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Chapter 2: Peanut Gallery
Introducing: Shanghai. A pretty little doll with glassy blue eyes, silky blonde hair and a serene disposition, dressed in a pretty little black dress with apron, frills and a white capelet. The 'younger' sister of Alice's two most favourite dolls, she can be identified by her azure ribbons on her head and around her neck. Shanghai has a very caring personality, and in between sweetly serving her master and sweetly serving her master's guests (read: Marisa-sama), she enjoys watching her master from afar and takes delight in observing her movements and her relationships with her beloved Marisa-sama.
A voyeur. Also, fiercely ships Alice x Marisa.
Introducing: Hourai. A pretty little doll with piercing blue eyes, silky blonde hair and a serious disposition, dressed in a pretty little navy dress with apron, frills and a white capelet. The 'older' sister of Alice's two most favourite dolls, she can be identified by her scarlet ribbons on her head and around her neck. Hourai has a very protective personality, and in between silently guarding her master and silently guarding her master, she enjoys silently guarding her master and likes to think that she is the one lance that serves the light while staying hidden in the darkness of being a backdrop character.
Delusional. Also, fiercely hates Alice x Marisa.
Now, as it has been established, these two long standing doll-servants of Alice are not quite mere dolls. They have become fully sentient, although when and where and under what circumstances are not known even to themselves (a/n: No, it's not that I'm lazy to come up with a back story, this is just to add a layer of mystery to it… yup…). But what they do know is that they have been sentient for as long as they remember… because they could only start remembering stuff once they became sentient.
The two also knew they fiercely loved their Alice-sama, and were utterly devoted to her health, her wellbeing, her happiness, her life. As all dolls of Alice are.
And… That's where the problem comes in.
"I'm telling you, that 'Marisa-sama' you're so fond of is no good!"
You see, Shanghai and Hourai's views differ on what exactly is best for their dear Alice-sama's happiness.
"I know right! She's such a bad girl~!"
Specifically with regards to who she should get together with, who she should marry, who she should get knocked up by etc etc.
"I didn't intend that as praise, Shanghai!"
And as you have heard so far, little Shanghai is all for Marisa to be the one to impregnate her.
"A-And since when was that a goal of ours? !" Hourai turned to the screen and nearly screamed her head off in vexation.
"Ahah…~ A child of Alice-sama and Marisa-sama will be sooo pretty!" Shanghai uttered dreamily.
"And don't you go having such indecent fantasies like that! !" Hourai shrieked at Shanghai, who giggled sheepishly, "B-Besides… They're both girls right? That sort of thing between them is impossible…" Hourai blushed at the thought of herself actually giving the subject some consideration.
"We'll figure something out," Shanghai said bracingly.
"NO WE WON'T!"
"Fine… Then I will!" Shanghai said brightly.
"NO YOU WON'T! !" Hourai was shouting herself to exhaustion. "Hah… Hah… Shanghai… I never knew your thoughts had gotten to such a dangerous level…" she mumbled.
"I wonder if Alice-sama is going to meet Marisa-sama today…" Shanghai gazed out of the window from the shelf they were sitting on, "She was sooo cheerful during yesterday's field trip, and Marisa-sama was her usual charming self too," she smiled.
Alice, as it happened, was out in town doing a little grocery shopping, having left Shanghai and Hourai to rest at home for the work they did yesterday: helping Marisa and Patchouli harvest magical ingredients for their experiments.
"Sigh… I've known you to be fanatic about… this particular pairing for a long time, Shanghai," Hourai began tiredly, "But still... Why?" she asked out of curiosity.
Shanghai turned to Hourai with a most earnest look on her face, "Because aren't they just the cutest couple ever?" she spoke the words with wonder.
"Are they?" Hourai asked sceptically.
"They're both blonde!" Shanghai squealed.
"I-Is that it…?" Hourai sweat-dropped.
"They have such matching eyes!" Hourai squealed, "Alice's innocently loving green and Marisa's mischievously bright gold."
"So far it's only been physical characteristics…" Hourai deadpanned.
"And then there's that magical moment of a person as doll-like and pretty as Alice-sama being embraced by a young, slightly shorter girl like Marisa-sama; It's like Alice-sama is Marisa-sama's one and only doll!" Shanghai squealed, "Can you imagine a kissing scene between them? ! Marisa-sama, looking upwards longingly into Alice-sama's eyes as Alice-sama looks down endearingly. A-And then…? And then Marisa-sama will have to tiptoe to reach Alice-sama- KYAAAH! ! !" Shanghai nearly self-combusted.
Hourai found herself backing towards the edge of the shelf out of fear of this monstrous entity before her.
"Ne? Ne, Hourai-nee-chan?" the monstrous entity turned towards her sister, inducing chills down the latter's wooden spine, "Don't you think it's wonderful?"
"… B-But they haven't even embraced before, let alone kissed," Hourai awkwardly pointed out.
