Dedicated still to my beloved Astarte Lea whose cold shoulder is giving me frostbite, even though I am madly and desperately in love with her, I hope this makes up for my stupidness.
Fateful resolutions
Chapter 2
Kicking in the infirmary door after dragging a heavy Squall from the dorms proved to be no easy feat, as Zell was almost out of breath, his back ached and he felt a tightness across his the muscles in his chest.
Arms sore and legs shaking from strain Zell struggled to pull Squall onto a gurney in an empty treatment room "Help! Somebody help please!".
His screaming had awoken Dr Kadowaki, who bustled into the room cautiously while tying her tartan dressing gown around her waist "Zell? what's the meaning of this? she demanded before spotting the failing Squall draped across Zell's front.
On cue she automatically helped him push Squall onto the bed and began checking his stats "What happened?" she demanded quickly.
"I think he slit his wrists" Zell replied sadly as he stood back and let her do her thing.
She checked his forearms "The cuts are too deep, I'll need to operate on him" she said as she keyed the intercom for medical aides and put on a large surgical apron.
"Is there anything I can do" plied Zell from out of the way.
Dr Kadowaki turned and gave him a stressed look "You'd do more harm than good I'm afraid Zell" she replied pityingly as she reached for a tray of rubber gloves.
The infirmary door slammed open and three mid level SeeD med students rushed into the room bleary eyed and tousle haired, Kadowaki barked out terse orders and had them push Squall into the operating theatre.
"Zell…" she started turning around and pinning her hair back, Zell looked back expectantly, she looked as if she was going to say something but thought better of it and strode into the ward, double doors clanging shut and the red operating light blinked on.
Zell stared miserably at the red light that seemed to be mocking him with its brightness, he had never felt so helpless before, an injured friend and he could do nothing but wait for the results.
He wandered over to the doctor's desk and flopped down in her chair, leaning back and rubbing his temples slowly he felt a sudden weariness come over him. Thinking over what had happened, Squall liked him, Ok….he could handle that, but an infatuation that would drive someone to commit suicide?
He frowned at the thought, but why? , Squall didn't talk much, or smile, or laugh, come to think of it the only time he truly expressed himself was when he was fighting.
That wicked gleam within his grey eyes, his stance that of a predator that's found it's prey, the only time he ever smiled or laughed.
Zell smiled slightly at the way he would get excited before training or a mission, It wasn't something you could see automatically, you had to know him as a friend, one of the very few he was close with.
Just a slight bounce in the way he walked, a certain lightness in the way he talked, or even the fact that he was talking at all, it was rare for him to socialize with others unless it was absolutely necessary.
Was it just him he talked to in this way? the recent events seemed to corroborate the hypothesis, still it was hard for Zell to wrap his mind around the fact he was desired by his commander, could he return the feelings that Squall felt for him?.
Zell had had very few relationships in his life, many people seeing him as a sort of baby, someone to be cared for, girls did not take him as a serious partner, and all he ever did was try his best to make a good impression on people, what a royal backfire that turned out to be, it's true that nice guys finish last he thought bitterly.
Squall was the only person that truly saw him as a friend and seemed to enjoy his company more than anyone, Selphie was like talking to a caffeinated crack addict, Quistis was like talking to a stern mother, Irvine a horny teenager which he was, and Seifer did not talk so much as make excuses to tell him he was worth absolute shit.
Rinoa was not around anymore, her relationship with Squall had dissolved mysteriously four months ago, Squall never mentioned it and everytime the conversation was directed towards it, he steered it elsewhere, or found an excuse to change the subject.
Zell chuckled lightly as he realized what was probably the reason why things hadn't worked out, he wondered if she was as surprised as he was when she found out, he really had never had any strong feelings for her, what was a nice friendly girl had turned ugly over the course of the friendship between all of them.
She seemed to regard everyone around her with a sort of uppity superiority, he felt as if she looked down on him throughout their conversations, posturing and her tone and manner of speech around him could be construed as hostile, it was Zell in particular who earned the most scorn from her.
He shrugged slightly and slouched low into the seat putting his feet on the desk, crossing his arms he glanced back at the operating room and the red light had not wavered, still glowing an ominous red, what would seem like a bad omen.
Zell closed his eyes to the blaring admonition of superstition, he scolded himself silently for such foolishness, and he didn't believe in that crap, simpleminded people needing an excuse for all the bad things in there lives.
