Chapter 2 – I HURT TOO
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS AND KIND WORDS! Also thank you to my wonder Content editor KJWRIT and the super woman of BETA my adorable sassyvampmomma. HERE WE GO…. Keep your arms inside the ride at all times and I own nothing but an old Jeep that runs hot! Seriously CH (who I adore) owns everything!
EPOV
I awoke in Valhalla. It had to be heaven because Sookie was in my arms; snuggled firmly against my chest. She was sound asleep. Poor angel, she had not slept for 4 weeks and it was all catching up to her little body. I looked down at her and was able to see she was wearing a soft white t-shirt and a pair of white lacy thong panties. I would have to thank Pam for that because my conservative little Sookie would not have chose them on her own. I did not want to wake her but she was on the cusp of waking on her own and she starting making these adorable noises and squirming against me.
I kissed her gently on the cheek and held her in my arms. She smiled her sleepy sweet smile at me and I just loved it. I could imagine waking to this every night for all eternity. I swear I felt my dead heart beat just thinking of her letting me turn her and getting to spend forever with her had been a dream of mine for so long. Now one day it would be a reality. I thought all of this over as she looked over my shoulder at the clock and furrowed her little brow as she looked back at me and said,
"It's not 5:31; it's only 4:47. How are you awake?" she yawned.
"I am ancient. I can wake before the sun fully sets. I just can't leave my resting place until dark." I explained and went on to say, "So lover, we have approximately 40 minutes that we are stuck in this bed. Whatever do you want to do with our time?" I smirked as a wiggle my eyebrows at her!
"Eric, there are some 'things' that I need to talk to you about. It's nothing bad, I think I figured some pretty important things out today and I need to tell you. But right now, I need to be in your arms. I am sorry I woke you so much today." she said with her eyes cast downward.
"Sookie, look at me." I gently coaxed. Her little eyes were full of unshed tears and I kissed her lips softly and continued to speak. "I love you and I meant what I said earlier Sookie, whatever it takes to get you, to get us, through this I will do. But right now I have another promise to keep. I promised you that I would hold you, love you all night and I intend to keep that promise and every other I made to you not so long ago." I smiled at my heart's desire as she flung her arms around my neck and buried her face in the crook of my neck.
I held her and rocked her in my arms as I hummed a song I had not sung in over ten centuries. I used to hum it to my little girl, Aunna. Thinking of Aunna always made me think of Aude, the only other woman who held my heart. In some ways, Sookie is very much like Aude, strong willed, stubborn to a fault, brave, but in the next moment vulnerable, fragile and loving. Being in Sookie arms made me think of home and family; all the things I lost when I was turned. Thoughts of my two sons and tiny daughter float through my mind. My boys were older and on their way to becoming young men but the youngest Aunna, was very much daddy's little girl and I had have always felt I failed her when Aude died. I had so many feelings run through me all at once, I could feel Sookie's pain, love and need; and then there was my own feelings of loss, longing, love and the overwhelming desire to comfort and be comforted.
In the next moment Sookie was cupping my face and looking so concerned at me. She spoke softly,
"Eric? Baby, why are you crying?"
I spoke quickly and from my heart. "Sookie, I hurt too. I have been remembering my time as a human and my children. I lost them when I became a vampire. My boys, I knew they would have been alright. They were already becoming strong warriors but I also had a little girl, Aunna. She was so sad the last time I saw her. She didn't want me to remarry. She was still mourning her mother, my wife Aude, when I left that night to meet my prospective bride. She was angry with me. I feel like I let her down. I failed her. She was headstrong and I promised her, I would be there for her and she would not have to marry anyone she did not love, but I don't know what happened to her after I was turned. Women were property in my lifetime and I don't know what happened to my little girl." The reality of that hit me, "Sookie, I don't know what happened to my little girl." and feeling safe for the first time in so long I wept in my lovers arms.
Sookie held me tightly in her embrace and I felt peace wash over me. She kissed my lips and smiled at me.
"Eric, do you remember where you lived? I mean, could you go to the exact spot where you lived when you were human?"
