A/N: Hello everyone.. Anti-Emo here with a second installment for you! By request of one of my reviewers (ColourPearl), the naive twosome will investigate the horrors of public bathrooms, buses, and other things that I'll think of as I go along. That's my style. Thanks to those who reviewed.
I refuse to retype the disclaimer.
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After the destruction of the gas station, Renji and Rukia found themselves lying down on a bench in the Karakura mall. Rukia was sipping on her 8th lemonade, while Renji cautiously nibbled on a large pastry called a "Pretzel" that Rukia made him try.
"You know.." Rukia began, "Ichigo always brought me here, but never let me look around or buy anything."
"Yeah, well I'm not Ichigo." Renji muttered, annoyed at the mention of his orange haired rival. "Lets go look around while we're here."
Rukia nodded and stood up, but no less then two steps away from the bench, and she froze where she stood.
"Umm Renji? I need to use the bathroom"
"Dammit, I told you not to buy so much lemonade.. Lets find a bathroom then.."
Renji stood up determined, grasped Rukia's tiny wrist, and tugged her along.
It was half an hour later, that both of them realized that they didn't know where the bathroom is.
"Dammit Renji! I'm gonna burst!" Rukia cried out.
Renji quickly kicked in his survival tactics, and surveyed the area. There!
The man lifted his arm to point at something dramatically. A mall directory.
"Hmmm... looks like some kinda map." Renji said to himself. Rukia was busy dancing around in the background. Renji followed his roaming finger to a small circle that said "You are here"
"Shit!" Renji grabbed his smaller friend and slammed both of them against a nearby corner.
"What the f---" Rukia was silenced by the large paw of her friend.
"Shhh.. We're being tracked."
Rukia shook his hand loose and looked around from their cover. "By who?"
Renji shook his head, "I'm not sure, but that map some how knows where we are. We should stay low for now."
Rukia smacked her palm against her face. She was friends with a retard.
Rukia did a back flip and kicked Renji out into the open. She walked up to him with a annoyed twitching smirk.
"Fuku-taicho-dono?" The tone of her voice made Renji want to get the hell as far away from her as possible.
Rukia delivered the ultimate backhand slap to his face.
She didn't even bother explaining all the things he just failed at doing (Reading a map, taking cover, and failing to find a bathroom). She turned around and banged her head against a wall in frustration.
The wall however, would have none of that. It swung open, and Rukia fell onto a tiled, and strangely clean smelling floor.
She smoothed out her damaged hair and looked up at a sign that said "Restroom."
"Renji! I found it!"
"Yeah, well hurry up.. We don't have all day. I want to go look around some more." Was his annoyed response.
The little Kuchiki wandered into the tiled room, and Renji simply propped himself up against a nearby wall.
Three seconds later, Rukia ran out with a shocked and appalled face.
"R-R-Renji!" She stuttered. "There are p-p-people in there!"
Macho powers! Activate!
Renji would not tolerate people intruding on his friend while she does her business. He marched in there, with sleeves rolled up and bandanna lowered slightly to look more threatening.
Cautiously, he peered around the first corner, and one of the offenders saw him.
"AHHHH!!! It's a man!" A crazed blond lady split the air with a blood curdling scream. She leaped up with a roll of toilet paper in her hand and brought it down on Renji's head, forcing him to fall back.
It was a foolish mistake walking in there.
More women began coming out of stalls and charging him.
"What the fuck are you all doing in here anyways?!" He yelled.
"Well this is a public bathroom!" One of the women stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Rukia decided to make her appearance here. "Public bathroom?"
She looked to her friend for answers, who simply shrugged, and walked out.
Rukia couldn't hold it. She ran to the stall, finished her business, and ran out as quickly as possible.
Being in one of the four noble families of Soul Society, the very notion of a public bathroom was insane. Never again she concluded.
"Lets get the hell out of here! Now I know why Ichigo doesn't like this place!" Rukia took Renji's hand and sprinted as fast as a gigai allowed.
Once outside, a new problem arose.
"So, how do we get home?"
Damn Renji, stop bringing up problems!
"We could wait for Ichigo's dad to pick us up?" Rukia suggested.
"Isshin's car was destroyed by the chappy mobile. Even if he gets another one, he won't let YOU ride in it." Renji stated.
Rukia roundhouse kicked him.
