A HUNGRY MORON

A/n: I quickly figured out that I'm probably going to have to expand the story. I'm sure you're not going to be off put about this, but I have no idea how many chapters there will be in the end.

I tend to rush things, which is why I write the way I do. Do What Now? had four chapters when I "completed" it. If you'll notice, it has 8 chapters now. I sometimes have to go in and expand things.

I edited this chapter for obvious mistakes and such, so hopefully it comes out okay.

Here's to another chapter!

"You have two dinners scheduled tonight. Two. How did you do that?"

"I dunno, Sas, you're my schedule."

Sasuke closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, "Naruto, I would never, never, schedule you two dinners in one night."

"Apparently you would." Naruto scooted around to see Sasuke over the back of the couch. "Hey, whose dinners?"

"You have a dinner with the Fischer's as well as the Greywood's." Sasuke tapped the end of his pen on his lip. His brows were furrowed in concentration.

"…Is Fischer the one with the steak?" Naruto asked.

"Yes, and the Greywood's have various forms of pasta for their Italian themed dinner." Sasuke shook his head slightly, "Why theme a dinner after a nationality?"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot about that."

Sasuke looked up at Naruto.

"…about what?"

"About the dinners!"

"What about the dinners."

"I scheduled them."

Sasuke's jaw dropped.

"Why? They're happening at the same time!" His voice pitch raised in panic.

"Parce que je veux des aliments, Sasuke (Because I want food, Sasuke)."

"Quoi?" Naruto smiled at the response.

"Parce que je veux des aliments, connard (Because I want food, shithead)."

"Tu es un crétin, Naruto (You're a moron, Naruto)!" Sasuke growled out in frustration.

"Un affamé crétin (A hungry moron)!" Naruto smiled and nodded happily at Sasuke.

"Je vais te tuer (I'm going to kill you)."

"Come on, I have a plan."

"Of course, you do." Sasuke rolled his eyes. He plopped down beside the smiling Naruto on the couch.

"Okay, the Fischer's are full of younger people. The Greywood's, they're a bit of an… older crowd," Naruto looked at Sasuke, "you follow?"

Sasuke shook his head slowly. A look of sincere concern for Naruto's wellbeing graced his features.

"Older people eat dinner earlier."

"The Fischer's dinner is at the same time as the Greywood's, Naruto."

"But," Naruto drawled out the vowel, "the dinner for the Greywood's will be finished, out, and consumed before the Fischer's have even thought of starting dinner."

"That is so wildly untrue, Naruto."

"No, it's not. I want steak and pasta! I WILL make this work!"

The door to the hotel room opened to reveal Shikamaru, one of the friends Naruto decided to assign to his pitiful campaign.

"We need to leave. Fischer or Greywood?" Shikamaru asked.

"Neith-"

Naruto pounced on Sasuke, successfully cutting him off.

"GREYWOOD!"

"Alright." Shikamaru looked at Sasuke.

"Hey, you're not married to him."

"That's fair."

Naruto jumped up off the couch. He waited for Sasuke to get up before he exited the room. Sasuke looked down at his tablet as Naruto marched triumphantly beside him.

"…we didn't talk about how you're even going to consume that much food."

"The laws of physics will not tether down a man in need of some good steak and pasta."

"I'm going to have to have a talk with the laws of physics, then." Sasuke mumbled.

"You're just a sore loser." Naruto poked him.

Sasuke swatted his hand away, "If people knew this was how you operated, your campaign would be down the drain faster than a pound of salt can melt an ice cube."

Naruto chuckled, "That's not a saying, Sas."

"Yes, it is. I said it, therefore it is."

The trio exited the hotel. Naruto basked in the sunlight before turning to Sasuke.

"Pourquoi tu t'énerves (Why so angry)?"

"Comme je tu l'avons dit, tu es un crétin. (Like I told you, you're a moron)."

Naruto laughed, "C'est méchant, Sasuke (That's mean, Sasuke)."

"Je m'en fische (I don't care)."

Naruto held the door open for Sasuke when they got to the car.

"Watch your head, princess." Naruto said.

"Don't call me princess." Sasuke scolded him.

"That's right, not outside the bedroom, sorry."

Sasuke shot Naruto a healthy glare. Naruto laughed under his breath as he closed the door.

"Do you guys say something I don't need to hear when you do that?" Shikamaru asked.

"Hm?" Naruto made his way around the car, "When we do what?"

"Switch to French. I only know so much, you know."

"Oh, no," Naruto laughed, "I switch so often because I'm still so impressed by how fast Sasuke subconsciously switches." Naruto paused before opening the door, "And, honestly? The change in accent is cute."

"He has a pretty heavy accent already, Naruto."

"Yeah, but it's different when he speaks French." Naruto opened the door, "It's cute."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and shook his head as Naruto's door shut.

"Whatever."

Sasuke was always impressed by how easily Naruto made a good impression on people.

