath it.
"Never become distracted in an unknown situation."

Light flashed behind them, and suddenly their backs were stinging. Spinning to face the other side of the room, Lily was standing there.

"Never assume that just because you think you see something it's true."

The boys were starting to freak out now. Was this really their mother? Why was she acting this… scary? Was it someone else pretending to be their mother? Or… could this be Lily?

"Protego." The maybe-Lily said. A translucent blue shield appeared in front of her. "The shield charm is you best friend. It fends off attacks physical, magical and mental. When performed correctly the spell will reflect an attack back towards the instigator. The strength of the deflecting spell depends solely on the power you put into the shield. But be warned! A person with stronger physical prowess than the magic in your shield will overcome it. A spell more powerful than your shield will break it. A person who is mentally stronger or more prepared than you will break through. Some spells, more commonly dark curses, aredesigned specifically to go through these shields. The Unforgiveable Curses will not be stopped by a shield. However, if used correctly, the shield charm can be your best friend. You – will – learn – it."

In front of both boys appeared a piece of parchment with the spell, the incantation, the wand movements and a brief summary of the theory. Glancing at each other, their previous fight forgotten, they lifted their wands and began to cast.

It was a complete failure.The boys didn't know, of course, that the shield charm was more fourth or fifth year level, so their failure cut.

"Proo-TEE-ga!"

"Prow-teh-GOH!"

But no matter how many times they failed, Lily just kept standing there – still. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she said, "Pro-TAY-goh."

The boys turned up to stare at her, but her expression didn't change from the stony cold glare.

"Pro-TAY-goh." She said again, this time doing the wand movements slowly for them to see.

By mimicking her pronunciation and movements, Ethan was finally able to get a blue spark.

"Ha!" He jumped for joy, but Harry was furious. Why had Ethan been the one to get it first?

I bet it was the extra training he's been getting from Dad…

Narrowing his eyes, Harry gripped his holly wand tightly. He was better than Ethan. He must be, he had to be. His stupid twin wouldn't see what was coming. Harry was going to be the best bloody wizard the world had ever seen.

"Protego." A frail blue film grew in front of him. It may not be a full shield – definitely not as good as his mother's – but it was better than Ethan's at least.

"Great job, Harry!" Ethan smiled at him. And suddenly Harry realised he was the one being stupid. What had been thinking? Ethan was a great brother – and getting the odd spell right before him didn't change that. Harry shouldn't be jealous – he was being stupid himself. They were brothers; they were equals. And Ethan wasn't envious of Harry when he got a spell right – how could Harry be jealous of him? Harry hid his berating of himself with a smile of his own.

"Thanks, Ethan."

While they had been practicing, Lily had lowered her hood and now her eyes were alight with pride. "Yes, well done, Harry."

Suddenly she moved, sending two stinging jinxes in rapid succession. The first one crumbled Harry's shield, but as Harry had seen her cast the second he managed to dodge out of the way.

"Very well done, indeed."

The rest of the morning was spent in a similar fashion. Both Harry and Ethan were soon worn-out with the shield charm – and could hardly wrap their heads around the way that their mother was acting – but by lunch they both had mastered the shield charm at a basic level, could stun an opponent at a close range – and had learnt about overexposure to stinging jinxes. Nursing their wounds, they began to climb up the trapdoor. Neither had seen it open, yet after Lily had dismissed them they had turned around to find it open.

Yet before Harry could leave he felt something brush over his leg, looking down, a thin wisp of silvery, … stuff… was floating by.

"Stuff!" Lily called in a tone Harry had heard many times, shouting out through the skies to her husband and sons, telling them to get down because they had to eat sometime or other, yet the voice Lily now was using lacked the same amusement that Harry had come to associate with it. "Get back in your cage." The Stuff seemed to whimper as it slunk back to a dark grey cage that had appeared by the wall. Harry stood dumbfounded on the ladder, while Lily locked it up. Turning to him, she smiled reassuringly, but it didn't quite reach her wrinkled, wide eyes.

"Don't worry… Stuff's harmless."

Harry felt his mouth drop.

"What was that?" He asked, wondering if his eyes might pop out as he focused on the… Stuff.

"An experiment gone wrong." Lily listed some terms that Harry had no clue about – something about an essence of patronus combined with a physiological bond of matter and… Harry didn't even know how to say the next words. "But Stuff's sort of my familiar now. James doesn't like it though – he finds it creepy for some reason." Pure confusion reaped through her voice and a small frown appeared on her forehead, but she quickly shook it off, and closed her eyes.

And with that Lily seemed to disappear into the shadows, leaving Harry to stare at the Stuff.

