Chapter 2—Never Return
Eiri stared at his computer screen blankly. Words were scrambled over the page in a jumbled mess of ink, ideas, and grief. His hands lingered over the keyboard, shaking noticeably.
It'd been a week already. And Shuichi wasn't back. But he'd left a few items, as though he were going to come back soon. But he hadn't yet. And Eiri was slowly growing depressed. His writing slacked, his movements were more subtle. He'd expected Shuichi to come sooner, and now, after he'd left and stayed away for so long, Shu's words dug into Eiri's heart like a stone-cold blade, wrenching its way through his chest.
"You jerk!"
Am I really? Eiri thought as he glared intensely at one of the blank walls of his home.
Am I a jerk to you, Shu? Do you hate me for it?
Eiri's hand shifted over the desk, where his cell phone lay, alone and begging him to call Hiroshi. More than likely, Shuichi was spending his time at Hiro's home. Eiri didn't want to give in—he knew Shu would be waiting for the call. He knew he'd experience ridicule for getting worried. But he had no choice—he had to do it.
Eiri grabbed the phone forcibly and, with shaky hands, dialed the number. He held the phone up to his ear and waited impatiently as it rung once, twice, three times before being answered.
"Hello?" Hiroshi's voice sounded dull and tired. Eiri glanced at the clock habitually. It was only 6:55. How could Hiroshi be tired at a time like this?
Where's Shuichi? Eiri wanted to ask straightforward, but he kept himself dignified.
"Is Shuichi staying with you?" He enquired smoothly.
It wasn't before he had spoken that Eiri realized that 'Is Shuichi staying with you?' wasn't much better than 'Where's Shuichi?'. He scolded himself minutely before straining once again to listen for a response.
There was a momentary silence on the other line before Hiroshi finally spoke up.
"No. Why? Is he okay?" Eiri could hear an underlying anger growing beneath Hiro's words. It was almost intimidating to the novelist. And the near intimidation was amusing to him.
"He left a week ago," Eiri kept his voice calm.
In all reality, he wanted to cry. But he wouldn't let himself get to that point.
He continued, "We got in a fight. And he left."
"A fight!" Hiroshi no longer sounded tired in the least. He sounded pissed. "What happened?"
The phone buzzed slightly, jarring Eiri's attention. His mind soared away from reality in the seconds that passed.
"Eiri!" Hiroshi's yell ripped Eiri from the alternate dimensions his mind had been exploring.
With a start, Eiri explained, "He came to me with some lyrics and I gave my critique." With that, he leaned back into the chair at his desk and waited for Hiro's response.
There was a silence on the other end, and then a long, dragged out sigh. Eiri could hear something tapping slightly in the background noise. He guessed it to be a pencil or a pen. He imagined Hiroshi's fuming face. And the worry that Shuichi's disappearance must have stricken within him. He wished he hadn't called, because it definitely sounded like Shuichi wasn't staying with Hiroshi. Eiri stared at his toes and thought about the worry that ate at his own heart.
He wished Shuichi would return. He didn't care about the ridicule any longer.
"Have you called his cell?" Hiroshi asked. It was obvious he was having trouble keeping himself calm by the shudder in his voice.
Eiri was taken aback by the question. His eyes twitched, threatening to show emotion. He hadn't thought of calling Shuichi's phone. The novelist closed his eyes and rubbed his temples slowly.
How could I be so stupid? Ugh. Shuichi's gotten to my head.
"Yes," He lied, sighing out his emotions.
"And?" Hiroshi sounded impatient, as though he were trying to drag information from a small child.
And Eiri played the part of that small child until the end.
"There was no answer." He lied again. He continued quickly, "I need to get back to work. Call me if you find Shuichi."
He hung up before Hiroshi could respond.
Eiri threw his phone onto the desk and stared at it for a long while. His head fumed. His heart burned. His body ached.
Why the hell hadn't I thought of calling Shuichi? What form of idiocy possessed me in the passing days that I did not think of calling his phone?
Eiri grabbed his phone again quickly and stood from where he was sitting by his desk. Clenching the phone angrily in his hand, Eiri paced about the room. He stopped momentarily to punch in the number, and brought the phone up to his ear. Once he heard the first ring, he continued pacing over the rug.
Rrrrriiiinnggg….
The phone tugged at Eiri's patience. He stared at the walls surrounding him as he paced, nervous. What if Shuichi didn't answer? And what if he did? What could Eiri say to him? How could he possibly apologize for hurting Shuichi's feelings so badly as to make him stay away from Eiri for so long?
Rrrriiiinnggg….
"Ugh!" Eiri snarled.
His pacing grew faster. The walls around him became an incomprehensible blur.
