Rodney knew the 'gate addresses of every planet he'd set foot on since coming to the Pegasus Galaxy. Even the boring ones—and much to his dismay, this planet was shaping up to be one of the boring ones. And there were bugs. Way too many bugs. That bit. A lot. Or, at least, they were biting him a lot—no one else seemed to be having a problem with them.
The MALP readings of the obelisk near the stargate had looked promising, and he'd set off through the 'gate with high hopes of finding some cool Asgard technology, but upon closer inspection, he'd discovered that the stone structure had been gutted. Perhaps, tens of thousands of years ago, the obelisk had been a transporter like the one on Cimmeria, but now it was just a tall hunk of rock. It wasn't even a pretty rock, and the writing was too worn away in most places to give any clue as to its purpose.
The only reason they hadn't turned around and gone home was the discovery of a well-worn trail leading away from the 'gate through the dense jungle. Teyla had convinced Sheppard that they should not pass up an opportunity to meet potential new trading partners. So now they were trudging through the hot, humid, bug-infested rainforest in search of friendly natives. As a prickly trail of sweat formed down his back, Rodney wondered why almost all the villages they visited were built so far away from the stargate. Did no one else consider convenience an important part of interstellar trade? It's not as if building your village an hour's walk from the 'gate was going to prevent you from being culled by the Wraith, anyways.
Rodney's less-than-charitable train of thought was disrupted by Sheppard's sudden exclamation of awe.
"Man! Would you look at that!"
Rodney obediently looked in the direction the colonel was pointing, and he grudgingly had to admit that it was impressive. More than impressive, really.
Through a clearing in the thick foliage they were able to see a landscape so stunningly beautiful that even Ronon had to give it a grunt of approval. A towering volcanic mountain rose up majestically before them, its slopes lush and green and dotted with brightly coloured tropical flora. But what really made their jaws drop were the numerous cascading waterfalls which thundered down into a misty, aqua-blue gem of a watering hole deep in the gorge below.
Rodney's eyes watered at the sight—it was how he'd always imagined Paradise must look like.
"It's…beautiful," Teyla said, the wonder on her face demonstrating what an understatement that was.
"The settlement's over there," Ronon said gruffly, as if he wasn't as awe-struck as the rest of them. He pointed to a spot on the far side of the gorge.
"Where?" asked Rodney, squinting in the direction Ronon had indicated. All he could see were cliffs overgrown with plant life, several waterfalls of varying sizes, and…oh. That was not good! "Oh God," Rodney gasped and swallowed hard—he'd hated suspension bridges ever since he was eleven and he'd had a panic attack while crossing one on his family vacation in B.C.. Jeannie had tormented him for years over that one. Still did, actually.
Sheppard ignored Rodney's gaping, fearful expression and continued chatting like normal. "Hey, do you think they might be interested in setting up some kind of time-share deal? This place would make a terrific vacation spot. Maybe we can make that a priority in the negotiations."
Sheppard had that look on his face—the kind he got when he did things like toss Rodney off of a balcony—and he headed off down the path doing double time to reach the bridge. Rodney didn't even have time to warn him about the obvious safety hazards inherent in crossing one of those death traps.
Teyla and Ronon set off after Sheppard, matching his pace, and left Rodney to grouse helplessly and plod along behind them. "No—don't wait up, I'll be fine!" he bellowed at their retreating backs.
By the time he reached the gorge, Sheppard was halfway across the flimsy rope bridge, light-footing it across the single, thick rope that served as the only foothold, his hands skimming along the two guide-ropes on either side as if they were there only for show. Teyla was about five paces behind him and Ronon was another five paces behind her. None of them seemed to be concerned about the very real possibility that they could plummet to their deaths at any second.
"Hey! Shouldn't we be going across one at a time?" he called out to them. "You know…put less strain on the ropes? Do you have any idea how old this thing is? It could be thousands of years old for all you know. It could snap any second!"