Sometime later, Harry realised he was suddenly sitting cross-legged on the floor above the trapdoor, staring into space. Jumping out of his reverie, he got up and went to the kitchen to grab some lunch before his Dad got back from Siri's place with Ava and raided the kitchen. Ava had gone early in the morning with James to Grimmauld Place to help Remi and Siri patch up after the full moon, without breakfast. Siri and Remi went there for Remus' transformation because it was secure and they didn't care about messing it up. However, because nobody lived there, there was no edible food. James would be starving when he got back, possibly bringing in the terrible two with him.

When they were at school, Prongs, Padfoot, Moony and the mysterious Wormtail had been great friends, spending the full moon together, however now James was married and only went with them every two or three full moons. They had taken Hogwarts by storm, spending all their time together. Prongs had even promised to Padfoot that he would be his firstborn's godfather. Padfoot hadn't made a similar promise: Padfoot didn't want children.

But the Potters were drifting further and further away from society. These days, they barely ever saw Siri and Remi. They were secluded in paranoia, while Siri and Remi were in central London protesting creature rights. But they still came round at full moon to patch themselves up, and they always got the best birthday presents. In fact, just this last birthday, they'd combined presents and given them a Nimbus 2000…

The laughter, the joy, the happiness…

Unwrapping presents, two boys gasping and shouting while proud parents and godfathers stand in the background…

Expensive cloaks from Aunt Bathilda…

A renewal of their subscription to the Quibbler as well as the new Weird Sisters album from the Lovegoods…

Some chocolate frogs and sugar quills from the Longbottoms…

Fifty pence each from Aunt Petunia…

An art set for Ethan from their parents…

A set of first-class snitches for Harry…

And then… a shared present form Siri and Remi…

Oh, wow…

Sleek and shiny, perfectly shaped…

Nimbus 2000

I want to try it first! – The obligatory argument.

'Harry, there's one more present for you – why doesn't Ethan have first go while you unwrap this one?'

There were protests on Ethan's part, of course: why does Harry get another present? Just like Harry protested that that didn't mean that Ethan should have first go. But soon Ethan was up in the air while Harry unwrapped his final present.

Out fell a set of old books, as well as a note. Looking in disgust at the books, Harry picked up the crumpled note and read,

Harry,

As your godfather I am obliged to give you a birthday present. Read these books, brat, you may learn something.

One last bit of advice before you find yourself at Hogwarts: don't sort Slytherin.

Your loving godfather,

Severus Snape.

Harry huffed in disappointment. Of course, while James had promised his firstborn to Padfoot, he'd made no promises about second borns. Lily had chosen her second son's godfather…

So now Ethan was off flying with his godfather and Harry was stuck with some ratty old potions books and a godfather who couldn't even be bothered to come on his birthday…

-NoR-

The night before September 1, Lily felt like dying. What if everything went wrong? She'd seen how Ethan and Harry reacted in Diagon Alley. What would it be like when they were at school and everyone knew who they were and just kept staring at them? Harry had been so scared after coming back from Diagon Alley… maybe she could home school them? She'd had them casting shield charms and stunning spells – she could teach them charms and defence, while James would be a fantastic transfiguration teacher. Together they could teach them history, astronomy… and for potions she could teach them, while getting help from Severus. She and James could pull out the textbooks for Herbology and she was sure Mrs. Longbottom would be happy to lend them her greenhouse every now and then… It would just be until they were older. Maybe thirteen? Fifteen? They could just go for their final year; actually did they really need to go at all? She and James could teach them, and if not she could hire a tutor. They didn't need all those extra children around; they had each other… And besides, with Harry's dreams it really wasn't suitable for him to share a dorm. Minerva had said that as long as it didn't happen too often it would be fine, but Lily wasn't so sure. As a teenager she wouldn't have wanted to be woken up once a month or so by a screaming dorm mate… then again, James had stayed up all night with his dorm mates once a month from fifth to seventh year…

A soft pittering of creaks sounded in the hallway, pausing by the hall. After a heartbeat, the door creaked open to reveal a tiny three-year-old form.

"Ava?" Lily whispered hoarsely. She coughed to clear her throat before continuing in a normal voice. "What's up, sweetie?" She wasn't much worried about waking the slumbering mound beside her – she was fairly certain a brass band couldn't wake James.

Ava hurriedly tiptoed into the room, crossing the carpet to the bed in a flash. Her little fingers curled around Lily's legs as she used them to hoist herself up onto the bed, before crawling over to Lily. In the dim light from the painted stars above, Lily could see tears in her little daughter's eyes.