He despised religion, seeing it as a waste of time, the number of wars fought in it's name and the sheer stupidity of the conflict was staggering, the further from it all the better. But it was now that he realized the reason turn to it all, in desperation people sought release, a way to escape from all their woes and troubles, religion is just another escape, he thought with a grim finality.
He really didn't know anybody who was involved deeply within religion, of course his ma had brought him up believing in hyne, a sort of patron deity but nothing more than a mythical being who supposedly created mankind.
Come to think of it he knew nothing about it other than the name and its status within mythology, he made a mental note to go to the library later and do some research, better yet he could arrange a class assignment on it and have the students do it for him.
One of the younger classes perhaps, the kids who were always so eager to over exert themselves on simple subjects rather than take their time and be thorough, the more he thought about it the better an idea it became.
With the mid term assignment for his earlier classes dealt with he then begrudgingly thought about the huge stack of papers that needed to be marked and graded, just thinking about them made his head ache, it was undoubtedly the worst part of teaching.
He stretched out his arms and laced his fingers to crack his knuckles, wincing as he felt the joints in his arms crack and pop, his forearms and back hurt from carrying Squall, and the burning in his chest felt a little better though.
Crossing his arms once more he closed his eyes and pondered what was going to happen next, Squall suicidal over me, the thought made a sudden tide of weariness wash over him.
His eyes stinging he rubbed at them half heartedly though inside he willed sleep to come, the pain and shock of what had happened today was truly draining, that and he realized he was hungry just as a loud and painful rumble ran through his stomach.
As he was thinking of what to have for breakfast the light above the operating room winked off, and a moment later Dr Kadowaki trundled out of the room and was peeling off her bloodied rubber gloves, she was followed by the three students who looked a little worse for wear but in good spirits, one of them to Zell's horror had blood spattered on his scrubs, and a large smear on his cheek where he caught some in the face and tried to wipe it off.
He jumped out of the seat and started towards Kadowaki who had just began to untie her surgical apron "Well… how is he" trying vainly to keep the worry out of his voice.
She merely looked up at him, her expression unreadable "We just made it, he is serious but stable, and he managed to avoid any serious tendon damage, your lucky Zell, if you got here any later we may not have been to do anything"
Zell felt a tide of relief wash over him, feeling his legs and arms shaking, he stumbled backwards and flopped into the chair "Thank god…." He murmured as he closed his eyes and rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes.
Kadowaki bundled up her apron and threw it into a washing basket full of dirty clothes "Zell do you know why he did this?" she asked plainly giving him an inquisitive look.
Zell dropped his hands and gazed at the checkered tiles, he knew exactly why or he thought he did at least, but was it really his place to tell her or anyone about him and Zell.
While weighing up the consequences in his head he noticed the three med students were hanging around and looking at him in curious expectation, he huffed angrily "Do they have somewhere they need to be?" looking to Kadowaki grumpily.
She turned to them "Your jobs are done, and I expect a full report on the manner of surgery and injury" she said sternly.
They shuffled out of the room sullenly casting treasonous looks towards Zell as they left.
"And I want it done by tomorrow afternoon!" she called to them as the door began to swing shut.
"They won't tell anyone will they?" inquired Zell worriedly.
She shook her head "They know the rules of patient doctor confidentiality better than anyone, if it does find it's way out and they are to blame their degrees are forfeit" she replied conversationally "But you still haven't answered my question Zell, Do you know why?"
He merely looked back at her "No".
She did not look satisfied but didn't push it "Alright then, well in any case he's not ready for visitors, if you want to see him your best to come back this afternoon" she finished as she made her way over to the sink in the corner and washed her hands.
He sighed dejectedly and began to close his eyes once more.
"Zell don't hang around here" she began as she shooed him out her chair "Go get something to eat, spend time with friends, do something constructive to take your mind off it all, it will drive you insane if fret about this, he's not going anywhere and I'm looking after him, so relax" she finished as she sat down and shuffled the papers on her desk "and take a shower, you smell" she winked at him.
Despite himself he smiled "Thanks for everything".
She waved him away "Don't give me that, It's my job, now go Zell I'm starting to suffocate from your stink".