"Yes. I have returned many times to my home land and my village or what is left of it." I explained.
"Have you ever told them goodbye, your family I mean, did you ever tell them goodbye while you were there?"
"No. My maker only allowed me to see them from afar. They were alive in my brothers home so I knew they were cared for but they were dead by the time my maker freed me and there was no one, no way to…."
"That's not what I mean Eric. I didn't get to say goodbye to my parents. They died in a flash flood and when I went to their graves I told them everything I wanted them to know. I told them how much I loved them and said goodbye. I did the same thing with Gran. We could do that baby. I would go with you. If you want to tell her goodbye, I will go with you!" She smiled sweetly.
"You amaze me Sookie! You amaze me. What have I done to deserve an angel like you?" Was all I could get say at the moment as my emotions overtook me yet again as a thousand years of repressed emotions ripped though me like a sword. I shook from the force of them and my dearest one brushed my hair from my eyes and stroked my hair. With her lips pressed to my forehead as if to comfort me, she cooed,
"Eric I love you and you are my life now. It's me who doesn't deserve you. You always come for me. You always save me and protect me. And now I will always come for you. I will always protect your heart. I love you Eric. I love you!" My sweet angel began to weep with me and for me. It was the sweetest sight I have ever seen. Then she tilted her mouth up to mine and whispered to me again.
"I know I said we need to talk but… oh Eric… I need you. I need you to love me now. I want you inside of me. Be sweet and love me like I am fragile because right now I feel like I could break into a million pieces." she rambled as she reached between us and began stroking me.
"Sookie, my lover, my life…." And with that I gently sat up with her in my arms so I could relieve her of the t-shirt she was wearing. I just looked at her for a moment after. She looked so tiny in the middle of the bed. I leaned in and laid her down on the bed and we began kissing. The kiss was first filled with emotions and then with fire. I kissed my way down her neck to her beautiful breasts. I tenderly kissed them as if I were kissing her mouth. She ran her fingers through my hair and the sensation of that made me groan against her. I moved the bulk of my body between her legs and continued kissing down her exquisite body.
"Eric that feels so wonderful… oh…. Oh… YES!" she exclaimed and spurred me to continue.
I reached her little white lacy panties and began pulling them slowly down her legs. I kept eye contact with her the entire time I was removing them and I cannot even begin to describe the look in her eyes. There was love, comfort, caring, need, lust, want, desire; all emotions that were so closely related but each different in their own right.
I took her left leg and began kissing unhurriedly back up to her hot, wet core. I placed her left, then her right leg over my shoulders and pulled her up to my face by cupping my hands under her. She was whimpering and moving her hips; all the while looking into my eyes. Damn that was so hot.
I lightly licked the little bundle of nerves that were throbbing beneath my lips. "Oh Sookie you taste so damn sweet. I'll never get over how good you taste." I moaned and she bucked again.
I kissed her core like it was her mouth and then I worked her little swollen nub as she screamed my name telling me,
"Eric I need more. PLEASE! NOW…" She came hard and I drank her down.
She pulled at me and I knew she was ready and that she needed the same thing I needed. I laid her back on the bed and rose over her. I entered her gradually so she could adjust to my size. She was still so tight.
"Sookie you are so tight, so wet….ahhh so hot, lover…oh…" the words were escaping from my mouth and I wished she would grab my hair and pull me to her and by the gods if she did not do just that. It was incredible. She anticipated every move I was making. She met me thrust for thrust and kiss for kiss. It was already too much when she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said,
"Home, Eric, you feel like home. Oh God I love you. I am yours. I always have been. I just didn't understand it before….. I love you!" I listened to her words and her body shuddered, her walls clamped down on me and we both came to our completions together.
I rolled to my side and pulled her to me to face me. She looked at me like she was so lost. I knew she needed to tell me everything but I want a few more seconds of just this, just our love. So I kissed her and said, "I love you Sookie Stackhouse. I love you. I am yours." She smiled at my sentiment.