"What's wrong, darling?"

The little girl shook her head into Lily's neck, flinging her arms around her. Lily could feel the tears soaking her pyjamas. Slowly, she patted Ava, making hushed cooing noises, calming her. Finally, when Ava had relaxed her constrictor grip on her neck, Lily spoke.

"You don't want them to leave either, huh?"

She was unprepared for the onslaught of tears. Ava howled and howled.

"Etan an' Hawwy can' go! I won' let dem. Dey're not 'llowed!"

Hastily shushing her daughter, she held her tight, hoping no one else would wake up.

"I know, I know, I don't want them to go either. Do you know I've spent the last hour thinking up ways I could make them stay? I was thinking homeschooling, or maybe we could hold them back a year…" Lily went on with ways Harry and Ethan could stay while Ava relaxed at the sound of her mother's voice.

"Or maybe we could just keep them. If we put them under the fidelius, there'd be no way of enforcing that they go to Hogwarts. Sure, the ministry wouldn't like it and we'd become fugitives, but that doesn't really matter…"

Suddenly, Lily realised that Ava had fallen asleep… and that there was someone else at her door. Rolling Ava over to rest on her father, Lily called out to the figure.

"Ethan, you can come in."

Ethan jumped at her calling, but he scurried in anyway. He to scrambled over to Lily, who met her son with open arms.

They sat in silence together, next to a sleeping Ava and James, for a few minutes, their breathing synchronised.

"Do I have to go? ... Mummy, I'm scared." Lily just held him, while he shook and cried. Trying to get into a more comfortable position, he kicked James.

The funny thing about James Potter was that he could sleep through just about any noise, but tap him a bit and he would wake up in a flash.

"Hmmm? Waz 'ap'nin?"

James sat up, causing Ava to roll off and wake up.

"Well, we've got the whole family here, haven't we... Last minute celebrations?"

Ava started to cry again, so it was James' turn to calm her down.

Lily turned a soft face to James.

"What do you say about homeschooling…"

James stared at his beautiful wife – he was so lucky to have her. Her almond-shaped green eyes so wide and innocent in that moment she looked eleven again, even though in the next second he spotted lines around her face he remembered once hadn't been there – but he had been with her when they grew, and that's all that mattered.

"I think it's a wonderful idea, Lily-flower."

Lily smiled at the nickname, seeing the mischief in her husband's eyes. She could remember a thousand pick-up lines that hadn't worked, and finally the one non-pick-up that had… Years of teasing, years of laughter, years as teenagers.

"Why do I have to go, Mum?" Ethan whispered into her shoulder. Patting him, Lily took a deep breathe before answering.

"Hogwarts… Has its ups and downs. You make your best friends and your worst enemies. You date, you play pranks, and you have fun… Hogwarts was some of the best years of my life… they made me… I -" she sniffled, "I don't want you to miss out on that."

James slung an arm awkwardly around her shoulder and she leaned into his shoulder, hugging Ethan to her while Ava lay cradled on James' lap in his other arm. Absently, Lily hummed a little happy tune, singing them to sleep.

The next morning, they woke up like that.

-NoR-

He was burning. So hot, hot to melt, melt to meld, meld to bind…

Too hot…

To feel whole again…

He took a gasping breath, trying to find oxygen in the burning air. He couldn't breathe – too hot – his limbs were on fire… His skull was burning…

You have displeased me, Quirrell…

'I'm sorry, master, so sorry…'

You were told to get the stone… All summer you have failed at this… It should have been easy, but you have been nothing but a miserable failure…

'Please, master, I'm sorry! I'll do anything!'

He took in a shuddering breath. It was cooling down, he was settling, he could see…

Rolling his neck around, moving his eyes, the breath of fresh air – oh, he had a tongue, a nose…

'I'm so sorry master!'

You will not disappoint me again.

"Avada Kedavra!" He spun around, wand out, as a bolt of green light sped towards a rat, and he began to cackle. He hadn't felt so good in ten long years… ten long years…

Harry sat up, tears streaming. What was that dream? It was a new dream. But definitely another nightmare… a worse nightmare. Shivering, he hoped he wouldn't have this one again…

Suddenly, Harry noticed that his mother wasn't rushing in like usual. What did that mean? Usually when he had a nightmare he'd scream out and his mother would wake up in a flash and…

Thinking back, Harry realised he hadn't screamed.

