I just realized I won't be able to update later this week, so now you get a super quick and very long update. Thanks for following and reviewing. I'm glad you enjoyed it so far.
For this chapter I'll alternate between Katniss and Peeta.
Katniss
My fingers relaxed and the wood from the arrow flew away from me and reached its intended target. The squirrel fell easily from the branch where it had been standing alive seconds ago. I didn't even have time to enjoy my small victory, it had been a tricky shot but all I was concerned about-and had been for the past couple of days- was the boy's stupid proposal.
I walked up to retrieve my kill and pulled the arrow from the squirrel's carcass with a little more force than what I'd meant. He just made me so mad. Before he had knocked on my door I had made peace with what was to come. I knew I would have to leave and as painful as it was I had made arrangements so that Prim and my mother would be taken care of. Now, knowing that there was an alternative, how could I let go that easily?
I would die for Prim, no questions asked. If I ever found myself in that position, I knew I would be able to take her place and face death willingly if I was certain if it was for her own good. But marrying someone? Having children? How could I do that? It only meant that my children would have to suffer from witnessing their mother being with a man she could never love and then before they knew it, their entire lives would be taken from them. Just like mine was right now.
The boy's proposal was so tempting, though. In case he meant what he had promised that is and he saw me as nothing more than a business partner. And how could I know he wasn't lying? I didn't even know him. A part of me rebelled. I knew better, I may not have known much about the boy but I knew enough to know that he was telling the truth. I knew that deep down, he was good. At least he had been that horrible day.
Another reason to accept was that I would be able to stay home. I looked around at the woods surrounding me. I closed my eyes as I felt the dim rays of sunlight that had managed to elude the shield made by the leafs and reached my skin, I inhaled the scent of my favorite place. The wood, the dirt, the trees, the smell of home. On my bitter moments I hated the Capitol not only for taking my decisions away from me, but also for taking this place and everything in it away from me. If I was reaped I would be taken to another District. I'd never been outside of 12 but I knew that the other Districts were different; and even if there was a forest where I went, they'd never be my woods, my father's woods. I loved to believe that if my father was still alive he would help me fix this, but this was a lie. Even my father had to face his reaping in his own time, only he was fortunate enough to marry willingly.
I knew what I wanted. If I was honest with myself, I knew that I was all for staying with my family and in the woods. Even if it meant having to marry him, the boy. It felt like a compromise, I may not be able to choose what happened to me, but I would be able to choose how things happened. I would be able to stay who I was, with some minor changes. All I had to do was say yes.
My real reticence stemmed from a different nature. Why did it have to be him? Of all people. Why did he always seem to appear in my life when I needed him the most? I didn't like that. I already owed him enough without the whole proposal thing. I didn't like to be bound in such way to another person that was why I always paid my debts. He'd saved me that first time and then, out of nowhere he was in my front yard asking me to marry him so we could both be happy. The worst part was that I thought I could be, for the first time in months, as the reaping approached, I felt, hopeful. He gave me hope.
And I had so many questions. I didn't know if I could voice them.
I hid my bow in its usual hiding spot and headed to town. It was Thursday after all.
Peeta
My bliss over her choice to consider my proposal had lasted exactly 45 minutes. The excitement I felt died quickly when I thought about a simple truth that had eluded my consciousness until I had the courage to face her: If Katniss said no, I would understand and probably be consumed with self pity and misery all the way to the Capitol where I would lose my family, my home and her. I had considered that option so many times that it did little to lessen my current enthusiasm. The source of my anguish was simple, what would happen if she said yes?
I was in love with her. This was a certainty so strong in me that I'd never began to doubt it. I had loved her for so long that I didn't even remember what it was like to not be thinking about her constantly and longingly. I had watched her all my life and I had been fascinated all the while. I only associated love with Katniss. And when I saw her, I felt in love, every time. However, when I asked her to marry me I had promised a false marriage. She would most certainly keep to her end of the deal, but, would I be able to keep mine?