He grinned and left the infirmary, he shoved his hands in his pockets and wandered down the long stretch of the infirmary corridor, the thought began to swirl once more and he decided to take her advice and eat something, changing direction he headed to the cafeteria.
As he entered he noticed that hot dogs were actually available, glancing at his watch it was only six and seeing as it was a Saturday everybody was still in bed and sleeping in, and noticing there were only a couple of people at the tables, he bee lined it to the counter and piled his plate high.
Plunking himself down on a seat at a table near a corner, he rubbed his hands together and lifted the first on to his mouth, a large chilli dog covered in cheese, opening his maw as he was about to destroy said dog he stopped.
He had only just realized that there was a large red bloodstain on his hand, there was more on his palms and a red crust on the fine hair of his arms, there was even some congealed gunk under his finger nails.
He put the hotdog down not even feeling remotely hungry anymore, and beginning to feel the slight pangs of nausea begin to shudder over him, and then he noticed that Seifer was sitting near the other end of the hall along with Fujin and Rajin, he was talking animatedly and gesticulating wildly with his hands, only to then burst out laughing and bang the table loudly as his friends joined in. Seifer's booming laugh was grating his nerves and he felt his nausea begin to get worse.
"Heya Zelly!!" he heard from behind him and he jumped in surprise..
Selphie strutted over to him and stood before him swinging a pair of shorter nunchuaks in a figure eight pattern, they were the pair the he had gotten her for her birthday, she had taken to practicing with them all the time, even when it was deemed inappropriate "Zelllliiieee, whatchaaaa doiiiinn?" she chirruped happily, bouncing around to the opposite side of the table with that trademark Selphie grin.
"Oh hey Selph' " he muttered half heartedly while trying desperately to keep the bile from rising in his throat.
Selphie frowned "Gee enthusiastic much" she sighed as she swung the nunchuaks in a more complicated pattern all around her "What's wrong with little Zelly? Hmmmm?" she cooed.
"Nothing …Well a lot of things, I'm not feeling well I guess" he replied as he rubbed his stomach in an unsuccessful attempt to calm the queasiness inside.
"Oh poor baby…Want me to cheer you up?" she said smiling at him having had stopped swinging and braced the chuks in front of her in both hands, before she glanced down and noticed the blood on his hands or arms "What happened? Did you cut yourself?" she looked worried.
"No, It's nothing" he replied annoyed at the situation.
"Hmmm can I help anyway?" she inquired.
"I don't think there is much you can do" he gripped the table and began to breathe rhythmically.
"Poo! Your no fun!" she replied and resumed swinging only to knock over a large plastic cup of orange juice and have it go all over the table, by a narrow margin missing his tray of beloved dogs, she stopped swinging catching the sticks neatly and looked between Zell and the mess with a guilty look on her face.
All Zell could do was glare at her, relishing her uncomfortable squirming as his angry look was directed at her, she was about to reply when he held up a bloodstained hand and simply said "Just get some napkins and clean it up please" he huffed.
Selphie brightened up immediately and her face split into a large grin "Okaaaaay" she whooped and bounded off towards the cafeteria counter, neatly dodging the tables in her way.
Zell sighed and glanced towards Seifer once more, who was now enthusiastically arm wrestling Rajin, while a bored Fujin watched and toyed with the salt shaker, his upset stomach reach the pinnacle when Seifer won and boomed victoriously.
Zell got up and walked towards the bathrooms, feeling like he was definitely going to puke, he managed to make it to the sinks and gripped the counter barely repressing the dry heaves wracking his body. He looked at his hands and hurriedly washed all the blood off him, and watched as the dark crimson rivulets swirled and went down the drain, then he splashed some water on his face 'Was it the blood that caused it?' he mused to himself grabbing a hand towel from nearby and pressing his face dry, he had seen blood thousands of times before and never had this reaction before 'Why now?'.
He put the towel back and looked into the mirror before him, only to see Squall in the reflection staring back at him, his wrists freshly lacerated and blood covering his hands, the same look of desire on his face as when he had kissed him, then Zell blinked and it was replaced by his own reflection staring back blankly. 'What the hell!' the image was only there a second but it shook him to the core, 'what's happening to me?' he shook his head and left the bathroom rather than ponder this and drive himself insane.