That had always been something that Ethan had teased him about – Harry still needs his mummy, Harry needs her to take care of him after the scawy nightmares, Harry's such a baby, crying when he has a bad dream…

But this time, Harry hadn't screamed. A smile blooming on his face, Harry crept across the hallway and down the stairs to his parents' room. He couldn't wait to tell Lily that he hadn't screamed, and that he would take Hogwarts by storm and wasn't she proud of him…

In his parents' room, Ethan and Ava were on the bed, with Dad awake. Lily was awake too, looking happy and lovely in the murky light.

And then Dad said, "Well, we've got the whole family here, haven't we... Last minute celebrations?"

Harry turned around, placing himself flat against the wall by the door, making sure he wasn't heard or seen. Ava was bawling, in fact the whole family was sniffling while Harry stood, the cold brick searing into his back. They didn't think that, did they? He was their family, wasn't he? Was he adopted? But he looked so much like both James and Lily… Was it because he wasn't the stupid boy-who-lived? But then why was Ava there?

Maybe it was just because he had nightmares, and the others didn't?

Or maybe it was because they didn't like Harry.

"What do you say about homeschooling?" Lily asked in a light voice. Harry could hear flowers blooming from her voice in a soft summer breeze. Too bad that summer was almost over…

"I think it's a wonderful idea, Lily-flower."

Did they mean homeschooling for Ethan to keep him home, or just for Harry because they didn't want to inflict him on Hogwarts? Did they want to keep Ethan and send Harry away? Was that what James was talking about celebrating for?

"Why do I have to go, Mum?" Harry almost missed the murmured words, but he heard the most important part: that Ethan didn't want to go to Hogwarts with Harry. He wanted to stay home with his parents, and leave Harry to go to Hogwarts. He didn't want to be seen anywhere with Harry, he wanted to stay with his mother while Lily left like in Diagon Alley, leaving Harry to deal with the vultures…

Lily hadn't mentioned Harry's name throughout that whole passage.

Nobody spoke after that. There was ruffling of sheets as people moved about, trying to get comfortable. Finally, when everyone was settled, Lily began to hum the happiest tune Harry had ever heard, sitting in bed with her family under the stars.

Before he could stop himself, Harry peaked through the door, to see the whole family there, cuddled together, smiles on their faces without him there. They were so happy without him.

Lily had never been so happy, humming that lullaby, rocking him off to sleep.

Unable to take anymore, Harry sprinted down the hallway and up the stairs to his room, where he flung himself onto his bed. Making sure not to look up at the stars, he curled into a ball and began to hum his own haunting tune.

-NoR-

At nine o'clock, a woman arrived at a station so deserted not even the train was there with her boyfriend, daughter and nephews. Taking a spot down the end of the platform, no one could sneak up behind them. The Evans woman didn't like to be surprised.

"You see, Lils, there was nothing to worry about. We're early enough: I told you nobody ever gets here before ten." The boyfriend of the newly-christened-Delilah scoffed at her.

"Sparrow, stop calling me that ridiculous nickname. I don't want to be called that – especially not in public and definitely not with the kids around." She finished with a wink and a saucy smirk, but the underlying message was clear: anyone could be watching, don't blow cover, even if it looks like there's no one there.

Anyone could be watching.

Harry Potter, nephew of Delilah Evans, watched the scene with a stone face. He'd been cold from the moment he woke up, not even faking a smile when little Patricia had given a parting gift of a thousand pictures he'd seen her draw over the past week. She'd pouted and sulked for a minute, but soon had forgotten about it, going on to give Ethan his own parting gifts.

"Aunt Delilah, why couldn't Mum, Dad and Ava come to see us off?" Ethan Potter asked, pulling at his rainbow pompom beanie. It was the most outlandish thing, however he really didn't want to be spotted. If people looked at his beanie, people wouldn't look at his face. Mum called it 'hiding in plain sight'.

Delilah put her arms around her nephew, causing him to drop his trunk. Sparrow snickered at them, inciting Patricia to laugh as well. Delilah and Ethan ignored them.

"I'm sorry, Ethan, but your mother has work today and Ava's sick – you know your father needs to look after her. But don't worry – you've got us to see you off." She felt Ethan breathe into her shoulder.

"I know," he said. "But I don't like it… Promise you'll write?"

She was about to respond when Harry butted in.

"Awww… Does wittle Efan need to wite to his mummy evewy day? Is he scawed? Is he gonna get homesick?" Harry was pouting, arms crossed and eyes filled with disgust. He just felt so angry. He felt like hitting something. He felt like cursing someone.

Ethan wanted to respond in kind, he really wanted to. He was ready with a witty comeback and everything, just like their usual bickering, when Delilah stepped in.