I was pretty certain she didn't know I loved her. Nobody did. Except for maybe my father who noticed how I looked up every time she came to trade. So what would I do if we were suddenly stuck in the same house and I saw her every day and every night? I had the slightest inclination that Katniss was not of a really romantic disposition. In fact, I thought she was the exact opposite. She kept away from everybody, didn't she? And I knew it wasn't because she was unpleasant or unkind, she kept to herself because she wanted to. If she didn't have more friends than necessary, why would she want a husband? I tortured myself with such thoughts for the rest of the week. I wasn't fun to be around that week.
My father left me alone, my mother yelled at me like she always did. Pressuring me more and more every day we got closer to Sunday. Talking spite of me and my brother Miche. He'd been reaped three years ago and my mother resented him for it. Not because she missed him or because she was worried of his well being, but because Miche had embarrassed her. According to her, my family was the talk of the District, a Mellark had been reaped and so the family's reputation had been tainted. We'd had five minutes to say goodbye when he left, and all that time she keep a constant babble of how Miche had just affected the entire family and me. Mostly me. She said that now I had a reaped brother, I was less desirable to merchant families. Why she had made that connection I never knew and I never cared, I never took much interest in merchant girls. I could almost hear the screaming of what she would say if Katniss and I married. My mother would hate my choice and I found that I really liked it. I must be doing something right if she didn't agree with me.
My father was not an impatient man. We were very similar that way. Even before Miche had gone and Rye had gotten married, he had told me in confidence that he hoped that of all his sons, I would keep the bakery, because I seemed to enjoy it so much. I knew my father was proud of me, in more ways than one. I would hate to leave him behind if I was reaped. Another thing to be concerned about. I couldn't be so selfish, if Katniss said no, what would I do? Who else would I marry? If I was reaped my father would be left behind and the Bakery would end up being someone else's. I knew that would break his heart.
These were stressful days, undoubtedly. And just when I had thought my stress had peaked and I could not be more anxious about the entire matter, Thursday came.
I'd woken up even earlier than usual. I'd had a sleepless night and there was no point in staying awake in bed to wait for the sunrise. At least if I worked I would be able to distract myself for a while. Until it was ten, when Katniss usually came to the bakery. I didn't even have breakfast, I was just so eager to start working. My eyes kept going back to the clock we had above the oven from the moment the arm reached 9:30. I couldn't help myself. Luckily since I had woken up so early I had done most of my chores so my distraction wasn't really affecting my performance. I knew I was being unreasonable, Katniss was never here earlier than ten I just kept fretting over what she might answer.
In between restless slumbers, I had decided that whatever happened, the worst possible outcome would be if she said no. It was easier to concentrate on just one terrible outcome instead of being torn between two. I'd decided that if she said yes, I would find a way to keep my feelings to myself and let her be. It was the only reason she would marry me, because I would let her be. I had promised her this and I had to keep my word.
9:55- My dad had finally noticed the stress in my every move, my distraction and anxiety when I dropped a rolling pin and a small sack of flour. I never made mistakes like these. He didn't say anything, he continued to dispatch customers and whenever he had time he helped me clean up before mother noticed. He gave me a questioning look but I had already decided not to say something. If she said no, it was better if no one knew it. For my sake.
10:01-I was already writhing with unease when I suddenly imagined that this wait would last forever because she would never come. She would not show up, not answer me at all and I would be reaped on Sunday. I had to stop thinking about that, repeating to myself that Katniss would never do that, she kept to her word. She was honorable, not a person in District 12 could say otherwise.
10:09-But what if she didn't? What if she hadn't taken our arrangement seriously to the point where it wasn't really breaking a promise a deal she had made because she felt it didn't matter.
10:11-How could I expect to matter to her? We'd only seen each other twice and from those two times we had spoken once. Once in eighteen years. We knew each other's address and we had only spoken once.