Feeling slightly less sick and with his appetite returned, he meandered his way back to the table, to find Selphie sitting at the table munching delightedly at a piece of toast and was simultaneously swinging her nunchuaks haphazardly in one hand above her head while receiving nervous glances from a nearby cafeteria staff who was cleaning a table.
Looking down at the table he saw that she had made a very poor effort at cleaning up, most likely distracted by the toast on display, he gave her sour look that she did not see as she was now humming happily with her eyes closed and chewing more slowly.
He huffed and finished the job cleaning the large orange splotches that she had missed which were quite a few, when he finished he sat down and took a bite of his dog which had grown luke warm, wrinkling his nose at the waste in it's piping hot freshness.
Selphie finished the last piece of her toast and put down her sticks and was now in the act of helping her self to another piece of buttered toast and dipping her knife into a large jar and spreading a thick black spread on all over it, Zell caught a whiff of whatever it was and tasted a strong tangy smell.
"What is that stuff?" he asked her curiously.
"Yummy to the max!" she replied simply as she made sure to get it into the corners and the very edges so that no part of the toast was not covered.
"Apparently so, but what's it called?"
"Vegemite" she said just before taking a bite and closing her eyes with relish and moaning slightly "Want some?" she held out the slice of toast to him.
He took it and tentatively took a small bite, and almost retched as an explosion of salt and a yeasty flavour hit his tongue and made the glands on either side of his neck twitch uncomfortably. "What the hell! How can you eat that stuff?" as he passed it back and took a large drink of orange juice to get rid of the aftertaste that refused to leave his mouth.
She grinned devilishly as she promptly folded the toast in half "Lightweight, It's freaking awesome!" then stuffed the whole thing in her mouth and chewed animatedly while continuing her grin.
He shuddered and tried to rub the tasted off his tongue with the hem of his shirt "No it's not! it tastes like spreadable beer!"
"Yeah it's great huh?" she said between mouthfuls.
"No!" he replied trying in vain to drown out the taste with a large chilli dog with Tabasco poured copiously upon it "Where did you get it anyway?"
She rolled her eyes and spread another one "A continent way to the south, it's made from a yeast extract, the people there can't remember their own national anthem but they all know the song to the commercial!" she said and took another bite.
Zell gave her a weird look while putting mustard on a fresh dog, then she started singing softly to herself "Were all happy little Vegemites, as bright as bright can be, we all enjoy our vegemites for breakfast, lunch and tea…."
It was only after Zell threatened to take away her nunchuaks that she stopped singing and returned to humming.
It was a good breakfast, Selphie spent the rest of the time yammering on about the new festival that was coming up and asking for new ideas and discouraging most them in favor of stuff she had previously thought up. He discussed the idea of fitting the students with the hyne assignment.
"I know a couple of good references that Quisty gave me once, except I've forgotten them" she grinned sheepishly as she pushed her empty crumb laden plate forwards and rested her hand on her stomach before belching loudly, she was still swinging her nunchuaks in one hand, but the swings were lazy and erratic.
Zell wiped the smear of mustard off his mouth, smiled and shook his head slowly "You're a real encyclopedia of knowledge selph" he said with a laugh.
"But you know you love me" she winked.
"Hmm, well I know I'm full, and I'm gonna try and walk this meal off" he said pushing himself to his feet and stretching "Coming?" he nodded to her.
She shook her head "I'm kinda sleepy, might take a nap" she yawned languidly.
"It's nine in the morning!" he exclaimed with an incredulous look.
"Yeah night night" she giggled.
"Later Selph" he chuckled and walked towards the exit, glancing over towards Seifer only made him angry, and Siefer caught his look giving him a nasty grin in return, feeling his anger get worse he walked quicker towards the exit.
Out in the open atrium he wandered around the circular walkway hands shoved in his pockets, gazing listlessly at the water and wondering how Squall was doing, realizing he wasn't supposed to be thinking about him he looked for the nearest distraction.
He walked past the library, books aren't what he needed, meandered past the garage, not the time for a paddock bash, he strolled past the training area, perfect!.
Lots of sweat, pain and exertion are the perfect things to break this depressive state, as he jogged lightly into the complex, breathing the heady smell of jungle, humidity and various animals he stretched out his arms and neck and began his hunt.
He wandered around in frustration for a good part, they must be sensing how pissed off he was and hid themselves well, Zell was not happy about this, he pummeled his way through bush after bush before coming across a lonely grat, hardly a worth challenge but he didn't care much.