We laid there in each other's arms, sedated and in love. She was trembling again. I tilted her head to look into her eyes and I saw pain. She was far away, remembering something from the past that was terrifying her.
"Sookie, don't be afraid. I am here now." I said as I tried to soothe her. I softly stroked her cheek and kissed the top of her head. I knew what needed to be done so I drew in a breath I had no need for and gently prodded.
"Sookie, we need to talk about the month we were apart." Just by looking at her I could tell she was still worried about me leaving. Her being in pain hurt me too. She drew a shaky breath,
"I mourned you like you were finally dead. One night I wished I was dead too. I prayed for it, for death. I think part of me did die that night." she blurted out suddenly and gasped.
I held her for a long while until she leaned back, looked at me and said with tears rolling down her face,
"You rose at 5:31pm that night…." Well hell that explains the look on her face last night and her terror all damn day long. Shit, how had I missed that? I shook my head and attempted to not lose my mind while my dearest one told me of how I had abandoned and left her alone and hurting.
SPOV
I took a deep breath. This was going to be so hard. My words would hurt him, but he wanted to know and I had to tell him.
"You rose at 5:31pm that night and I was running down the hall to get to you. I just wanted to be wrapped up in your arms. I wanted you to make me feel safe. The night before had been hell on us. The Were-witch war and then the whole fiasco with Debbie Pelt happened and that was too much for me. I just wanted you to hold me all night but that didn't happen. I knew the minute you looked at me that I had lost you. I have no idea how I kept it together but I did. There were several moments I wanted to touch your face, hair or just your hand but you were so cold and distant." I paused to catch my breath for a moment.
He looked at me and said, "If it helps, I wanted to hold you too. It was just so confusing. I didn't understand why I was there or why I was feeling so lost."
I nodded and smiled. It did help to know he was not trying to be cold or hurt me but that he was just confused. It gave me comfort to know that he had wanted to hold me but his confusion is what kept him from doing it, and it was not due to him not caring. I drew in another breath and continued.
"When you left with Pam and didn't say goodbye, it hurt. I sat on the couch and I listened to you drive away. I can still hear the way the tires sounded on the gravel in the driveway. I tried to stay busy. I went to clean the bathroom because with or without amnesia you are incapable of picking up your towels." I smiled at him attempting to lighten the mood and he smiled and kissed my head but motioned for me to continue.
"But your scent, it was everywhere in my bathroom and my bedroom. It overwhelmed me and I had to get out of those rooms so I went to the den. I laid there for a long time and just cried. I wanted to be in your arms so much. I saw your afghan and the quilt, so I wrapped them around me and cried myself to sleep. I had a dream that you came back and comforted me but when I woke I was all alone….abandoned." I could not hold back the tears any longer; I sobbed.
"I did come back Sookie. I kissed your forehead and brushed your hair out of your eyes. Your hair was wet from your tears. That was the first night I felt the ache. I am so full of regret for leaving you little one." he said and he stroked my hair before asking,
"Is that the worst of it Sookie?" The way he spoke it was as if he already knew it was not the worst.
"No there's more Eric. It will be hard for you to hear." I advised and he nodded for me to continue.
"The next night when you came to the house I had such hope. I thought you were coming home but then when you spoke to me I knew that was not the case. The way you left, telling me throw the coat away and nothing more was hard on me. I went to the kitchen, right after you left, to get some milk and that was when I saw it."
I trembled and cried softly.
"You saw what Sookie?" he asked with no idea what that check had done to me.
"The check, I saw the check for $50,000. I know how the money was agreed on but when I saw it, I collapsed on the floor. It made me feel like a whore. I thought you thought I was a whore. I cried and I couldn't get up. I don't know how long I laid there on the floor but I couldn't walk so I finally crawled to the couch. I laid there and begged for you to come home. It hurt so bad, to think you were out there thinking I only helped you for the money. I never cashed the check. It's in my purse. I would have thrown it away but it was all I had left of you. Sometimes, late at night, I would just sit and look at it. How crazy is that?" I was weeping again and this time there was no stopping the tears.