"…!" Something awful shattered in that wonderful daydream of Shanghai's.
"In fact, I've been observing their interactions too, and it seems like they're nothing more than just really good friends," Hourai mercilessly continued.
"… Ah…! N-No way…" Shanghai dropped to her knees, shocked at this simple oversight of hers. M-Marisa-sama… and Alice-sama…
"You know, Shanghai, they don't even look like lover-"
"DON'T SAY IT!" Shanghai shrieked, "Please… Don't say it…" she wept.
"… H-Hey… There's no need to get traumatised like that…" Hourai approached Shanghai a little guiltily.
"I… I already know it… I know they're nothing but friends, impossible as it is," Shanghai said to herself in frustration, her little fists curling up against the surface of the shelf.
"Shanghai… th-there's nothing wrong with them being friends-"
"WHICH IS WHY IT IS UP TO ME TO GUIDE THE TWO OF THEM TOGETHER IN BED! !" Shanghai looked up and declared passionately.
"YOU'RE BEYOND SAVING! ! !" Hourai smacked the back of Shanghai's head hard.
"F-Forgive me, Hourai-nee-chan… I sort of lost myself there," Shanghai rubbed the back of her head.
"I'd say you were lost long ago…" Hourai huffed, "But honestly, just what is it about Marisa-san that you like?"
"Mmm…" Shanghai gave the matter some thought, "Isn't it because Alice-sama can truly laugh when Marisa-sama is around?" she said.
The innocent wonder of this point struck Hourai.
"… Fine, so that is one redeeming quality Marisa-san has…" Hourai stubbornly admitted.
"Haha… Even you can't deny this, can you?" Shanghai chuckled, "But why is it that you don't like the idea of Marisa and Alice being together?"
"It's because she's annoying," Hourai said without hesitation.
"A-Ah… You're so harsh, Houra-nee-chan," Shanghai cringed.
"Sure she can make people laugh here and there, but she's not fit to be a lifelong partner for Alice-sama," Hourai critiqued, "Most of the time, it's Alice-sama that's having to clean up after Marisa-san's messes. It's Alice-sama that has to keep an eye on her, that has to give in to her selfish demands. Marisa-san drags people along into mischief however she feels like, with no consideration for others. Oh, and she's a thief," Hourai added rather angrily, "I mean, look at how many books have gone missing in this place!"
"… W-Well, she does have rather sticky fingers…" Shanghai admitted awkwardly, "But that's a charm point of hers!"
"… It's a charm point Alice-sama doesn't need in her life…" Hourai narrowed her eyes.
"… Haha… I suppose you're right, Hourai-nee-chan," Shanghai scratched her cheek sheepishly and sighed.
"You see! I know what's best for Alice-sama after all," Hourai clenched her fist with conviction and said more to herself than to Shanghai, "What are the best foods for Alice-sama, what are the clothes that most complement her stylish body," she continued on, as if in a trance, "This world is a complex and dangerous place, and our Alice-sama a most delicate and vulnerable princess… Shanghai!" she suddenly turned to her sister and declared, "We, as the beloved creations of Alice-sama, are blessed to serve her. As such, I have pledged myself to strive to bring the very best life to Alice-sama that I can, never mind if she'll never know of the deeds I do for her in the dark!"
"E-Er… Th-That's very devoted of you, Hourai-nee-chan…" Shanghai smiled nervously.
"Naturally, that means that should anyone ever threaten Alice-sama's peaceful way of life, I will cut them down without hesitation," Hourai nodded in approval of herself, "Of course, I'll have to do so secretly from the shadows, so as to not alarm Alice-sama and disturb her peace-"
"Hang on, hang on, hang on...! If that's going to be the case, then won't Alice-sama stay lonely forever?" Shanghai pointed out.
"…!" Something awful shattered in that wonderful delusion of Hourai's.
"You know, maybe the one thing that is missing from Alice-sama's happiness is companionship," Shanghai continued on mercilessly, "And perhaps your… um… over protectiveness may be the cause-"
"… Ah…! N-No way…" Hourai dropped to her knees, shocked at this perspective she had never considered. "Alice-sama… A-Am I actually the true obstacle in your glorious pursuit of happiness…? !"
"Horai-nee-chan… Y-You don't have to phrase it that darkly, you know?"
"Eh?" Hourai looked up mid-weep, confused.
"Yeah… you actually said that last line out loud," Shanghai sweat-dropped.
"A-Ah…" Hourai hid her face in her hands to hide the furious flushing of her cheeks while Shanghai laughed awkwardly and patted her back.
"Sigh… Then what should we do?" Hourai asked. The two sister dolls had been sitting quietly shoulder to shoulder deep in thought for the past few minutes, Alice's bedroom being quiet save for the ticking of the clock mounted on the opposite wall. Four in the afternoon – Alice-sama will return any minute now…
"Well, I know I still support Alice-sama and Marisa-sama being together," Shanghai said.