He walked a little up behind it and kicked a rock at his feet, it flew straight and hit the grat square in the back, startled the grat squawked a challenge and raced over to him, Zell grinned and sidestepped the whistling vines it swung at him and hammered it with a right hook to it's head thing or whatever it was.
Turns out punching it just makes it angrier and it flailed closer to him, ducking another desperate thrash of it's vines and gave a swift sturdy boot to the lower part of it's body, it began to tire and get weaker in it's attacks, Zell grinned triumphantly "That can't be all you've got! Come on!" he called bouncing lightly on the soles of his feet.
Sensing it's own imminent destruction the grat gave one final push for victory, only to have Zell trip it and lay a powerful stomp to it's midsection, giving off one final gurgling cry it died and it's vines ceased swishing.
Zell panted slightly and caught a breather with his hands on his hips, he wrinkled his nose at the growing stench coming from the grats corpse, it's flesh was gradually putrefying into a liquidized plant based mush that was rapidly congealing over the dirt floor only to have large amount of bugs and various insects to begin feeding on it.
Making a disgusted Zell moved on, after fifteen minutes the adrenaline in his system was beginning to wear off and his limbs began to feel heavy, cursing under his breath he redoubled his efforts to find something else to kill.
From up ahead he heard the sounds of a scuffle and the familiar sound of rifle being fired, smiling to himself Zell raced into the edge of a large clearing, three grats were harassing a lone figure in cowboy gear who danced between the feeble attacks given by the ailing grats.
In less than a second the cowboy released three shots with the flick of his wrist, killing two outright and severely wounding the third, looking immensely pleased with himself the cowboy then strutted over to the dying grat replacing the depleted shells from his rifle as he went, standing over the grat which was now desperately trying to escape him by dragging itself across the dirt. The cowboy snapped the gun back into it's loaded position and cocked it, the grat was gurgling up at him pathetically when he planted a boot on it's sternum and shot it in the head, his coup de grace sent dead grat flying all over the place and spattered his jacket with crud, Irvine then looked up and gave Zell a smile "It's getting too easy man!" he called as he brushed himself down.
Zell smiled back strolling over to him neatly stepping over a grat carcass "True I guess are you bored?"
"Not really, but I feel I'm not challenged enough as it is, But that must be the price of being supremely awesome!" he remarked kicking the corpse at his feet slightly.
"You sound like Selphie"
"My one true love has a way of leaving her mark on you, doesn't she" he noted as a dreamy expression came over his face.
Zell chuckled " Dude let's go find one of those rexes, their always fun" said Zell loosening out his shoulders once more, Irvine replaced another shell and cocked his rifle "Indubitably old chap" he said with the air of an old game hunter.
They spent the rest of the day destroying anything that came upon their path and almost killed two students when they mistook them for monsters, and recuing three more that had become overwhelmed by the ferocity of the inhabitants of the training area, after close to five hours of violence and hunting tactics they came across a rexaur snuffling at the underbrush in a clearing just ahead of them.
They had both decided on a pincer attack, and to bottle it in where they could come at it from both sides, Irvine made his way around to it's rear and fired a trio of shots at it's back and tail, lumbering around the rexaur saw Ivine and bellowed a challenge that sent various birds in the canopy of trees above them flying away in panic.
While it snapped at Irvine, Zell began to power up some of his most devastating fire and electrical attacks, letting lose with his potent magic his attacks scored large weeping furrows in the huge lizards back and flanks, unfortunately this had only made it angrier and Zell soon realized that sheer brute force would be the only thing to take it down.
He had to roll suddenly as it's tail almost crushed him flat, scrambling to his feet he readied a new attack only to feel a burning heat course over him, "Offensive magic!?" he snarled, no… it wasn't painful but invigorating, the heat in his body increased and soon every nerve and limb was coursing with molten tingling fire.
Before he could rationalize it he felt a fury start to envelop his conscious mind, the affect was intoxicating, his every thought began to turn to bloodlust and destruction, his mind was a war machine and his body it's outlet, the last thought was that Irvine must of cast it on him before he surrendered to the rage pouring into his soul and reenergizing his fatigued limbs and weary mind.