"Now, now, boys, don't fight. This is a happy day. Don't worry, Harry," she turned to him with a teasing smile. "I love you just as much as Ethan." She walked over to him and tried to hug him – tried to show him that everything was going to be fine. That she'd write to him every day, that it was ok to be scared, that even if he felt homesick no one would care –

But Harry took a step back.

"I don't need a hug." He lifted his head high, standing tall, trunk between himself and Delilah. Delilah also stepped back.

"Hey, now!" Sparrow stepped in. "There's no need to take that tone with your m- mother's sister!"

Sparrow was cross to say the least. Harry had been behaving badly all day. At breakfast he had snarled instead of saying good morning and he'd completely snubbed his brother… And now this. He was acting like a stuck-up… eleven-year-old, off to school. Sighing, Sparrow decided it was time to face the music. The boys were off to school – and with that Harry was starting to feel too old for hugs and kisses and parents…

He really should have seen this coming.

"Look, Harry." He walked over to the boy and crouched down in front of him. "Look, kid. I know you're feeling all big and mature now that you're off to school, but you can't keep being rude to people. That's not the way to go in life." Sparrow stared into Harry's eyes, trying to see if he'd made any difference in the child. Harry stared callously back.

"Hey, I'm not your uncle, so it's cool if you don't want to hug me, but don't go ignoring Delilah like that, 'kay? She's awesome and, no matter how old you get, you'll always be her nephew. So go give her a hug." Sparrow finished, aware of how Delilah was looking the other way, pretending to ignore them, while Patricia, Delilah's accidental daughter, was captured in a game of 'round and round the garden' with Ethan, who was studiously disregarding Harry. In the distance, he could hear the train chugging in.

"No!" Harry shouted, eyes suddenly alight with fury and hurt. "I don't want to! You can't make me! You're not my uncle! She's not my aunt! And-" Harry stopped abruptly, trying to stop the tears from forming in his eyes. Picking up his bags, he took off down the platform, eventually entering the Hogwarts Express in a cloud of steam.

All he could hear were the disguised James' words pounding through every cell in his brain: 'you'll always be her nephew'. Harry would never be her, Lily's, son.

-NoR-

The family left on the platform were as a whole mildly stunned – what had gotten into their lively Harry? Those cold, frozen eyes – how could they have been Harry's? The Harry who never stood still…

"What's up with Harry?" asked Ethan, full of concern for his brother. As twins, the boys had always been particularly close. Not as close as some, if Severus was right about the Weasley twins, but close nevertheless. Yet Ethan now seemed at loss for why his brother would be acting so out of character. Delilah herself found Harry's behaviour strange – she thought she knew her nephew better.

Sparrow, however, was smiling.

"Don't worry, Lils, everything will be fine. Harry's just growing up… You know how they get…"

Delilah glared at the nickname – people had begun to arrive. However she didn't say anything. Instead she picked up her daughter who had been trying to escape. Distractedly she patted her back, while Patricia played with her dark hair.

Ethan, trying to break the silence, struck up a conversation with Sparrow.

"So, what do you know about the people in my year?"

It was a topic they'd brushed over on many occasions, however Sparrow seized the opportunity to think about something else.

"Well, let's see, apart from the Muggleborns… Well, as you know, Neville's going to be there -"

"Oh but Neville's so boring! He's shy and all he does is look after his plants!" Ethan cut in. Neville was one of the few 'approved playmates' the Potter twins had. The Longbottoms had been in the Order with the Potters and while the two couples had never been friends exactly, being pregnant at the same time had forged a bond between the mothers, which in turn had linked the fathers. Unfortunately, the Longbottoms had been attacked by Death Eaters not long after Voldemort's defeat, driving them mad. Now Neville lived with his grandmother, a strict woman named Augusta Longbottom. The twins had never been very friendly with him – he was a bit timid and they only saw him twice a year – at most. They didn't much like to spend their time with him, however some company was better than none.

Or at least that's what Ethan told himself.

"Don't go on about Neville. Just because he seems a bit stupid and reserved, it doesn't mean it's true. Frank and Alice Longbottom were great Aurors in their time – I'm sure that one day, Neville will be fantastic too. He'll be in Gryffindor with you for sure." Taking a breath, James thought for a second. "Then also in Gryffindor will be a Weasley… Ronald I think he's called? He's something like the ninth Weasley to pass through Hogwarts in the last seven years. If you want to spot him on the platform, look out for a pack of red heads with freckles and hand-me-down clothes – you'll spot him soon enough…" Sparrow though for a moment. Ethan looked enraptured in his talk – even though Sparrow must have given it ten times in the past week alone. Ethan was a good actor – brilliant, even. He wasn't on James' or Lily's level – but they were adults. He wasn't even near Harry's level – but Harry took after Lily in his ability to lie. Sparrow could see as he looked at Patricia that Ava would be the same: Lily, Harry and Ava – liars all three of them. But, he supposed, he and Lily had trained them to be that way. All the Potter children had grown up living lies, acting, pretending… They were so good at it now that most adults would be fooled by Ethan's look of interest, hell; Sirius and Remus were fooled most of the time. As for Harry… Sometimes Harry tricked James.