"And I'm still uncomfortable with Marisa-san being a part of that relationship," Hourai said.
"Whatever we think though, I feel that it should be Alice-sama that should make the choice in the end," Shanghai said.
"Of course," Hourai agreed at once.
"Which is why I need a plan to subtly influence Alice-sama's thinking," Shanghai said.
Hourai opened her mouth to keep the conversation going, comprehended what Shanghai just said, and turned to look at her with a stunned expression.
"… You're a very bad doll, Shanghai," Hourai could only say.
"Hehe… It's fair if Alice-sama truly falls for Marisa-sama, right?" Shanghai grinned.
"… T'ch…"
"Well, who would be your ideal partner for Alice-sama then?" Shanghai asked Hourai curiously.
"Hmmm… Someone mature would be nice," Hourai thought out loud, "Someone that shares the same interests as her, that has a personality that matches hers, with a quiet and gentle demeanour… Someone that can help look after Alice-sama's household would be a nice bonus, as compared to Alice-sama having to always worry after a certain 'Marisa-sama'," she ended with a jab.
"That sounds like Marisa-sama," Shanghai said blankly.
"… You didn't listen to my criteria at all, did you?" Hourai grumbled, "And no, it's not 'Marisa-sama' at all! It sounds more like Alice-sama's other friend, Patch-"
Light bulb.
"Hourai-nee-chan… W-Why are you smirking like that?" Shanghai asked with suspicion.
"Hehehe… Say, Shanghai, you said that you'd leave the choice to Alice-sama, right?" Hourai said darkly.
"Y-Yes…"
"And that it's all fair if Alice-sama falls for the girl of her choice, right?" she pressed her attack.
Shanghai's eyebrows furrowed as she dimly saw where Hourai was heading, "Yes… I did say that but-"
"Haha! Then from now on, I'm going to ship Alice x Patchouli!" Hourai stood up and pointed at Shanghai triumphantly, the latter letting out a small gasp of shock.
"Argh…! Why didn't I think of such a brilliant idea before? !" Hourai meanwhile was berating herself, "It's so simple and perfect! I don't want Alice-sama to be with Marisa-san, and Patchouli-sama's the perfect partner! If I make Alice x Patchouli a reality, then Alice x Marisa will be no more!" she clenched her fists and gazed up into the air determinedly.
Shanghai's shocked expression slowly turned into a small smile of admiration, "Hourai-nee-chan," she called out to her sister.
"What- What is this?" Shanghai was standing before her with an outstretched hand.
"I don't fully understand, but it looks like we're going to have a little friendly rivalry, so… here's good luck," Shanghai wished her.
"O-Oh… Th-thanks," Hourai shook Shanghai's hand, mildly surprised, "May the best shipper win then-"
"Alice x Patchouli will never be a success, everyone knows that…" Shanghai sneered, before floating out of the empty room.
"… I'LL HAVE ALICE-SAMA HAVE PATCHOULI-SAMA'S BABY BEFORE YOU KNOW IT! ! !" Hourai roused herself from her stunned state and roared after her sister.
Chapter End
Omake 1
"Mmm… I'll take three of these then," Alice pointed to some large, fat radishes on display, "No, wait, make it five," she changed her order, the image of an annoying blonde girl decked in black-white apparel flashing momentarily in her mind.
She may be raiding her house again for a meal… Might as well be prepared.
"Here you go," the vegetable seller handed over the vegetables.
"Thank you," Alice smiled and paid the required amount, then started walking off with the groceries she had bought before her feet came to a stop. Th-this was heavy- Oh!
Alice gazed in wonder at the bags upon bags of groceries she was holding in her hands. "S-Since when did I buy this much…?" she pondered. It was more than enough for one person – It was more than enough for three!
… More than enough for- "Haha… What was I thinking…?" Alice sighed. Had she really been consciously buying for…?
"Well… Maybe I should invite over Patchouli again," Alice thought, "Oh… and her of course," she added with a dry smile to herself. Marisa that is, not that she'll need inviting…
And with that somewhat cheerful thought, Alice continued on her way home- O-Ow…! A sudden tummy ache…?
"Wh-Why do I get this strange feeling that some horrible things are being said about me…?"
Omake 2
Ding-Ding! Quick-question-quiz time:
Interviewer: Isn't one of Alice's greatest desires to create an entirely autonomous doll?
Shanghai: Mmm… I guess so.
Hourai: Yes, that's true.
Interviewer: Then… Why is it that you two have kept her in the dark about your own sentience?
Shanghai: Heehee… Because it's more convenient for me to spy on her, of course!
Hourai: My place is that of a doll, to silently accompany her by her side and meet her every request at each tug of my strings. And though it may hurt her heart, I intend to properly fulfil that role.
Interviewer: … Okay, we'll just um… end here then. Thank you for your-
Shanghai: Oh no… You think we can just let you get away after telling you all this?
Hourai: You know too much.
Interviewer: W-Wait! WAAIIT-
End of Record