EPOV
"Oh lover I am so sorry. Oh my sweet angel I will spend eternity making it up to you. I love you…. I love you… I love you…" I just kept saying it over and over hoping she would feel how much I loved her and stop crying. By the gods I hate it when she cries. I knew that there was one more night she wanted to tell me about and I had a feeling I knew which one. Should I confess I was there for that night as well but was too much of a coward to confront her and tell her I loved her, all the pain I could have spared her, damn it I had been such a fool.
SPOV
Eric was humming again. I have no idea how long I cried but I felt a little calmer now, so I decided to continue.
"Eric, I want to tell you about the night I told you I wanted to die. It started off pretty normal. I worked at Merlotte's that night and everything was going good. But then I saw Bill and he asked how you were doing and I had no idea. I hadn't heard from you or Pam. I lied and told him you were great and that I had just got off the phone with you before he came in; I don't know why I did that. I think I just didn't want him pitying me like it seemed everyone else was doing." I paused for enough time for Eric to say,
"Fucking Compton…that bastard never deserved you…." I cut him off.
"Eric, this is not about Bill. Anyway, I drove home but it was like you were close to me somehow, like I could almost reach out and touch you. That feeling was horrible. I tried to sleep but I couldn't. I finally got up and went to your resting place. Well, the place you rest in at my house. I just sat there and cried. I missed you so much. I went to the den and sat in front of the fire place because that was "our spot" to just sit and talk. That was when I prayed for it. I told God I was tired of him taking everyone I loved from me and that if I couldn't be with you…. I wanted to be with Gran."
I wept and then in a voice far too small for him he said,
"I was there and I left you. I watched you come home. I watched you try to sleep. I watched you cry and I left you there on the floor. I left you there." The red tears that streaked his face were almost as unbearable as his words.
"But I thought you said you had loved me since Jackson, so why Eric? How could you have left me there? Could you not hear me begging for you?" I wept.
"No Sookie I swear I did not know it was me you wanted or the hounds of Hell could not have kept me out of that house. I feared they were tears for Compton or someone else. I felt so undeserving of you that I could not even begin to believe your tears were for me." He made a noise that sounded something like a howl as he threw the covers from us and got out of the bed. He sat down at his desk and put his head in his hands. He sat like that for a few minutes before he looked up and said,
"Sookie, that night, did you try…. did you attempt to…" He could not complete the sentence it hurt him so bad.
"No Eric, I would never attempt to take my own life. I think that is an unforgivable sin but I did pray for God to take me. I figured if He did it, He couldn't be mad at me." I tried to explain my screwed up religious convictions to him.
"Eric, are you angry with me? Is that why you got out of bed? I am sorry…."
"NO!" he cut me off. "No Sookie I am angry with myself. I love you so much but yet I have failed you miserably.
"Baby, it's all in the past. Can we just put it in a jar and leave it on a shelf somewhere? I mean, it is over right? We won't ever leave each other again, right?" I asked. He looked at me so lovingly it took my breath away.
"No, we will never leave each other again and yes, we can shelve all of this because it will NEVER happen again. You never have to think of those nights again Sookie, never again." He climbed back into bed and I rubbed my face on his chest and neck.
"Sookie, I love it when you do that, when you rub your scent me and mark me as yours." He stated like it was a normal boyfriend/girlfriend thing to do!
"I know. You told me last night in the car." I sighed totally relaxed and happy.
"No Sookie, I did not." He said with some hesitation in his voice.
"Yes you did baby. You said, 'that is right little one, scent me. Mark me as yours.' "I told him.
In a very serious tone he said, "No Sookie, I did not say that. However I thought it, several times in the car while Pam drove us home."
Well Shit. 'Serves me right for relaxing', I thought as the other shoe dropped.
"Sookie has this happened before?"
Well Double Shit!
LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK…. HOW WILL ERIC REACT? WHAT WILL THEY DO? WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THEY ESTABLISH THEIR BOND? WILL HER POWER INCREASE?