But Sparrow preferred to play along.

"Then there'll also be the Patil twins – you've heard of them? Parvati and Padma? Half-Indian twins? They'll be in Gryffindor – their mother's side, the Cranes, have been in Gryffindor as long as anyone can remember… That's all I can think of who'll be in Gryffindor…"

Now, Sparrow waited for the question. The question was the one asked in some form by every first year child of Hogwarts alumni. Ethan did not disappoint:

"D-Dad? Can I ask you something – something I couldn't ask you with Harry here." He whispered, checking to see no one – specifically his mother – could hear them. Casting muffliato discretely in Lily's direction, James leaned in towards his son.

"Yes, Ethan?"

Ethan took in a deep breath. How would his father react? What would he do if he realised that Ethan might not be who he thought he was? What if he became furious? Or worse, what if he became sad?

"You realise you can tell me anything, don't you, Ethan?"

Nodding, Ethan opened his mouth; here it was, the moment of truth:

"Dad, what if I'm not in Gryffindor?"

James smiled. He couldn't help it. Seeing his son there in front of him, shaking, wondering what would happen if he wasn't 'sorted' right reminded himself of a day… about twenty years ago now… when he himself had asked that very question to his father on a violently stormy day on the first of September…

"Well, I suppose you'd be in Hufflepuff – because you're not smart enough for Ravenclaw, and not poncy enough for Slytherin – and you'd meet Ernest MacMillan, I think his name is, and… Susan Bones, niece of Amelia Bones, brilliant woman, head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement…" James almost laughed. Ethan's expression – so much for being a brilliant actor. James could read every line on his small, shocked face.

"Bu- But Dad! That's, that's not…"

At this James couldn't help it, he burst out laughing, laughing harder still as Ethan's face morphed from shock to confused to annoyed in a neat second.

Delilah stood beside the two, holding Patricia in her arms, not really looking at anything. Instead she plastered a smile on her face while her brother-in-law, James, and his son had their talk. She hoped Harry was fine.

-NoR-

Harry sat in the carriage, just behind the window so nobody could see he was in there. After jumping onto the train, he had moved through the carriages back to where his family was. It wasn't because he wanted to spend his last few minutes with his family – they weren't his family! He just… he just…

He just wanted to see if they acted any different without him there.

Yes, that was it.

As he'd settled into the compartment, he'd heard James talking over all the Gryffindors he knew would be in their year. He'd heard it a thousand times and he rolled his eyes, figuring that Ethan must have asked again.

He chose to forget that he himself had asked James that question no less than thirteen times during the past month.

But then Ethan had asked 'something he couldn't ask with Harry there'.

He'd asked what would happen if he wasn't in Gryffindor.

And he got to call him Dad while doing it.

Harry rather thought his Dad was right – Ethan, his trusting twin, was going to be a Hufflepuff. His twin wasn't ambitious, he wasn't cunning, and so Slytherin was out. Ethan, intelligent? Ravenclaw was a big fat no. Hufflepuff and Gryffindor were the only reasonable options. Harry rather thought Ethan would get into Hufflepuff because of its stupid name.

But after James' laughing fit, Harry had become interested again.

"I know that's not what you meant, Ethan." James said. Harry hated how he was no longer Sparrow. Of course, with Harry there he was Sparrow, however as soon as he left, James returned – and Deli- Lily – just stood there, smiling.

"Look, son." The word cut Harry straight through the chest. "I know you. You're my son, I've raised you, and I know you're going to be in Gryffindor. But -" James paused. Harry so wanted to lean out a bit further so he could see Ethan's face, but he restrained himself. "But, on the odd chance that you do sort somewhere else, then know that I'll be proud of you, no matter what you do."

But will you be proud of me, the son you don't care about?

"Even if I sort Slytherin?" Ethan's voice was so small and close to tears that Harry almost didn't catch it.

"Of course I will be – you're my son…" James paused a moment, and Harry imagined him tossing the idea of a son in Slytherin around in his head. "But I'd prefer you weren't… But that won't matter, either way. Because you're gonna sort Gryffindor, and so will your brother."