"Well we can't leave our faux bodies here." The large eyed girl glanced over the change she just pulled from her pocket. "The bus it is!"
"What's a bus Rukia? Why do you have to go and introduce all of these new things at once? I'll never remember it all!"
"Shut up Renji, the bus is like a giant car that anyone can use to get around. As long as you have money, that is.."
"Sounds dangerous.." Renji expressed concern, but he was still tired, and if this was the only option, then it must be done.
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An hour of waiting at the bus stop, and one of the huge behemoths rolled up, opening it's doors for them to enter.
Rukia climbed in, and looked at the other passengers. There were none. The petite girl sighed in relief, and sat in the front most seat.
Renji put both of their money into the small clear box near the front. He assumed $40 should cover it.
Something caught the red head's eye though. Who's this fat guy riding in the front seat?
He looked to Rukia, and pointed at the bus driver. She simply nodded absent absentmindedly as she gazed out of the window. That was all he needed
Renji grabbed the fat man by the front of his greasy shirt, and tossed him out of the door, knocking him out before the bus even took off.
"Renji! Why did you go and do that!" Rukia fumed.
"Oi! You nodded! I assumed that meant to get rid of him!"
"NO! No no no Renji! That was the bus driver! I nodded because I thought you were asking if he was the bus driver!"
"Shut up Kuchiki! I got it covered!" Renji sat in the drivers seat, and put the bus into first gear. He had practice with the chappy mobile before the the gas station incident. Rukia looked worried. I'll show her that I can do things right too!
He floored the gas pedal, and the bus shook violently as the engine struggled to operate with the new burst of gasoline.
Rukia fell back into her seat.
Renji looked around frantically. In first gear, the bus was over straining the engine at the speed they were going, but at least it was fast enough that he wouldn't crash into any buildings.
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Four blocks later, they were nearing the Kurosaki house hold. And they only crushed sixteen cars along the way.
A flash of white to caught Renji's eye. He leaned his tattooed head out of the window.
"Ishida! Get out of the way!"
Said Quincy dropped his bag of knitting supplies, and dived to the side to avoid the oncoming (but still as slow as a one legged dog) bus.
The bus thundered by, destroying all of his extremely masculine and super cool cape designing gear.
Adjusting his glasses, he picked up what remained, and fell to the ground, crying in a fetal position.
One simply did not mess with a Quincy's sewing gear. Hell no.
This was one of the reasons he hates shinigami.
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As they neared Ichigo's house, Renji began to wonder how to stop the large vehicle.
"Uhhh, Rukia?"
She looked to him, still in admiration that he could drive this far while she could not. She was so awestruck, that she couldn't even hear him.
"RUKIA!" Renji shouted.
No response. Dammit Rukia, I finally get the chance to impress you, but now we are about to die.
Renji looked at the gear shifter, and decided If this can make the vehicle move, then it could make it stop too! I am a genius!
Renji moved the shifter as far up as he could go.
Failure.
The bus shifted into second, and doubled it's speed.
"Oh shit!" Renji grabbed Rukia's small body, and jumped out one of the side windows.
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Isshin Kurosaki finally returned home after a long day at the clinic.
Parking his new car (seeing as his old one was destroyed in the Chappy Incident earlier that day) he stood up, and stretched, looking at the amazingly clear night sky.
"Ahh.." He sighed, turning away from his car. "What a beautiful night! Masaki would've loved this. I must share this with my family! ICHIGO!"
An ear splitting crash erupted from behind him.
He turned away quickly, to see his brand new $50,000 car was obliterated by a bus.
Isshin Kurosaki, ex-captain level shinigami (SPOLIERS! Take that fools!), and father of three, fainted.
Good thing he did too, because if he hadn't, he would've noticed his son's red and black haired friends sneaking away from the wreckage, and into the house.
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The two death gods moved through the house and into Ichigo's room, where the strawberry was sleeping soundly.
"Awww.. he's such a child" Rukia cooed.
Renji and Rukia promptly lifted Ichigo, being careful not to wake him. They brought him outside the room, and left him in the hallway, still sleeping.
Renji and Rukia both climbed into Ichigo's bed, and hid under the covers until the morning.
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And thus ends another adventure. Battling mall women, bus drivers, and having a helluva fun time doing it.
Thanks for reading. Review if possible.