"Come on, McKay!" Sheppard shouted back, his voice barely audible over the roar of the multiple waterfalls. "Or do you want Ronon to carry you across?" he added, and even from that distance Rodney could hear the teasing challenge in his voice.
Rodney scowled at him before turning his full attention to the bridge and the certain death that awaited him the moment he set foot on it. He waited until the others had made it safely to the other side and were standing there impatiently, goading him on.
"Right. No sweat. I'll just…" he mumbled to himself as he tentatively settled one foot on the thick base rope. He put some weight on it and found that it was surprisingly sturdy. "Hm. Okay, I can do this."
The first few steps were good. One foot in front of the other, hands gripping the guide ropes firmly but not too tightly. He was actually starting to feel pretty confident…until the bridge started swaying.
"Whatever you do, don't look down," Ronon shouted helpfully from the other side, an evil smile on his face.
So, naturally, Rodney looked down. He couldn't see the bottom through all the rising mist, but he could hear and feel the thunderous conglomeration of falling water coming from below, and it sounded deep—very, very deep. He swallowed past the lump of dread in his throat and closed his eyes to fight off the wave of vertigo, but that only made it worse. When he opened his eyes again he found that he was frozen to the spot, utterly incapable of voluntary movement. And even worse, he could feel his chest tightening and it was getting harder to breathe, and he knew that an all-out panic attack was imminent.
"I can't do this," he shouted over the angry din of the waterfalls. "You go ahead—I'll meet you back here when you're done."
"Get your ass over here, now, McKay!" Sheppard shouted back at him.
Rodney tried shaking his head no, but his muscles flat-out refused to budge. "I can't move!"
"Well you can't just sta…" Sheppard started, but he was cut off by Teyla's sudden shout.
"Wraith! I sense the Wraith—they are very near!" she yelled.
"What?!" Rodney cried, or rather, shrieked. "You've got to be kidding me!" He strained his ears, but he couldn't hear the whine of any Wraith darts. That meant nothing, though, what with the constant barrage of noise being kicked up by the falls.
Suddenly, crossing the bridge didn't sound like such a bad option. And thankfully, real panic had set in, overriding the relatively mild panic he'd felt only moments before, and his muscles unclenched enough to allow him to move. Looking only at his feet, Rodney crossed the chasm like an expert tightrope walker, encouraged by the shouts of his teammates on the far side. His heart was pounding so hard that he saw dark splotches encroach the periphery of his vision with every heartbeat. It seemed to take an eternity, but he made it, with Ronon and Sheppard grabbing him and hauling him onto solid ground the moment he was within reach.
He stood crouched over, his hands braced on his thighs as he worked to draw air into his burning lungs. "The Wraith! Where are the Wraith?" he panted.
"My apologies, Rodney," said Teyla, "it appears I was mistaken."
Rodney bolted upright so fast it made his head spin. "What!" he squeaked indignantly. "You made it up? Are you insane? I could have been killed!" He could feel his face growing hot, matching the anger he felt at being manipulated like that. It didn't matter how much of a pain in the ass his vertigo might be—she'd almost given him a heart attack!
"I've gotta admit, I'm with Rodney on this one," said Sheppard with a tone of voice he almost never used with Teyla. "That was uncalled for…even if it did get him to cross the bridge."
Teyla shook her head, looking both contrite and confused. "I am sorry, Rodney. It was not my intention to deceive you—I truly did feel a Wraith presence nearby."
All three men became instantly alert, their eyes scanning the foliage for any signs of movement.
"Do you still feel them?" asked Sheppard.
"No," she answered with certainty. "I sensed it only briefly and then it was gone. It is very possible that I imagined it."
Sheppard grunted. "Maybe. But from here on out we do things by the book. I'll take point; Ronon, you've got our six."
Rodney fell into place between Sheppard and Teyla, his heart rate having barely recovered from the near-critical levels his trip across the bridge had caused. He kept his eyes wide open, darting glances from one side of the path to the other, half-expecting a Wraith to pop out at him like some cheesy monster in a carnival haunted house.