10:21-She wouldn't come. It was time to face this awful truth. Way worse than if she had rejected me to my face, I'd thought that was the worse that could happen to me. Now I knew better. Her indifference was worse. I blamed myself I'd waited to long and put her on the spot now I would be reaped and-
"Peeta?" my father asked, touching my shoulder. I was almost certain he was up front talking to a customer. "Did you hear what I said?" had he spoken?
"What?" I said feeling foolish and disoriented.
"Katniss is at the back door, she asked to see you." Had I made her wait? For how long? I didn't meet my father's gaze as I turned around, a glance from the clock told me it was 10:25, and I went through the back door.
Katniss
I was at the bakery later than usual. I'd been stalling, I knew that. My awkwardness grew with every step, I just wasn't sure why. I felt like my stomach was doing a backflip when I stretched my hand out to knock on the back door. I'd made sure that Peeta's mother wasn't there before knocking. Mr. Mellark had always said that on Thursdays it was safe to come before noon, she was always at the shops at that time. Most likely getting fresh gossip.
I knocked two times and my heart pounded on my chest when I heard footsteps. I was so nervous I wasn't able to determine if they belonged to Mr. Mellark or his son. When the door opened and it was Mr. Mellark, I started breathing again. I wasn't aware I had stopped.
"Good morning, Mr. Mellark." I said and the man smiled easily. His son looked so much like him, but the baker's features were rougher with age.
"Good morning, Katniss, do you have something for me?" I nodded and clumsily removed the two squirrels I'd managed to catch out of my gamebag.
"These look great, as usual. They're so plump!" I had come here so many times, and every time he had some compliment to offer me with every trade. "I got something for you!" he said and retrieved a bag with my usual payment. By the way he said it, you'd think he was giving me a present.
"Thank you," I said and put away the bread. He was always very generous. He gave me a smile and slowly began to close the door. I almost yelled when I stopped him. "Um, Mr. Mellark!" It was very awkward for me when I had to change my usual routine.
"Yes? Did I forget something, dear?" He asked with concern.
"No, you didn't, sir. I was wondering if I could speak to Peeta for a moment?" I blushed so deeply after I said it. Not because of what I'd said, but because his eyes glinted with recognition and I wondered if Peeta had said anything to him. He smiled warmly.
"He's in the back, I'll get him for you." I nodded with a small smile and he disappeared. I sighed. My behavior was absurd. Trying to calm myself down, I leaned on the wall that belonged to the shop next to the bakery. We always traded in the secluded alley in the back. I looked around, I saw their trash cans, and I made out the beginning of their backyard. Where their apple tree was.
"Hello." I heard Peeta's soft voice and came back from my somber thoughts. He wore a white shirt and an apron. There were stains of flower in several parts of his face, his forearms too. He'd clearly wiped his hands hastily. He looked expectant, scared even of what I was about to say. I wondered how to go about it, but I had no patience to be anything but direct.
"Before I answer, what will happen to you, if I say no?" I wanted to know. Regardless of my answer I wanted to know he had thought of it. If he had, maybe he was serious about his offer. Maybe it would make it easier to make sure of my decision. His expression fell and his bright blue eyes darkened slightly. He looked very disappointed.
"I'll probably be reaped." His voice sounded deeper when he said that. Surely if he had just thought marrying would solve his issues, he would find someone else to do it. His reaction settled it for me. He hadn't been angry, he hadn't threatened me, he hadn't blackmailed me or any of the many things I've seen people do when they don't get their way. Maybe I was right, maybe I could trust him. And maybe somewhere along the way I would be able to thank him for what he'd done that day.
"I'll do it." I said as firmly as I could. The change in his expression was immediate. He was beaming, and his smile was so wide that I almost smiled along with him. He was as happy as I was when I realized I would get to stay home.
"You will?" He sounded like Prim when I told her I'd do something unexpected, like that time when I let her put ribbons on my hair even though I hate them. It was alike in the giddiness brought on by the unexpected surprise, and the wide blue pleading eyes.