"Pick up! Pick up pick up pick up!" He yelled into the phone.
Rrrriii—the phone was interrupted in mid-ring by a loud tap. Someone had answered the phone.
"Hello?" A small voice whispered into the receiver. It was Shuichi. But he sounded abnormally quiet, almost strenuous.
Shuichi was never quiet.
"Shuichi?" Eiri dared to venture.
There was silence on the other line. And not just a silence without words—there was no static, nothing. There was just complete and utter silence. The only thing Eiri could hear was the rapid beat of his own heart. And it sent a chill down his back.
Eiri was about to say something to break the silence when he was cut off by Shuichi's voice.
"Eiri!" But it was all he was able to say before he was cut off by a string of long, violent-sounding coughs.
Eiri listened eagerly as Shuichi fumbled with the phone. He heard the phone drop to the floor, and Shuichi's wretched coughing in the background noise. Now Eiri wished for that silence to return. Even silence was better than that. The chill that had crawled down his back climbed its way back up and stayed in the small of his back, threatening to send him into a panic. Finally, Shuichi's coughing died down and he picked up the phone once more.
"Eiri," He repeated, and acted as though he were about to say something more, but stopped himself short.
"Shuichi, you're sick." Eiri growled. "Where are you?"
The silence came again, but not for long. Shuichi put the phone down and Eiri could hear him coughing again, but this time there was something at the end of the string of coughs that disturbed Eiri and chilled him to the bone. He could hear the sound as Shuichi retched on the other line. The coughs became wet, and died down quickly, but Shuichi's shuddering breaths did not go unheard by the worried novelist.
"Shuichi!" He called out.
Shuichi didn't pick up the phone again. Eiri heard him groan as he got to his feet, heard him stagger, and leave the room.
"Shuichi!" Eiri tried again, disbelieving what he heard.
Even when Shuichi was sick, there was no way he'd just ignore Eiri. And Eiri knew that. Shuichi wasn't the type of person to ignore anyone. And he had made no effort to be sure Eiri didn't worry about him. Something was definitely going on, and Eiri Yuki was intent on discovering what.
"Shuichi!" He cried.
There was no response. Eiri stopped pacing and placed both hands on the phone, pressing it powerfully against his ear. He stared at his hands. They shook as adrenaline coursed through him. With each passing second Eiri was getting more and more worried. The silence tugged at Eiri's mind. He didn't want to think of Shuichi as sick, or, even worse, in pain. He didn't want that. And he didn't want to have that nagging feeling dragging on his chest, warning him that it was his fault that Shuichi was hurting.
He didn't know how, he didn't want to think of the possible reasons, but somehow Eiri knew that, in the end, it was his fault.
It had been ten minutes before Eiri realized that he still had the phone pressed up against his face. And another five to realize that he was shaking more than ever. Eiri pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it. Finally, he tore his vision from the dark contours of his phone and walked through his hallway, and into the living room. He seated himself on the couch and stared once again at the black phone in his hand.
"Hello?" The sound barely reached his ears, but immediately Eiri had the phone against his ear once again.
"Shuichi?" He inquired.
"No," The voice replied. "I'm sorry to say that Shuichi Shindou is no longer in the building."
Eiri's eyes widened. Exactly where had Shuichi gone?
"Can you tell me where he is?" Eiri struggled to keep his voice calm. He struggled not to yell at this person that Shuichi was sick and might need a doctor, judging by the ferocity of his coughing. He struggled not to lose his temper.
"I'm afraid I can't do that." The voice responded in a tone that implied they'd been asked the same question a number of times before.
"Why not?" Eiri channeled his rage into his voice this time, leaving nothing behind.
The same tone of voice replied, "It is under the request of Shuichi Shindou that, if inquired as to his whereabouts, I should not release them under any cost, threat, alibi, or enquiry."
"What?" Eiri stood. His face burned red with anger.
"However," The voice continued, "You may leave a message and I will make sure it gets to Mr. Shindou."
"Where is Shuichi?" Eiri barked, unable to keep it back, "I need to know where he is!"
"Do you, Mr. Yuki?" The voice on the other line took on a dark tone. "Well, I should be happy to inform you that Shuichi Shindou is never returning to you. In fact, he's happier now than he's been in a long time, now that you're out of his life. He says he feels free now that he's out of your death grip on his heart. I didn't want to tell you this, because I thought I might spare you both some pain, but I feel obligated to say it anyway. Mr. Shuichi Shindou will never return to you, Eiri Yuki."
With that, the phone disconnected, leaving Eiri to the piercing silence of his home.
"I don't believe it," He whispered to himself, breaking the silence with his voice. "I don't believe him."
