disclaimer: i own nothing.
an: i haven't finished all the plotting yet. i've finished up to ch. 31 and the last few chapters and a few odd important sl here and there but there still looks like there will be a huge middle. i'd guess around fifty chapters or more? the chapters are going to be short. this will not be entirely happy and a lot of it is made up of flashback chapters, you'll know if it's a flashback chapter. the story takes place over the course of an entire day, the flashbacks providing a lot of the story. i actually really hope people read this but haha i really doubt anybody will.
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Sunlight streams in through the window, bouncing around the bedroom in happy little circles, spinning around the room like a disco ball of sunlight. It spreads warmth among the childhood bedroom which had always seemed a little cold to the girl lying in the bed. Her lips lift in a happy little smile as her eyes slowly open, taking in the flood of light.
Today's the day.
She's been dreading it, and she's been eagerly awaiting it. Counting down the days like she was nine, Christmas was near and Santa was still a real person in her mind. She lets out a soft groan as she flips her body to the other side, curling her legs up, and wrapping her arms around them as she softly closes her eyes again. Sleeping seemed like a better option than getting married right at this moment.
The day could go two ways: It could be the best day of her life, like Blair's wedding day was for her, or the worst mistake of her life, like Vanessa's wedding day was for her. She was hoping for the former but expecting the latter.
Deep down she knows that today will be a good day. A day that has no interruptions, or tragedies, or mess ups, or dress malfunctions. At least no dress malfunctions as bad as the ones at Vanessa's wedding, oh god, she really hopes not. She knows deep down that she'll look back on this day with smiles, happy eyes and a certain sweet fondness on how drama free the whole wedding was. She knows that today will be nothing less than perfect, and she knows that she'll be nothing less than happy.
But there's still that knot at the deep pits of her stomach, telling her to run as fast as she can. To escape before it's too late. Run, Run, Run. It's a chant going off inside of her head, on a loop. She just doesn't want to be hurt, to hurt - again. She peels her eyes open again, she can't ignore today, she can't stay in bed any longer. She stretches her legs, then she stretches her arms, then she rolls over on her other side. A yellow post it note stuck to the mirror on her drawers catching her eyes.
She pushes the covers off of her body, letting them fall on the ground with a soft thud. Her pink and white stripped sock clad feet step lightly on the duvet now lying on a pile on the ground as she walks towards the set of drawers and the mysterious post it note. Find something old to wear, Jenny! - B xoxo The note reads. Jenny tears the post it note off of the mirror, scrunches it up and throws it into the bin.
She ventures over to her closet. Something old? She shakes her head at the thought, when she asked Blair to help her out with the wedding, she hadn't expected her to take full control of the day and she didn't expect her to make it so traditional. She pulls open the closet door, flicking through racks of clothes that are mostly old. She's not fifteen anymore though, and as her eyes rake over the clothes, she can spot a single piece she'll be able to fit. Also, she'll need to match it with the actual dress. Jenny lets out a small puff of air, and sits down on the floor. Legs curled up underneath her, her hands fumble to find an old headband that would maybe work. Instead, she comes across an old photo album.
She ignores it at first, pushing it aside in favour of the white bow headband hiding behind an old teddy bear. She grabs the headband and rushes towards the mirror as she places it in the midst of shoulder length blonde hair. Her lips pull downwards, her reflection not mirroring the happy bride look that she's read about in magazines. Testing a smile out in front of the mirror to see if it matches the headband, but it all looks so fake and forced. Jenny rips the headband out of her hair without a second thought and flings it across the room.
This is supposed to be the happiest day of her life, isn't it? That's what Premier Bride had told her. Or was it one of the other wedding magazines Blair had dumped off once she had heard news of the engagement. Yet instead of feeling happy, she feels miserable. Her teeth nip down on a nail, chewing on it until she feels a little better. Oh god, she hasn't done that since she was twelve! Or last year when Waldorf Designs was catering to a really big client and Eleanor was on her back every three seconds.
What Jenny really wants to do is to crawl back into bed, to squeeze her eyes tightly until all she sees is darkness and those little lights you see when your eyes are closed super tight and to fall into a deep slumber. Then she'll wake up tomorrow morning, happy and refreshed and ready to be wed. Could she postpone the wedding? She opts to choose on her bottom lip, there's no point in wrecking her nails when a bit of clear gloss can fix up her lips.
Eyes flit towards the closet once more, the door ajar and a black dress peeking out. The very same black dress she had worn to Kiss On The Lips. A rush of memories come flying back to her, and it seems almost fitting that her eyes land on the dress that had landed her here. Maybe not here as in Brooklyn, but as in this predicament.
Oh god, she had just called her own wedding a predicament.
She scoops up the headband as she passes it on her way to the closet, she gently places it back on the ground where she found it, her hands brushing over the photo album once more. She hasn't looked at the album in forever, the photos inside are a distant memory to her now. She tries to ignore it, because she knows if she picks it up and starts flicking through it, she won't be able to stop. She'll throw herself into the album, reminiscing on simpler times and memories old.
But she can't resist it, she pulls out the butterfly encased book of memories and sits it on her lap as she sits cross legged on the floor. You'd easily mistake her for a child if you'd just walked in, back slouched, photo album in lap. She looks small, she feels small. She peels open the book, lips smiling at baby pictures and eyes memorising photos of Dan and her as children.
Fingers tracing over faces long forgotten, a mother who she hadn't seen in a while but would be seeing today, a brother who's still a little bitter over his divorce, a girl that looks like her but younger, more innocent, almost happier.
But she stops short when her eyes land on a photo of her in a pretty pale pink dress, and a handsome boy in a tux at a Cotillion that wasn't hers. She was still a child then, young and stupid and her eyes had lit up like a bunch of fireworks when she had spotted the photo on Gossip Girl later in the evening after she had been grounded, and yelled at, and had fixed Blair's dress. Giddily, she had read the caption: Little J spotted with one mysterious Carter B at Cotillion. It hadn't been GG's finest line, and the blurb had been full of nonsense about secret relationships and what not. She had printed the photo off, holding it to her chest. The post had been retracted the next day, Gossip Girl didn't like to get things wrong.
Her heart breaks at the sight of the two of them. Neither smiling, neither really acknowledging each other but it had been the first time she had met him. The first time she had seen him other than on Gossip Girls Carter Baizen map or whatever it was called while he was off traveling the world.
She guesses that it wasn't really the first time the two of them had met, they hadn't even spoken to each other then. Only indirectly, and not even that. Yet, after she had seen the post she had developed a minor crush on him, which in a few weeks time had been gone again after Nate took back the place of King in her crushing heart.
Nate, who she'd be marrying later on today. It was the first time a smile had been spread along her lips that wasn't forced, or fake, and it was the first time she felt a little happy about the wedding.
But her mind was still racing of thoughts of when she met Carter, and she means really met him. Officially and all, becoming friends, and that crush that was formed as a child had returned back full force.