"Yes, I just said I would." That came out harsher than I meant. But this boy seemed to have that effect on me, he softened me easily and I wasn't fond of that feeling. I needed to make sure he would keep to his end of the trade. I needed him to know I wasn't just messing around. "We need to talk about some things, though." Why was he still smiling?
"Sure, anything you need." His response was too quick. He took a moment to straighten his features to look more composed. I almost smiled again. I couldn't talk to him here, what if his mother came earlier than planned?
"When can I see you?" My question seemed extremely bizarre to him, I wonder what was going through his head for him to look so confused.
"I'll be out at four so after that whatever you choose is fine," That was weird, I always thought bakers worked until seven at least. "Where should we meet?" My house seemed like a good idea. I could intercept him on the way to the Seam, my mother and Prim didn't need to know about him.
"After four is fine. Come to my house and we'll go somewhere then." This was becoming far too real. Suddenly I didn't want to be here anymore.
"All right." He was still too happy. I turned around, maybe when he came over I could take him to the meadow. There was also an abandoned shack by the mines that a lot of people used to have some private time. Maybe not to talk, but it was still pretty private. But it would have to be before the miners came out at five. Otherwise they might see. I would really need him to be at my house before that. I turned to him before I left.
"Don't be late." I sounded really bossy, but it was always better to seem harsh. People rarely messed with you if you sounded mean. I walked faster, I still had to stop by the Hob if I had any hopes of getting Prim new shoes.
"I won't." I heard him in the background. I didn't say goodbye but when I turned to do it, he was gone. I made my way through town, returning to my usual routine put the baker's son out of my head in no time.
Peeta
She'd said yes. The simple thought of it, and my stomach stirred with delight. I worked faster and much better than before. If I wanted to leave two hours early I had to get things done ahead of schedule so my father wouldn't be too busy without me. When I got hungry, I didn't stop. I worked and ate, careful not to make a mess. My mother walked by the kitchen a couple of times, but left quickly without saying a word. It would have surprised me but the way she yelled at me last night had made it clear that she wouldn't be speaking to me again until I got married. If I got reaped, I seriously doubted she would go to say good bye. All the more reason to not tell her anything.
My father returned to the kitchen a couple of times afterwards, and I knew he was hoping I would say something. I didn't. The moment I told my father I would not be able to keep it from my mother and I didn't want that. He would tell her for sure, not out of malice but out of sheer excitement. Of all the people involved with what was about to happen I knew he would be the only one genuinely happy about it. At least from my side of the family.
It was around two when my dad came in the kitchen again, he stared at me with a smile on his face and I couldn't understand what he was smiling about until I became aware of my whistling.
"You sure seem happy, son." He said and I knew just how much my happiness fulfilled him.
"I am." I said and he waited for me to add something else. I just couldn't say it right now. "Dad, would you mind it if I left at four today? I have somewhere I need to be at that time. I'm already doing my chores from the afternoon to make up for it." I said defensively, his easy grin told me I didn't have to do all of that. He put a hand on my shoulder.
"Of course you can, son. Your mother is at the butcher's having tea with his wife so that won't be a problem. You can leave at three thirty if you want, It will give you time to shower and change." He gave me a cheeky smile before turning and leaving. He suspected something, that much was clear and I was pretty certain he was thrilled.
When it was three thirty my dad came in the kitchen and told me I could leave, he winked at me and I pretended I didn't notice the knowing undertone to his every action. I showered and changed as he had suggested. I took my time, whenever my mom was not in the house to rush everyone we could take a little more time doing everything. It was ten to four when I finished eating an apple and started walking towards Katniss' house. I knew it was pathetic but it overjoyed me just to be heading to her house knowing she was waiting for me.