The path followed a large stream, and the bug situation grew ten times worse. Rodney was continuously swatting the flying menaces away, but despite his diligence, they still managed to bite. He could feel several welts rising up on the back of his neck and his ankles were itching where the clever bastards had discovered his socks were thin enough to sting through. Even the threat of Wraith attack couldn't stop him from complaining about it. He had allergy issues to consider. And why was he the only one the damn bugs were attracted to?
"Shut up, Rodney," Sheppard hissed.
"You'd be complaining too, if they were out for your blood," Rodney argued.
"I mean it—shut up!" Sheppard hissed again and nodded his head slightly in the direction they were heading. They stopped walking, and John adjusted the P-90 in his grip.
Rodney followed the direction of Sheppard's nod and saw that they weren't alone on the path. A small knot of darkly-tanned men were approaching from the opposite direction. Each of them was as tall as Ronon, with long, braided hair and ears bristling with piercings. Every one of them looked strong and fierce enough to take Ronon down in a fair fight. And if that wasn't enough to give them pause, they were also well armed with giant, vicious-looking knives. For a split second, Rodney had a Star Trek moment and wondered if they'd just met real, live Klingons, complete with Bat'leths.
Ronon drew up alongside Sheppard, his hand poised over one of his many concealed knives. Rodney did the wise thing and slipped back behind the rest of his team, who were far more capable of dealing with enormous, weapon-wielding aliens than he was.
"You are trespassers on our land," the least-towering of the Goliath clones said by way of greeting. "Tell me, why have you come here?"
Teyla took a suicidal step forward and gave the man a slight bow of her head to show her respect. "I am Teyla Emmagan, and this is Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, Ronon Dex, and Dr. Rodney McKay. We are travellers, seeking alliances for trade and to aid in our ongoing battle with the Wraith."
The leader of the group eyed her suspiciously, sizing her up, but whatever he saw must have made a positive impression, because no one had been killed yet. "How did you learn of this place?" he asked, still showing caution, albeit with less obvious distrust.
Sheppard was the one who answered. "We came here to study the stone pillar near your stargate. We didn't realise there was anyone living here until we came across the trail leading through the forest."
The answer seemed to startle the warrior, and there was a tense moment when he raised his arm to signal his men and Ronon tightened his grip on the longest of his hidden knives. To the Atlantis team's great relief, the signal was one to stand down, and the alien warriors all sheathed their weapons.
"You are interested in the machinations of our god Byleist?" the warrior asked.
That was Rodney's cue and he immediately butted his way to the front of his team. "There's more Asgard technology here?" When the friendly giant just looked at him blankly, he added, "the stone with the writing…Byleist's stone…there's more like it?"
"You understand the writings?" the other man asked, looking slightly awed.
Rodney beamed, delighted at the attention. "Actually, I'm probably this galaxy's leading expert on the subject."
"Then you are most welcome," the man said, and he came up to Rodney and draped a heavy arm across his shoulders. "I am Tav, lead guard of the Pawnim."
Rodney tried to pull away, but the sweaty warrior would have none of it and held his shoulders even more tightly, making Rodney wince. Next to him, Sheppard was looking amused and Rodney wanted nothing more than to wipe the smirk off his team leader's face.
"Come with me—I will take you to Kalell."
Rodney met Sheppard's eyes with shared amusement.
"You're taking us to see Superman?" John asked, as if he'd tried, but couldn't resist saying it.
Tav answered him with the solemnity of one who was oblivious to Earth pop-culture references. "Kalell is our home. Our…'Superman' is Ing Tal, lead council of the Pawnim people."
Sheppard gave his team a small shrug. "Okay then—lead on."
As they were flanked on either end by the Pawnim warriors, Rodney took the chance to mock the colonel. "Superman? You are such a child."
"Oh, like you weren't thinking the same thing," John answered and bumped shoulders with him before taking the lead.
Rodney rolled his eyes, but he felt warmth uncoiling inside him at John's casually-friendly contact. It was something he hadn't even realised he'd been missing.