He had become a berserker, most of the time it was a spell used in only the most dire of circumstances, when nothing but anger and hatred could win a battle, most people he knew didn't like the loss of control it cast upon them, but Zell was the exception to that, his style of fighting suited it perfectly and he never needed to think about his next attack unlike those constrained by weapons, berserk fueled his talent and maximized their efficiency and power tenfold.
Roaring in defiance Zell leapt at his target and hammered several blows into the rexaurs back legs, relishing the cracks and splintering sounds of bone being broken under his assault, the rexaur gave an earths shaking cry of anguish and had to kneel an rear back, giving just enough time for Irvine to unload a large caliber round of buckshot into it's exposed underbelly.
It gave another cry and fell onto it's side still snapping at Irvine feebly, Zell gave a feral grin and a bloodcurdling war as he dove over the prone beast and repeatedly belted the back of it's leathery, sinewy neck losing all conscious thought Zell did not stop punching even as he became aware that the vertebrae in it's neck had separated and the rexaur was quite dead.
Hearing faint echoes of a familiar voice in the back of his mind he repressed them and continued, only when a serene light cool moisture flowed over him did his mind returned to fully cognitive thought.
"Zell!" shouted Irvine as he took hold of Zell's arm and shook him roughly, feeling dazed Zell gazed at him as if waking out of a pleasant dream "What..?" he mumbled only half understanding the words coming out of his mouth "Wass wrong?".
Irvine looked unnerved and troubled "Zell what the hell happened man? You spazzed out really bad back there".
Gradually his mind became clear, and what happened to him was becoming more and more apparent, shaking his head he looked at Irvine swaying slightly "Did I? oh okay".
He stretched and yawned and began a march to the exit "By the way thanks for casting a berserk, it helped a lot" only to stop walking and turn when he realized Irvine hadn't moved from his spot.
Irvine still had the troubled look on his face "I didn't cast berserk Zell" he said slowly.
Zell was confused "C'mon man, then what did you do".
The look Irvine gave him was frightening "Nothing…".
Zell scoffed "Then what happened?" he said with his hands on his hips.
He continued the look "I don't know, but berserk doesn't do that.." he said pointing at the carcass of the recently deceased rexaur.
Zell felt himself go numb at the sight of it, it wasn't that it was dead, hell he'd have killed hundreds and never thought anything of it, It was what Zell had done to the corpse that was frightening. Huge chunks of flesh had been ripped out by what appeared to be bare hands, the throat had been ripped out completely and the head was attached to the body in only the most loose sense of the word, a lone sliver of muscle and tendon stretched taut was the only thing connecting the head to it's body. Parts of the head and particularly it's jaws had been mauled, and a number of it's teeth cracked or torn out completely, a small bloodstained pile of them lay just beneath the shattered muzzle, Zell felt the on comings of nausea once more as he noticed it's reptilian eyes had been gouged out with brutal force. The chest of the great lizard was open to the air, it's large tree limb like ribs cracked open with muscle and viscera hanging in lank dripping steaks, almost all of the organs had been ruptured and the heart was missing completely, he found it a few meters away lying in the dust currently being attacked by a line of ants, with horror he saw what looked to be human bite marks all over it, and felt another retch when he licked his lips and tasted bitter copper all over his mouth, the heart had been completely drained.
Spitting and desperately wiping most of what he could find off his mouth, he tried to make sense of the situation, a spontaneous berserk, such a thing had never been seen before, but this was far beyond berserk, berserk only amplified combat strength and took away all other thought making magic and the use of GFs impossible. Berzerk could not have caused this butchery, the effect is meant to wear off after the foe is defeated, it's a textbook combat spell, and the strength is only amplified slightly, what Zell did to the cadaver would have needed saws and rib spreaders, 'no…this is much more', he tried to remember any of the details but all he drew was a wave of red and the faint echo of a scream of rage.
"I …don't remember" he said closing his eyes and rubbing them with one hand.
"I cast three esunas on you man, and none of them helped slightly, I had to stand back and let it finish on it's own" Irvine explained as he put a hand on Zell's shoulder to steady him "Whatever it is it isn't magic".
Feeling exhaustion and a ravenous hunger envelop him, Zell blinked a few times and yawned "I'm too tired to think about this right now, and I need food too".
Irvine shrugged "Good idea man, I'll see you later" he replied taking off his hat and staring at the rexaur corpse which was now being eaten by various scavengers and carrion feeders.