Harry drew away from the window in a sudden jerk. Stiffly picking his trunk up, he dragged it out the door and out along the hallway, trying to get as far away as possible.

To Harry, the underlying message was clear: as long as you're my son, I'll be fine no matter how you get sorted. But as long as you're in this family, you'll be sorted Gryffindor.

But apparently Harry wasn't part of the family – so where did that leave him?

Harry, naturally, had been worried about the sorting. It would decide whom he lived with for the next seven years, and have a major impact on his life after that! And he wanted to be with his brother – had wanted to.

Now he wasn't so sure.

After weeks of agonising over how he'd make sure he sorted Gryffindor, weeks of lying in bed, trying to think of ways he'd fight trolls, convince Dumbledore, or whatever it took to sort himself Gryffindor, it was all turned over in a flash – because he wasn't a part of the Potter family, apparently.

Did he even want to be in Gryffindor?

Yes, he decided, because James wasn't fine with Harry, who wasn't his son, sorting anything but Gryffindor.

Finally, somewhere in the middle of the train, he found a nice compartment without chocolate frog wrappers, trunks, wads of chewed gum, or people in it. Clenching his fists, Harry felt his nails dig into the palms of his hands…

"Tom, is something up?"

He looked up, a snarl on his face, ready with a cutting remark, when he saw the soft third year's innocent face. She was a Ravenclaw, he thought, but no matter her house she showed promise – she was said to have an eidetic memory. Top of her year by a mile. She probably would have broken records if he hadn't been in the year above her.

Moulding his face into one of indecision and doubt, he answered her, "No, everything's fine… Verity? That's your name, right?" He asked her with a casually hopeful grin, knowing he was wrong.

"N-no. I'm Charity. Charity Burbage." She looked down, mumbling slightly. Allowing his face to blush, he looked so embarrassed.

"I'm so sorry, Charity. I just have so much on my mind right now – do you think you could help me?" The trying-to-be-casual hope came back, mixed with some nerves.

"Sure, Tom." Charity's eyes lit up. "I'd love to help you." Almost skipping into the compartment, she made sure to close the door behind her.

"So, Tom," she said again, seeming to delight in just saying his name, "what do you need help with?"

But suddenly he wasn't smiling. Suddenly he was looming over her; eyes flashing red, mouth open revealing pointy teeth in a crocodilian grin.

"You see, Charity, I need help practicing my spell work."

"T-Tom?"

She should have learnt that not everything was what it seemed to be.

"I need to practice my memory charms. You see, it wouldn't do for such a promising, Muggleborn, student to remember me in such bad light. But first, a lesson in the unforgiveables is in order."

Turning his wand on her, she was stuck. She should have moved. She could have moved, but she was caught like an insect in a spider's web.

He advanced on her, red light forming at the tip of his wand.

"You see: it's Mudblood muggle-lovers like you who need to learn their place."

Harry sat up, sweating. What had happened? Had he dosed off? Had he had another dream? It was an odd dream to have – especially as he was fairly certain his name wasn't Tom. But hadn't something like this happened before, in Diagon Alley…

Before he could think any further he shook himself and looked out the window – the train wasn't moving, so it couldn't have left yet. Sighing, he lifted his weightless trunk onto the luggage rack above him, making sure to get out the latest edition of the Quibbler. It may not be the most factual newspaper, but it always entertained him to say the least. He could make friends later, when there were more people onboard. For now, he was content to read.

-NoR-

Waving goodbye, Delilah watched the old train leave with her nephews onboard. She wouldn't see them until Christmas – she didn't know how she'd survive. James was crying, though he tried to hide it, and Patricia was too, though she was loud and exceedingly obvious about the state of her emotions. Delilah herself kept the smiled plastered on.

Thankfully, no one had noticed them, down the end as they were, she and James wearing dark cloaks, and the steam still billowing down this end of the train was more than enough to hide them from sight. Lily truly hated people.

She was thankful Ethan had got on the train before the crowds had truly showed. If Lily hated people, crowds terrified Ethan.

Families chased after the train; people laughing, crying and waving same as them. But Delilah didn't notice them. She was watching for Harry. Was that flash of black hair him? What about that one? Or that one?

Delilah couldn't tell.

The train gradually sped up, finally swooshing past as it left the station for the next four months. But it's rickety wheels echoed through the tunnel long after it had vanished from sight. The platform stood together in a mournful silence for a second, as if waiting for the train to come chugging back. For a second, they were a unit.

But Lily hated crowds.

Angry, Delilah apparated away, taking Patricia with her.