The Seam was entirely different at daytime, like most things were. The poverty in this side of the District was more evident than at night, when the smaller flaws were concealed. I realized that the sunlight made the Meadow she had taken me to visible from a greater distance, and I was glad to see it was just as beautiful at daytime. That would always be the place where I first spoke to her. There were kids running around in it, others in the roads. Women moving around their homes, attending to their daily chores and the sounds of the mine echoing through the small houses. With daylight, it was even more visible that Katniss' house was better taken care of than other houses where there were visible holes in the ceiling, barely patched up and trash on the gardens. Her house was neat and taken care of. There were even two rows of flowers next to the two steps that led to her tiny porch that I hadn't noticed before. Even as ragged as it was, her house was evidently a home not just a building where people lived.
When I reached the gate of her house the door opened. Katniss stood before me, leaning against the side of the door. She was wearing pants and a shirt and her sleeves were rolled up so her forearms were exposed. I waited, thinking she would be taking me somewhere else soon. When she didn't move, I walked in the gate. "A woman's giving birth at the edge of town, my mother and Prim went to help her so you can come in." she said and I nodded. The goat looked skinnier than she'd looked last night but it seemed glad to be there eating her small patches of grass. Katniss went in the house and I followed.
It was smaller than I had thought. They had a love seat and a small table in front of it. A small fireplace and a television on the side of the room, pushed to the corner, it seemed no one ever used it. There was a small dining room table with five chairs and a half a wall that divided the small space that was the kitchen and the living room. It was a plain room at first sight, but if you looked closely you'd find small details that gave me the impression I'd had from the outside of the house. On the fireplace there was a row of neatly arranged pictures, some of Katniss' mom when she was younger, one of Katniss and Prim as little girls and the biggest one, a picture of Katniss' father. I'd seen him twice when I was a boy but I had forgotten his face. There was a soft worn out tablecloth with a flower pattern on the small dining room. A large tin can was used as a vase on the dining table. It was full of dandelions. There was neatly cut wood on the fireplace. Details here and there, they made the bleak room really cozy.
Katniss was in the kitchen, the half wall allowing me to see her as she took a sharp and small knife and started cleaning a fish. Where on earth had she gotten it from? I was pretty certain that District 4 was the only place where you could get fish this time of the year. Her hands moved quickly and with precision, it was obvious she had done every cut a hundred times. She looked as adept doing that than what I must look like when I baked. I leaned on half the wall and watched her for a moment.
"Katniss," it was still a treat for me to be able to say her name "I was wondering, were you planning on telling your mother about us?" I said and she didn't raise her eyes from what she was doing.
"Why would I do that?" she said coolly.
"I just don't want her to be offended," I said simply. She finished cleaning the fish and threw it in a pot. She continued with another one. "I wanted to ask you if you think she might be offended if we get married and she hasn't even met me before." I said trying to make myself clear "its just to keep up appearances, of course." Not really. Fake marriage or not, it was important for me to be on good terms with her mother and sister. I didn't worry about Prim, she was so easygoing I didn't doubt I could be friends with her, her mother was another matter entirely.
"Don't worry about my mother, I'll handle her." She said dismissively. "About pretending, I needed to talk to you about that." She said simply, still mostly focused on her task. I wondered if I should offer my help and quickly decided against it. If she hadn't asked for it I wouldn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. "I think we should talk about what being married will entail, just so that we're on the same page." She said still not looking at me.
"That's a good idea." I wondered what she meant by that. Nevertheless, she was talking now so I didn't want to interrupt her.
"And also, I needed to leave something clear." She left the knife on the table, the fish on the sink. She turned around me as she said this so I gave her my entire attention as she spoke. "My mother and Prim can't know about this." I must have looked confused because she clarified "they can't know this is fake. I don't want them to be in any danger if something goes wrong, so they have to think we're doing everything normally." Of course she would be concerned about her family above all. It didn't even surprise me how fierce she sounded as she spoke. This was the only way Katniss could be, passionate and fiercely protective of her family.