Zell began a brisk walk back to the entrance trying desperately not to think about what happened, he arrived at the entrance to the training area and caught his reflection in the burnished steel wall just outside the entrance, he was completely covered in blood and filth, congealed black blood coated his face and neck so thickly that when he turned his neck it cracked and flaked away slightly.
He sighed and kept walking, feeling slight relish at the looks on the faces of students as he walked the pathway to the cafeteria, even those weird garden faculty who were usually stoic and impassive turned at the sight of him. He redoubled his pace and almost ran into the cafeteria, as usual the hotdogs were gone, feeling glad that he stocked up this morning he grabbed a tuna sandwich a meat pie and a soda, he threw himself down at a table and scoffed through them like a man possessed, he had no intention of hanging around here while people gawked at him like a sideshow.
Though it did give him satisfaction to see the shocked look on Seifer's face as he walked, chuckling to himself as he walked out of the cafeteria, wondering what to do as he made his way down the hallway to the atrium, a gust of wind blew over him and he noticed the rank smell he had accrued, he stank before but he was like an open grave now.
Jogging as quickly as he could back to his dorm, and shedding his clothes as he mad e his way to the bathroom, he bathed himself thoroughly, taking extra care to wash the congealed gunk out of his hair and clip and sanitize his fingernails.
Brushing his teeth and changing into new clothes, Zell felt newer and better than he had for a while.
It was when he wandered into the lounge room and saw his punching bag with the broken seam still hanging there, suddenly the happy and contented feeling was replaced by thoughts of Squall and what had happened. Zell thought about cleaning up the mess but couldn't be bothered and on impulse he decided to go to Squalls room.
The five minutes it took to get to Squalls room was not pleasant, a tension that should not have been there, and upon entering Squalls room he noticed the coppery smell was still there, and it was almost unbearable. The carpeted floor in front of Squall's gunblade case had been completely soaked through, there was a puddle of vomit next to Squalls bed, and the gunblade was smeared with rivulets of dried blood, Zell had seen far too much blood today and he was getting tired of it.
It took twenty minutes to get the blood out of the carpet, but even then a large burgundy stain marred the area around his dresser, and he had real difficulty getting the puke out, he cleaned it alright but the smell would remain and he'd have to come back. Feeling slightly better Zell then turned to the gunblade still lying on the floor, it looked truly pitiful lying all alone on the floor, Zell felt a slight pang of pity for such a majestic weapon looking so poorly, Zell picked it up reverently and placed it on squall's bed, and then looked through the gunlade case for cleaning and maintenance equipment, It took close to half an hour to clean every part and oil it properly and Zell felt pride in himself as he saw himself in the polished mirror finish.
'I hope he likes it's' Zell thought as he handled it and checked all it's little features and aspects, he was about to put it back in it's case when he noticed and engraving in the haft just below the emblazoned image of Griever was the word 'Zell', he blinked feeling truly touched at it as his face became quite warm, finding a smile on his face as he placed the weapon back in it's felt casing.
Closing the case he glanced at the ominous stain on the floor again, and he began to worry again, he glanced at his watch 4:01, packing up the case and putting it away he picked himself up and left for the infirmary.
Should be late enough he thought as he strolled down the corridor that he had only this morning hefted a failing squall, that thought itself made him move double quick down the passageway.
Arriving at twenty past he ambled into Kadowaki's office, she looked up as he entered and smiled at him, "How is he" he said trying and failing to keep the concern out of his voice.
She lowered her glasses of her nose and closed the folder she had been writing in "He's fine but he's been sleeping all day".
Zell sighed in relief at the news "Can I see him?"
"Course you can, come on then" she said with a smile and got to he feet and lead him to Squall's bed "Now don't stress him out and try not to wake him, I'll be outside if you need anything" she said as she bustled out of the room.
Zell stood there for a few moments just looking at the prone and sleeping form of Squall, he noticed a padded chair next to the window, he very quietly picked the chair up and moved it around the bed so he could sit next to the bed facing the open window, sitting down he felt himself relax slightly.