Eiri didn't realize that the phone had slipped out of his hand until it was too late. It made a raucous clattering noise as it hit the floor. The noise made Eiri wince, but he was soon spiraling back into his alternate realities, trying desperately to tell himself that what had been said over the phone definitely wasn't true. It couldn't be true, therefore it wasn't. The logic still didn't fit.
Eiri found himself stretching out over the couch. He stared at the ceiling, finding patterns in the blank white surface that stared back at him. His heart ached terribly. Tears threatened to dampen his cheeks.
"If you wanted to run away," The tears came, "You could have just run away." Eiri took a long, shuddering breath. "Did you really hate me that much?"
As time passed, Eiri's eyelids slowly crept over his eyes. His thoughts slowed down. The couch became comfier and comfier to him, as though he were lying on clouds. But, just as soon as his eyes closed, Eiri saw an image of Shuichi sleeping on the very couch he lay on now. Shuichi in his tiny tank top and those shorts. Hadn't he been cold? It was like he had just been waiting for Eiri to bring him a blanket. In fact, Eiri wouldn't put it past him to do something like that. The thought of Shuichi planning something like that out made Eiri's lip twitch, and sent a grin to his pale face. And the thought of Shuichi alone sent a violent chill through Eiri's back. He sighed and picked himself up off the couch.
He didn't pick his phone up from the floor. He stumbled past the couch and into the next room; his bedroom.
Eiri walked up to his bed and sat down, sinking into the soft contours of the bed. He pulled his legs up into the covers. As soon as his head hit the pillow, and maybe a half of a second before, Eiri Yuki fell asleep with one thing in particular on his mind. Or, rather, one person.
Eiri awoke with a start as the light in his room flicked on and a soft red light burned at the corners of his eyes. He sat up without opening his eyes and leaned his head forward, curling himself into a ball. Groaning, Eiri opened his eyes and let them get used to the light.
A sudden thought hit him like a thunder bolt against the side of his head.
"Shuichi?" He asked, looking up.
A figure stood in the doorway to greet him, but it wasn't Shuichi. No, the figure was too tall and well-built to be Shuichi. But other than that, Eiri couldn't decipher any of their features.
"I'm afraid you're quite mistaken," The figure spoke. It was the same voice that had been on the phone. "Shuichi Shindou is not even near here. And he's never coming back to this place."
Eiri swung his legs over to the side of his bed and stared at the dark shadow of a person that stood in his doorway.
"How'd you get in here?" He could taste the resentment he spat at the man as he spoke, and his own resentment toward this person he did not know frightened him.
The figure chuckled, and stepped forward into the light.
Eiri had expected to see a normal person standing before him. A normal face. Normal clothes. A normal presence.
Instead, the figure wore a black tuxedo, a red tie, white gloves, fancy dress shoes. A large-rimmed black hat engulfed his face in shadows. The man looked as though he were dressed up for some sort of Halloween party. And, for whatever reason, that scared Eiri.
"How did you get in here?" Eiri repeated, louder, and with more contempt than before.
"I allowed myself in through the front door," The man's voice changed. His tone became as suave as his outfit.
"The front door was locked." Eiri growled.
"Well," The man chuckled, "That's why I used this."
In just one brisk movement the man whipped out a keychain. He held it with his middle and pointer fingers, as if it were dangerous. Eiri stared at the keychain in disbelief.
It was a pink elephant with purple toes, ears and eyes. It was Shuichi's keychain. And below the elephant, a key dangled in the light of Eiri's room. Shuichi's key.
"How'd you get that?" Eiri bellowed, leaping to his feet.
A smile crept over the man's shielded face.
"So you do recognize it."
He twirled the keychain around his fingers with a sort of giddy ease. That pissed Eiri off. His limbs stiffened as anger pulsed through his veins.
"Where is Shuichi?" He demanded. "You tell me, or I'll kill you."
"My, my, we're in a bad mood." The man spun around, stuffing the keychain back into his pocket and turning his back to Eiri. "I told you before, I'm not permitted to tell you the location of Mr. Shindou."
Eiri growled, and lunged. He flung his arms in the direction of the man's neck. But he ran past him. Ran right through him. Confused, Eiri lashed back around to face the man. But he was nowhere to be seen.
It wasn't long until Eiri heard laughter come from above him. He looked up, but no one was there.
"Just like Shuichi, I'm dead to you, Eiri. I'm gone from your world." The voice was echoed by laughter.
But the laughter faded away.
As soon as Eiri opened his eyes, he realized the dream. And as soon as he felt the cold sweat that covered his body, he realized how much it had affected him. He leapt out of bed and ran into the living room, reaching desperately for his phone.