"I'll do anything to keep them from being in harm's way." I said sternly and she evaluated my resolve. Katniss' presence always made me anxious, but now that I knew I would not lose her and that she would marry me I didn't have to be stressed and miserable. I only had to control my yearning to reach out and touch her face or her hand. My stomach jumping whenever she looked at me was also a mild discomfort that didn't compare to my nervousness from before. It was easier to seem confident about what I felt so strongly when I wasn't shivering. I was glad I would be able to show this to her. She seemed to believe me, she continued to work with the fish. As she gutted the animal in her hands I realized she wasn't squeamish at all. I smiled slightly, getting to know little things like this was enlivening.
"Then aside from them, who do we have to convince?" she asked and I thought about it.
"Anyone we know really, most importantly, the peacekeepers. When we get married we'll be assigned to a home in a certain area. The areas in the District are equally distributed among the peacekeepers that will be checking on us from the moment we sign the papers, looking for any anomaly," I said remembering all I had found out about when I decided to marry Katniss. This was important for the both of us, I'd known that even back then. "If they find something they report back to a head peacekeeper that will evaluate the case by himself. If he thinks the first assessment was correct, he will go to the next in command and follow with protocol." I knew she was listening intently as I spoke "in the meantime, the couple is supervised closely. If the person in charge of representing the District considers the partnership to be problematic, they send a specialist from the Capitol to make an assessment. Worst case scenario, the partnership is dissolved and the couple is sent to the Capitol." She turned to me with an alarmed look on her face.
"They can do that?" she asked and I realized with remorse that I was alarming her.
"Yes, but it's very rare and for extreme cases only," I said and she didn't look appeased "the last couple dissolved from District 12 was the Donner's, he and his wife were dissolved because they never got along. They were yelling at each other even as they signed their papers at the Justice Building. When they finally moved in together he used to beat her so badly that she eventually turned to drink and became aggressive. They fought more and when she was pregnant with their first child she had a miscarriage because he got so mad to find her drunk that she beat her until she passed out." It was not a pretty picture, I grimaced as I told the story. Katniss seemed unmoved. "That was the reason why they dissolved the union ultimately. He was sent to District five and she was sent to the Capitol. They hoped that the medicine there would help her be able to have children again." I said knowing it would never come to this between us. I could never do anything to Katniss and she was too strong to stand such treatment.
"How do you know all of this?" she asked as she finished the last fish.
"My father told me. They were about the same age, your mother surely must have heard from them." I said and she opened a small pouch and began extracting plants from it. Leaving them on the sink. They all looked alike to me but I doubted they were. I was not too good at distinguishing a plant from another. Unless I knew beforehand what they were or they were too familiar. If I went to the woods like Katniss did I probably wouldn't distinguish an edible berry from a poisonous one. "What are those for?" I asked, not able to control my curiosity anymore.
"My mother asks me to bring certain plants, they're mostly medicinal for her patients." She answered softly and then she started washing them carefully.
"So we need to convince the peacekeepers in charge of us so they leave us alone." She said, clearly inciting me to go on.
"Yes. If we seem suitable for each other during the first month trial without a complaint from the peacekeeper, we will be categorized as non-problematic. In that case the next trial period will be reduced to every two months. If we pass that, we'll continue on the same category and for the next six months we'll only have to see the peacekeeper three times before we get the first year's clearance. Once we get that they'll mostly leave us alone until the first year's revision for the fulfillment of the quota. That buys you a year free of peacekeepers" Her expression never wavered, and I got the pleasure of looking at her freely as I spoke and she separated the leaves and worked in silence. She looked peaceful but I knew she must have been thinking about what I was saying. Her braid was over her left shoulder, a rebellious strand of hair falling over her eye. I wanted to go to her and tuck it behind her ear. I knew better.
"How long will it be before we get in trouble for not having children?" she asks and I remember what I know about it.
"Two years at most. Time begins to tighten so if we don't figure out how to not have children by the second year, and we will," I added confidently "we'll become problematic and all the process I've explained to you will begin again." I said and she nodded. Her brow furrowed.