He felt contented at the moment, and he noticed how peaceful and picturesque Squall looked lying in bed with the soft afternoon playing over his face, 'Did he really love him' was the only thing going through his head, It was as he was thinking this he noticed that Squall's hair was covering his face, and Zell very carefully and lightly brushed Squalls bangs away. Zell stopped and hardly believed he just did that, lowering his hand he inadvertently placed it on Squalls, Squall did not stir so Zell pushed his luck by gently stoking his hand, it seemed the gloves that Squall always wore worked quite well, Zell was amazed by how soft his skin was. Soon Zell found himself admiring Squall in a way he never had before, the way the light shined off his soft silky skin making it glow, the way his slim chest rose and fell with each breath and the accompanying near silent sigh that came with it.
Before he knew what he was doing he had reached out and was lightly stroking his cheek and he was staring at Squalls lips, when Squall kissed him it did feel good even if it was a little shocking, 'did I really just think that' he thought to himself incredulously, and he just realized he was lightly brushing his fingertips against squalls lips, it had only just occurred to him that it had been a very long time since anyone had kissed him and even though Squall was not the first person to come to mind it was reassuring to think that Squall had genuine feelings for him.
Zell had made up his mind, he stood up slowly and leaned towards Squall with one knee on the bed and bracing himself by placing a hand over the other side of Squalls head, he placed a hand over Squalls cheek, tilted his head and kissed him lightly, it felt pretty good even if he was kissing a guy, but then again Squall was his best friend and it was only just a brief pressing of lips.
He stopped and pulled back slightly only to feel and hand on the back of his head, and Squall staring him right in the eyes, Zell felt a jolt of fear pulse through him at this, and desperately racked his brain for an excuse, the only thing he could muster was a lame "uh…sorry"
Squalls eyes narrowed "Only if you didn't mean it, and if you are teasing me I will kill you" he rumbled, his voice still thick with drowsiness.
Zell blinked "I'm not sure what I feel though" he said with his nervousness quite apparent.
Squall smiled slightly "Lets find out then shall we?" he purred as nimble fingers threaded through Zells platinum locks and he gently pulled him in for another, Squall made sure that Zell understood this time exactly what Squall wanted, where before it pure emotional expression of love for him, this was nothing less than pure lust and desire.
Squall had gradually and deviously pulled Zell onto the bed where he eventually had him straddled over his hips, and was slowly grinding zell into the raging hard on he had developed, it was a full twenty minutes before Squall needed a rest from plundering Zell's mouth quite thoroughly. Zell perched on top of him looked a little at unease, but Squall was careful not to push to far and made sure he was comfortable. Zell was still a little stunned by what had happened, but all it took was another look amorous look from Squall to know this wasn't a joke "You were awake when I walked weren't you?".
Squall just grinned "Yes, but are you surprised?"
"A little I've been stressing about this all day" said Zell as he repositioned himself slightly, his resultant movements causing Squall to groan in pleasure "So where are we in this?" he said leaning back.
Squall was about to reply when a loud crash from the waiting room made them both turn followed by a loud scream "I DON'T CARE ABOUT PROCEDURE! I WANT TO SEE SQUALLY!!!!".
Horrified they looked at each other as Selphie came banging through the waiting room, Zell managed to climb off just as she burst through the door, she spotted Squall and dropped her chuks to the floor followed by pouncing on Squall and wailing loudly into his midsection. Quistis came in soon after followed by Irvine, both of whom looked worried and distraught, while Quistis and Irvine tried to pry Selphie off Squall, Zell quietly backed out of the room as they all fussed over Squall and headed for his dorm, he could still hear Selphie's muffled cries out in the corridor. Still thinking about everything that had happened that day, a wave of exhaustion and fatigue rolled over him and all thoughts in his head turned to sleep, when he finally got to his dorm the sight of his punching bag and the mess on the floor, for some reason the spilled innards did not bother him as he shed his clothes and flung himself into bed, he had the best nights sleep in a long time, for all he could dream of was how soft Squalls mouth was and all those things he could do with his tongue….
To be continued
New chapter up, ask and ye shall receive for I am a kind god. I actually had a hard time trying to think up more filler to put in and gracefully thread it with plot points of which I don't know what to do with them, but the mush at the end is what you were all waiting for anyway, right? I think I put to much in this one instead of spreading it out sensibly, unlike Selphie with her vegemite, and if you don't like it, tough… I'm Australian and we are all raised on our favorite salty yeast extract. I also demand reviews and kudos would also be appreciated, not bad for someone who never took a creative writing course and never finished highschool either.
Go Aussie!