The Greywoods' party was going well so far. Naruto was correct to some extent; the dinner had already been cooked and had begun to trickle into the dining hall. Sasuke hoped that Naruto knew well enough that the dinners were to gain sponsors and not to freeload the food. Sasuke looked down at the glass of wine in his hand. He didn't drink much, but a glass in his hand makes him seem more comfortable in a place where he's completely uncomfortable.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes as the younger of the two Greywood granddaughters made a very obvious yet feeble attempt at wooing Naruto. Sasuke wasn't going to put an end to it until there it was evident it would result in some awful uproar without him stepping in. Women loved to throw themselves at Naruto. Sasuke trusted him, but he could be… oblivious. Sasuke was just trying to keep a handle on things.

He looked back down at his tablet. By Naruto's strange calculations, the Fischer's would have their dinner out in about 2 hours. It took 30 minutes to get there, give or take 10 minutes, depending on Shikamaru's attentiveness to traffic laws that evening.

Honestly? This whole campaign was a mess. Sasuke was acting as Naruto's campaign manager, which was beneficial in the end because it meant he could keep a close eye on the presidential hopeful. He was also one of the only people that could handle Naruto and steer him in the right direction; even so, Sasuke wasn't able to do this all the time.

Shikamaru was kind of a chauffeur of sorts. He was a college buddy of Naruto. Kiba Inuzuka was an errands kind of guy. He wasn't present half the time and Sasuke could never pinpoint where he was. He helped some… Naruto refused to drop him, since Kiba was a friend from high school. Sasuke questioned his choice of friends when he had learned of that tidbit of information.

The whole process was tough. Neither Sasuke nor Naruto had any political experience, not that it was to be expected of a college professor and a freelance artist. Their only minor saving grace was Sasuke's prior experience as a scriptwriter for candidates in local elections, which was quite brief. Naruto was very passionate and charismatic and, hell, he was even well informed thanks to Sasuke, but that could only get him so far. The system was messed up and without any inside knowledge Sasuke feared they wouldn't be able to use it to their advantage. It was so easy to make enemies in all of this –

Sasuke looked at his beeping watch. He turned off the alarm before approaching Naruto and the somehow increasingly scantily clad young Miss Greywood.

Sasuke cleared his throat. Heads turned in his direction.

"Your request for our presence is much appreciated, unfortunately Uzumaki has another engagement he needs to attend shortly. We thank you for inviting us to your home." Sasuke said politely.

Naruto turned to Mrs. And Mr. Greywood, "We gotta head out. Sorry for bailing so early but duty calls!"

"Oh, thank you for coming! It has been a pleasure!" Mrs. Greywood said happily.

"Uzumaki, I'll contact you later." Mr. Greywood nodded towards him.

"Everything goes through this guy right here," Naruto gestured to Sasuke, "but we look forward to hearing from you!"

Naruto joined Sasuke at his side.

"Ready?" He asked.

Sasuke turned wordlessly to the exit. Naruto walked silently beside his eerily quiet husband.

"What's wrong?"

"Mrs. and Mr. Greywood." Sasuke replied.

"What about them? I thought they were lovely."

"They listened to you."

"They did."

"They didn't listen to me."

Naruto nodded in acknowledgement to the greeter at the door briefly, "What makes you think that?"

"They looked at me."

Naruto rolled his eyes, "People do that, Sasuke."

Sasuke turned to him as Shikamaru pulled up in the driveway.

"My accent is too thick."

Naruto's face dropped immediately.

"No, it's not, Sas! It's cute!"

"Yeah, well, they're not married to me, so they don't think it's cute." Sasuke leaned against the car door.

"Why are you worried? Lots of people have lots of accents, my guy – you're fine."

"I'm worried that when they hear me, and they see me next to you, they're going to see Mr. President and some foreigner on the side."

Naruto sighed. He grasped both of Sasuke's arms lightly.

"Sasuke. I'm not going to give you up because of this."

"I'm worried about the campaign."

"I'm not."

Sasuke gave him The Look™.

"Then why are you running?" Sasuke asked.

"Because I felt like it. Spur of the moment. I'm not going to give up my lifetime sunshine funtime for a spur of the moment dealio, Sas."

Sasuke looked down.

"I'm having fun, Sas. I'd love to be president, I think I might be able to do some pretty cool things, but… I'm never going to give up on you. Never. Nothing will ever make me give up on you."

Sasuke looked up at Naruto sheepishly.

"I guess it is kind of stupid." Sasuke mumbled.

"No, it's not," Naruto assured him, "it's how you feel. I'm just worried that you've brought this up so many times. You're overthinking. And you know what I say about you overthinking?"

"…I'm like the Michael Phelps of swimming in thoughts."

"Yeah, and I'm the Usain Bolt of rushing towards disaster."

Naruto pecked Sasuke on the lips softly.

"You're okay, okay?" Naruto asked softly. Sasuke nodded.

"Je t'aime, Sasuke (I love you, Sasuke)."

"Je t'aime aussi… tu crétin (I love you too… you moron)."

A/n: "Michael Phelps" and "Usain Bolt" will be a running joke throughout the story. It wasn't originally going to be, I didn't expect to write it at all. I wrote the small exchange here in the heat of the moment and just rolled with it. So here's a key:

Michael Phelps - deals with anxiety

Usain Bolt - deals with impulsive / destructive behavior.

Thank you for putting up with me lol.