"Where did you learn all of this?" she asked, looking at me again. Sure enough, my stomach flipped a little.
"I became interested when my brother Miche got reaped. After that I knew I had to know what I was facing. I needed to be ready for my own reaping," her expression softened for a second, she looked down again.
"I'm sorry about your brother." I gave her a sad smile. "Are you going to tell your family?" she said without looking at me, I couldn't help to smile.
"No, I think I'll wait until Sunday for them to find out on their own. My mother is not speaking to me at the moment because I'm not married, so why spoil that?" I said grinning widely, she gave me a confused look.
"I don't mean to offend you or anything, but its best if you know," she said and I was immediately alert. "I really don't like your mother." She said this last part looking at me. I was so relieved that I couldn't hide it. I laughed out loud.
"Don't worry, Katniss, that is not an unpopular opinion about her." I said and she seemed comfortable with my assessment of her dislike towards my mother. "I can safely say that we won't spend time with her unless it is absolutely necessary." She seemed to agree entirely with my last comment.
"When we live together," she said this with a strain in her voice. It was so different from what I was feeling right now. I felt almost giddy with excitement. "Prim can come whenever she wants," she said seriously and I smiled at her.
"Of course she can, she's your sister." I said amiably.
"And I can hunt whenever I want." I never would have done anything to stop her. I was more than glad to be able to meet her every demand.
"I don't think that my father or the rest of the District for that matter, would appreciate it if you stopped hunting." She looked at me, a strange expression in her face I hadn't seen before, something between disbelief, suspicion and plain curiosity.
"I don't want a toasting." I controlled my expression, but I wasn't surprised.
"We'll just sign the papers at the Justice Building, that's enough." She seemed mildly surprised at this.
"Don't you think it will raise suspicion?" she said as if she had suspected as much.
"I don't. Not all couples have a toasting." I said and dreamed of a day when she would want to marry me and have a toasting with our families and closest friends present. Not that I was complaining, any life with her was better than any life without her. "If anyone asks, we can say we had a private one. Just the two of us." She nodded as if this seemed reasonable to her. I was glad I made sense to her. In the meantime, I dreamed of what a private toasting with Katniss would be like.
She had put every plant on a tray and she had brought it back to the table. She was done washing them. I guess she would sort them now. There was a ball of thread in the table I had not noticed before. I was usually very observant, Katniss was more of a distraction that I had thought before. I'd had enough of just watching.
"Is there anything I can help you with?" I said and she gave me a confused look. Then she took a handful of one of the leaves and took some thread. She sat down in front of the tray and then gestured for me to sit next to her. I obeyed quickly.
"You have to wrap the thread around the plants as tightly as possible. You make three rings around them, like this," she did what she was explaining "and you make a small knot at the side like this." She handed me a bunch of leaves and a single thread. Her eyes on me were as unnerving as ever, so it was a miracle when I did her complicated knot in my first try. I showed it to her, she evaluated my work and nodded. She handed me the next handful of leaves.
"Why are we tying them up?" I asked again, and she explained in a soft tone.
"Its easier to handle different kinds of leaves that looked the same if they are separated from the moment I pick them. If we tie them up like this, they are easier to know which one is what. That's important when you're dealing with medicinal plants. It's tricky to get the right combination for a specific ailment." I didn't know what was more distracting. He voice, so close to me that it made me tremble, or her arm brushing against mine every time she moved it. She could have been explaining anything to me, I would have been as absorbed as I was now. "How are we going to convince anyone that we wanted to get married?" her question was so abrupt and out of the subject we had discussed I was startled for a second. She had also turned to see me and was staring at me as she asked this, so it only dazed me further.
"What do you mean?" I asked, only to make time. I already knew what I could do to convince them. It was pretty obvious I wanted to marry her.
"We'd never talked before. And now we wanted to get married? How is that possible?" this was very true. Only I couldn't tell her the truth, not quite. She might change her mind.