-NoR-

"They're gone, aren't they?" Lily asked James that night as they sat in front of the fire in the living room. Lily played with the rug with one hand, the other curled around James' neck and shoulders. They made a pretty picture: James sitting legs out straight, his hands flat on the carpet behind him; Lily on his right, her knees bent, arching over his legs, leaning into him, her head on his shoulder. They sat as they once would have in front of the Gryffindor fireplace, back in the glory days. In their seventh year, when they'd been going out for almost three months and everything had seemed like heaven.

"Yeah, Lils. They're gone."

Ava was upstairs, tucked away in dreamland, while their sons were off in a castle somewhere in Scotland. Their children were far, far away.

Funny, how that had happened. She'd thought they were hers – hers to keep forever. Funny how they didn't give her any warning – one second they were there…

Funny how it was this moment she had been preparing them for all their lives.

Funny how she hadn't thought to prepare herself.

Her boys – Harry and Ethan, Ethan and Harry.

They were hers and they always would be.

"James?" She whispered softly against his bare skin.

"Yeah?" He whispered into her hair.

"You shouldn't have dropped the act today when you were talking to Ethan. You cast muffliato, but only on me. Someone could have heard and then they would have seen it was us…" James thought it a credit to himself and how well he knew his wife that he was only mildly startled. He was, however, also curious.

"How did you know that I became 'James' – as you said, I cast a muffliato on you." He wanted to go on about how Lily was too paranoid – it hadn't even mattered that the boys had entered the station as themselves. Nobody had recognised them – there weren't enough pictures to be recognised, and Lily didn't need to be so overprotective. But James also remembered the crazed look in her eyes the last time he had suggested – screamed at her – that she was being stupid, that they didn't need all this crazy acting, that it was detrimental to the boys' health, let alone Ava's, that she should see a therapist… But James didn't want to see that look in her eyes ever again.

The warm look in her eyes now as she lifted her head slightly was enough for him to not regret not going on. "James," she replied with humour, "I helped Severus make that spell – of course I know when it's being used, and how to fool it…"

Again they drifted into silence, Lily's head dropping back down into thought, before her mind stumbled across something that had been bugging her for… awhile now.

"James?" She whispered again.

"Yeah?" He repeated.

"Do you think I'm too callous?" The 'with them' was an optional add-in. At work she was often described as cold. She had to be. Lily studied the unforgiveables. She hadn't become the top specialist in Europe in the curses by watching butterflies. She'd seen animals put under each curse so many times, too many times. She'd put them under the curses herself even more. At work, she put up a wall of indifference. When she left work she would leave the wall and all behind it there, leaving more of herself each time in the Chamber of Death.

Sometimes, it felt like she was braking apart.

Sometimes, she wished she was Delilah, the carefree twenty-four-year-old. She had played the part of Delilah a few times before. It was the only part she had ever recycled – it was so convenient if she wanted an excuse for being so close to Harry and Ethan. And it reminded her of being twenty-four herself…

"Of course not, dear. You're wonderful with them."

James always said what she needed to hear. He was the perfect husband like that: sweet, charming, such a gentleman…

"How'd I find you?" Lily groaned. "You're too good for me."

But James was not to be deterred.

"Don't be silly. You gave me two wonderful sons, one amazing daughter, but best of all you gave me you. I spent years chasing after you because you are beautiful," he tilted her head up and kissed her forehead, "intelligent," he kissed her cheek, "caring," he kissed her other cheek, "and did I mention beautiful?" he briefly pressed his lips to hers, and she leaned into the kiss but too soon he drew back, smiling. "I love you, Lily. The boys will be fine, you know? There's no need to worry about them, besides: we've still got Ava. I loved you from the moment we met, Lily, and I always will. Don't ever doubt that you're the most precious thing in the world in my eyes."

They drew in for another kiss, and this time Lily managed to push her tongue through to James' mouth. He collapsed onto her and was asleep in seconds.

Without a second glance, Lily picked her cloak up off the couch and walked out the door, her face blank. She made her way hurriedly down the garden path, not noticing that the lights were out.

Lily had never walked the path in the dark since she'd stumbled up the steps one time and broken her ankle. Of course, she'd been drunk at the time but she couldn't tell her children that.

Once she stepped out the gate, Lily vanished.

-NoR-

So, here's the second chapter. Next chapter's the Hogwarts express – you won't be hearing again from Lily and James until Christmas at the earliest. Which is good, because it gives me time to figure out what exactly Lily is doing. Lily scares me, a lot. Every now and then, I think I have her, but then she goes and does a crazy thing like drugging her husband and leaves poor little me to figure out why.

Anyway, the next chapter will be out in a week.

Please review; I love all your comments!