"We should make something up." I said, trying to stop her from explaining. "A back story people might believe." Katniss' brow furrowed.
"Like what? I'm not good at lying." I believed that.
"It's easier to lie if we simply stretch some facts and we exaggerate them." I said and I hoped she didn't think I lied often.
"What facts?" she was right, there wasn't much to go on.
"Like the fact that you trade with my father. We wouldn't say that you traded with him, that's obvious, but we could say that we saw each other often because you came to the bakery. A lot of people come to the bakery; you could have been one of those people." She didn't seem convinced but she didn't rebuff my suggestions.
"I could have seen you at the train station, too." She said simply and now it was my turn to look confused. "There's a woman at the justice building that really likes almonds. So I go there to trade whenever I find some. I'd see you and your brothers when you picked up the supplies for the bakery." She said this casually as if this was the most normal thing in the world. To her it probably was, but to me it was a striking revelation. She'd noticed me before.
"See," I tried to keep my mood unaltered "we can figure something out." She didn't seem convinced but she didn't seem as pessimistic as before. We continued talking about that, until the dinning room started getting dark and she got up to light a few candles and an oil lamp. There had been more leaves than I thought.
We settled on telling people that we'd been around each other's lives from a very long time. Just that we didn't have time to talk properly, a stretch but it could happen. It did. And with the reaping looming on the horizon, we started to see each other more often, a lie easier to hold since we had been out of school for the past six months, and we'd finally decided to get married. I thought it was a good enough explanation and although Katniss didn't seem as thrilled as I was she seemed satisfied.
"It's getting late, do you think you'll mother will be back soon?" I told her, I was seated next to her she had retrieved a bag from upstairs and was placing the small bundles we'd made inside.
"Perhaps. You can't really tell with a woman in labor. They can take minutes, hours or days, easily." She said dismissively. "When are we getting married?" she said looking at me. She had a way of startling me with her gaze whenever I least expected it. I had learned from our exchange today.
"I'll have Saturday off." I said, thinking that there was no way I would get out of working tomorrow when I had taken two hours off today. Saturday, however, was mostly free. People worked half days or closed shop completely a day before the reaping. It was the one weekend we got completely off.
"We should go in the morning, there will be less people there." She left the bag on the dining room and walked to the couch. Apparently she was going to stop doing something finally. I took a chair and sat across from her, I didn't feel like she would appreciate it if I sat next to her. I tried to think of something else, like where would we meet.
"I'll meet you there, by the side of the building, behind the stairs." It was a good place, hidden from view. She nodded, she'd appreciate the anonymity it would give us. Now that there were no distractions in front of her, no plants or fish or anything at all, I could see what she had been holding back this entire time. She looked as impervious as ever, but the tiredness I had seen in her the day I asked her to marry me was still there. There was a large burden on her small shoulders, that was clear, and she was experiencing the consequences of carrying that burden by herself. She looked so small in her small couch, so impossibly fragile. It made me uneasy to feel she was under any discomfort.
"Katniss, are you ok?" the relaxed stance she had managed disappeared, her eyes tightened quickly.
"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" she said coolly and I knew better than to ask.
"Just curious." I got up and returned the chair to the table. "I should go now." She only nodded. "I'll see you on Saturday." I said and she stood up to walk me to the door. She didn't speak, she just rubbed the back of her neck with her hand. I wanted to take her shoulders in my hands and ease the tension, or at least hold her in my arms and tell her we would be fine. Instead I settled for just stopping before I left and turned to her. "Katniss, whatever happens," I said and she looked at me warily "We're together in this, we're allies." Her expression didn't waver. "We'll make it work." I smiled weakly before I left, not knowing if she had accepted my weak attempt of comforting her.
Saturday could not come fast enough.
So there you have it. It's long but I hope you liked it. I have the next chapter ready, so I'll update it as soon as possible. I'm always glad to know what you think!
Coming up: Saturday.